


Papusa

by NecromaniacKat



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Actor Chris Evans, Actor Sebastian Stan, Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Community: ironman7, Community: rdjverse, F/M, Fan Characters, Fluff, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) Trailers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2020-10-04 10:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 37
Words: 117,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20469353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NecromaniacKat/pseuds/NecromaniacKat
Summary: In 1995 Subject Zero was created, in 2005 Hydra bought her for insidious reasons but in 2008 Natasha Romanoff rescued her when she was on a mission to retrieve information about Project Lumini. Subject Zero was given a new identity, Elena Dalca. For four years Elena lived a normal life; or as normal as she could have. But in 2014 she was driven away from her friends, family and home when the Winter Solider was given the orders to bring her back to hydra. She lived peacefully in Wakanda for two years before the bombing in Vienna and Elena became hellbent on protecting the man who was once sent to hunt her. The past is grim between the two ex-Soviet operatives but is the future just as grim?





	1. Prologue

_2005_

The door to my cold, damp room opened, letting light from the hallway pour in with no hesitation. I didn’t bother lifting my aching head off the pillow on the cot; I merely glanced at the doorway to see Dr. Cummings standing there with two guards on either side of him, a clipboard tucked into his chest and a knowing grin twisting his face into something I’ve come to know very well. 

“_Zero_,” Dr. Cummings said my name drawn out, as if he were telling me to get up. I followed his unsaid command and tossed the itchy fleece blanket off me and sat up, my feet touching the cold water that dampened the concrete floor of my room. The feeling was like an icy hug wrapping around my legs and foiling into my belly and chest. I stepped towards the opening to my room in clothes I’ve been wearing for . . . –I don’t know, how many days has it been since Monday? The hems of my pants legs were wet and coated in dirt as they were pressed under my heels against the floor and the long-sleeved shirt that once was white was now grey with splatters of red and black. 

“We have a mission for you, Zero. Are you ready to comply?” Dr. Cummings’ bushy grey eyebrows jerked up as he looked down his nose at me. I swallowed down hard, my throat was dry, and I nodded in agreement. I have no choice but to comply with everything Dr. Cummings wants me to do, or he’ll put me in the tank until I do; either way my brain is throbbing by the end. 

“Good girl,” He purred at me, stroking the back of his hand along the long dark hair that hung down in my face. He then turned on his heel, leading the way down the cold damp hallway. The two guards walked on either side of me to make sure I don’t do anything funny. It was a long walk from my room to the testing/observation room. It felt like we had walked for hours by the time we got to the room. The testing/observation room was enormous; one time I moved a freight car clear across the room with there being room to spare. There were mats on the walls and sometimes it’d be set up like how the compound is set up and I’d have to find people hiding. Other times Dr. Cummings had me hurt people in here while other people watched. He told me the people I was hurting were bad people, so it was okay. 

“Now, Zero, we’ll have an audience this time. If they like what you can do, they’ll give you more work to do, very important work to be done,” He said to me once we got to the door leading into the room. Dr. Cummings’ eyes sparkled with joy; the only other time I’d seen them do that was when I moved the freight car. I liked seeing his eyes sparkle, it meant if I did good, he’d reward me. The last time I got a reward was for something called a birthday, I don’t get birthdays too often, maybe once in a while but the last one I got he said I was ten now and I’d be going into the world very soon. It confused me, I thought I was Zero not ten. Dr. Cummings laughed and said my name was Zero and I was ten years old. I didn’t know what that meant, but he brought me something called cake to eat before bed, so I didn’t care. 

“Be a good girl and don’t disappoint me,” He lulled before the door opened and he led the way into the enormous room. The room was almost empty, a chair sitting in the middle of the room and a table with various things on it a few feet away. Dr. Cummings instructed me to sit in the chair, I did so. My gaze ran up to the small group of men in the observation booth that overlooked the room. 

“She’s filthy, couldn’t you have cleaned her up before this presentation?” A man with a thick voice asked from the observation booth, his voice sounded funny. He talked weird. Dr. Cummings looked up at them and frowned. 

“Unfortunately, no, this presentation was not supposed to take place until Wednesday, and we had no time to tidy her up when you announced your presence on the compound,” Dr. Cummings replied and watched as the group of men spoke to each other using funny words I’ve never heard before. 

“Very well, Dr. Cummings, show us your finest work.” The same man spoke again and this time a smile broke out across Dr. Cummings’ face as he turned to face me. He went to grab something from the table a few feet away, but before he could the table shakily screeched across the concrete floors towards us. Dr. Cummings turned to look at me with a smile. 

“Thank you, Zero,” He told me before turning his attention back to the table now in front of him. I couldn’t help but glance up to see the look of apprehensiveness on the men’s faces as they watched me. It was as though they were already bored with me. I couldn’t let Dr. Cummings down, I had to impress them. 

“Gentlemen, night vision goggles are on the table in front of you, you’ll be needing them.” Dr. Cummings alleged as he went behind me, covering my eyes with something so I couldn’t see. He left my side before things went very black, like darker than my room at nighttime black. But I knew what to do, even though my eyes couldn’t see, my mind could. I could see me, sitting in the chair in the middle of the black room with my knees pressed together and my hands in my lap. Then I saw my surroundings, two men slowly crept up on me, one from my left and the other from the front. The one to my left drew something back, it looked like a baton. It came hurdling forward towards me and instinctually, I threw my left arm up to block while my right hand grabbed the baton as I forced my right knee to come around as I swiftly stood up and jabbed him in his solar plexuses. He choked on the air as it left his lungs while he stumbled back. 

My attention quickly turned to the man coming at me from the front, but as I did that another body came vaulting towards me from my two o’clock. My twelve o’clock had a knife while two o’clock had a gun. Even at my measly four foot seven inches, I was brave enough to kick at twelve’s knee causing him to fall down and the knife to clatter to the ground. I swooped it up before jumping back, arching my back enough to bring my feet over my head, grabbing onto the chair behind me as a shield as I landed back on my bare feet. The metal chair looped around my arm as I held it in front of me. A sudden realization caught me off guard, I was surrounded by a dozen more people ready to try and kill me. I was exhausted and I wasn’t going to be able to fight all of them using just my mind. . . Or, was I? 

A casual smirk crossed my face as I dropped the chair to the ground. I knew everyone could see me, but I couldn’t see them, with my eyes. Maybe if I leveled the playing field, I’d really impress those men who spoke funny in the observation booth. I could see a concerned look flash across Dr. Cummings’ face as he watched me from the corner of the room. I shared a reassuring nod with him before I let the pulse of electricity surge through my mind and I watched myself disappear before everyone’s very eyes. I was still there; I knew I was still standing there because I could see me. There were a chorus of startled gasps and gulps as the remaining men looked around them to find me. It was easy enough to bring them all down before I could break a sweat. 

“Well done, Zero!” Dr. Cummings cheered as he turned the lights back on. I pulled the mask off my eyes and looked at his smiling face as he came to greet me across the room. I looked up to see surprise and approval on the faces of the men in the observation booth. I couldn’t help but smile to myself knowing I did Dr. Cummings proud. 

“Gentlemen, did you enjoy the show?” Dr. Cummings called up to them with a smile. They conversed with each other for a moment but one man with dark eyes kept his stare steadily on me. 

“She’ll require more training but there is potential,” One man sneered down at us but gave an approving nod. I looked over at Dr. Cummings and gave him a pleased smile. Normally, he does one exercise with me a day, but I had a feeling I had to show these men everything I could do in one night. Dr. Cummings said that for the next part of the presentation I had to go up to the observation booth with him. The men wanted an up-close inspection of what I can do. I sat at the table with the men who wore a funny symbol on their jackets crowding around me. There were also guards circling the room, their guns pressed against their bodies as if they were ready for any misshape. Or any order indicating them to shoot. They made me on edge. I liked our guards better, they were nicer. 

“Zero has the capability of finding people using only her mind,” Dr. Cummings bragged as he stood behind me at the table. 

“_Good_. We’re due to check in with one of our own projects who’s out in the field right about now. Do you believe she’ll be capable of doing that for us?” A man with grey hair and a dark blue suit asked with a beige file in his hand. My stomach turned at the idea, I’m unsure as to why. I’ve done it a million times, I do it with Doreen when she makes her rounds every day. I do it with Dr. Cummings. I did it with the mouse that chewed a hole through the concrete wall in my room. But for some reason, this felt bad. 

“Absolutely.” Dr. Cummings told the man in the blue suit, then the file was slapped down onto the table in front of me. The blue suit man opened the file to reveal its contents, lots of funny looking squiggly lines, the weird symbol at the top of the papers and a picture of a man. He was a grown up, but not like the blue suit man or Dr. Cummings, he still looked young and healthy. He needed a haircut though, his not quite light yet not quite dark brown hair hung in his face. He had big eyes that looked blue in the picture. 

“She’s just looking at it,” A man in black cloths with a gun pressed against his body snarled from behind me. I jumped at the sound of his voice and the annoyance in it. 

“Be patient. She needs to make a connection,” Dr. Cummings defended me in a calm tone of voice. I kept my eyes locked on the picture in front of me. A low pulsing of electricity veered through my mind as my body was being filled with nothingness. This startled me, usually I’m filled with other emotions such as anger or fear, sometimes when I’m spying on people on the compound, I feel content. But this man, he didn’t feel anything. It was like there was a big blackhole inside of him. 

Slowly, I closed my eyes and after a brief moment of darkness I was standing in a dark room. The floor wasn’t like the floor in my room, it was made of wood. The room was simple; a bed bigger than my cot was against the wall in the middle, a small round table in the corner of the room with two wooden chairs on either side, a small couch facing a small box with glass on the front of it and finally a black bag of weapons on the floor beside the bed. 

“A room; small, dark, cold,” I noted to myself, but I knew everyone in the observation booth was hearing what I was saying. “-Black bag with weapons,” I added as I took in my surroundings. I slowly began to wander around the dark room. Light from the outside was pouring in through the two tall skinny doors that were wide open, letting in the cold from outside. I stepped towards the two open doors, seeing the man from the picture laying on his belly on the floor. But it wasn’t like a regular floor, it was like the observation booth, it looked over a big area outside. Lots of other buildings and people, lots of noise and movement. Lights made the darkness of the night less scary. 

“Gun. Open booth. Lights. Movement. People talking funny,” I blabbered on, listing off everything I could see and hear. My attention went from my surroundings to focusing on the man laying on the concrete floor on his belly with a gun on a stand in front of him. The gun poked out from behind the vines of plants that grew on the observation platform. The man had the same shaggy brown hair, but it looked darker in the glow of the night. His eyes looked darker too, they were painted black to match the man's clothes. 

My stomach dropped when I saw what he was wearing that matched the outfit. The was a black mask covering his mouth and nose. Why was he wearing that? Who made him wear something like that? I don’t think he’d be able to talk even if he had to. Something about the mask made my blood run cold. I didn’t like it. 

“Mask….” I breathed as I stood outside in the cold beside the man on his belly. 

“Zero, what is the man doing?” I heard Dr. Cummings’ voice break through to the place I was in. My eyebrows tied together as I watched this mysterious man. He was unmoving and completely focused on whatever he saw through the small cylinder perched on top of the gun. My gaze followed the barrel of the gun to see it was pointed at a group of people not too far away. The air caught in the back of my throat when I heard a small _click_ and then the small group of people scattered while one man fell to the ground. 

“The man in the mask just hurt another man!” I cried fearfully before I felt a strong hand grab a hold of my shoulder. 

“Zero, that man was a bad man. He needed to be hurt,” Dr. Cummings said to me in a firm voice. The fear bubbling inside of me died down at the knowing that the man in the mask was like me. He hurt bad people too. He did good things, like me. I wonder if Dr. Cummings made him like me too. 

“Come back, Zero, you’ve done well enough work,” Dr. Cummings told me from a far away distance. His voice pulled me back from where the masked man was. But before I went, the masked man got up from his position and turned to go back inside the cold room. He paused mid turn and looked down at me, but he wasn’t looking at me because he couldn't see me. What was he looking at? Either way, I froze in my place and his locked eyes held me completely still. For a brief moment I saw something in his blue eyes, something that didn’t belong. In an instant my mind was flooded with images and information about someone from a long time ago. Words got caught in my throat as my brain was overwhelmed with what I just received. My surroundings changed as I opened my eyes and I was back in the observation booth with those men crowding around me. 

The man in the blue suit looked at Dr. Cummings and smiled knowingly. While the man with the gun held to his front stared at me with fear in his dark eyes. 

“How many more can you make?” The man in the blue suit asked, looking from me to Dr. Cummings. Dr. Cummings stuttered over his words as he explained the process of making more like me. But he did announce that there are at least twelve other subjects in the compound that have different abilities and he has another two dozen women ready to begin experimentation. 

“For now, we'll take her. But in the future, we will need more exactly like her,” The man in the blue suit said stiffly. I straightened out when I heard that. My attention went directly to Dr. Cummings who was staring at the man with a slight frown. My heart began to ache as my mind went over the words just spoken. 

“Very well. Let’s step into my office to negotiate prices,” Dr. Cummings told him. 


	2. Cheat Codes

_2014_

I was supposed to be studying for the midterms. I _am _supposed to be studying for midterms. But instead, I’m on a side quest for Natasha. She asked me to keep track of someone she tagged earlier, and not to use to S.H.E.I.L.D server or tell anybody what she and Steve are doing or going. I didn’t ask questions; I’ve learned that it’s best if you don’t. So, instead of studying for my future, I was tracking this dude who hasn’t moved in **_forever_**. Either they were asleep or dead, or very comfortable. I’d like to think they were very comfortable and just didn’t want to move. I really should’ve asked Nat who I was tracking before she hung up. This was probably just a test she was ordered to give me. Nick likes to keep me vigilant. He’s been that way since I landed in his lap six years ago. Either way, the person I was tracking was unmoving and an absolute snore fest. 

I lounged on my bed with books and papers scattered galore, the joys of being a second-year university student and majoring in psychology. My back was pressed against the soft but firm pillows leaned up against the brick wall and I stretched my legs out to increase the blood flow after sitting with them tucked under me for almost two hours. I let out an exaggerated yawn, unapologetically since I was the only one in the studio apartment. It’d been a long day and it was only four o’clock. Wake up, breakfast and studying, training, lunch with Mr. Stark, more training, studying, help Nat, more studying. This is how I filled most of my days when I didn’t have classes to attend. Mr. Stark told me the only way he’d pay for my additional schooling was if I was in the top 10% of the class; before I graduated high school, he made me prove to him that I’m capable of doing that. I graduated with honors and valour dictorian of my class. Mr. Stark doesn’t really question my capabilities anymore, when I first got here, he’d question every breath I took. Then again, everyone did. I wasn’t to be trusted, not even I trusted me. I didn’t trust anybody, not after. . . 

From somewhere under the mountain of papers and books, my phone vibrated loudly. My hand immediately dove under them to grab a hold of the device. It was Nat, again. She probably needed me to do something else for her and I was eager to do anything but stare at the books in front of me and babysit the snooze fest blinking on the screen of my laptop. 

“Hey mom,” I greeted with a smile. I heard someone scoff at that comment. 

“_Hey kid, how’s the babysitting going_?” Nat’s voice was light and motherly but the undertones told me this was a serious situation. It made me get up off of my bed, mistakenly kicking books off the edge as I went, and went over to the window to look out at the world. I crossed one arm over my chest as I leaned against the brick wall, my ankles crossing as well. 

“The little one has been chilling out in the same place for a while now.” I glanced over at the laptop sitting on my desk. The little red beacon light blinking rhythmically in the same place it has been in for almost three hours. 

“_Where is he_?” Nat’s voice sounded like a whip against my ears. I straightened up at the sound of it. Without even thinking about it I wandered over to the desk and looked at the coordinates on the right side of the screen. I trembled a little bit when I saw how close to me, he was. I mean, I live in East New York and he’s in Highland Park which is technically a part of East New York. It has a population of 91,000 so I shouldn’t be afraid. Even if he was super close to me, how big of a threat could he be? My powers have gotten stronger since I was a kid, hell, I can even do new things too. I can take whoever this was down, if he started making trouble. 

“Highland Park,” I murmured lowly. 

“_What street is he on?_” I heard Steve ask. His voice was also filled with worry and strain. I swallowed down as I zoomed in on the red beacon’s location. The air got caught in my throat when I saw the street name proudly displayed on the screen in front of me. I stood upright and looked at the window I was just standing at moments ago. 

“Sunnyside Avenue,” I breathed. “-He’s outside my building.” I stared at the red dot blinking away on the screen, showing me, he’s been in front of my building this whole time. He hasn’t moved so that means he’s been there since Nat called me and maybe even before because he was already there when I first got a target on him. 

“_Elena, do not engage. Get out of there as quickly as possible,_” Steve shouted at me. Before I could react, a loud sound filled my ears, like wood snapping and metal breaking. I felt the shrapnel of what used to be the front door bouncing off of me. My arms had immediately covered my face and head from the assault. I could hear Steve and Natasha calling for me, telling me just to run and not to fight. But I couldn’t just run away and let this guy win the fight. I had to stand my ground. Mr. Stark always tells me to stand my ground. So, that’s what I’m going to do. 

I brought my arms away from my head and instantly took a defensive stance, shoulders back, head up, chest out, legs shoulder width apart. My mind pulsed with electricity as it was ready to fight back with all it had. But everything kind of stopped when from the hallway in walked a man wearing all black. His hair was shoulder length and a medium brown. I couldn’t see his eyes; they were hidden behind a pair of goggles. The thing that made me freeze in place was what he was wearing on his face. Covering his mouth and nose was a black muzzle. It triggered a sense of DeJa'Vu in my head. But the sense of remembrance was whisked away when he unholstered his weapon, aiming it at me with no hesitation. A sadness washed over me as I stood there, fear too. It wasn’t me who was feeling that, it was . . . _him_? The ears in my mind opened and a flood of his thoughts came rushing in. 

“_Capture her. Do not kill, harm if you must. We need Subject Zero alive._” I heard the orders loud and clear. My stomach dropped as I stared at him. He was sent here to capture me. But all I could see were pictures of Steve. 

“_Longing,_” I recognized the word even when it was spoken in Russian. 

“_Child?_” Another man’s voice whimpered with a slight accent, a Brooklyn accent. And then a flash of, what seems to be, a memory. A young girl walking beside him. But they were dressed not of this time, the 1920’s? Maybe 30’s or 40’s. All I knew was nobody dressed like that these days. 

“_Rusted,_” The Russian voice said. I then saw something, I saw, me. I was young, much younger than I was now. 

“_Zero?_” The man who has the Brooklyn accent said. 

“_Seventeen_,” I didn’t remember this; I remember this night but not this moment. I must’ve been ten years old, judging by the length of my dark hair. It was very long, and I was very dirty. 

“_Subject Zero will attempt to play mind games on you, __Soldat__. Do not give in,_” I walked down a hallway, boxed in by men with guns pressed against their bodies. The man with grey hair led the way down the warm hallway. I watched me pass, my blue eyes glanced up and we made eye contact. I stared at the man as I walked by. Then one of my own memories burst through my mind. The man from the file the night I was bought. 

“_Daybreak,_” What were these random words? What did they mean? 

“_You’re a punk,_” The man from Brooklyn teased in a light hearted tone. “_-You’re a jerk_.” A different man’s voice teased back. This man’s voice sounded familiar to me. I knew it from somewhere. It sounded like . . . No way, it couldn’t possibly be. 

“_Furnace,_” 

“_Subject Zero goes by the name Elena Dalca. She lives in Highland Park, New York. Run surveillance on her to see if she’s still a capable candidate, report back in five days._” The voice sounded familiar too. Everything sounded so familiar to me. Who were these people and how do I know them? 

“_Nine,_” I watched as the masked man twitched as those words rang through his mind. It felt like hours since I began hearing and seeing his thoughts but in reality, it’s been seconds. 

“_I had him on the ropes,_” The man with the Brooklyn accent said uncertainly. I could hear something in the background of his mind, it sounded like a train. 

“_Benign,_” Mixed with the sound of a train came gun shots and then a male scream. 

“_Bucky_!” The familiar voice shouted. I could feel anxiety beginning to build inside the man as all these memories stirred emotions deep inside him. It was like if I hadn’t been in his mind with him, he wouldn’t be remembering these things. Like, they were taken from him. 

“_Homecoming_,” 

“_Hang on!”_

“_One,_” 

_“Grab my hand!_” 

“_Freight car,_” An explosion that manifested as a brick wall shoved me out of his mind violently. I stumbled back a bit as I stared wide eyed at him, my heart was racing with anxiety. The masked man flexed his fingers on his left hand, it was made of. . .metal? Each finger whirred as they flexed and clenched into a fist. My eyebrows furrowed in sympathy for him, feeling the nothingness that held him captive in an endless emotional sleep state. The masked man lurched towards me quickly. I pursed my lips and looked up at him, shaking my head. 

“Not today, Satan.” I taunted before a surge of fire relished through my skull and I disappeared from in front of him. I couldn’t tell if he was surprised or scared, or anything with those goggles and mask covering his features. He just stood there with the gun ready to fire in his hands. This was the tricky part now. If he knows me from HYDRA then that means he’s HYDRA trained. He’s an assassin. Therefore, he won’t need his sense of sight to know where I am. He knows I’m still standing right in front of him, unmoving. 

The idea popped into my head as the random memory of high school crossed my mind. I knew this would be a bad idea but it was the only plan I had. I have to go with it. Another rampage of energy pulsed through my mind, my head jerking in the direction of the furthest part of the studio apartment. The masked man was thrown off his feet, his large body flew through the air until it met the bricks of the wall on the other side of the room. The red bricks broke and crumbled around him, leaving a visible dent in the wall. It took him a second to recover after he landed on one of my two work stations, taking it down to the floor with him. Before he had the chance to wobble to his feet again, I sprinted out of the apartment and down the hall. The man was hot on my heels but far enough away that I was safe, for now. I jetted down the hall to the emergency staircase, kicking the metal door open and then stepping back until my back was flush against the wall. The masked man didn’t rush but he briskly walked right passed me in the hallway. He emerged down the stairwell as he stalked what he thought was my trail. 

I closed my eyes as I let the breath I had been holding out, my head fell back against the wall. My body relaxed but I remained unseen to everyone. 

“That was very childish, Zero.” A familiar man’s voice broke through my calm, making my body tense up with anxiety against the bricks of the wall in the hall. A startled gasp got caught in my lungs as my eyes shot open to see no one was there. It was just me. My heart raced inside my chest. Another violent wave of anxiety jolted through me when the door to the staircase sprang open. I knew I couldn’t be seen but it still startled me with the thought that maybe he caught onto what I did. A sigh of relief brought calm through my adrenaline-fueled body when I saw Nat almost sprint into the hallway, a loud gasp escaped her when she saw the state my apartment door was in. Steve strutted in behind her, a look of sorrow spread across his face as they went to my apartment. 

“_Shit_,” Natasha hissed, looking at the hole that was once my door. “-Elena!” She called before springing into my apartment. I was completely and utterly frozen in my place. I couldn’t move or speak. I could only watch as Steve stood in the doorway to watch Natasha sprint around my apartment, frantically searching for me. I let out another breath of relief. It must’ve been loud enough for Steve to hear. His head snapped in my direction; an expression of thankfulness sculpted his features. 

“Nat!” He called to her before he made his way into my direction. I must’ve uncovered myself after that last sigh. Steve immediately placed his hands on my shoulders and examined me carefully. Natasha appeared in his place a moment later, her hands cupping either side of my face as she looked me over. 

“Elena, are you okay?” She asked, “-Are you hurt?” Another question. I could only stare at the two of them in front of me with wide eyes. I swallowed down hard and took a deep breath but it was shaky as all hell. 

“What the hell is going on?”


	3. Property

I wasn’t sure how or why HYDRA found me. I stayed low key for the last six years. But I guess when HYDRA decided they wanted Steve for whatever reasons, they found me too. According to Natasha HYDRA has infiltrated S.H.E.I.L.D and killed Nick Fury. I’ve been off Nick’s radar for a few months now, with school and Mr. Stark training me as well as Nat. Nat basically told Nick to back off when missions began getting in the way of my schooling and he did that, to everyone’s surprise. But I must’ve been flying way below the radar if I didn’t know he had died. When Nat and Steve realized he wasn’t the only one the man in the mask was after and I had been on HYDRA’s list as well, they raced from D.C to New York. The man in the mask had attacked them earlier that morning and by the time I had gotten home from training early that afternoon, he was already there keeping an eye on me.

When Natasha and Steve found me, we immediately went into hiding, staying in back allies and well populated areas to hide in plain sight. Natasha had broken into a car and Steve knew of a place where we’d be safe, but it was back in D.C. A five hour car ride goes by quickly when you’re pondering over who that man was, how he knew you and why he had those memories. The only conclusion I could come to was, he was the man I had to spy on the night I was bought by HYDRA.

_“Zero, you need to be a good girl for these people. Do what they say when they say it,” Dr. Cummings instructed as he sat on the cot beside me. I sat quietly with my hands in my lap and my knees pressed together. I stared blankly at the concrete floor. _

_“When will I be home?” I mistakenly whimpered, not meaning to ask questions but this is the one that was rattling around in my brain since the presentation last night. My gaze ran up from the floor to Dr. Cummings sitting next to me. A look of sadness paled his face as his eyes stayed on me. _

_“The compound is no longer your home, Zero. Wherever these men take you is your new home. You’re being released into the world to do very important work,” He replied with certainty in his voice. _

_“Hurting bad people?” A small smile nudged at the edge of Dr. Cummings’ mouth as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side. _

_“Very important work, Zero. Very important indeed,”_

I jerked awake when a chorus of screams broke through my sleep. It took my eyes a moment to register my surroundings. I wasn’t in the car anymore; instead I was laying on a bed in an unfamiliar room. The walls were white with a floral painting hanging above my head. I must’ve fallen asleep in the car and Steve carried me inside, wherever we are. Steve and Nat weren’t in the room, but I could see we must’ve been here overnight. The other side of the bedding was misshapen where Nat must’ve spent the night and a pillow with a blanket was set up on the floor at the foot of the bed, Steve.

Carefully, I pulled myself upright, my head throbbed from the surges of power that I used yesterday. My headaches after using my gifts after not using them for a while felt like a hangover headache. Sometimes, worse.

I noted, when I placed my feet on the cold wood floors, that someone had taken my shoes off. I was also missing the rest of my clothes, leaving me in an unfamiliar oversized sweatshirt.

‘_Nat._’ I mentally hissed, knowing Steve wouldn’t have undressed me and put me in this, this, this article of clothing that reeked of college football star masculinity. But Steve would’ve been the one to practically cocoon me in the blanket that was tangled around me, y’know for the sake of modesty.

I sighed as my stiff and sore body ached when I stood up. The door to the bedroom was left open a smidge, giving me privacy. Without giving much thought, I wandered down the short dark hallway. I tugged at the sweatshirt, praying it’d miraculously lengthen so the hem wasn’t reaching my mid thighs, leaving it to chance that I’d accidentally flash anyone.

My ears perked up when I heard voices from, what I presumed to be, the kitchen. Nat’s voice sounded worried but not defensive, like we were in danger. Steve sounded completely relaxed and then another man’s voice. I didn’t know his voice, but he sounded friendly. I slowly poked my head into the room to see the three of them. Nat was at the counter making a cup of coffee, Steve was sitting at the table with his arms crossed over his puffed out chest and the other man, a dark haired, dark eyed man stood at the sink with the look of utter confusion on his face. The chatter stopped when the strange man caught a glimpse of me, in turn made Steve turn to me with a charming smile.

“Good morning sleeping beauty,” Steve chirped lightly. Nat turned around and motioned for me to come in.

“Come. Sit,” She ordered in a mothering tone. I did as she said and took the seat that had my back facing the wall beside Steve. She sat down on the other side of me, boxing me in. But she handed me the mug of hot coffee as a peace offering.

“How’s your head?” Mother hen questioned. I moaned as I took the first sip of coffee.

“Hurts,” I replied honestly.

“I have some Advil if you’d like,” The strange man offered off the bat. I shook my head with a knowing smirk. He looked a little puzzled as I set the cup down.

“That won’t help,” Then there was silence. I’m not sure if it was awkward for Steve or Nat but I could tell it was awkward for this man and me. Steve jumped in his place, looking between the two of us.

“Elena, this is Sam. Sam, this is Elena.” He introduced us frantically. Apparently, Sam was one of Steve’s friends from… I don’t know where from but they’re friends. And if Steve trusted him then I had no reason not to either. Although, after yesterday, I’m a little wary.

“What the _hell_ happened yesterday?” I demanded once I found my voice. Steve gave me a stern look due to my language. Nat sighed as she leaned back in her chair.

“S.H.E.I.L.D has been compromised,” Steve began, what I would believe to be, a very long story. And it was indeed, a very long story. A few weeks ago, Nat and Steve had to go on a rescue mission, but Fury had given Nat the orders to collect data for a project called Insight. Apparently, the files were encrypted, and Fury suspected HYDRA was behind it, working amongst S.H.E.I.L.D for insight information. Fury had been killed by none other than the Winter Soldier. That idea made a chill run up my spine. I’ve heard of the Winter Soldier and the things he’s done while I was with HYDRA, and I swore to never cross paths with him. I didn’t care if we were on the same side at the time, no way, no how. I guess with Fury out of the way and a new director in charge, they had access to everyone’s files, including mine. In that moment, I became a side quest for HYDRA to obtain. That’s why the masked man showed up yesterday. It was his mission to capture me. I’m somewhat thankful it was the masked man and not the Winter Soldier who came to get me yesterday. I doubt I’d be alive if it had been the Winter Soldier who came to collect me. The stories I’ve heard of him when I was with HYDRA, even though I was just as bad, if not worse, than him; they still made me have nightmares about the possibilities.

“I don’t understand,” Said Sam from the kitchen sink. His eyebrows knitted together confusedly. “-If this was all about information then why did they go after you? You weren’t a threat in any way,” He added with a shrug. I looked around to Steve and Nat briefly before my gaze landed on Sam again.

“I have information about a project they want,” I stated halfheartedly.

“Information about what?” He drew the question out slightly. Natasha sighed and dug through the backpack she’d been carrying around with her all day yesterday. She set the file down on the table in front of her and opened it. I knew whose file that was and, in that moment, I was thankful my picture was no longer in there. Even if it was it’d be an old one and I’ve changed a whole hell of a lot since I was thirteen.

“Project Lumini began in 1990 by a man named Theodore Cummings, a Russian based Romanian eugenics doctor. He was inspired by many practices during the second world war, the idea of a superhuman race was the main reason for beginning his own practices in the late 80’s.” Natasha read off the information from the file S.H.E.I.L.D kept on me and where I’ve come from. I sat at the small table adjacent to them. Steve frowned as he glanced over to me. I pretended not to see it. Steve doesn’t really know much about my past, beyond the fact that I was rescued from HYDRA six years ago and I can do things with my mind.

“He believed certain drugs could help enhance someone’s brain,”

“Like an acid trip?” Sam asked from the other side of the small kitchen. The three of us looked at him. Nat looked unamused, I was nodding in agreement and Steve was completely lost.

“Kind of. Cummings believed if he could create a chemical compound strong enough, he’d be able to release the mind of all restrictions and recreate the genetic code of someone,” Natasha explained honestly. I couldn’t stop myself from slouching down in the chair, a sadness bubbling inside of me. This time, it was all me.

“He began testing on a human subject in 1992, he gave her so many drugs it could’ve, _should’ve_ killed her on the spot,”

“Was this woman a junkie, or something?” Sam sneered with crossed arms. I felt a sharp jab in the ribs as he said that. I swallowed hard and looked at Nat, she was staring at Sam with fire in her eyes. I don’t know why but since I showed up six years ago, she’s taken it upon herself to almost be my mom. She trains me. She’d go to school functions when she could. If I was having a hard time she’d be there. Especially when Mr. Stark wasn’t.

“It wasn’t until 1994 when it came to light that the woman had become pregnant. Cummings believed this was an excellent opportunity to begin genetic modifications as well as the drug treatments. By 1995 subject Zero had been born, the mother was disposed of and the child went into the care of Dr. Cummings,” Nat finally came to a small halt with the information. She glanced over at me with a slight frown. Steve also kept a sharp eye on me and Sam.

“What happened to the baby?” Sam questioned as he unfolded his arms. It was a valid question anybody would’ve had but it still felt like a jab to my chest. I swallowed and looked up through my dark bangs at him.

“I was tested to see if anything came out of the trials Dr. Cummings had put me through. I’ve always been able to hear people’s thoughts, see memories or what they’re thinking. I don’t remember a time where I couldn’t hear them,” I pipped up, earning a slightly shocked look from Sam. His dark eyes were wide with surprise.

“Dr. Cummings saw this as a sign that something went right, and he started to test me to see what else I could do. By my fourth birthday I was able to track people and move objects with my mind as well as hearing thoughts.” I straightened out in the chair as I remembered the early days of my training. I felt Nat place her hand over my clothed wrist; I shot her a glimpse. Her face was telling me I didn’t have to do this, Sam didn’t have the right to know about me. But Steve said he could help, and Sam said he would help, Sam can’t help if he doesn’t know what he’s helping.

“At the age of seven I was going on missions,” I paused, reluctant to say the next part. I sucked in a brave breath and steadied myself. “-I killed people. I was told they were bad people and it was okay. Who’d suspect a little girl of being a murderer?” I tried to play off those memories as something to laugh about, but no one was laughing.

“I was sold to HYDRA when I was ten and I quickly became one of their deadliest weapons, next to the Winter Soldier,”

“Who you fought yesterday,” Sam added, cutting me off. My heart jerked inside my chest as I sat there wide eyed. My attention went to Nat and Steve, they were both kicking themselves mentally for withholding this information from me. Neither of them looked at me but they both wore defeated expressions. Nat was glaring at the tabletop and Steve rubbed his cheek.

Without a second thought, I stood up from the table and strode away from the kitchen. Fear and anxiety pulsing through me as tears of distress filled my eyes. I went to the back room where Sam let us stay and began pacing the room with my hands in my hair. After a few minutes, Steve appeared in the doorway, taking up most of the space allowed to exit and enter the room. I stopped my pacing and faced him, tears running down my face.

“Did you know, when you called me yesterday morning did you know,” I trailed off, unable to finish my question. Steve sighed and looked down at his hands for a moment, looking back up at me. Another flash of anxiety and tears rushed through me.

“Elena,” Steve began.

“You knowingly had me track down someone who was hunting me, without telling me there was possible danger. Without telling me _who_ they were,” I didn’t mean for it to come out as a sob, but it did. I saw the heart break glimmer across Steve’s face as he stood there silently.

“We’ll keep you safe,”

“_Safe_? Steve, you can’t keep me safe from that man,” I exclaimed furiously. “-You don’t know what those people are capable of. You don’t know what _he_ is capable of,”

“We will find you a safe place to hide until this is over,” He explained stubbornly. I shook my head at him with a frown. Another wave of tears escaped from my eyes as I trembled in fear of knowing and not knowing.

“Is that it then? That’s what my life has come down to? All my hard work of finding my place in society and making my own destiny, it’s come down to running and hiding?”

“I won’t let anything bad happen to you. _Tony_ won’t let anything bad happen to you,” Steve said, strutting into the room. He closed the gap between us as he put his hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look up at him. There was a look of responsibility on his face, like he was going to keep his word even if it was the last thing he did. And I’m scared it would be the last thing he did.


	4. Safe House

_2016_

“I do not understand your fascination with this stuff,” The young woman uttered as she fingered through the stack of books on the desk between us. I looked up from the manifesto and smiled at her knowingly. She examined the stacks upon stacks of books I have on psychology, sociology and serial killers. I wouldn’t expect her to understand, she was younger than me, not by much but nonetheless, younger. And she’s safe here, in this world. There is no such thing as a serial killer here, no mental illnesses and cults. Wakanda is a safe place.

I’ve been here for almost two years and I’ve never felt safer. Steve was right, Mr. Stark wasn’t about to let anything bad happen to me. When it came to light that I was in serious danger Mr. Stark had connections and somehow convinced the King of Wakanda, King T’Chaka, to take me in, and at first he was wary of me but he soon saw how dire my situation was and gracefully granted me salvation here. I had no idea where Wakanda was or how it existed since I couldn’t find it on a map. To say I was blown away when I arrived would be an understatement. But it was only meant to be temporary, until they caught the Winter Soldier, but the Winter Soldier is still on the loose. So, I’m still in the witness protection program, Avengers addition.

“The way I see it, the brain and conscious, and subconscious are the technology of the human body. It’s always advancing and becoming better, stronger. Sometimes, something happens and the brain misfires; thus, creating unstable people,” I explained honestly as I took a sip of coffee from the small white cup. Shuri furrowed her brows at me and pursed her lips.

“And you study it because?” My smile grew as I set the book down, marking the page I was on. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table. Shuri stopped when she came to a book about World War II experiments. She lifted it from the books it was sandwiched between and studied the cover closely. I saw an expression of confusion and knowing dash across her face. I pursed my lips together and glanced down at the manifesto sitting on the table between my elbows.

‘_Sometimes, the why isn’t what you want it to be_.’ Mr. Stark’s voice echoed in my mind as the memory of the two of us sitting in his office late one night flashed by. It was one of many late nights I had spent with him, puzzling together my past and why, of all people, I was the one to come of all the messed-up things that had happened. Mr. Stark always used to tell me the _why_ was unimportant. People do things for so many reasons, those reasons can become tangled and knotted until it no longer makes sense. Sometimes, the reasons don’t make sense in the first place.

“_Shuri_,” A deep man’s voice bellowed through the open room of the library. Shuri spun around while I jumped to my feet when the older man sauntered in with his hands held behind his back. I bent down at the waist, bowing my head as the King, T’Chaka, approached us. Shuri’s hands folded in front of her as she bowed her head at her father.

“Why must you be nosy of Elena’s studies?” He questioned his daughter as we both straightened out. I shared a shy smirk and shrugged.

“It’s alright, your majesty. It’s basic psychology to be curious,” I chirped lively at him, sharing a playful countenance with Shuri. T’Chaka chuckled at my comment and shook his head.

“Elena, may I have a word with you?” T’Chaka politely asked, hinting Shuri to leave us to talk.

“Yes, of course,” I replied. I’ve learned, even before I arrived in Wakanda, that if someone of higher power wants to have a word, you don’t get to say no. The young girl nodded her head as she walked away, leaving the bright open library. There was silence as T’Chaka mindlessly wandered away from me, his hands still behind his back. I stood at the table I’ve inhabited since early morning. I began getting the feeling that this wasn’t good. It’s been about a month since an incident in Lagos that had Steve, Natasha, Sam and a newer girl named, Wanda at the scene and the cause of a lot of damage. Eleven Wakandan humanitarians perished. Now the U.N is trying to get involved for regulating the Avengers, a hundred and seventeen countries are agreeing with this involvement. I haven’t spoken to any of them in months, all of us are so busy.

“As you know, a great travesty happened a month ago,” T’Chaka began, looking out on his kingdom. I frowned, lowering my head in shame. I wasn’t there but I still held shame and regret in my heart.

“Yes,” I murmured.

“And the U.N is holding a meeting in Vienna in a few days,” He added lowly. I was beginning to get the feeling I had overstayed my welcome here and he was basically giving me the boot. T’Chaka turned towards me with a grim expression, furthering my unwelcomed emotions. He stepped towards me, glancing down at the table that had books piled high and papers about many different things scattered across it.

“Your mother is from Vienna, correct?” He asked sincerely.

“Romania, but after she had me in Russia she fled to Vienna. I’m unsure if she’s still there,” I explained, blabbering on with no coherent idea as to why. He already knew all this information. When I came to Wakanda I figured I’d look for my mother, y’know, to pass the time. Eighteen months of fruitless leads and dead ends, I had searched all Western Europe with nothing to show for it. I was shocked when Natasha approached me after she had gone on a mission in Northern Russia and brought me back a file she had found. It was my file from when I was still with Dr. Cummings. I demanded to know where she got it from or how she got it. I had known Dr. Cummings for a decade, he wouldn’t have left something like that laying around for anybody to find. A sick feeling came over me when she said it was best if I didn’t know. But the file had listed my mother’s name and I finally had a lead to go on. My mother, shortly after I was born, had bought one one-way ticket to Vienna and then there was nothing. There were no properties in her name, no other travels, no credit cards or bank accounts. It was like she completely disappeared.

“Is it worth looking into?” T’Chaka quizzed with a cocked eyebrow. I pursed my lips and nodded in agreement.

“Would you be willing to travel to Vienna with T’Challa and I to see if she is still residing there?” My heart stopped mid beat. The once hot blood in my veins ran cold. I stood there, eyes wide and mouth hung open. I couldn’t comprehend what I was being offered. I haven’t left Wakanda since Mr. Stark dropped me off here two years ago. I’m still unsure if it’s because I enjoy this place so much or if I’m terrified of the outside world, the fear of having a target on my back while out in the public. But this is something I’ve been wanting for so long. Dr. Cummings used to talk about my mother, wanting to bring her back to recreate his finest creation. He never told me about my mother in a personal way that’d make me attached to her, but he did speak of her once in a while.

“_Elena_,” My name broke through my train of thought. I blinked at the King a few times, trying to regain my composure. I took a deep breath and readied myself for whatever’s to come.

“Your majesty, I’d be honored. But HYDRA is still looking for me. I wouldn’t make it through the airport. They know my name,” I began to list all the reasons not to go. T’Chaka raised his hand to silence me with a gracious smile.

“As Shuri says, I’ve got you covered,” He told me before fishing into one of his many pockets only to pull out a navy blue passport book. He reached out towards me, giving the book to me. I took it from him with furrowed eyebrows, opening it to see my picture but the name was different.

“When you decide to travel, you’ll be known as Alexandria Shaw from New South Wales, Australia,” I felt my heart swell with joy from this kind gesture; it made a wide smile break across my face. I looked up at him, nodding approval.

“When do we leave?” I asked.

“In the morning,” “-Your friends will be thrilled to see you again.”


	5. Secrets Are Meant to be Kept.

_I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Minutes. Hours. Days? I don’t know. I could feel the blood rushing through my brain. My brain pressed rhythmically against my skull, threatening to break through. I couldn’t move, the thick sweat soaked brown straps held my wrists against the icy cold metal on the arms of the chair. Another strap tightly held my head in place, forcing me to face the screen of flashing images. If I closed my eyes a painful shock was burst from my skull, electrocuting down my spine and into every part of my body. There was a needle in my arm, forcing a clear liquid into my body. It made me sleepy but every time my eyes closed; I’d be zapped. I didn’t like it here. I wanted to go back to Dr. Cummings. I want to go back to the compound, my room, my cot. I’d take the tank over this any day. _

_“Catalyst,” A man’s voice came over the speaker to the room. My tired body clenched at the word. A shock of pure fire screamed from my temples to my toes. My teeth ground together as my heart began to race, making my already exhausted body even more spent. _

_“Alpha.” Zap._

_“Temptation.” Zap. Tears began streaming down my face as the pain increased and the blood in my head threatened to come pouring out. _

_“Please, stop,” I begged shakily, tightly shutting my eyes. Zap. _

_“Hyde.” Zap._

_“Endangered.” Zap. The world was beginning to fade into a blackness. My vision was decreasing as my eyelids drooped down. _

_“Revenge.” Zap. Another jolt shook me back to consciousness, but it didn’t last. If anything, everything was going dark faster now. _

_“Indigo.” Zap. This time my eyes didn’t open when the harsh feeling of electricity surged through me. I was tired and scared. Dr. Cummings didn’t tell me they’d do this to me. He said I’d be doing very important work. Every time I go on a mission, they do this do me. They do this when I come back from a mission too. I don’t know why. I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember how I spend my days or how I complete the missions they send me on. I don’t know anything but the words they speak to me. Every. Single. Time. My mind and body couldn’t take it anymore. When I wake up when they do this to me, they do it again. It’s an endless loop of being zapped. _

_“Never,” Before the word could be spoked a power wave of energy had erupted from within me. Not from my head but from my very core. A hellish shriek filled the room, leaving my throat raw and dry. Bright sparks danced from anything electrical in the room, killing the speaker, the lights and the film I’ve been watching for what seems to be an eternity. _

_When the powerful wave had subsided and the room was engulfed in blackness, I sighed, slumping my body back against the metal chair. My eyes finally closed without fear I’d be zapped. The sound of the blood rushing through my skull was all I could hear. In a far away land, I heard a door open. My body was too exhausted to fear what may come next. I knew what was coming next. A punishment. _

_“That was very childish, Zero,” A familiar man’s voice whispered in my ear. I tied my eyebrows together as I tried to lift my chin from my chest, but it wobbled from side to side. A dizzy feeling reeled through my throbbing head. I was too fatigued to even open my eyes. _

_“Wha…?” I managed to breathe out. _

_“Subject Zero is a kid?” I heard a female say quietly. I didn’t know her voice, but she sounded surprised and… sad? _

_“Does it matter? The mission was to secure the compound and retrieve data about Project Lumini,” A male snapped back. _

_“They’re testing on kids,” The woman said lowly. Then the sound of a voice coming over a radio filled my ears._

_“Agent Romanoff, is Subject Zero secure?” _

_“Neverland,” _

My mind was catapulted awake by a choir of distant screams. I felt vibrations rattling from my chest and up my throat. The feeling of someone’s strong hands wrapped around my upper arms sent my hand flying up until I felt a throat nestled in the palm of my hand. There was a feeling of a jumping pulse pressed against my fingers. Fear from the dream and how it became reality coursed through me, making my grip tighten. I wasn’t about to go back to that place, not now, not ever. I was finally free, and no one was taking that away from me, even if it means I had to fight for it.

“_Elena_.” I heard T’Challa’s strangled voice. My eyes opened to see him leaning over me, both of his hands were wrapped around my wrists as my hand was firmly pressing his throat closed. Realization made me jump back in surprise, releasing him as I sat upright in the reclined chair. He choked for air as he staggered back slightly, his hand rubbing his throat. I could see tears prickling his dark eyes. My eyes widened as I stood up from the seat on the plane I’d inhabited.

“T’Challa, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean,”

“Elena, it’s okay. You were having a nightmare,” He interrupted, finding his steady voice after soothing his throat. I fell back into the seat, closing my eyes with my head in my hands. Utter defeat rattled through me. I hadn’t had a nightmare in nearly six months, haven’t had one of this magnitude in over a year. T’Challa put a firm hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze as he knelt down beside me.

“Are you okay?” He asked sincerely. A sigh of rout passed through my lips.

“I… -I…-don’t know,” This was a moment of vulnerability and I despised being vulnerable. It’s been eight years since I was taken away from that place, those people and I still can’t shake them from me. When I was first rescued, I’d have nightmares every night, at first, I thought the things I was seeing and hearing in those dreams weren’t real, but I quickly learned I did those things in real life. Suddenly, my nightmares bled into my waking hours and I’d find myself blacking out. The scariest occurrence happened one night when a nightmare I had bled into my waking mind, and I found myself fighting the agents sent to protect me. I accidentally paralyzed one of them. I finally came to when Mr. Stark said something to me, I don’t remember what he said but it snapped me right out of it. A psychiatrist diagnosed me with post traumatic stress disorder and gave me medication to help but it didn’t. Turns out when Dr. Cummings pumped my mother full of drugs when she was pregnant with me, he somehow rewired my brain to the point that normal medications don’t affect me. I have to deal with things all on my own.

“You’re under a tremendous amount of stress,” T’Challa muttered truthfully. I nodded in agreement.

“It’s understandable for the symptoms of,” He trailed off, suggestively bringing up my disorder. “-To become more present, especially now. But I _promise_ you, nothing negative will come of this trip,” T’Challa promised, holding up his pinky finger. This made a smile cross my face as I wrapped my own pinky around his. I introduced him and Shuri to the pinky promise when I first came to Wakanda, they were utterly confused by this gesture but soon it became an honorable thing in the palace. It reminded me of all the slang I had to teach Steve when he thawed out.

“But next time, remind me to splash you with water to wake you up instead,” He chuckled. My smile broadened at his comment, nodding at him. I slipped on a burgundy beanie and sunglasses to hide my face after T’Challa and I ended the moment we were having, grabbing our bags and leaving the plane to meet King T’Chaka on the tarmac where he was waiting for us. T’Chaka knew I was having a nightmare, but he believed they were demons I must battle on my own. The war in my head is one I need to win on my own. I’m not going to tell him that sometimes you can’t fight that war alone and you need people to help you. I’m not going to tell him that because somewhere deep down, I believe he’s right. I don’t want to plague more people with the actions of my past that come to haunt me in my dreams. I’ve already beleaguered Mr. Stark and Natasha with these dreams I have. It’s been over two years since I last talked to them about my nightmares, neither of them has asked about them so I assumed they didn’t want to hear about them.

T’Chaka and T’Challa went into an unmarked black car while I rode in a black SUV behind them with the security the U.N has provided them. It was mid day at this point, the sun was high in the sky, but it was still cool outside. I couldn’t stop looking out the window at the world; it was like when I left the world stopped spinning and everything stayed the same, but then again nothing was the same. The feeling of stress nagged at the back of my mind, especially after the nightmare, but I kept pushing it down. I was here for a reason, not to stress about what could, maybe, possibly, happen.

When we arrived at the hotel, I took note that there were unmarked cars and security everywhere. Clearly, we weren’t the only important people staying here, maybe the U.N set up this place, so they didn’t have to keep track of everyone in different places. I couldn’t tell if that was a smart move or a very stupid one. Numerous world leaders staying in one place, easy to keep track of but also an easy target. I shook my head as the invasive thought poked around in my head, bringing me back to when I tracked down and hurt people.

I let out a sigh, throwing my old duffle bag onto one of the queen-sized beds and setting the backpack down beside it. I slid off the sunglasses I had been wearing, hooking them in the collar of the plain black tee shirt I was wearing. The room I had been given was your standard hotel room; two queen sized beds, a nightstand in between the two beds, a desk, a long short dresser with a TV, two closets and a small bathroom. The window overlooked the parking garage and then a busy city street. It was quiet, for the first time in hours. The only sounds I could hear were the muffled sounds of the city outside and the low murmured voices coming from the hallway and the other rooms.

I froze when there was a knock on the door. That invasive stress and paranoia made my heart race. Who could possibly be knocking on my door now? T’Challa and T’Chaka wouldn’t be knocking on my door, they have other pressing matters to attend to. My hand mindlessly hovered over the 9 millimetre in the holster on my hip, hidden under the jacket I wore.

“Who is it?!” I shouted at the door sternly.

“_Room service_!” A woman’s voice called back. I sighed at myself as I sauntered over to the door. It must’ve been a mistake; I didn’t order room service. Unless it was complimentary. Maybe being a guest of the King meant I got things as a peace offering. If the King’s guests aren’t appeased, then he wouldn’t be either. There are three possible reasons for this woman to be at my door; it’s a mistake and she has the wrong room, it’s a gift from the hotel or it’s a trap.

I had to shake my head again as the paranoia filtered through my thoughts. This was a secure building, there should be no traps. And if there were, they’d go after the King instead of a peasant like me. Unless, it was HYDRA and they found me. Facial recognition programs are a hell of a thing.

I peered through the peep hole in the door, only to be met with a blackish-pinkish dot covering the looking glass. I gripped onto the gun in its holster, ready to aim and fire if necessary. Hesitantly, I unlocked the door and opened it a smidge. The air froze in my lungs, causing me to step back. The door opened wider and I stared wide eyed at the scene in front of me. Joy immediately replaced any intrusive thoughts or emotions.

“Natasha!” I shouted, lunging forward until my arms were wrapped around her neck and she was firmly pressed against me. I felt her arms loop around my middle tightly.

“Hey kid,” She greeted back. I could hear the smile in her voice. She was wearing one when I pulled away from her. I stepped back, letting her into the room. In her hands were two to-go cups of coffee. She strutted in, looking around the plain room with a scoff. I closed the door and watched her closely with my arms tied over my chest.

“You’d think they’d give the King’s bodyguard a nicer room,” She said as she set the two cups down on the desk by the window. I shook my head and grinned at her.

“I’m not the King’s bodyguard,” I told her honestly. Natasha turned to face me with pursed lips.

“Then why are you here?” She questioned unknowingly. I didn’t reply, instead I walked by her, peering down at the two cups of coffee, trying to figure out which was mine. One was clearly labelled two milk two sugar, that one was mine. I picked it up and took a sip of the hot fluid. Natasha stared at me, trying to figure out why I was here.

“Elena,”

“_Alex_,” I corrected her hastily. Nat put her hands on her hips as she continued to stare me down. A lot of people would crumble under her strong glare but not me, I’ve gotten it enough times that it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. Mother hen Natasha Romanoff cured me of that.

“Do you really think she’s still here?” That was a question that’s been banging around in my head since Nat gave me the file a few months ago. Was my mother still here? She could’ve illegally changed her name and moved away. She could be anywhere. Even worse, she could be flying under the radar. It’s very difficult to find someone who’s on the lam, not impossible but very difficult.

“Do you think she’s had other kids since me?” The odd enquiry popped out of my mouth unwillingly. It was a stupid question, but it redirected the conversation. Nat sighed, letting her hands fall from her hips.

“Have you tried using your gifts,” ‘_Curse_,’ I brutally corrected her mentally. “-To find her?” I took another mouthful of coffee, sighing as the heat filled my chest and stomach. I looked down at the lid of the cup then met her strong motherly gaze again.

“I can’t,” I muttered. “-I don’t have a picture of her. And tracking by name is difficult when you don’t have a surname,” Nat has always had high standards for what I can do. She thinks that if I concentrate hard enough anything is possible but that’s not the case. My mother’s name is Catherin, it’s next to impossible to sort through every Catherin on the planet to try and find the right one. Tracking someone by their full name is almost impossible, I’ve done it once with Dr. Cummings but that was with someone I knew already. Tracking people I know is easy. I don’t know my mother.

“Well, lucky for you,” Nat began, sitting down on the end of the bed. “-I have a lead,” She added truthfully. I scrunched my nose at her, furrowing my brow. An awestruck smile fell across my face.

“_Oh_, and what is this lead?” I inquired nonchalantly. Nat looked at me with a sly smile.

“Twenty years ago, a contact of mine helped a woman fleeing something or the other. He said she was pretty out of it, talking about a baby that had been taken from her by a mad scientist. Said she needed a new identity so they couldn’t find her again,” Nat told me. I stayed in my place in front of her, gawking down at her as she spoke. I watched as she fished through the pocket of her brown leather jacket, pulling out a scrap piece of paper. Nat hesitated for a moment before handing the piece of paper to me.

“She goes by the name Iona Balan now. You can find her at that address,” Natasha’s voice was filled with hesitance and sympathy. I unfolded the paper to see an address here in Vienna, it was on the other side of the city, but it was here. A wave of relief crashed over me as I blinked from the paper in my hands to Natasha sitting on the bed. In a moment she rose to her feet, standing a bit taller than me.

“But Elena,”

“Alex,” I corrected again but this time Nat cupped my face in her hands, making me look up at her saddened face.

“_Elena_,” She said in a soft voice. “-If you go, be prepared. You’re not gonna like what you find,” Her voice came out as a whisper now. It made an uncertain chill crawl up my spine. I pulled my brows together confusedly, pulling my face from her soft grasp.

“What am I going to find?” I asked unsure. An expression of sympathy crossed her face, saddening her once fierce gaze. She stroked the side of my face gingerly, pursing her lips.

“I’ll go with you.”


	6. Critical Darling.

Ursula. K. Le Guin said “_The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next._”

It’s funny, the first ten years of my life I was so blindly being groomed to become a monster. Yes, some people I hurt deserved it, but others didn’t. They merely disagreed with the morals of a group of people and voiced them. Then for three years I did even worse things, some to bad people but a lot to innocent ones, and I had nightmarish things done to me. When Natasha rescued me that night, I thought I’d died, and I was being taken to heaven by an angel. For six years I was safe, I had everything a normal kid deserved. Minus the training and testing I had to undergo, but it wasn’t bad. It all came crumbling down in one day. I woke up that morning thinking it was going to be an average day, nothing new or terrifying was going to happen, but it did. And then one morning I woke up and the life I had built for myself was gone. I was safe again, but nothing was ever going to be the same. My life in Wakanda was vastly different from my life in New York, and I had no choice but to adapt to that. I came to like my place in this new world, but I often wondered about my other life; before S.H.E.I.L.D, before HYDRA, before Dr. Cummings; the life where it was just me inside my mother’s womb. The two of us. I suppose it wasn’t like that. My mother found Dr. Cummings before I was even conceived. But I like to imagine she’d hold her belly and sing to me at night. I want to believe her eyes would light up when she first saw me on an ultrasound or whenever she heard my heartbeat. I hold onto the hope that maybe, she looked for me.

“Are mama o fetiţă, cat un ghemotoc. Are mama o fetiţă, cuminţică foc. Veselă şi harnicuţă unde s-ar afla. Parcă e o albinuţă, aşa este ea. Şi la şcoală şi acasă ea mereu de zor. Fata mamei e voioasă şi de ajutor,” I sang softly to myself, a song I’ve never heard but can clearly remember. The world passing by through the window of the car. The drive across the city seemed to take forever. But with Nat at the wheel, it went by a little faster. Natasha refused to let me go alone even when I told her I’d be fine. I had wigs and coloured contacts and disguises to hide who I really was, but she insisted that I needed her to come with me to the address my mother was residing in. It made an annoyed feeling rumble in my belly while an uncertain thought nagged at the back of my mind.

“We miss you,” Nat’s voice broke the silence surely. I pried my eyes away from the outside world to glance over at her. Her bright eyes never leaving the road ahead of us. I pursed my lips, tying my arms over my chest.

“You mean, you miss what I can do,” I corrected her lowly. I saw a frown distort her face; her gaze bore deeper on the road.

“No,” She whispered before looking over at me. “-We miss you, _Elena_. Not you, Zero,” She retorted. I felt my heart jump in my chest at the thought that maybe, just maybe, they do miss me. I know I miss them. I spent almost every day for six years with them, training with them, fighting along side them, enjoying the world with them and being a screwed-up family with them.

“Things haven’t been the same since you left. The boys have a hard time looking at difficult situations the way you do, and I have a hard time trying to make them see both sides.” Nat’s frown grew but she chuckled at the thought of trying to make two alphas see eye to eye. It made me smile as well. Steve and Mr. Stark are the two most alpha, alpha males I’ve ever laid eyes on. And I went to a public high school.

“We miss always finding your books in the strangest places, the coffee grounds that covered the counters when you’d make coffee in the mornings, the loud singing coming from your room or the showers at random points of the day, the way you’d help us destress by telling us about the teenaged drama that happened at school. We miss how, no matter how bad of a day it was, you’d go out of your way to put a smile on our faces.” She listed off the most ridiculous things I did when I lived in the tower.

“Tony misses you. He’ll never admit it, but he does. A blind man can see he misses having you around. Even when you moved away for University, he was sad. You and Banner were the only ones consistently living in the tower with him. He misses how you’d bug him and always ask questions about the things he’d build, even though you had no idea what he was talking about.” I must admit, it broke my heart to know Mr. Stark misses me. But he doesn’t reach out to me. In the two years I’ve been in Wakanda I’ve only ever gotten the mandatory Christmas and birthday emails. It felt very impersonal.

“Steve, especially, misses you. You were one of the few people who were patient with him when he was learning about the new world. You taught him how to use an iPhone to watch videos and Google things. The guy looks at you like a daughter,” Nat said in a sure tone that made my already broken heart break a little more. “-It must be a _genetically modified by a scientist_ thing,” She added with a snicker. My smile grew, remembering how long it took me to help Steve set up his phone and teach him how to use it. I had to know all of his passwords in case he somehow locked himself out, which happened frequently in the beginning.

“Hell, _I_ miss the emails and Skype calls we’d have. I miss having to deal with that wildly curly hair of yours every night, or when I came back from a mission and one of the guys would try to tame it and it’d be in knots and mats. I miss training you,” She laughed. I couldn’t stop the smile that consumed my mouth as a low rumble of laughter emerged from my chest.

“I was a lousy fighter,” I said. Nat shook her head at me with a keen smile.

“You weren’t. You’re a good fighter, you’re just,” She trailed off as she tried to find the best word to describe me.

“Small and lanky?” I offered the two most honest yet funny ideas that came to mind. She laughed again, nodding. I looked down at my wringing hands and sighed. “-I fight better with my mind,” I alleged in a small voice.

“That’s not a bad thing, y’know,” Nat lulled in the mothering tone I’ve come to miss. “-Some of the smartest people fight battles with their minds instead of their hands.” I kept my eyes down at my hands, wringing them as a detest for my own mind began to consume me. It’s a funny thing, I’m fighting a war with my own mind. We are just brains; one organ controls an entire body and life. And mine is at war with itself, it hates itself. One part of my mind wants to destroy everything it is, and the other part is trying to stop it. It’s damn near political if you ask me.

“You haven’t reached out to me in a while,”

“Likewise,” I replied hastily, looking from my hands to her. I saw Nat grip the steering wheel a little tighter. I hit a nerve with her. She swallowed down hard and tried to keep her gaze on the busy streets instead of falling down to her lap. Her auburn eyebrows fell together.

“Have you been having nightmares?” The question came out of left field, completely knocking me on my ass and the air out of my lungs.

“Six months without them,” I sighed, my eyes running back down to my fidgeting hands. “-Until this morning on the plane.” I heard the leather of the steering wheel crinkle a bit, indicating her grip tightening around it.

“Are you still dreaming about,”

“-No,” I cut her off before she could finish her question. I knew what she was going to ask, and I didn’t want to hear it. It’s been a year since I last had a nightmare about that and I still don’t like talking about it. Nat and Mr. Stark are the only two who know about that dream. Mr. Stark never brought it up again, but Nat has me walk her through it every time I have that dream.

“I dreamed of the night you rescued me from that place,” I mumbled. Nat stopped the car and looked over at me.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad dream to me,” She said. My eyes ran up from my hands to see her looking at me with some sort of relief painting her features.

“I dreamed about the things they did to me before you found me.” There was silence. It was uncomfortable. _Unbearable_. I swallowed hard and looked out the window.

“Are we here?” I asked as I unbuckled the seatbelt. Natasha nodded and followed suit. It was a place outside of the city limits. The neighborhood was quiet, shrouded with bushes and trees. There were a few nice houses on the block but not many. It was early afternoon now; the sun was high in the sky, but it was lowering down towards the horizon again.

Nat motioned me to follow her across the street to a large house. It was the biggest on the street; with a black metal gate wrapping around the front of the property. The house looked well sustained with unchipped peacock blue paint and white trimmings. My heart began speeding up as we walked up the maintained pavement leading to the big veranda on the front of the house. The two of us stood on the veranda for a moment before Nat opened the screen door and knocked on the white inside door. I was suddenly paralyzed, unable to move or speak. My entire life has led me to this point. The point where I’m reunited with my mother. Would she recognize me? After twenty-one years, will she know it’s me?

The air in my lungs froze when the front door opened, and a woman stood there with a curious expression on her face. She said something in German, likely asking what our business was. I haven’t spoken German in so long and I couldn’t find my voice. Nat cautiously stepped forward telling her we were here to see Iona Balan. The dark-haired woman appeared surprised, but she stepped aside, letting us enter the house. A feeling of dread consumed me when I walked in, seeing a group of women sitting in the living room watching television. They didn’t seem to notice us come in. I saw Natasha looking down at me with an expression of sorrow written all over her face. The dark-haired lady led us away from the front of the house, taking us upstairs. She stopped outside a room. There was a chalkboard outside the room, reading _I. Balan_. My body began vibrating with unknowing as she spoke to Nat for a moment before leaving us.

“Nat, what is this place?” My voice was small and weak as I looked around the empty long hallway. Nat’s lips pursed as she took a deep breath. She didn’t say anything, instead she opened the bedroom door for me. I shared a fearful look with her before glancing into the bright and sunny room. It was a quaint room with a single bed that was made, a dresser, a desk; all made of wood, and a rocking chair by one of the windows. My eyes stopped when I saw a woman sitting in the rocking chair, softly rocking back and forth. I could see she had dark frazzled hair, she wore a purple cardigan and a pair of grey sweatpants.

“Go,” Nat instructed me in the softest voice I’ve ever heard come from her. Hesitantly, I did as she said, stepping into the room with the woman. Nat stayed back in the doorway. The closer I got to the woman in the rocking chair the better I could see and hear her. She had medium dark skin; she was not much taller than me. Her face was round, but her cheeks and eyes were sunken in. Her eyes were dark as they blankly stared out the window at the backyard where a few people were enjoying the cool weather. My heart was racing inside my chest as I stood over her. She didn’t seem to notice I was there. My heart completely stopped when I heard what she was saying.

“Zero, they took my Zero,” She whispered to herself in a pathetic voice, rocking back and forth. She wasn’t speaking Romanian or German; she was speaking in Russian. And she kept repeating herself with her hands tightly clasped together against her chest. I couldn’t stop myself from kneeling down beside her, my hand immediately finding her knee. She didn’t acknowledge me. I shared a sorrowful look with her, petting her knee gently.

“Mama?” I whispered to her softly, hoping she’d look down at me, but she didn’t. “-It’s me, Elena.” She kept rocking back and forth, not acknowledging my existence in the slightest. She just kept saying they took her Zero. The mad scientist took her Zero. It caused an ache to begin in my chest. Without realizing it, I was letting her emotions bleed into me like watercolour paint. There was nothing. She was completely numb. No sadness. No anger. No joy. Just emptiness. The ache in my chest flourished when I suddenly felt a twinge of panic coming from somewhere deep inside of her. It was only a slight emotion, but it came out of her like a flashbang. I had to compose myself, closing myself off to her. What happened to her? What did those people do to her? It was like she wasn’t even human anymore.

I glanced back at Natasha, almost telling her what I was about to do. She went from standing with her arms crossed to a defensive stance.

“Elena, _don’t_,” She warned but before she could stop me a sharp pulse sang through my head as my eyes closed. Suddenly I was standing in a black area. There were no surroundings. It was just blackness all around. I couldn’t tell how far it went either. I sucked in a breath when I saw a woman laying in a gurney, her legs propped up in stirrups. It was my mother; she was much younger. Her dark frazzled hair clung to her sweat coated body. A loud scream vibrated through the blackness. She was giving birth, to… _me_? A man in a white coat appeared out of nowhere between her legs. I instantly recognized him as Dr. Cummings.

“_Push, Catherin. You need to push,_” He instructed in a stern tone. It took me by surprise. It’s been ten years since I’ve heard his voice. I hear him in my dreams sometimes but actually hearing his voice caught me off guard. Rage filled me as I stood by and watched. My mother desperately held onto the bars of the gurney as she screamed and screamed and screamed. The pain in her voice resonated through me like an echo in a cave.

I silently witness my own birth, like a home movie parents would take of their child’s birth. It was slow and the screaming didn’t end until I was laying between her thighs, gasping for air. Then my own cries filled the black. Dr. Cummings suctioned out any fluids in my mouth and throat before wiping me down and placing me on my mother’s abdomen.

“_It’s a girl,_” He announced. My mother looked down at me, tears and sweat running down her face as a smile of joy came across her face. She whispered a hello to me, cradling me close to her chest and kissing the top of my head as I wailed.

“_Her name is_,”

“_Zero. Subject Zero_,” Dr. Cummings rudely said, looking down at a clipboard and jotting something down. My mother looked at him with wide eyes before a woman came around, sweeping me away from my mother’s safe hold and vanished into the blackness. I watched as my mother tried to sit up, holding her arms out for me as the tears of joy became tears of agony.

“_Zero! My Zero! Bring her back!_” She cried after me. My heart lurched inside my chest before a strong surge of energy jerked me away from the memory in my mother’s head. Before I could leave her mind, flashes of other memories appeared. A familiar face was the last thing I saw. My eyes opened and I was laying on my back on the floor. It took me a moment to recognize the ceiling and then my other surroundings. My entire body trembled under a thick layer of sweat. Nat hovered over me with sheer worry consuming her face.

“Elena!” She exclaimed as she helped me sit up. “-_Jesus Christ_,” She hissed before vanishing from my side to go across the room, plucking tissues from the box and bringing them back to me. My eyebrows rutted together confusedly as I glanced at my mother, she was now looking at me with a blank expression, but I could see somewhere deep down she knew I was there, in that memory with her. Nat pressed a Kleenex to my nose, making me grab the tissue to pull it away. Blood soaked a spot on the white tissue. I pressed the tissue to my nose again before I unsteadily found my way back to my feet. Nat tried to help me stay stable, but I yanked myself away from her grip.

“How long have you known?” I demanded coldly, giving her the same deathly glare, she’d give anyone withholding information from her. Nat blinked at me for a moment then down at her hands.

“A while,” She mumbled. I leaned forward defensively, as if I was ready to fight. I knew I wasn’t going to fight her, but I wanted to so badly.

“Natasha don’t bullshit me. I saw you. You came to see her a long time ago,” I snarled angrily.

“Tony found her shortly after you came to us,” She explained softly. “-He sent me to collect a DNA sample for a maternity test just to make sure she was your mother. He told me not to tell you. It’s been difficult, especially when you told everyone you were going to try and find her.” I swear, if you held my chest up to your ear, you’d hear my heart breaking.

“Tony,” I began unevenly. “-Is he the reason she’s here?” I asked, slightly calmer but still filled to the brim with anger and betrayal. Natasha nodded, keeping her eyes on me.

“He didn’t want you to see her… the way she was before. He wanted her to get better before we let you see her,” She told me with a strong but soft motherly tone. My eyebrows twitched together as I looked down at my mother, sitting in the rocking chair, looking back out the window again.

“Better? This is better, Nat? My mother is catatonic!” I shouted back at her, gesturing her to my barely living mother. Nat frowned and nodded at me. I swear my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I swear I saw tears begin to form in her eyes.

“She was a drug addict. Before and after you were born. The only reason she agreed to have those experiments done on her was to chase the high. When she fled Russia and came here, she continued her habit. Until one day she took a cocktail of drugs that sent her into a tailspin of madness.” Nat’s voice sounded heartbroken and distressed. “-When Tony found her, he put her into a rehab program to detox but the detoxing induced a catatonic state. Nothing’s seemed to get her to snap out of it, that’s when he put her here,” She told me softly.

“And this, _this_ is better?”

“She’s made progress,” Nat informed me honestly. “-She’s able to eat and go to the bathroom on her own now. It’s slow progress but it’s better than nothing,” She added, looking down at my mother with empathy in her glassy eyes. I followed her gaze, taking in the sight of my own mother. She was in there. I knew she was, somewhere deep inside, she was there. She let me see for a brief moment.

“My mother deserves justice,” I sneered coldly, never taking my eyes off my mother. A cold feeling ran through me, drowning the sadness and the fear of anything.


	7. I Avenge You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this chapter includes Romanian so instead of making you guys read in Romanian and then find out what's being said, I just put everything in English

Catherin Miroslav. That’s my mother’s real name. Nat told me everything yesterday when we got back to the hotel. It was a short visit with my mother; I couldn’t stand to see her like that. It broke my heart too much. Natasha thought I was angry with her, I wasn’t. I mean, I was disappointed she’d keep this information from me for almost ten years but those were her orders. I was angry with Tony. He had every opportunity to tell me the truth, but he didn’t, he continuously lied to my face. The man who saw me every day for six years lied to me. I trusted him and he betrayed my blind trust. He was one of the closest things I had to a parental figure; I trusted him with parts of me that I don’t trust myself with and that’s how he repays me. By lying to me every day. Hell, he’s had eight years to tell me the truth. I didn’t care if it was to my face or over an email. He made the choice to withhold this information from me, now he gets to pay the consequences. I fully intended on calling Tony at some point to rip him a new one as well.

Like I said, when we got back to the hotel yesterday afternoon, Natasha told me everything. She told me when they found my mother and her real identity, they tracked down any relatives she had to see if they were willing to help her recovery. Apparently, my mother had runaway from home when she was seventeen and they hadn’t seen or heard from her since. They knew she had a drug problem; they knew she wasn’t doing well, and they didn’t want anything to do with her. To them, she was as good as dead. That didn’t sit well with me. They abandoned her when she needed them most. I wasn’t about to let them off that easily.

So, last night I booked a flight last minute to Bucharest, Romania to confront them about their poor decisions. Of course, I spoke to T’Chaka about my new travel plans, he seemed to see right through me, but he approved, nonetheless. Nat tried to stop me from going alone, said she’d be back tomorrow for the meeting and then we can go together, but I refused to let her come with me. I had to do this alone. I had to get the answers I needed.

Nat had to go on an emergency trip to London for something, she didn’t tell me what but she offered to drive me to the airport then we parted ways after we got through security. It was late when I finally checked into a hotel by the airport. I had no intentions of staying here for long, just long enough to rip the people who were supposed to protect my mother a new one and then I’ll be back in Vienna by tonight and I’ll attend the conference tomorrow before heading back to Wakanda with T’Chaka and T’Challa. Beyond that, I don’t know.

I bore a hole through the small house, my gaze never faltering from the deathly glare I was giving it. It was a small brick house with an even smaller front yard that was hidden behind a fence of rose bushes. It was just off a busy street in downtown Bucharest. I stood on the sidewalk with my hands curled into tight fists in the pockets of my jacket. The air was cool, but I was radiating a heat that made a thin layer of sweat cling to my body. My attention was caught when an elderly woman opened the front door and poked her head out, looking at me.

“Salut?” The elderly woman’s voice was barely audible. I stepped through the wooden gate and stopped at the first step to the small front porch.

“Catherin Miroslav,” I said clearly. The Romanian woman’s dark eyes widened slightly as she stared at me. It was like she had just witnessed a ghost of her past. Her hair was long and silver, it swayed slightly as she shook her head at me.

“She doesn’t live here,” She stuttered, going to close the front door.

“I know. I’m her daughter.” The words didn’t mean to leave my mouth. But at the same time, they did. I needed to get her attention and keep it, that was the only way I knew how to do that. And it worked, the woman’s eyes widened even more as the door opened entirely. She was a small lanky woman in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. The woman’s dark eyes stayed on me. I could see her begin to tremble slightly as she stood there. I bravely, stepped up to the open door so I was standing directly in front of her. She was looking at me like I was a monster from a terrible nightmare. I suppose, that wasn’t far from the truth.

“Come in,” She shakily uttered, stepping aside to let me into the small warm house. I did so. I was bombarded by a feeling of warmth and safety. The front area had a narrow staircase leading to the upstairs, a long hallway leading to the kitchen and two openings on either side of me; one leading to a small living room and the other going into a dinning area where a piano was placed at the window. Pictures lined almost every inch of the walls; showing me the past and the present. There were mainly kids hanging on the walls, they were new pictures.

“How did you find us?” The woman questioned as she stood at the now closed door. She continued to tremble, her hand still on the knob. I shrugged at her question, realizing I stood an inch or two taller than her. This was first, I’m very rarely taller than other adults.

“It wasn’t hard,” I replied, knowing my Romanian must be a bit broken. ‘_Yeah, after the people who were supposed to be my friends stopped lying to me._’ I thought bitterly. The elderly woman led me from the front room back towards the kitchen, it was small, and it smelt of home cooking. The kitchen lead into both the living room and the dinning room. The wallpaper was old, decades old. Steve would consider this new fashion if you asked him. She gestured me to sit down at the rectangular table. I did so and watched as she went to the sink, filling the kettle with water before placing it on the stove to boil.

“What’s you name?” She asked with her back turned toward me.

“Elena. Elena Dalca,” I responded with no hesitation. I heard a small laugh come from her.

“She named you after her grandmother.” A twinge of happiness settled in my chest, but it faltered when I remembered it was Tony who gave me the name Elena. He was practically waving the knowledge in front of my face for the last eight years. 

“Do you know who I am?” The woman asked, her tone made me stiffen at the table, my hands clasped together tightly on the tabletop. The elderly woman turned towards me with pursed thin lips, her dark eyes drilled into me. I shook my head at her, not knowing who she was. I couldn’t find my mother’s parents’ address, but I found an aunt so she must be the aunt. I watched the woman sit down at the head of the table with her hands held together over the tabletop like mine.

“I’m Catherin’s mother, your grandmother,” She told me in a gentle voice. My body unclenched at the words. After what seemed like hours of silence, she got up from the table and disappeared back down the hallway leading from the kitchen. When she came back, she had a photo album with her. She set the old book down on the table between us and opened it. I was immediately greeted with the images of a young family, an older girl with two young boys and a baby. The picture was dated October 3rd, 1970. Forty-six years ago. My grandmother reached over, pointing to the little baby in one of the pictures.

“I had Catherin the last day of September 1970. She has an older sister and two older brothers, as well as two younger sisters and a younger brother,” She says with a small amount of pride in her voice. I caught a glimpse of her looking down at the picture longingly. The sound of children filled my head, along with parents attempting to calm the chaos with joyous voices. A sense of happiness and completion exuded from my grandmother. I couldn’t stop a small smile from nudging at the corner of my mouth.

“As a little girl she dreamed of the day she’d become a mother,” My grandmother said, flipping the pages of the photo album. A cold blue sadness nestled deep in my chest.

“What happened?” I asked shortly. My grandmother looked up from the photos for a moment, taking in my confused expression before going back down to the pictures. She sighed heavily as sadness rattled her face.

“A boy at school happened,” She said somberly. My stomach began to twist and knot. The next page of the photo album held pictures of my mother when she was a teenager. She was beautiful, her dark eyes were bright and round, her hair was long and curly, like mine, and she had a smile on her face in nearly every picture. She appeared to be a well-adjusted person. But I’ve learned, appearances can be deceiving.

“Catherin began rebelling against us in ’83, skipping school, staying out late, not doing what she needed to do,” My grandmother’s voice began to waver as she spoke. “-Then she met a boy in ’85, I don’t remember his name, but he wasn’t good news. Your grandfather and I tried to warn her about him, but she wouldn’t listen. We didn’t find out about the drugs until the night she left in 1987. That was the last time we saw her, until…” She trailed off, peeling her eyes away from the long distant memories to meet mine with a grim look. Her white eyebrows narrowed at me. I copied her expression, pulling my eyebrows together as I leaned in closer.

“_Until_?”

“Until the day that man came. Then I made a trip to Vienna to see her. That woman, in that home, is not my daughter, not the one who left home that night,” She uttered weakly. My heart jerked in my chest as the air stopped moving through me.

“What man?” I asked curiously. I knew it was Tony, but I had to hear her say it. I had to hear her say it was Tony who showed up on her doorstep to take her to her long-lost daughter.

“The lovely young man who came by the house, little over a year ago.” Confusion disbursed me entirely. Tony? No, it couldn’t have been him. Tony isn’t that young looking anymore. Well, at least, I don’t think so. I haven’t seen the man in two years. But according to Nat, Tony found my mother and her family almost ten years ago. I highly doubt he’d postpone a trip as urgent as this until he absolutely had no choice.

“Yes, he was a very well-spoken gentleman. He came looking for a young girl by the name of Zero. Parents name their children the oddest things these days,” She scoffed at the last part, but I wasn’t laughing. I was frozen in my place.

“What did he look like?” I mumbled almost incoherently. I watched as a dreamy look engulfed her as she tried to remember his appearance.

“He’s a big boy, tall and muscular. Very handsome. His eyes, as blue as the sea. And his jaw could cut diamonds. Although, he could use a haircut in my opinion. He has long dark brown hair. He’s quiet and a bit odd, he wears gloves and long sleeves, even in the summer,” She trailed off as she listed his physical attributes to me. With every descriptor every nerve began to heat up and every hair on my body stood up on its end. She wasn’t talking about him in past tense, she was talking about him as if she sees him regularly.

“After your grandfather passed, I had trouble with housework, he offered to help. I pay him, very little but what I can manage.” I swear I felt my heart palpitate inside my chest. The blood in my veins ran ice cold. Suddenly, I was being thrown into the mental images of the man I had to spy on that night when Pierce bought me and then again two years ago, when the Winter Soldier was standing in my apartment.

“Do you know where I can find him?” ‘_Wait, what? What am I doing? The fucking Winter Soldier is still looking for me and I want to know where I can find him? Am I on crack or something?_’ I mentally scolded myself, but my mission had changed. The Winter Soldier knows where my family stays, I need to protect them.

“Yes?” She drew the answer out questionably. I was expecting that, but it didn’t bother me. “-I have his address,” She told me as she stood up from the table. My jaw was in my lap, for the lack of a better expression. I could only blink at my grandmother as she rummaged through a drawer until she pulled out a small pocketbook and opened it to near the front. She then scribbled on a piece of paper before handing it to me.

“His name is Bucky. He lives a quarter of a kilometre North of here,” She told me unsure of what I wanted from him. And if I _did_ tell her, she wouldn’t believe me. She wouldn’t believe anything I tell her about my life. I looked down at the neatly written address, getting up from the table in a hurry.

“Are you leaving?” She asked disheartened. I shared a small smile with her.

“I’ll come back. I promise,” I leaned over to kiss the elderly woman on the cheek before smiling at her.

“Thank you, grandma,” I told her as I went to leave the small house. I heard from behind me, her giving me a small piece of advice.

“Be safe, Elena,”


	8. Liar

_I was led down the long hallway, trailing groggily behind the man who handled me, Arlo Ivashin. He didn’t tell me much; he didn’t tell me anything. One moment I was fast asleep in the small space I was allowed to occupy and then the next moment I was being jutted awake by two guard roughly pulling me off the cot. Walking down this hallway with a guard on either side of me and one behind me and Arlo taking the lead made my stomach twist and turn. They must have a mission for me, already. This meant I was going to that room where I had to be restrained to a chair and forced to watch that film and listen to those words. Those words that made my brain numb until I couldn’t remember anything. I don’t know how long it’s been since my last mission, days maybe? I don’t know. I can’t remember. _

_“Stop slouching, Zero. It’s terrible for your posture,” A man’s voice echoed in my head. It made my head snap up from down between my shoulders as I walked. His voice was so familiar to me. I’ve heard it before. A name was slowly coming to the front of my mind. Dr… Dr… Something. Cunningham? No. Cummings. Yes! Dr. Cummings! I remembered him from the other place. The place before this. Or was it a trick of my imagination? Could Dr. Cummings be someone I’ve hurt? Either way, his voice brought peace to my mind but anger and resentment to my soul. _

_I kept my head up in fear I’d hear that voice again while we walked. I went on high alert when we passed right by the room with the chair. Where was I being led to? Where were we going? I don’t know. I don’t like not knowing. I don’t like having spaces in my memory that I can’t access. It’s like being locked out of your own life. _

_Arlo stopped at a room, but it wasn’t a normal room, it was more like a cage. One group of people wore a plain black outfit, and the other group wore white coats with black pants. The people in the white coats lined the walls, observing the ones in black. My heart jerked inside my chest when I saw another man. He, too, was wearing all black. His outfit looked like the one that I wear when I go on missions. Simple but complex. Lots of pockets to store things in. A nagging feeling tugged at the back of my mind, telling me I knew him. I knew him from somewhere. Somewhere before this. Before I came here. Where have I seen him before? _

_“Is this her?” I heard someone say from behind me. I didn’t bother turning to see who it was, my eyes were glued on the scene unfolding in front of me. One of the men in the plain black outfits was attacking the other man while the four others sat aside and watched, like I was. I paid no mind to the actual fight; my eyes were stuck on the flashing silver that covered the man’s left arm. At the top of his arm was a red star, like on my arm. It hurt when they put that star on my shoulder. It was like a million needles piercing me at once. _

_“We need to fatten her up before even considering putting her up against Soldat,” Said the man. I couldn’t help the slouching motion my body made at that comment. I was much smaller than the others here, both in height and weight. Mr. Pierce said I was only skin, and bones and my meals weren’t allowed to be withheld as punishment. I needed to put on weight, so it’ll become muscle after the transformation. _

_“The serum will take care of that,” Arlo commented in his usual sure tone. _

_“Observe, Zero. This is what you’ll become,” Arlo said in my ear. I felt the hot air of his breath lather the side of my face. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pry my gaze away from the way that man fought. He was trained but not like the others, his fighting reminded me of… something. I don’t remember. I do remember but I don’t. It’s there, somewhere in my mind. I wouldn’t be tying to remember if there wasn’t a memory attached to it. _

_The fight in front of me concluded as abruptly as it started. The man with the silver arm had fallen back to a man in a green uniform and red hat, standing off to the side of the cage while a man in a white coat approached a tall muscular man in plain black. In the blink of an eye the man in the coat was thrown to the ground and the four others sitting off to the side shot up to their feet. Chaos. It was utter chaos in there. A cold chill creeped up my spine as I watched those grown ups throw around those people like they were nothing. They weren’t using their minds, like me, they used their bare hands. I stood behind the metal bars, watching in horror as the room was being painted with blood in a quick manner. Did I do those things to people? I knew I hurt them, but did I do this? Did I watch the life drain from their eyes so mercilessly? Did I coat the walls and floors with their blood? No, I couldn’t have done that. _

_“Zero! Come!” Arlo shouted at me; his voice stung my ears, but I followed orders without question. I couldn’t take my eyes off the scene in front of me as I turned on my heel to follow Arlo to wherever he was taking me next. It happened so fast, my face met a leathery wall and the next thing I know my body is trying to gasp for air, but the air wasn’t coming. My back was flush against the concrete wall and my feet couldn’t find the floor. Tears distorted my vision, but I could make out a face. Dark hair that was long, a pale face; but what stood out to me the most were those blue eyes. I knew those blue eyes. I’ve seen them before. The memory was foggy, but I could remember them looking at me, not like they’re looking at me now, they were softer. _

_I pawed at his wrist, his hand was clamped around my neck, hoisting me up against the wall. I scratched and mauled but the feeling under my fingertips didn’t feel like skin, it felt like metal. His silver arm was metal? What happened to his arm?_

_“Soldat, release her now,” Said the man Soldat took out of the chaos in that room. His hand droned as I fell to the ground, landing on my backside. My hand immediately found the soreness in my throat, rubbing it soothingly as I looked up at the dark-haired man with blurry eyes. Soldat glared down at me as he stepped away. I hadn’t realized it until I caught my breath, but I was shaking uncontrollably. I didn’t understand why he attacked me. Why did he do that to me? _

Tony used to tell me the why was rarely what you wanted it to be, it was never what you wanted it to be. But that doesn’t mean you should stop asking. _Why_. Why is the sky blue? Why does the sun rise and fall every day? Why does coffee taste the best when you first wake up? Why does a mother drown her baby in the bathtub? Why does a man go home and beat his wife and kids? Why do terrible things happen? But I have this idea about why people do the terrible things they do. It’s the same reason little kids push each other on the schoolyard. If you’re the one doing the pushing, then you’re not going to be that one who gets pushed. If you’re the monster, then nothing will be waiting in the shadows to jump out at you. It’s pretty simple really, people do the terrible things they do, because they’re scared. Knowledge is power and power is a scary thing to have. Asking why leads to knowing the truth. Truth is knowledge which is power. But what happens when the truth becomes distorted and the lines between truth and dishonesty become blurred? Well, that leads to being even more scared than you were before, and you keep asking, _why_?

My ribcage threatened to break as my heart slammed against it at the speed of light. I could feel my pulse jumping in the artery in my neck. My hands quivered in the pockets of my jacket while I stood outside the rundown looking building. It was a tall building but the paint outside was chipped and frayed from erosion. The metal gate leading into the structure was upkept, unlike the rest. A small box was mounted on the wall beside the gate to call up to the suits.

I sucked in a deep breath, silently debating if this was a good idea. The last time I ran into the Winter Soldier he was trying to capture me to bring me back to hydra. There wasn’t much of a fight, but the idea still rattled me. I’ve never fought him, but I’ve seen him fight, and I’m nowhere near as good as him. Granted, I have my curse to help me. But I didn’t want to use it unless I had to. I wanted to kick his ass using my bare hands. No mind games.

“Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna break in?” A deep man’s voice sounded from behind me, causing me to jump and spin around. My heart stopped the assault on my ribs for a moment, skipping a beat before going back to hammering. My knees threatened to give out in sudden surprise. I took a gasp for air as I stood face to face with the Winter Soldier. But he didn’t look like how I remembered him. The mask I’ve become accustomed to seeing him wear was no longer there. And boy oh boy, my grandmother was correct, his jaw line could possibly cut diamonds. And his eyes were as blue as the sea. His shoulder length chestnut brown hair was slicked back under a ball cap. I eyed his apparel, a black shirt under a burgundy shirt under a brown hoodie and a faded black jacket. I know the seasons are changing and it’s cooler outside but I was fine in just my jacket and a tee shirt, the guy must be dying of heat or something.

I had to mentally shake my head, ridding my brain of the dreamy look on my grandmother’s face and how it was deserved. I pursed my lips tightly, pulling my brows together.

“Do you know who I am?” I asked with a stern voice. He sighed, looking down at the small bag of groceries in his hand. He nodded, meeting my gaze again.

“You’re Zero,” He replied shortly. A twinge of anger burst inside of me. I took a single step forward in defense.

“My name is _Elena_,” I sneered at him coldly. The man, _Bucky_, his name was Bucky, frowned at me and nodded again. To my amazement, he sauntered forward until he was at the gate behind me. I watched intently as he unlocked it, stepping in through the now open doorway. I could only stand there and watch in utter shock. Bucky held the door open, looking at me with a tired mien.

“I’m not holding the door open for my health,” He sarcastically claimed. I didn’t know if this was a trick or something. Inviting me in just to try and corner me, take me back to hydra. It didn’t matter to me, I wasn’t going without a fight, a proper fight.

I steadied myself, preparing for whatever’s around the corner. The gate locked behind me as I followed him up, the seemingly endless, flights of stairs. He was quiet the entire way up, only stealing glances back at me. I stayed a safe distance behind him. Finally, we reached one of the top floors and were met with an evergreen coloured door. He fished the keys out of his pocket to unlock it, striding into the small apartment. I hesitated for a moment before taking the brave steps into the dark accommodations. It was small and dark but warm. There wasn’t much to it. An old couch facing the front door, a small kitchen table with chairs; it looked old as well and a mattress on the floor in the living room with a sleeping bag on it. Beyond the curtains on the windows were newspapers tapped onto the glass. The details seemed to disappear in how standoffish this felt. It was just me and him.

Bucky went into the open kitchen, placing the plastic grocery bag on the dinner table and began unpacking it. All while I stood defensively in the living area, watching him closely for any indications of a fight. But so far, there were none. He seemed like a regular guy. Or, he was trying to be a regular guy.

“Do you remember me?” I outright questioned in a strong voice. Bucky stopped unpacking the bag, but he kept his eyes down from me. His jaw clenched slightly, and it appeared he had stopped breathing. Finally, his crystal gaze ran up to meet mine again. He silently nodded.

“Yes,” He whispered weakly. A wave of stupid bravery made me take a stride toward him.

“Do you know why I’m here?” I demanded coldly. He didn’t say or do anything, besides keep his eyes on me steadily. I couldn’t even answer that question because I had no idea why I was here to begin with. Yeah, he posed a threat to me and my family, and I wanted so badly to kick his ass, but I’m guessing he had no idea I was in Romania. So, why am I here? Why did I blow my cover? I was safe and now I’m not. And for what? All for a chance to try and prove myself as a good fighter? No, that can’t be it.

“Did Steve send you?” He asked in a soft voice. My defensive stance disappeared as a confused expression masked my face, causing my eyebrows to fall together.

“_Steve_?” I repeated. “-Rogers?” I added curiously. Bucky nodded at me, only furthering my confusion and enticing my curiosity. It was whisked away when I went back into a defensive stance. Back straight, shoulders back, head up. Natasha drilled this stance into my head.

“How do you know Steve?” I quizzed bluntly. This time, instead of a soft stare, Bucky smiled and almost chuckled at me. He shook his head, peering back down into the bag on the table in front of him. Unexpectedly, a memory was pulled into my mind. It wasn’t his, it was but it wasn’t. It was my memory, but it came from his head before it went into mine. Standing there, in my apartment that day. I got inside his head and I heard a voice, a familiar one. I didn’t want to believe it was true. I heard Steve’s voice in his memories.

“No!” I exclaimed, shaking my head vigorously. “-Bucky Barnes died, 1945. You’re not. You can’t possibly be,” I staggered on illogically. Steve used to tell me stories about him and Bucky, when they were young back in Brooklyn. He’d tell me his best friend Bucky was one of the bravest men he knew. That was before he died in combat in 1945. There was no way this Bucky could be the same Bucky Steve would gush about when we’d go down memory lane.

“If you had stuck around in D.C then you’d know how it can possibly be,” Bucky snarked at me, finally putting his groceries away.

“Hydra,” I breathed. Bucky tensed noticeably, freezing in his place. “-And in all fairness, you were trying to _capture me_! I had no choice but run. Besides, I was told not to try and fight you,” I reminded him scrupulously. Bucky scoffed as he faced me, a visible smirk caressed his lips.

“You escaped from hydra, given a good life and you still do what you’re told without question?” He muttered blatantly. I flared my nostrils as my arms crossed over my chest. I couldn’t believe it; I was here to kick his ass and he’s giving me lip.

“I was nineteen!” I shouted back at him. Bucky tensed up again. The smirk on his face was wiped away as the image of pity took the teasing feature’s place. His brows rutted together, and he was standing up right now. My grandmother was right, he was a big boy. He towered over me and with the muscles on him, he could easily break any bone in my body with one hand.

“And now you’re stalking my family? What is that, huh? A hydra mind trick? Keep my family under watch in case one day I decide to come looking for them?” I stalked forward towards him, closing the distance between us quickly. Bucky blinked rapidly at me, attempting not to tense again. He looked down his nose at me expressionlessly.

“I’m not with hydra anymore.” The words came out as a rumble from the depths of his chest. I leaned forward, putting my weight on my hands that were flat against the cold tabletop. My brow cocked at him suspiciously.

“And why should I believe you?” The question came out as a hiss. Bucky’s demeanor changed from looking down his nose at me to giving me a defeated glower.

“You were with hydra for what, a year?”

“_Three_,” I susurrated.

“Exactly,” He jeered. “-Did they ever, in the three years you were there, let you talk?” The question was viable. It brought me back to when I first went to hydra, if I said so much as a ‘hello’ I’d be punished. They conditioned me into silence. They conditioned me so well it took nine months for me to even begin to talk freely. I wouldn’t speak unless spoken to. I didn’t make a noise. It brought a wave of unease to everyone in Stark Tower, even after I started to talk there was unease. It took a long time for that feeling to dissipate. I’m sure if I went back now it’d be there again. I’m a walking bullseye. I’m not sure if it’ll be this way forever but it’s gonna be a long time before I even consider feeling at ease with being in public again.

“Then why did you go looking for me at my grandmother’s, a _year_ ago?” I snapped at him. I was taken aback when my voice cracked a bit. I quickly regained any composure I had lost. Bucky sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. A whirring sound filled the space between us. I was almost certain he was pinching his nose with that metal hand he has. The one I’ve had countless nightmares about.

“Because,” He sighed again. His blue orbs found my firm gaze. “-I needed to make sure you were okay. And I stayed because I felt bad,” He added with certainty ringing in his voice. My heart swelled inside my chest and an unfamiliar fluttering feeling filled my stomach. But I couldn’t get distracted by these feelings now. I knew I had more questions for him, I just didn’t know what they were.

“How did you find them?” My question came out softer this time. Bucky groaned at my question, pulling a chair away from the table and sitting down in it. He looked up at me tiredly. There was an appearance of sadness and regret on his face. The swelling in my chest was replaced with a vice like grip. The fluttering feeling in my stomach was long gone. I tilted my head at him, knowing he wasn’t going to tell me.

“I’ll do this the hard way if you don’t tell me,” I warned stubbornly. Bucky’s face softened into nothingness. I could see him preparing himself for whatever was about to come next because he wasn’t going to tell me. I inhaled deeply; electricity swept through my skull as I also prepared myself for what’s about to happen. The flood gates to my mind opened, a tidal wave of information came crashing in. Sights, sounds and even smells assaulted my mind. Memories flashed through me. But then something happened, it all went black.


	9. Stellar Constellations Rise

An all too familiar blackness shrouded around me, enclosing my senses and forcing me into submission. I despised being submissive to this nothingness that would sometimes eat me whole. It was all to conversant to me from my days of being held captive and lab rat to hydra. But that didn’t rattle me as much as what I saw, heard and smelt before I was captivated by this void. My tired mind tried to replay the things I witnessed, but before I could wander down those memories, I hit a brick wall that I thought was no longer there. Holes in my memory. It was as if nothing was there, but I knew it was there, I had just seen it. It had to have been there. It’s too fresh in my memory to be blocked by a hazy steel wall. Instead, I was greeted with the memory of when I was with hydra.

I remembered laying on the concrete floor in an isolation cell after an unsuccessful mission. My face was tear stained, my mind and body ached horribly, and I was beyond upset. I’d never had a failed mission before, and I felt like I failed Dr. Cummings. My sobs came to an end, slowly becoming soft whimpers when the soft sound filled the isolation unit. A man was singing tenderly from the other side of the door. It was barely heard, if it hadn’t been for the empty, quiet isolation unit I wouldn’t have. I’d never heard this man’s voice before, it made me wonder if I was making this up with my throbbing mind.

A thundering throb ached throughout my skull, engraving the extraordinary pain into my memory for forever. Cold air filled my lungs suddenly as if I hadn’t taken a breath in a long time. My eyebrows etched together as the feeling of pressure on my mouth and chest brought me back to reality. Air was being pushed from my mouth, down my throat and into my lungs. Something soft and warm was pressed against my lips, I had to resist the urge to push back against them. My eyes shot open to see a face close to mine, then the pressure I was feeling made sense. I thrusted my hands flushed against his chest, launching him back away from me.

“What’re you doing?!” I cried shallowly as I shot upright. I must’ve fallen since I had been laying on the floor in the small kitchen area. My heart was racing inside my chest. I wasn’t sure who was more surprised, me or Bucky. I had sent him falling back against the leg of the table making it screech as it was pushed across the linoleum floor. He was red-faced, eyes were wide and mouth agape. Another thunderous throb pounded inside my skull, making me grab my head, palming my temples in agony as my eyes tightly shut. A hollow shriek filled the apartment. The sound of clattering and crashing followed. It all happened so fast, from him being on top of me, me throwing him from my body and then the bold pain radiating from the centre of my skull; it happened in mere seconds. The memory of a time before now, before Natasha found me, before I was free and then captured again by fear.

_I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Minutes. Hours. Days? I don’t know. I could feel the blood rushing through my brain. My brain pressed rhythmically against my skull, threatening to break through. I couldn’t move, the thick sweat soaked brown straps held my wrists against the icy cold metal on the arms of the chair. Another strap tightly held my head in place, forcing me to face the screen of flashing images. If I closed my eyes a painful shock was burst from my skull, electrocuting down my spine and into every part of my body. There was a needle in my arm, forcing a clear liquid into my body. It made me sleepy but every time my eyes closed; I’d be zapped. I didn’t like it here. I wanted to go back to Dr. Cummings. I want to go back to the compound, my room, my cot. I’d take the tank over this any day. _

_“Catalyst,” A man’s voice came over the speaker to the room. My tired body clenched at the word. A shock of pure fire screamed from my temples to my toes. My teeth ground together as my heart began to race, making my already exhausted body even more spent. _

_“Alpha.” Zap._

_“Temptation.” Zap. Tears began streaming down my face as the pain increased and the blood in my head threatened to come pouring out. _

_“Please, stop,” I begged shakily, tightly shutting my eyes. Zap. _

_“Hyde.” Zap._

_“Endangered.” Zap. The world was beginning to fade into a blackness. My vision was decreasing as my eyelids drooped down. _

_“Revenge.” Zap. Another jolt shook me back to consciousness, but it didn’t last. If anything, everything was going dark faster now. _

_“Indigo.” Zap. This time my eyes didn’t open when the harsh feeling of electricity surged through me. I was tired and scared. Dr. Cummings didn’t tell me they’d do this to me. He said I’d be doing very important work. Every time I go on a mission, they do this do me. They do this when I come back from a mission too. I don’t know why. I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember how I spend my days or how I complete the missions they send me on. I don’t know anything but the words they speak to me. Every. Single. Time. My mind and body couldn’t take it anymore. When I wake up when they do this to me, they do it again. It’s an endless loop of being zapped. _

_“Never,” Before the word could be spoken power wave of energy had erupted from within me. Not from my head but from my very core. A hellish shriek filled the room, leaving my throat raw and dry. Bright sparks danced from anything electrical in the room, killing the speaker, the lights and the film I’ve been watching for what seems to be an eternity. _

_When the powerful wave had subsided and the room was engulfed in blackness, I sighed, slumping my body back against the metal chair. My eyes finally closed without fear I’d be zapped. The sound of the blood rushing through my skull was all I could hear. In a far away land, I heard a door open. My body was too exhausted to fear what may come next. I knew what was coming next. A punishment. _

“_Elena_!” I heard a distant cry from Bucky. “Elena! Elena!” He shouts for me again but the pain in my head made his voice seem miles away. I must’ve fallen onto my back again, my spine arching as I tried to bury my head back into the solid floor under me. With my heart racing at the speed of light, my body bowing backward and an animalistic cry escaping from within my very being mixed with the dull but treacherous feeling almost blowing outwards from the centre of my brain seemed to be all too much.

“_Păpuşă_,” A soft voice reached beyond the pain and blind panic I was experiencing. I don’t believe in God or heaven, or hell; but it was like an angel reaching down from heaven to cradle me in safety and security.

Electricity was swimming from my hazed mind down my spine and throughout my body, making my back and limbs twitch. My breathing came in soft sudden gasps as I tried to regain any equanimity. I could feel my face was distorted; nose scrunched, eyes tightly shut, brows knitted together, lips pressed. A feeling wrapped around my upper body, tying my bent arms to my chest. I could feel rough fabric pressed against my cheek, just on one side. I could feel it pressing against the length of my upper body. The smell of detergent that reminded me of springtime mixed with a men’s soap and a hint of sweat made its was into my system. It was comforting. My ears perked up when I heard soft singing, just above a whisper but loud enough for me to hear.

“Are mama o fetiţă, cat un ghemotoc. Are mama o fetiţă, cuminţică foc. Veselă şi harnicuţă unde s-ar afla. Parcă e o albinuţă, aşa este ea. Şi la şcoală şi acasă ea mereu de zor. Fata mamei e voioasă şi de ajutor,”

“Mommy has a little girl, and she’s a very good girl,” I breathed against the rough fabric sprawled against the side of my face. My hot breath smothered the clothe and caressed the skin on my cheek.

“Elena?” I recognized the voice as Bucky’s, his voice was soft but firm. My face relaxed but my brow still stayed creased. I took a deep breath before opening my eyes. I was greeted by the sight of mesmerizing blue eyes peering down at me softly. I took another breath to reassure myself, I was safe and the pain in my head was subsiding. Bucky was sitting on the floor of his kitchen with me cradled in his arms, pressed solidly against his chest.

“What happened?” I asked weakly, making another small surge of electricity to spin through my skull. It didn’t bother me at this point. What bothered me was the events that unfolded moments before. What had just happened? I didn’t understand. This has never happened before. But it’s happened twice in twenty-four hours. This wasn’t right. Something was wrong. Maybe I’ll have Shuri give me a check-up when we get back to Wakanda.

“When you closed your eyes, I’m assuming to invade my mind, then you collapsed to the floor. You stopped breathing so I tried to give you CPR, when you came to you freaked out. You went off like a bomb; completely rearranging my apartment. You started having some sort of fit, I don’t know.” Bucky seemed puzzled. He tried to hide the fear on his face, he did it very well, but I could see through the façade. I pulled my tired body from his embrace, looking around the apartment. The couch was leaning against the wall on its side. The mattress that had been on the floor was on the other side of the room, bent in half. The kitchen table had been thrown across the room, now residing on the counter, chairs scattered everywhere. Other pieces of furniture had been tossed around carelessly. I suddenly felt bad for the unexpected outburst.

“What did you think I was doing?” He interrogated with a scrunched-up face. When I didn’t reply, instead, I gave him an unsure look, his face dropped, and he paled.

“Did you think I was assaulting you or something? Why would you think I’d do that?” He seemed to take offense to my assumption, and I didn’t blame him. I felt a little stupid for letting the thought even cross my mind. But past experiences made my instincts take everything in the worst-case scenario.

“Sorry, high school has made me a little jumpy. Teenage boys will try to hump anything that moves,” I laughed off, trying to shake off the idea and the past experiences. Bucky’s face didn’t budge from its dropped form. I shot him a casual smile.

“Welcome to the twenty-first century, Sargent,” I yammered with a fake upbeat tone. Silence engulfed us again. I could only sit, fighting the past demons in my head.

“El, what was that? I’d never seen you do that before,” Bucky asked with concern and curiosity in his voice. I sighed to myself, trying to pull myself to my feet again. This didn’t go without Bucky holding his hands to catch me if I became unstable. I kept looking around the small apartment, taking in the damage I had done unintentionally.

“It’s happened before,” I stuttered weakly, shaking off the episode. “-It’s nothing,” I added before marching over to the sofa across the room to begin putting things back where they belonged. Bucky followed me, helping me tidy up the mess I made. We were quiet the entire time. But I could tell he had something to say to me, questions to ask.

“If you have something to say then say it,” I snapped coldly after we put the kitchen table back where it was originally. Bucky stopped what he was doing, his blue eyes never left the tabletop. I watched his entire body stiffen; his jaw clenched. The fearful look that hidden itself on his face maximized. It almost consumed his strong features. I had to look away, it reminded me too much of the emotions I’m experiencing.

“When you got into my head, what did you see?” Bucky finally asked after another long pause of silence. I shrugged my shoulder immediately after he asked, shaking my head.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I saw anything,” I replied shortly but honestly. My attention went from whatever was in front of me to Bucky again. The expression of fear vanished from his face; his entire body relaxed. My brow cocked, taking an interest in why he was asking.

“Why? What do you not want me to see?” I quizzed inquisitively. Bucky sighed, finally looked up at me with pursed lips.

“Nothing,” He said. “-But promise me you’ll never try to get into my head again,” He furthered his previous statement in a sullen voice. I didn’t like going into peoples’ minds, I hated it to be honest. I can barely stand being in my own mind, why would I want to deal with other peoples’ internal issues? And I respected someone’s wishes if they told me to stay out. That’s why I never go into Nat’s head, she asked me not too.

“Why?” The question came out unintentionally.

“Because, hydra has broken my mind,” He told me with a certainty in his voice, and it radiated on his face. I understood that statement all too well. I guess that’s why my next actions made sense to me. Regardless of the past we had, I approached him, wrapping my arms tightly around his middle and pulling myself close to him. I must’ve caught him off guard since his hands were raised in surprise and his body tensed under my grasp.

“Your mind isn’t broken. It’s just a little mixed up,” I cooed into the middle of his chest. I’m short, four foot eleven, and he’s almost a whole foot taller than me. He’s five, seven, I’m guessing. I didn’t budge from my place against his bulky frame, even when I felt his hands gently land on the middle of my back. I could tell this was the first act of physical affection he’s been given in a long time. His arms tied themselves around me the longer I held him, pulling me flat against him. He didn’t squeeze too hard, just hard enough to indicate he was enjoying the feeling of someone showing him warmth.

“Thank you, păpuşă,” He hummed into my hair, his gloved thumb stroked my side lightly. I pulled my face away from his solid chest to look up at him. There was gratitude and some joy glowing on his face. This was a complete one-eighty from the deranged look he’d wear when we first met.

I could only stare tenderly up at him, my fingers curled and uncurled across the fabric of the jacket that covered his back. A familiar feeling erupted inside of me; a fluttering feeling spread through my abdomen and my heart swelled a bit. It was as though the universe was pushing us closer together. Although, neither of us seemed to mind. Especially when our faces were merely centimetres apart. I couldn’t stop myself from pushing myself up onto my toes to close the little space between us. His lips tasted like mint, nothing else. He didn’t have bad breath, whereas I probably did since I guzzled coffee the entire night last night and most of the morning. His hands never left my sides while mine travelled from his back to mould around his jaw, my thumb stroking his cheek gingerly. I wasn’t sure what any of this meant but, in that moment, I didn’t care.


	10. Arms of the Ocean

_The smell of freshly baked goods drifted into my senses effortlessly. Chatter and a humming murmur of commotion followed along with the smells. An icy breeze necked my cheeks and nose. I took a steadying inhalation of air, opening my eyes to take in the sights around me. I fell back, startled. My back rested against cold bricks of a building behind me as I quickly shot my gaze around the unfamiliar surroundings. My face contorted in confusion and slight fear. I didn’t recognize my surroundings. I highly doubted I was still in 2016. The people scuttering around the busy streets dressed in clothes I’m assuming is from the 1920’s or 30’s. The women wore knee length dresses or skirts with a matching jacket and a small hat on the tops of their heads. The men wore suits with trench coats with fedoras or porkpies. Definitely not fashion from 2016. _

_I looked down to see I was only wearing my black tee shirt and my straight leg skin-tight jeans. I wasn’t even wearing shoes, just my now slush soaked white ankle socks. Cold surrounded me, making me shudder. I crossed my arms over my chest, hiding my hands in my armpits. My body wanted to implode on itself to capture any warmth. _

_I was still very confused and a bit scared. That is until I heard a familiar voice. My head snapped up to jump around the area, looking for the source of the familiar voice. My eyes landed on a sight I could only make up in my wildest dreams. A puny man with narrow shoulders under the oversized trench coat, neatly combed blond hair and innocent blue eyes, came sauntering up the sidewalk beside a larger man in a darker suit and a matching porkpie. The larger man had short dark hair that was slicked back and very familiar blue eyes. A young girl walked beside both men, she looked almost identical to the larger man. Apart from wearing a grey knee length skirt, or dress. I couldn’t tell if it was a dress or skirt since most of it was hidden under a black fitted pea coat. And her long dark hair was let down around her strong but soft face. _

_“Ah, cheer up champ.” The larger man slung an arm around the small blond man’s shoulders with a grin. “-When all the men are at war, women will see you for who you truly are and want to hop aboard the Stevie train,” He laughed hardily. The blonde’s face turned a slight shade of pinkish red. I smiled at the scene in front of me. Steve? This was Steve? As in Steve Rogers, Captain -macho man- America. The epitome of every girl’s dream man? No way! He’s not much taller than me! I could easily kick his ass without breaking a sweat. I guess that super soldier serum enhanced everything about him. _

_They stopped a few feet away from me, hesitating outside in the cold. It must be early winter, judging by the snow and cold, as well as the stomped down slush on the streets and sidewalks. This must’ve been before either of them went to war. According to Steve Bucky left in December of ’42. This must’ve been just before he left. _

_“Thanks Buck. But I’m going to war too so that’ll have to wait,” Steve replied in a sullen tone. Did he just say **Buck**? As in Bucky? Bucky Barnes? He, too, was scrawny but nowhere near as scrawny as Steve. Jesus Christ, that serum must be made of magic. He didn’t look anything like the Bucky I was just standing face to face with. Wait… Was I in Bucky’s head? How did I get here? How was I in Bucky’s memory? What were we doing that made me enter his head without realizing it? _

_“Steve, being on the frontlines isn’t important. We need soldiers here, at home, to keep things in working order,” Bucky chirped at Steve, sounding sure of himself. Steve shrugged and shook his head in disappointment. Steve went to say something, but he was stopped when a young girl’s voice echoed down the busy Brooklyn street, crying Bucky’s name loudly. The group, including myself, looked in direction of the voice. A teenage girl was sprinting down the street in a black knee length skirt, a baby blue blouse, beige flats and an open navy-blue pea coat. She, too, looked like Bucky with her long dark hair held in victory rolls around her face and big blue eyes. Her skin was pale, but her cheeks and nose were bright pink._

_“Buck!” She cried again, waving a large envelope in one hand. “-Buck-eee!” Her voice wobbled as she ran up to the small group. This must’ve been another one of his sisters, according to Steve, he has three younger sisters. She finally stopped a few feet away from the two men and her sister, panting heavily. _

_“What is it Rose?” Bucky asked in a half concerned, half curious tone. The girl, Rose, wheezed as she stretched out her arm, handing the envelope to her older brother. Bucky took it from her, examining the envelope carefully. _

_“The Army mailed you,” Rose announced stiffly. I watched as Steve stiffened under his enormous coat. A flash of jealousy crossed his face as he watched as Bucky opened the letter, using the switch blade in his pant pocket. The small group waited in silence while Bucky read the letter he’d been sent. He lowered the yellowish paper and stared blankly ahead. He was staring directly through his younger sister. Fear flickered in his icy gaze. Seemingly, no one saw it but me. _

_“Bucky?” The girl with long dark hair, standing off to his side, uttered quietly. I held my breath, waiting for him to say something. I had a feeling I knew exactly what that letter entailed. It was a letter letting him know he had been drafted. When Steve stole his uniform from the museum, he stole Bucky’s dog tags too. Just for a reminder of his best friend and how brave he had been. Steve once let me hold them. Bucky’s serial number was on the back. Men who enlisted started with the number 12 and men who were drafted started with 32. I had memorized his serial number for a history paper about World War II, which I only got an 87% even though I had Steve, a WWII veteran, helping me every step of the way. Bucky’s serial number was 32557038. This means he hadn’t enlisted, like he wanted people to know. He had been drafted. Which means he was forced to fight in a war he didn’t want to fight. _

_“Buck? What is it?” Steve murmured, putting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder firmly. Bucky turned his head to face Steve, and me. A look of apprehension gleamed in his eyes, but it was wiped away by a cocky proud smile. I recognized the smile from the video in that museum, the one of him and Steve. _

_“It’s an order for induction,” He replied. The scene began to fade, the people and noise, and smells left me on the city street in the cold all alone. Unfortunately, the cold didn’t fade with the memory. I could only stand there with my arms over my chest, hands wedged under my armpits for warmth. I shivered furiously, standing alone on the streets of Brooklyn 1940-something. _

My eyes flickered open. My face scrunched in pain, my eyes tightly shutting again when they sizzled with pain from the bright sunlight pouring down onto my face from the peeled back newspaper on the window above me. It must be early morning, I could hear traffic outside, it sounded heavy. It must be around seven in the morning judging by the sounds.

A moment later I realized I was laying on the mattress that was on the floor, my head partly on the soft pillow with something firm underneath it. I inhaled and exhaled blissfully before coming to the acknowledgment I could feel the smooth warm fabric of the sleeping bag draped over my side and the mattress pressed against my other side, no sheets in between my skin and the bed.

Slowly, I opened my eyes once more. They sizzled again but I redirected my gaze from the sofa I saw briefly to my feet. They were covered by a completely unzipped sleeping bag. My eyebrows narrowed when I saw familiar articles of clothing sprawled around the floor haphazardly. The air got caught in the back of my throat as the happenings of, yesterday? Flowed naturally through my hazy mind. For once, in a few days, my head didn’t hurt. In fact, my head felt good. No intruding memories or thoughts, no paranoia, no fear; I felt truly idyllic and calm. My body didn’t even tense when a strong arm came around and took me, pulling me into a brick wall of a body behind me. A face nuzzled in the jungle of my coiled hair. I felt an inhalation of air, sucking in the scent of my hair. I probably didn’t smell that good, I showered yesterday before leaving the airport hotel but the antics that transpired earlier undoubtedly made me smell bad.

My eyes went from staring at my feet back up to the sofa, but a glint of silver gleaming in the sunlight caught my attention. A metal hand poked out from underneath the pillow my head was resting on. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching up to touch it, my fingers traced the grooves and divots. It was cool under my fingertips but warming where the sun touched it. It didn’t have a scratch on it, despite how he’s used it in the past. I’ve only seen it up close a handful of times in my life, those encounters caused me to have nightmares for years to come. They weren’t gentle meetings, unlike earlier. He was so gentle and kind. The memory made me smile to myself, blocking out the first time he’d used that hand on me.

“You’re not afraid of it?” A sleepy voice asked from behind me, hot breath smothered the back of my neck. My smile grew, my fingers still trailing over the metal. I shook my head at his question, responding with an airy,

“No.”

“Are you?” I queried lazily. The strong arm draped over my small body tightened, bringing me closer, if that was even possible, to the hot skinned chest behind me. I could feel his hot touch trailing all the way from my shoulders, moulding every curve of my back and along my short legs. My feet ended just below his knees but somehow, he traced my form underneath the warming sleeping bag. He held me close, like I was just a ghost he was afraid would leave him if he blinked. Maybe I was a sign to him, that things aren’t as bad as it seems, that he can be forgiven for the horrible things he was made to do. I know exactly what that’s like. Once you get that sign that you’ve been forgiven, you never want to let it go in case it was just a sick dream.

“A bit,” He whispered into my hair. “-It’s hurt too many people,” He added lowly. I stopped tracing the metal on his arm and turned over to face him with crinkled brows. I saw genuine regret scattered across his face, even as he gazed down at me with affection gleaming in those magnificent blues. I puckered my lips and shared a slight half smirk.

“So, did this,” I stated, tapping my temple with my index finger. “-But that’s not who I am anymore. Now, I use it to help people.” I didn’t want him thinking he was still who he once was. It’s obvious he’s not that person anymore. Just like him, I used to be what people called a monster but now I use my gifts to help people. I’ve helped local police find people or the truth. They considered me more useful than a hound dog and a polygraph. It’s also helped the Avengers when they’d go on missions to capture the bad guy. Sometimes, the bad guy would try to get away and I’d use my “telekinetic abilities”, as Banner would say, to detain the bad guy. Or, I’d use it to save people from bad things happening. Kind of like that new girl, Wanda, and how she used her abilities to save those people in Lagos from that bomb. Yes, that didn’t end well but she did her best. Superheroes are still people, genetically modified or not. Sometimes, in order to save the world, some people die. It’s like any other war.

“They sent you on missions?” A concerned question was spouted from him without hesitation. I nodded at him with a semi-serious expression. Another bout of silence filled the room.

“How old were you? Y’know, when they sent you out?” He asked worriedly. I shrugged a shoulder, taking my eyes from his gaze and let them wander down his neck and chest, stopping at the small patch of dark hairs on his pale chest. Mindlessly, my fingers traced and twirled the straggly hairs.

“Hydra bought me when I was ten. My first solo mission was about a year later,” I responded in a soft voice. His arm tensed around me and I could feel his gaze drilling into me unrelentingly. I wanted to know what he was thinking but he asked me not to go into his head, and I’ve already broken that promise by going into that memory, or dream.

“_Bought_ you?” Bucky’s voice sounded utterly surprised. If I looked up at him, I’d probably see the same surprise and maybe some regret. That’s if he remembers our encounters while being held hostage. Again, I nodded silently. But a small chuckle passed by my lips as I looked up at him. Shock and sadness filled his almost clear blue eyes. It made me smile at him as the story of how and why I came to be crossed my lustfully hazy mind.

“I’m a science experiment, created by Dr. Cummings in Russia before hydra found out about the experiments and wanted to invest in them. From what I remember, I’m the only successful experiment and I was bought to be used as a weapon. I spent ten years undergoing training at a compound in Northern Russia before being taken to Siberia with hydra. Where I was trained more relentlessly and forced to hurt people for three years before Natasha found me while on a mission to retrieve information about the project.” The story is sad, but it didn’t deter me from the blissful feeling that engulfed the small space the two of us occupied. Bucky didn’t say anything, he only brought me closer to him, resting his chin on top of my head. I buried my face into his chest and let him be with that information, not giving him anymore reason to be upset.

Hours pressed on, leaving us tangled with each other in silence. I had turned over, so my back was against his chest again. While my fingers danced over the warming metal, Bucky drew gentle kisses to the nape of my neck, shoulder, and back. Once in a while he’d stop kissing to engross his face in my hair for a few moments, taking in the smell I exuded. He smelled better than I did. Yes, he smelled of sweat and sex, but it was mixed with the minty scent of his breath and the fresh aroma of the soap he used.

To my dismay, we had to tear ourselves from each other to get dressed and go on with our day. Bucky’s clothes were piled in one spot in the threshold between the wooden floor of the kitchen and carpeted floor of the living room. Unlike mine, which were exhibited all around the small apartment. Clearly, one of us was more eager for physical contact than the other.

“Please don’t let this be the last time I see you,” Bucky whispered from underneath his baseball cap which covered most of his face. We stood outside in the sunshine in front of the tall apartment building. I looked up at him with wide eyes, a small smile bumping at the corners of my mouth. His hand lightly grasping mine by the fingertips.

“It won’t,” I replied sincerely as the taxi I had called pulled up to the curb. “-I promise,” I added optimistically. Without thinking about it, I stepped back until we stood in front of each other; I pulled myself up onto my tiptoes until my lips pressed his firm warm cheek. When I pulled away from him, I saw a light blush dust over his cheeks. This made me smile more, stepping away from him until our fingertips untied from each other. I got into the cab and watched as Bucky stood silently on the sidewalk before I drove away. There was silence in the taxi, after the cabbie asked where I was going. The only sound was the radio playing music quietly and radio chatter coming over the com system.

I sighed to myself as my aching body relaxed into the seat. I may have neglected to tell Bucky that that was my first time, in fear it’d ruin the desperate moment. Although, I think he figured it out at some point. The memory of his wandering hands and desperate lust ridden lip entered my foremind. I smiled like a giddy schoolgirl who’s crush just talked to her. It’s funny; I went there yesterday to kick his ass, or even kill him but instead we ended up having sex and being intimate with each other. How the actual hell did that happen? Was it because I’m frustrated and full of remorseless tension from never actually being touched in an affectionate way by someone of the opposite sex? I mean, during physical training I’d get plenty of skin on skin contact, but it was never out of concern or caring. I used to get hugs from Steve all the time when I lived in New York, but those were sheerly platonic or fatherly hugs. Or was it because I empathized with Bucky on such a deep level? We’ve been in the same places, done the same things, had the same terrible things done to us; we understand each other on a much deeper level than anyone can comprehend. Or did he trick me into thinking this and he just wanted to get laid?

A battle between my thoughts took over my mind the entire ride back to the airport hotel. I grabbed a coffee from the Starbucks that was sided with the lobby of the hotel before going back to my room. I planned on showering and getting changed before I took a flight back to Vienna this afternoon but having a cup of coffee was at the top of my to do list.

I sighed to myself, sitting down on the side of the bed that looked out the window. My hips screamed in rejoice as I finally rested them on something soft. My lower back sighed with me. I debated on if I should tell Nat I finally lost my “_V card_”, maybe neglecting to tell her who it was with. She always told me to tell her when it happened, that way I can go for a check up to make sure everything was in working order. Apparently, you can’t go see a gynecologist until after you begin being sexually active. And Nat keeps a hawk’s eye on any of my records to make sure I’m not up to something behind her back. That woman is worse than any mother hen I’ve ever encountered before.

Setting the white cup down on the nightstand beside me, I stood up and went to the window. It wasn’t much of a view; it oversaw the front of the hotel and the drop off and pickup lanes in front of the airport. I could see planes taking off and landing not too far away. My hands mindlessly slipping into my pockets; in one pocket was my phone, the scrap pieces of paper Nat and my grandmother had given me with the addresses I needed on them, and the key card for the hotel room. In the other I felt something that wasn’t there yesterday. My eyebrows creased as I wrapped my fingers around it and pulled it out of my pocket. It was another scrap piece of paper that was neatly folded in half. I carefully opened the paper to see a phone number scribbled on it along with a small note.

‘_Call this number within the next 48 hours._ -_B_.’

Bucky had given me his phone number, probably a burner phone. Knowing him, he most likely goes through those as fast as a kid goes through their Halloween candy. It’s the only way he can be safe though. You can’t trace burner phones and their numbers are almost always unlisted, which means the company doesn’t have details about the user.

Shaking my head with a cheesy smile, I pulled out my phone from my jacket pocket to call him so he can have my phone number and to see if anyone had been trying to contact me while I was indisposed. My stomach dropped when I saw thirty missed calls from Natasha and Tony, and eighty missed texts from them as well. More so from Nat than Tony, but nonetheless, it still made me worried. I nearly dropped my phone when an incoming call made my phone violently vibrate in my hand. I didn’t recognize the number. Reluctantly, I answered.

“Hello?” I piped uncertainly.

“_Elena_,” The familiar masculine voice that belonged to the one and only, Captain America, entered my brain. Usually, I’d smile whenever Steve would call but the worry in his voice didn’t let me do that.

“Steve?” I squeaked back cautiously.

“_Elena, are you in Bucharest right now?_” His question made me cock an eyebrow curiously. How did he know where I was? Who’s he been talking to? Why does he want to know? Am I being tracked? Nat must’ve put a tracker on me before we parted ways in Vienna. Mother hen Natasha has entered the building. I swear, if she doesn’t have the ability to know exactly where I am at all hours of the day, she’ll go insane or something.

“Ugh, yeah. I’m about to head back to Vienna though,”

“_Don’t_!” He nearly shouted at me, his voice was strained and full of fear. “-_I need you to stay there. I’m on my way to Bucharest, but in the meantime, I need you to do something for me. I know you’re never going to forgive me for asking you to do this, but I need you to run surveillance,_” He added eagerly. My brows knitted together in sheer curiosity and confusion.

“Okay…. On who?” I asked with even more uncertainty. Why was he coming here? Who did he need me to babysit until he got here? What the hell is going on? And why is everyone so frantic to get a hold of me this morning?

“_Bu…The Winter Soldier. I need you to make sure he doesn’t run_.” And with that, my blood ran cold. Oxygen stopped flowing through my lungs as I stared dead ahead, not blinking. It took half a second for me to reclaim any composure I had lost.

“Steve, what’s going on?” I mindlessly questioned.

“_There’s been a bombing at the U.N. It killed the King of Wakanda and a few others and injured many more. They think he did it. I’m coming to make sure he didn’t do this,_” Steve shortly explained, promising to fill me in further when he sees me. All while I was frozen in place.

“He didn’t do this, Steve,” I muttered back feebly.

“_I know but I need to make sure he didn’t_,”

“-No, Steve, he _didn’t do this_. I just left his place,” I panickily said, knowing the gentle man I was just with was now a wanted man by many nations. And he possibly has a bounty for his life by T’Challa now. And all Steve could muster out was a measly,

“_What?_”


	11. Shattered

My tenth grade English teacher used to tell us there was no such thing as evil much like there’s no such thing as cold and darkness. Morality is plenty like science. Cold and darkness are just absences of warmth and light. Evil is just the absence of good. The lines between good and bad are often very clear, but sometimes, they become blurred. War is a good example. Who is the good guy and who is the bad guy? The good guys believe the bad guys are truly bad whereas the bad guys believe they are the good guys. They both see themselves as the good ones and the opposing team as the bad ones. Pride is a funny thing; it’ll make you do anything to prove yourself right. To prove you are, all in all, the good guy. But when innocent people get hurt, everybody becomes the bad guy.

I guess that’s why I’m so timid to try and be the good guy. I’m always going to end up being the one in the wrong at the end of the day. In someone’s eyes, I’m always going to be the bad guy no matter how many people I save. I’ll always either be the monster that I was created to be, or I’ll be the one who killed an innocent person trying to save the world. That’s why I don’t try anymore. After New York, I stopped trying to be a “superhero” and redeeming myself in the eyes of society, and just tried to be a normal human being. On surface level, it seemed to be working but just below the skin of the façade it wasn’t as apple pie as that. I killed innocent people before and after I was rescued that night. That’s why I call my abilities my curse. But after what happened two years ago, I realized I can’t keep running from what I am. Yes, I can run and hide from the people from my nightmares, but I can’t deny what I was created for. My purpose. My destiny, the reason for my very existence, is to stop the conflicts and keep order. And right now, an innocent person needs my help. If that makes me the bad guy, then so be it.

Everything happened so fast. I remember meeting Steve and Sam at the landing strip. Steve didn’t ask me why I was at Bucky’s, but I knew he wanted to. Sam, on the other hand, wanted to know exactly what the hell I was thinking by going there unarmed and without backup. I didn’t answer him, not knowing where to begin. It’s a long and messy story and it only began a little under forty-eight hours ago.

Steve debriefed me on what was going on, the new fissure that held the once functional team against each other. Tony, Nat, Rhodey and Vision wanted to sign the agreement although the rest didn’t think it was a good idea. The only one, that I knew of, that didn’t want anything to do with any of this was Clint. Banner was MIA with Thor; he has no idea what was going on down here. I can’t say I didn’t envy him because I was now forced to pick sides. I agreed with some of what this agreement necessitated but not all of it. I understood where both sides were coming from. Tony believes they need to be regulated and babysat, in order to prevent another New York, D.C, and Lagos from happening. And I agree with that. We don’t need anymore catastrophes claiming lives of people who had nothing to do with the battles we fight. But Steve is right too, if they sign this and they’re needed somewhere they’ll have to get clearance to go there and forced to obey by the rules they’ve been given. What if they’re needed somewhere and the babysitters don’t want them there? What if we can’t play by the rules? Innocent people die? That doesn’t sit well with me. Governments have agendas and those agendas change because governments are run by people, just like us, just like the bad guys. It’s all so political. Politics are very messy and that’s why I stay out of them.

I took Steve and Sam to Bucky’s apartment building, even though Steve knew where it was thanks to a woman named Sharon. Sam took to a rooftop nearby while I stayed back a few buildings, at a small bookstore cafe. I wasn’t about to let Bucky know I was the one to lead them here, I didn’t care to get on his bad side. Winter Soldier or not.

“Elena, if you do this, you’ll be considered a criminal.” Steve’s voice warned me over the coms. To which I responded with a shrug and a small smirk, saying,

“I’m already a criminal, Cap. This is nothing new to me.”

From where I stood, at a table in the doorway of the bookstore, I could see the building clearly. Steve didn’t want me to get caught in the crossfire if this went badly. And since he’s Captain bloody America, I obeyed without a question. It annoyed me though, he still sees me as that fifteen-year-old girl he met when he thawed out. I can fight, I know I can and so does he. He’s seen me fight before, when Nat would train me back at the tower. He’s also seen what I can do with my mind. But as Nat says, the guy sees me as a daughter. And Steve, if he’d ever have a daughter, would be overbearing and protective of her. Nevertheless, it still aggravates me that he doesn’t have faith in my ability to fight for what’s right.

“Sam, what do you see?” Steve asked over the coms. Sam was a few blocks from the building in the other direction, keeping eyes on the surrounding area from above. From where I was, I couldn’t see him. Steve was already in Bucky’s apartment waiting for him to return.

“It’s all clear from up here, Cap,” Sam responded confidently.

“What about you, Elena? What do you see?” Steve quizzed unsurely. His voice was laced with worry. I looked down at the books on the table in front of me before stealing glances around. My gaze locked onto a target. Bucky was walking hastily towards the apartments with his head down. Without even having to read his mind, I knew he knew he was a wanted man. It’s all over the newspapers; front page. I let my eyes run from him to check the area for any sign of trouble.

“Barnes is on his way up to you, Steve,” I whispered nonchalantly, fingering the stacks of books. Steve made me wear my burgundy beanie and a pair of sunglasses so I could spy from the ground without being noticed. My guts twisted and knotted when I saw a black SUV creep down a back alley, followed by two armoured trucks.

“We’ve got company, boys. One black SUV and two armoured trucks following, coming down an East alley,” I furthered hurriedly, knowing this wasn’t going to end well. The people in those trucks have orders to shoot on sight and they don’t plan on listening to reason. They’re not paid enough to listen to reason. And the people paying them don’t want to listen to reason.

“I’ve got another three headed your direction,” Sam uttered. “-You need to make this fast, Cap.”

“Otherwise this is going to turn into a blood bath really quick,” I told them honestly. I hated that addition, but it was true. Steve needs to get in and get out as fast as he can. They’re both in danger by staying there any longer than they need to be.

“Elena don’t engage unless I tell you otherwise. Sam, wait for my word,” Steve gave the orders strictly. The blood in my veins ran red hot at those orders. My lips pressed together tightly as a bout of hot air blew from my nose in frustration.

“_I am not a child_, Steve. Use me while you have me. If I get captured, I’m not going to be seeing the light of day ever again,” I snarled at him frustratedly. I heard a heavy sigh but there was no response. I could only stand by and watch as the beaten-up apartment building became surrounded. More armoured trucks filled to the brim with soldiers in bulletproof vests and guns at the ready. There must’ve been twenty people, maybe more. And police cars enclosed the street entirely. They had the building completely surrounded, men on the roof coming down and men going up from the ground floor. There was no foreseeable way out for Steve and Bucky. Sam’s position had become compromised, leaving only me and Steve to fight our ways out of this mess.

Anxiously, I listened as Sam gave the countdown to when the soldiers were going to break in and try to apprehend the fugitive. I watched as they threw a grenade into the small house but there was no explosion to follow, that’s when the soldiers broke through the windows and gunshots rang through the neighborhood. The sound of muffled shouting and cries of pain came through the coms.

“Bucky, stop!” Steve’s voice was loud but desperate. “-You’re going to kill somebody,” He added. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end when I heard wood shattering and then a man’s low voice quietly says,

“I’m not going to kill anybody.”

I desperately wanted to run up there to assist but I’ve been given my instructions, and if I want Steve to trust me, I need to follow them. More gunfire and people yelling. I heard Steve say something under his breath, but I couldn’t hear what. It sounded like he said _c’mon man_.

“Elena, we need you!” Steve shouted over the coms. I dropped the book I had been holding, eagerly ready to sprint towards the building. A surge of electricity roused through my skull as I was preparing myself for battle. But before I could go anywhere, I felt a firm hand grab onto my forearm, pulling me back hard enough that I stumbled onto my back with a grunt. My head bouncing off the tiled floor which made the electricity and my readied abilities scatter away from my fingertips.

“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be, Elena,” A recognisable woman’s voice said from behind me. My eyes instantly went to the source of the voice to see a red head standing above me with the motherly glare in her eyes that could break any hardened criminal. In her hand was a needle filled with something I knew all too well. It was a tranquilizer that would incapacitate my capability to use my abilities. Bruce and Tony came up with it after I was rescued, I was a riled up brainwashed teenage girl who was an assassin with a seemingly endless list of ways to use my mind to get my way. This was before they built my “holding cell” and were tired of having to clean up the messes I’d make trying to escape.

The betrayal I felt was swept away by anger when Nat approached me with the needle in hand, ready to put me under. My body tensed up as my face bent with rage.

“Then listen to what we have to say!” I shouted back at her angrily. I bucked my hips up, hurling my legs over my head until one wrapped around her arm tightly while the other went to the underside, pushing up just above her elbow. She dropped the needle to the ground, I quickly smacked it away into the street. The sound of people screaming, and gunshots seemed so far away. But it was really only a few blocks away. I could hear Steve and Sam communicating with each other over the coms. They were headed towards a tunnel, following the long list of people who wanted Bucky, including a fleeing Bucky. Shit was going south, and it was going south fast.

“Kid, where are you?!” Sam yelled into my ear. I let out a huff of hot air, blowing my dark hairs away from my face.

“I’m busy!” I roared back at him in an annoyed tone. Nat grabbed my calf and twisted it, pulling my leg away from her arm until my body contorted on the floor, I was now on my front rather than my back. She made a break for the street where the syringe was thrown. Before she could make it, I twisted around and wrapped my hand around the ankle of her boot, yanking it back. Natasha fell forward, landing on her stomach.

“Doing what?!” Sam hollered at me irately. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him as I tucked my knees under me and pulled Natasha back towards me.

“An ex assassin!” I shouted breathlessly. I let out a loud grunt when the heel of her boot forcibly met my ribcage, making me release her. My forehead met the stone floor as the air left my lungs.

“Keep her busy! We have a feral cat on our hands!” Steve stated hurriedly. My brows furrowed at that, but it soon made me think of T’Challa. With his father dead he’s now king and warrior of Wakanda, making him the Black Panther. This wasn’t good. Not good at all. T’Challa does, in fact, want Bucky’s head on a platter. Not only is Bucky wanted by many countries, the police, and hydra but now he’s a wanted man by T’Challa. It’s basically a free for all for Bucky’s life.

Natasha scrambled to her feet, this time not going for the tranquilizer but rather standing over me in a fighting stance. I straightened up on my knees. She brought the leg that was furthest away from me forward, aiming at somewhere around my shoulders or head. But before she could hit me, I thrusted back until my feet were firmly planted on the ground and I was standing at the ready for her next move. She missed but soon the other leg came swinging around to attack. This time I hooked it around my arm, immobilizing her. Although, this was proven ineffective when she twisted her body around only to come spinning back around until her free leg was wrapped around the nape of my neck at the knee. She threw her weight forward causing both of us to go tumbling to the ground. She rolled out of the tumble while I was flat on my back, again. I hassled to my feet again before she could do anything else. We both stood in the large entrance of the bookstore, people screaming and running away from the scene unfolding. We mutually took fighting stances; feet shoulder width apart, shoulders back, leaning forward with our hands raised and ready. Nat shot me a crooked smile and cocked her head slightly.

“See, you’re not a lousy fighter,” She huffed at me. I shrugged at her, tasting blood in my mouth.

“Downfall, you taught me everything I know,” I replied stubbornly. Nat airily laughed and matched my shrug. I quickly went through every possible move she could make. I knew that with every move she’d make I’d match it and therefore she’d be able to take me down. I had to come up with something new, something she didn’t teach me. That’s when a random memory came to me. It was something she told me. And it made the half assed plan I came up with come together.

_“Some of the smartest people fight battles with their minds instead of their hands.” _

Without even thinking about it, I twisted around, showing her my back momentarily. Nat saw me having my back to her as the opportunity to attack. But what she didn’t see coming was I had grabbed a hard cover book from the table behind me and spun back around. I flung the book around as hard as I could until it made contact with the side of her head. She bellowed out as she went plummeting to the floor, and then another loud grunt as she hit the tiled ground. I stood over her, ready for what may come next. But she didn’t move, not even an inch. In a split second I declared this a victory and went to flee from this fight to attend the one that really matters.

The air vacated my body when I spun around, coming face to face with the man himself. He wore a disapproving look; it was mixed with annoyance and a hint of anger. I sharply sucked in a breath when I felt something sink into my abdomen like a hot knife through butter, stabbing through the fabric of my black tee shirt. The world immediately began to disappear into a black fortress.

“I’m sorry it had to be this way,” He muttered quietly, his disapproving look melted into a saddened one. My body became numb as I fell forward. His arms caught me, holding me close as I rapidly faded away.


	12. Unsainted

_Catalyst. Alpha. Temptation. Hyde. Endangered. Revenge. Indigo. Neverland. _

_My eyes snapped open. The sound of an unfamiliar man’s voice brought me back to reality. I didn’t recognize it at all. I didn’t even remember what he had said. I couldn’t remember anything. All I knew was I was standing in a thick treeline and bushes. The night that surrounded me. I didn’t know where I was or how I got here. The last thing I remembered was… I don’t know. What do I know? My name. My name is Zero. And I am on a mission. I was sent to get Project Lumini. _

_I stood silently in the darkness behind a small building made of wood, a cottage. Smoke rose from a brick chimney on the roof. An icy gust of wind blew by, kissing the exposed skin on my hands and face. I took note of my clothing; a fitted black leather jacket with a holster strapped across my chest, baggy black pants with lots of pockets and holsters on my thigh and hip, and a pair of boots that were tightly laced up to my mid calf. There was a pressure at the back of my head, where my hair was tied back in a tight braid. _

_“Zero, retrieve the information and get out, leave no witnesses,” Arlo’s voice murmured in my ear. I clenched my fist inside the leather fingerless gloves. My weight shifted as I went to step. The heavy snow crunched under my feet. My gaze narrowed at the small cottage in front of me, knowing my mission was in there somewhere. My head thumped excruciatingly with each step I took towards it. I unholstered the gun on my hip as I stalked up the front steps to the large wooden door. Inside, I could hear laughter and people talking. Witnesses. _

_In a swift motion I launched my foot forward, landing flat against the door until it swung open. The laughter turned into screams of surprise. The warmth of the building touched my icy cold skin, heating my cheeks up into a fiery sensation. Three women huddled together on the couch in front of a fire. They suddenly snapped around from their prior positions. Their eyes wide as they stared at me. Silently, I raised the gun in my hand, aiming towards them. Before I could pull the trigger and leave no witnesses, I heard something. I tore my observation away from them when a man’s voice came from somewhere in the house, it was riddled with amusement as if the screams were from joy rather than fear. His voice was the same one I had just heard. An older man appeared in the mouth of the living room with a bottle in his hand. His icy blue eyes landed on me, widening as he did so. He looked at me in such a way that said he knew me. _

_“Z-Z-Zero?” It came out as a shaky breath. Him knowing my name made my finger twitch, causing the gun to fire. I didn’t need to look to know I had hit one of the women sitting on the couch. The sound of a body hitting the floor let me know my shot was fatal. The two remaining women screamed again. A moment later another man appeared by the first. _

_“What the hell is going on in here?!” He shouted his face was laced with concern, but it soon vanished when I swiftly moved my arm and fired the gun. Blood splattered all over the wall behind him when the bullet entered the space above his eye, leaving the first man coated in it as well. He silently stood there, gripping the bottle in his hand. _

_I moved my arm back to its previous place before pulling the trigger again. Another body hit the floor with a heavy thump and the remaining woman let out a shaky whimper. My eyes were locked with the man who knew my name. Never leaving him. And his never leaving me. Until I moved my arm again to aim at the last woman on the couch, sobbing loudly. This made him jump forward, dropping the bottle he had previously been holding. It shattered against the floor, sending shards of glass in every direction. _

_“No! Zero, wai...” Before he could finish, I pulled the trigger once again. The crying had stopped when the body hit the floor with the others. The man threw himself towards the new body laying on the ground in a pool of blood. I lowered my weapon and watched closely as he lifted her into his lap and hugged her tightly, crying loudly. The three women and the man had bullet holes in their skulls. I observed in misperception as he wept and held her to his chest. _

_“Zero, retrieve the information and get out, leave no witnesses.” The orders reverberated through my empty mind. Tears stained his pale face when he looked up at me. I silently raised my weapon again, aiming it at the man who knew my name. He stared at me as if he was both ready to die but also ready to fight. I wasn’t going to give him the choice. I had my orders. And my orders were to leave no witnesses. _

_“**Leave him**!” My handler’s voice snapped at me over the earpiece I was wearing. Immediately, my finger left the trigger, but I kept my gun pointed at him. My eyes were locked on the quivering man on the floor in front of me. The only obstacle in the way was the easily moveable couch. The man trembled as he rose to his feet, hands held out where I could see him. He looked at me the same way he did a few moments ago, like he knew me. How did this man know me? I’ve never met him before. Who was this man? My already throbbing mind rocked when something poked through the thick fog that filled it. _

** _“Zero, you need to be a good girl for these people. Do what they say when they say it,” _ **

** _“When will I be home?” _ **

** _“The compound is no longer your home, Zero. Wherever these men take you is your new home. You’re being released into the world to do very important work,” _ **

** _“Hurting bad people?” _ **

** _“Very important work, Zero. Very important indeed,”_ **

_The voices. They came from somewhere beyond here and now. I recognized one voice as the man’s, the man in front of me. I knew I knew his voice but from where? Before here? Was there a before here? Was there a before the here and now? But the other voice, I didn’t recognize it. It sounded like a child’s voice. Mine? No, I’m not a child. Am I? I can’t be, I’m… What am I? _

_“Z-Zero don’t shoot. It’s me, Dr. Cummings. Remember?” He uttered weakly. My eyes narrowed at him, furrowing my brow confusedly. _

_“She doesn’t remember you, Doctor.” Mr. Pierce’s voice rattled from behind me. From my peripheral I could see Arlo standing at my side with Mr. Pierce and a few other men in tactical uniforms. The man, Dr. Cummings, gaped at the man standing at my side with a look of sheer horror. _

_“Do you Zero?” Mr. Pierce turned to me. With my gun still raised and ready to fire, I remained silent. _

_“Speak!” Arlo shouted; his voice was like a zap of electricity against my ears. But I didn’t react, not even blinking. _

_“No.” I soundlessly answered. The consternation on Dr. Cummings’ face augmented as his pale blue eyes bounced between me and Mr. Pierce. His thick grey eyebrows fell together. Finally, his eyes landed on Mr. Pierce and a look of anger and sadness distorted his face. _

_“What have you done to her?” He asked shakily, his hands still shakily held in the air. Mr. Pierce chuckled and stepped around the couch to meet Dr. Cummings, slinging his arm over the Doctor’s shoulders. _

_“We… Well, we improved her,” Mr. Pierce chuckled joyfully. “-See, we improved her so much she doesn’t question the orders she’s been given. No matter how unpleasant they are. But, luckily for you Doc, we do it humanely. Well, for her at least. When she’s done a mission, we wipe her memory, so she doesn’t have to suffer with the knowing,” Mr. Pierce said with a smile. Dr. Cummings looked me up and down, his eyes becoming glassy and his already pale face whitened even more. My attention was drug away when I heard a floorboard creak in one of the rooms. This caught the attention of everyone else as well. I kept a steady stare on Dr. Cummings, who looked absolutely terrified. _

_“Zero,” Arlo snarled my name. I turned my head to look up at him. “-Go see what that was. Take care of whatever it is,” He ordered strictly. I shared a cold glance with Dr. Cummings before turning on my heel to head down the dark hallway. My weapon lowered but my finger on near the trigger in case of ambush. _

_“No! No! Please, don’t hurt them!” Dr. Cummings beseeched at the top of his lungs. Those weren’t my orders. And he wasn’t my handler. I mustn’t listen to him. Quietly, I crept down the dark hallway to the back of the cottage where there were two doors. One in front of me, open ajar and the other to my left, completely shut. _

_‘Eenie, meenie, minie, moe.’ I thought immaturely, deciding which room to check first. Another floorboard creaked in the room with the door open, catching my undivided attention. Using the barrel of the gun I pushed the wooden door open further. Revealing a dark room. It was a strange little room with shelves of glass and fabric dolls, and plastic recreations of houses and cars, and people laying all around the floor. Three unkempt beds that were empty. Three beds that were once occupied, one door, and a closed window. Whoever was in here, is still here. _

_“Come out, come out,” I sang softly, stepping further into the dark room. “-This isn’t going to hurt,” I reassured in a calm voice. My sneer was followed by a snivel coming from the closet. Slowly, I made my way to the closet and opened the door. Huddled together inside were two small people. Children. And one older one. Big child? They clung onto each other for dear life. They both looked like Dr. Cummings. The two young girls had long dark hair that was messy with sleep. Their eyes were rimmed red, beyond that they were blue. Like Dr. Cummings’. The older one looked like… Me. She looked like me. In fact, they all did. But I had my orders. I have my orders. If I don’t follow them, I don’t remember what happens, but I know it’s nothing good._

_I sucked in a cold breath, raising my gun to point the barrel of it at them. The two younger girls sobbed while the older one merely stared at me. _

_“Leave no witnesses,” I told myself. I pulled the trigger, with the bullets came screams from all directions._

I jerked violently into consciousness, eyes flying wide open. My heart raced, pounding against my breastbone like a thundering train coming down the tracks. I gasped for air, panting heavily. My body trembled under the thick layer of sweat that coated me from head to toe. My hair clung to my forehead and cheeks, as well as my neck. My clothes made an uncomfortable second skin as it stuck to my physique.

I blinked rapidly as the effects of the dream caused tremors to crash through me. Above me was a white ceiling. No, not white. Steel. A steel ceiling was above me, casting a white sheen from the florescent lights. My brows fell together in misperception. 

‘_Where am I? What happened?_’ I thought to myself blearily. Even the voice in my head was breathless. Flickers of the proceedings that happened earlier cascaded through my mind effortlessly, earning a painful ache to pound against my temples. Bucky had been in danger and Steve recruited me to help. The fight with Natasha left my body sore but not unable to move. Then the betrayal from someone I wouldn’t have guessed would betray me.

I let my eyes run back to the wall behind me, it too, was made of steel. Beside me were monitors. One was keeping track of my heartrate and blood pressure and another one was mapping my brain activity. There was an IV drip nearby, leading to the puncture in my arm. Immediately, I knew where I was and what was going on. I was in my holding cell Tony and Bruce had made.

This realization caused me to jolt upright and rip the sticky pads from my temples and forehead, yanking hairs from their roots. Deprived of thinking, I pulled the IV line from my arm, causing a small spurt of blood to squirt onto the side of the bed and floor beside me. I wrenched the pads that were keeping track of my heartrate from my chest. The monitors flatlined, blaring loudly at the lose of a body to monitor.

My unclear mind was pulled from the mess of wires and a small pool of blood on the floor to the sound of a door closing. My glare moved up to see the well-dressed man coming into the small dark room on the other side of the observation glass. He held a tray of food in his hand. His dark eyes landed on me, the serious look from before had vanished and was replaced with his usual perturbed expression.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” He said in a dishonest cheerful tone. I pursed my lips as my jaw tightened. My glare never leaving him even as I stood from the gurney and made my way towards the glass. I’m sure you could feel the rage seething from me like steam.

“That must’ve been one hell of a dream,” He remarked. “-I was keeping an eye on your vitals. Your brain activity was off the charts, even for you.” He went to the small opening in the door and pushed the tray of food through it. I stood mutely, glaring at him emotionlessly. Tony went back to standing in front of me, only the shatterproof glass separating us. His perturbed appearance fell into something compassionate. As if he felt sorry for me. That was almost laughable considering what happened earlier. He sighed, taking the glasses off his face before looking at me again.

“Listen, Elena, I’m sorry for what happened at the bookstore back there, but it needed to be done. You were a little out of control, kicked Nat’s ass pretty good. She’s fine by the way, a little sore and very surprised by how well you managed to take her down. She says sorry too. Y’know, for the whole thing but, like I said before, it had to be done,” He apologized frankly. A fluttering feeling bubbled up in my stomach, making a large smile break the seriousness that masked my face. I had to wrap an arm around my stomach as a roar of laughter erupted from me. This made Tony stare at me with worry glimmering in his dark eyes.

“If there’s a _but_ in your apology, you’re not really sorry. Isn’t that right? I mean, you’re the one who told me that after all,” I said once the laughter died down, my tone was like a knife slicing through whatever is in its way.

“And the only reason I was a _little_ _out of control_ and kicked her ass so badly was because she came at me with a needle with enough tranquilizer to kill a herd of elephants. You’d have done the same damn thing if you were me.” Tony’s worry grew but he held his ground, and so did I.

“You left us no choice, Elena,” He replied softly, looking down at his glasses. “-You’re fighting for the wrong side and I couldn’t let you do that,” He added as his eyes went back to meet mine. My lips pressed tightly as my jaw clenched and my hands made fists.

“And what side is that?” I hissed through my teeth.

“The side that’s trying to protect a criminal,”

“-He’s innocent!” I yelled angrily, cutting him off from whatever else he was going to say. My voice rebounded off the steel walls that caged me. His look of concern shifted into annoyance. His body language delivered that of an irritated father scolding their out of control teenager.

“We don’t know that,” Tony mumbled irately. I shook my head slowly at his comment, my lips still pursed, jaw still tight and hands still balled into fists ready to fly.

“_I know that_,” I told him in a flat breathless voice, poking my upper chest with my index finger. My body began to tremble again as fear and anger pulsed through me in frustration. A look of curiosity made the irritation on his face disappear. Tony cocked an eyebrow at me like he had just cornered me into telling him the truth. Man, oh man, he was not going to enjoy hearing the truth one bit. He was undoubtedly going to go off on me like an atomic bomb.

“And how exactly do you know that?” He asked sternly. I couldn’t stop the smile from breaking across my face as the memory of me and Bucky laying in bed flashed through my mind. His wandering hands and careless lips finding every inch of skin to touch. My body feeling like ice melting under his fiery skin.

“I was with him,” I hissed with a curled lip. “-Last night and then this morning, I was with him.” My low voice was dripping with cruelty. My smile curled into a smug smirk. I saw hurt cross his face swiftly, it was very quickly replaced with annoyance but understanding. Although, I believe the annoyance outweighed the understanding considerably. 

“Is this about your mother? Are you lying to me about being with… _him_ because I lied to you about your mother? Is that it, huh? Are you trying to strike a nerve with me out of meanness?” He stammered on furiously, his voice raising with each word. I glared at him through the glass. A wildfire combusting from my centre and screaming through every vein in my body.

“I’m not lying,” I half whispered. Tony’s face dropped with realization, but only for a split second before a lenient expression whisked it away. The soft expression didn’t last long either, it was replaced with a stubborn front. Tony put the tablet into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

“Whose side are you on, Elena? The people who’ve sheltered you for eight years, protected you, giving you everything you dreamed of, or the side of someone who was once trying to kill you?” He demanded coldly. My glare narrowed at him as my chin lowered until I was staring at him through my eyelashes. That wasn’t even a question for me. I knew who’s side I was on. I know where my alliances lied. They haven’t changed, even now. The people I love and care about are afraid, they don’t know what’s going to come next so they’re scrambling to hold onto anything familiar.

“I choose the side of the innocent. The _victim’s_ side,” I growled. Tony sighed again and turned around, heading back towards the door without saying anything else. I closed the remaining space between me and the observation window, throwing my fists against the cold glass.

“Tony, let me out!” I shrieked at him. He didn’t stop moving away from me, not even to glance over his shoulder. He merely waved back at me.

“If you want to tell me more stories just scream at the camera!” He called in a nonchalant tone. I narrowed my eyes at him again before looking into the corner of the room to see a camera observing me. I turned my attention back to watching him walk out the door. I hit the glass again, this time with flat hands. But it was too late, he had left the observation room. It was just me in the room now, no staff in the observation area to watch me. I was all alone, for the first time in a long time.

I let out a hefty sigh in defeat, knowing I failed Bucky. I let him get captured because I followed Steve’s orders without questioning them. If only I had challenged the orders things may be different. Perhaps I could’ve talked some logic into everybody, and this could’ve ended better. Bucky was probably in a cell somewhere, just like when we were with hydra. That’s if Bucky was still alive that is. If he was still alive and allowed to live, he’ll be thrown into a maximum-security prison for the rest of his natural life. Although, I presume I’ll be there along with him.


	13. Subject Zero was Only the Beginning

_2008_

A powerful wave of energy had erupted from within me. Not from my head but from my very core. A hellish shriek filled the room, leaving my throat raw and dry. Bright sparks danced from anything electrical in the room, killing the speaker, the lights and the film I’ve been watching for what seems to be an eternity.

When the powerful wave had subsided and the room was engulfed in blackness, I sighed, slumping my body back against the metal chair. My eyes finally closed without fear I’d be zapped. The sound of the blood rushing through my skull was all I could hear. In a far away land, I heard a door open. My body was too exhausted to fear what may come next. I knew what was coming next. A punishment.

“That was very childish, Zero,” A familiar man’s voice whispered in my ear. I tied my eyebrows together as I tried to lift my chin from my chest, but it wobbled from side to side. A dizzy feeling reeled through my throbbing head. I was too fatigued to even open my eyes.

“Wha…?” I managed to breathe out.

“Subject Zero is a kid?” I heard a female say quietly. I didn’t know her voice, but she sounded surprised and… sad?

“Does it matter? The mission was to secure the compound and retrieve data about Project Lumini,” A male snapped back.

“They’re testing on kids,” The woman said lowly. Then the sound of a voice coming over a radio filled my ears.

“Agent Romanoff, is Subject Zero secure?”

Slowly, I came back to reality. Descending from the thick grey fog that hugged my mind. The sound of a soft buzzing filled my ears. It was familiar but I couldn’t recognize it. My body felt warm under something soft that was draped over me. I could feel something stuck in the top of my hand; it didn’t hurt but it also wasn’t comfortable. There was something clamping down on my finger as well. Nothing hurt though. I don’t know why this was a surprise to me. I can’t remember much.

My eyebrows fell together as I took in a deep breath. The place I was in smelt clean. This came as a shock to me too. Why did all these nice things come to me as amazement? Where was I before this that made me feel unsafe to experience these warm sensations? Where am I? This wasn’t the place I was before. I knew that much. It was too different. Too… nice.

I froze in my place when I heard a door open then close again, shuffling came from the other side of me as footsteps approached. The sound that came from my side walked towards the footsteps that stopped. The person who was beside me was wearing rubber soled shoes, they made a noise with every step.

“Agent Romanoff, you’re still here?” A man’s voice mumbled in surprise. I heard rubber squish as someone shifted their weight from one foot to the other.

“Yes. My orders were to keep an eye on her until further notice,” A woman’s voice replied in a strong tone. Her voice was the same one from before. I remembered it. She was there with me; in the place I can’t quite remember. The man sighed heavily; I’m guessing he was nodding too.

“Is she okay?” The woman, Agent Romanoff, asked softly. The sound of paper moving filled the room. The man let out another sigh.

“She’s dehydrated and malnourished. No signs of broken bones, although the x-rays showed she’s had previous injuries to her wrists, ankles, ribs and spine that haven’t healed properly,” He told her in a monotonous way. It was the woman’s turn to sigh heavily, she cursed under her breath.

“What about the brain scans? Did they show anything?” Agent Romanoff questioned curiously, but her curious tone was laced with a sternness that made a fearful shiver run up my spine.

“Her brain scans… They’re unlike anything I’ve ever seen before,” The man said. I was assuming the man was a doctor of some kind.

“How so?” She mumbled lowly. More papers shuffling.

“Well, her frontal and temporal lobes have some damage to them, likely from electric shocks. This damage might have caused distortion to her memory, hearing, speech and a laundry list of other things.” Oh! So that’s why I can’t remember anything… I think. But I knew I could hear fine, I mean, I could hear them talking.

“Is there anything else besides the damage done? Did you find anything else?” Agent Romanoff asked eagerly. It sounded like she knew something else was there. She knew what I could do. This brought unease to my nerves.

“There is more, yes. We found parts of her parietal lobe and occipital lobe are lit up like Texas during the fourth of July, I’m guessing the part of her parietal lobe that’s most active is the primary soma sensory cortex that’s where the Limbic System resides. I’m almost certain this is caused by years of heavy drug abuse, and not just normal drugs but I can’t be certain until we run more tests when she wakes up.” The doctor was using a lot of words I didn’t understand. I didn’t know what any of these things were or meant. These things were inside my brain?

“There’s no need to wait much longer. She’s already awake,” Agent Romanoff said surely. I could feel her eyes on me. The jig was up, she knew I was awake. This knowing made my eyes open slightly. Agent Romanoff, the woman, she was pretty. She wasn’t tall but she wasn’t short either. She had a slender build under the uniform she wore. Her hair was a dark shade of red as it hung down past her shoulders. She was standing at my feet with her arms crossed over her chest as her bright eyes stayed on me. The feeling of protectiveness radiated from inside of me. It was coming from her.

I let out a shaky breath as my eyes opened more to see the bright white room around me. Slowly, I pulled myself upright, so I was sitting on the crinkling bed. I was in a funny place. I’ve never seen a place like this before. At least, I don’t remember seeing a place like this before.

“Good morning, Miss. My name is Doctor Hue. Do you know where you are?” The man, Dr. Hue, asked as he approached the end of the bed I was laying on. I stared at Dr. Hue silently. He looked from me to the paper in his hand to Agent Romanoff. Her eyes still trained on me.

“Okay… Do you know what year it is?” He questioned but I still remained silent. He sighed and wrote something down before looking at me again.

“Do you know your name?”

“No,” I uttered briskly and unintentionally, lying through my teeth. I figured maybe if I answered one question he’d stop asking and go away. I didn’t like him; he gave me a bad feeling.

“Do you remember anything?” He ruthlessly interrogated me like I was some kind of criminal. I shook my head, again lying. I do remember some things, but I know I can’t talk about it. I know that if I talk bad things will happen to me and I don’t want these nice feelings to go away. I’m already in trouble for even answering him. I don’t want to keep digging this hole I’m in.

Dr. Hue flashed me a smile and nodded at me. My attention went back to Agent Romanoff again, she was smiling to herself. She knew I was lying and that was somehow funny to her.

“That’s okay. I’m sure you will remember soon.” He smiled, unwrapping a funny looking thing from around his neck as he walked over to my side. My body stiffened as I inched away from him in fear, he was about to do something terrible to me.

“Now, I’m just going to use this, a stethoscope,” He waved the funny thing at me. “-To listen to your heart and lungs,” He told me calmly. He pressed the cold metal to my chest under the weird gown I was wearing. I flinched when the freezing metal touched me, this made him laugh slightly and say sorry. After that he put two fingers in the middle of my wrist and kept time. He did a lot of weird things to me, but he told me what they were and how they can help me before he went back to Agent Romanoff. She stood still at the end of the bed.

“I’m going to get a nurse to come in and collect some blood samples. In the meantime, try to help her jog her memory. If she does remember something, tell me,” He told her in a strict voice as he walked out of the room. Agent Romanoff merely blinked in his direction, narrowing her eyes as he left. She wasn’t going to tell him squat if I did remember anything. This time I found that funny. I couldn’t help the way my mouth twisted as an airy giggle bubbled up from my stomach. Agent Romanoff turned to me when she heard me, a knowing smile curled one side of her mouth as she untied her arms from over her chest and came back to my side. She sat down in the very uncomfortable looking chair beside the bed and looked me over a few times.

“I’m guessing you remember more than you’re letting on,” She supposed in a light voice. I side eyed her soundlessly. I swallowed down hard and moved my gaze away from her to look at my feet.

“But you’re not going to talk because they conditioned you not to.” She leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees. My body hardened in place, making me look like one of those things in the art gallery I remember going to. My heart started to race inside my chest. I felt a familiar currant rush through my mind like an avalanche.

“Those people can’t hurt you anymore. You can talk freely now. You can talk to me about anything that comes to mind,” She said in a soft but sure way. The feeling of protectiveness never faltered from her; it was joined by something new. I didn’t know what that feeling was. It made me feel like I could trust her. I glared down at my covered feet, not knowing if this was a trap.

“Zero,” I whispered quietly, dragging my stare from my feet to meet her gaze. “-My name is Zero.” She tilted her head at me silently. Her lack of saying anything made me bring my gaze back to my feet. From the corner of my eye I saw her stick out her hand towards me. I jumped a bit and scooted further to the other side of the bed.

“My name is Natasha, but you can call me Nat,” She chirped at me in an upbeat tone. I furrowed my brows and looked at her confusedly. Why was she holding her hand out to me? What is this? Is this some sort of test. It didn’t matter, when she saw I wasn’t about to do whatever she wanted me to do, she let her extended arm fall down.

“You’re in a hospital in New York. Do you know where that is?” She asked curiously. I eyed her up for a moment, pressing my lips together.

“No,” I replied weakly, shaking my head.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Natasha questioned with an arched eyebrow. That was a good question. What is the last thing I remember? The crease between my brows deepened as I dug deeper through the thick fog of my mind, hoping I’d find something, anything.

“Catalyst. Alpha. Temptation,”

“-No! Sweetie, do not say those words!” Natasha jumped to her feet with an appearance of pure horror. I jumped too, almost falling off the side of the bed. I stared at her wide eyed, even as she lowered herself back down onto the chair.

“Those are bad words. Never ever say them,” She explained concisely. Natasha was looking at me with a look of something I’ve never seen before. Her reddish-brown eyebrows were pulled together slightly, and her eyes were soft, her mouth formed a small frown. The look of fear was gone. I turned my head away from her, staring across the room and the white wall in front of me. Upon closely inspection I saw it wasn’t white, it was a pale shade of blue silver. My brows fell together again as vague fragments of things started to fill my mind.

“You have important work to do, Zero. Very important indeed,” I whispered, chasing the words that belonged to a man I once, maybe, possibly, knew.

“And what work is that?” Natasha quizzed curiously. Mindlessly, I turned to face her again.

“Hurting bad people,” I muttered quietly. Her body tensed ever so slightly but the softness in her eyes and the look of something I didn’t know stayed on her face. I don’t know why it brought me some joy to see her uncomfortable, to know her weakness.

“I hurt bad people.” I had to say it again to make sure I was right; I did hurt bad people and that’s what I remember. The discomfort on Natasha’s body became almost unbearable to see. But I couldn’t look away.

“My mission!” I exclaimed as I jumped towards Natasha on the bed. “-I have a mission!” I pulled the blanket from my legs. My eyebrows tugged together at the sight of hot pink painting my toenails. Natasha sneered light heartedly, catching my attention.

“A pretty girl deserves a pretty colour,” She said, getting up from the chair. She sat down on the bed beside my knees, her hands in her lap.

“And there is no mission. I came to get you, so you don’t have to go on another mission, remember?” She told me kindly. My edgy body relaxed but confusion made my mind all wishy washy.

“But those people are going to hurt me if I don’t,”

“No.” She interrupted in a soft voice. “-Those people cannot hurt you anymore. I’ll make sure they won’t, even if it’s the last thing I do.” Her bright eyes stayed on me in a such a way that made me feel comfortable and warm inside. I’m going to assume she wasn’t lying to me when she said those people from before couldn’t hurt me anymore. Before I could say anything, another woman came into the room, carrying a tray of things. She told me she was here to collect some blood from me. Natasha stayed seated on the bed beside me and watched the nurse carefully. The sound of beeping picked up a fast pace as the nurse rubbed a cotton ball over my crook of my arm. Fear started to pulse through me. I didn’t know what was going on. What does taking blood samples entail?

“This won’t hurt a bit,” The nurse said cheerfully. A flash of silver caught my eye as it approached my arm. Something from the deep dark unknown of my mind jumped forward.

_I couldn’t move, the thick sweat soaked brown straps held my wrists against the icy cold metal on the arms of the chair. Another strap tightly held my head in place, forcing me to face the screen of flashing images. If I closed my eyes a painful shock was burst from my skull, electrocuting down my spine and into every part of my body. There was a needle in my arm, forcing a clear liquid into my body. It made me sleepy but every time my eyes closed; I’d be zapped. I didn’t like it here. I wanted to go back to Dr. Cummings. I want to go back to the compound, my room, my cot. I’d take the tank over this any day. _

_“Catalyst,” A man’s voice came over the speaker to the room. My tired body clenched at the word. A shock of pure fire screamed from my temples to my toes. My teeth ground together as my heart began to race, making my already exhausted body even more spent. _

_“Alpha.” Zap._

_“Temptation.” Zap. Tears began streaming down my face as the pain increased and the blood in my head threatened to come pouring out. _

_“Please, stop,” I begged shakily, tightly shutting my eyes. Zap. _

_“Hyde.” Zap._

_“Endangered.” Zap. The world was beginning to fade into a blackness. My vision was decreasing as my eyelids drooped down. _

_“Revenge.” Zap. Another jolt shook me back to consciousness, but it didn’t last. If anything, everything was going dark faster now. _

_“Indigo.” Zap._

“No!” I jumped when an explosion of electricity came from my mind, causing everything in the room to jump towards the walls and the monitors to dance with sparks. I scattered into Natasha’s lap, tying my arms around her shoulders. I tried to melt into the red-haired woman, hiding from the images that engulfed my mind.

“No!” I cried. “-No, no, no, no!” I sobbed into her chest with my eyes tightly closed. I felt her arms wrap around me tightly as she hushed me. My body quivered in her arms as the memory of those things continued to play in my head. It was like a dam broke in my mind and everything came crashing out. Including the voice of a man I knew but couldn’t place.

“_That was very childish, Zero_.”


	14. Coming Undone

“That was very childish, Zero,” I muttered bitterly to myself for umpteenth time, sitting on the tiled floor with my back pressed against the cold steel wall. I could do nothing but sit there twiddling my thumbs and wait for my sentencing. The longer I sat alone the more bitter I grew. And there was nothing I could do about it. My holding cell was basically a dead zone for my abilities, thanks to a currant of electricity fencing me in. I don’t understand the science behind it. I just knew I could do nothing beyond the walls that enclosed me. Inside the room I could use my abilities a bit. Which surprised me because when I’ve been in here before I was unable to use them but today, I managed to fling the gurney from one side of the room to the other without having to touch it. But no matter how hard I tried; I couldn’t get beyond these goddamned walls. I couldn’t unlock the steel door. I couldn’t get into other people’s minds. I couldn’t find Bucky. Nor Steve or anyone else for that matter. And this frustrated me to the point of unrelenting anger.

“Very childish indeed,” I uttered lowly, throwing a pebble that had been lodged in the sole of my shoe across the room. My gaze ran from the pebble bouncing against the tiled floor to the camera mounted at the top of the wall in the far corner. I narrowed my eyes at it, shooting a deathlike glare in its direction. I knew someone was watching me. There’s always someone watching me.

This knowledge triggered me to gather myself to my feet and waltz over to the corner where the camera was, standing directly in its view.

“Are you happy now?” I quizzed it curiously. The red light on the camera flashed absently at me. This only made me more irritated. “-I’m confined! Like a fucking wild animal at the circus!” I shouted furiously. The frustration and anger within me produced my body quake aggressively under my clothes. The side-effects of that dream were long gone now. Now I was just pissed.

“I’m back to square one. Locked away in a room somewhere, god knows where,” I deafeningly yelled. _Blink, blink, blink_. I shrugged my shoulders, slapping the sides of my thighs defeatedly.

“So, what now? You gonna throw my brain in a blender until I can’t even remember who I am? So that I’m submissive to your every whim? That makes you no better than they are!” I cried. I hated that. I hated the idea that the people who were supposed to protect me were going to put me through the same things the people who used me did. All because of what? All because of that damn contract. That contract is the reason we’re all here in the first place. No, we’re all here because of that Wanda chick. If she hadn’t had thrown that bomb into that building people wouldn’t have died, world leaders wouldn’t have had the need to put their noses where they don’t belong and make that contract, without that contract world leaders wouldn’t have met up in Vienna where that bomb went off and Bucky wouldn’t be accused of murdering innocent people.

But I refused to blame a person for making human mistakes. No matter how angry I am at them for the things their actions resulted in. Wanda didn’t intend on doing what she did. So, the question is: Who should I blame? Do I blame the bad guys who set the bomb off? The biochemists for creating the biological weapon the bad guys were after? Science for leading those biochemists to creating that weapon? Where does the blame begin? Where does it end?

“Answer me, you cowards,” I hissed through my gritted teeth. I stood there, staring at the camera. I knew someone would be watching me. Tony would be watching me; he’s always watching me. _Blink, blink, blink_. That damn camera. The more it blinked at me the angrier I grew.

My hands had balled up into tight fists, I could feel my fingernails digging into the soft flesh of my palms. They impaled the flesh until tiny tarns of blood pooled around the short blunt fingernails. Thoughtlessly, I threw my hands up in the air as a jolt of electricity surged through my head. The small camera that was propped on the wall went sailing across the room until it smashed into tiny pieces against the wall behind me and landed on the floor in a scattered mess. All that was left of the camera were the remains on the floor and the wire that hung loosely from the wall where it once was. I let out an annoyed huff of hot air, my unclenched hands at my sides.

“Try watching me now,” I cursed under my breath. Soundlessly, I went back to my spot along the far wall and sat down on the cold tiled floor. My arms hung over my knees as I stared at the shards of camera spread around the floor. Shame rushed through me with all the other emotions I was feeling.

“That was very childish, Zero,” I repeated, evidently overwhelmed with everything that’s happened in the last few days. I let out another defeated sigh, dropping my head back against the cold steel wall. My eyes closed as tears started to swell up and threatened to come bucketing out. I despised crying but after everything that has happened in the space of forty-something hours, it was all too much. I choked on a sob that crawled up from my heavy chest. My head dropped between my shoulders as the tears came spilling down my face, my chest heaved with sobs and my sore body trembled with unknowing.

My friends were at war with each other and there was nothing I could do about it. Not a single thing. I saw those people every day for six years. I fought along side them. I laughed with them. I cried with them. I hurt the real bad people with them. None of us want to hurt others but sometimes, that’s what it takes to keep the world safe. I spent almost every day for six years of my life with them. They know things about me that I don’t even know. And I know things about them I’m sure they don’t even know about themselves. I always thought that if I was kind enough it’d travel to the past and undo all the things that hurt them. I know I’m small and weak, and I only know so many words, but I do know how to be kind. And I believe, sometimes, that can change the world on its own.

Tony was like a father to me. Everything I know about technology and science is because of him. When I got into trouble in school, he’d ground me and give me lectures about doing the right things. When I did a good job, he’d give me a high five and pat on the back. He’d let me sit in the corner of his office and watch him work, not knowing what he was building or why he was building it. Eventually I’d understand, not to the same degree he did but I’d get it. He taught me how to cook even though he’s not too good at it either. We never really talked on a very personal level, but he’d listen to me rant about the stupid people in the world, especially at school, occasionally laughing at something I said. He wasn’t the greatest father, but he did a good job.

Natasha was basically my mother. There’s a story for you. An ex assassin taking an emotionally and mentally unstable teenage girl in as her daughter. People think she’s this cold-hearted bitch of a person. She’s not. That’s just her front. The reason she does the things she does is because she cares. I owe a lot to her. Any social interaction skills I have is because of her. My fighting skills and ability to lie through my teeth is because she taught me that. She taught me how to be a woman with a strong soul. She was so warm to me, up until I left for Wakanda. She’d sit with me and braid my hair while I talked about school and the very small group of friends I had, she even coaxed me into talking about boys. In the beginning I wasn’t at all interested in boys because I was still deprogramming, so she thought I was gay and started talking about girls. That made me laugh. After my first boyfriend she thought I just wasn’t out yet. I’ve had to assure her on more than one instance that I wasn’t sure what I was. She’d tell me it was alright; I didn’t have to choose sides. So, I never did.

Steve was the same way. Oh, big brother Steve. The poster boy for old school America’s propaganda agenda. Steve has never been the best candidate for conservatives or republicans. He’s all for freedom of the people, he doesn’t care how you express your freedom as long as it doesn’t hurt others. I took him to his first pride parade when I was seventeen. He was elated to see how far we’ve come as a society and learning how to let people be themselves. Steve set the standards for how I should expect to be treated by anybody, but mainly boys. Even though he didn’t care if I wasn’t really interested in them during my teens. The moment we met he took the title of big brother, taking me in under his wing. Teaching me endurance and determination. Steve is the epidemy of a good guy, even though he’s a criminal now. We taught each other a lot. We were both in a world we didn’t know how to operate in.

Clint and Bruce were like those weird uncles everyone has. Clint more than Bruce. They always knew just how to make me laugh even when I didn’t want to smile. Clint taught me how to use a bow and arrow at an expertise level. He taught me a whole vocabulary of colourful words to use. Tony was not pleased when I used them on him one day. Bruce and I had a lot of late-night talks about managing our emotions and dealing with the past, and the things we’ve done in the past. He was my meditation buddy until I moved away for school, and then he went MIA with Thor, who is also kind of like one of those strange uncles. He gave me my first beer. I was only sixteen at the time and Tony went ape when he found out. Said I was only sixteen, I was underage. Thor laughed and gave me another beer, saying I was a growing girl. To say I was grounded for a month would be an understatement. He was seething mad but only because he cared. From that point on Thor only gave me beers when Tony wasn’t around. He didn’t understand why Tony was so mad, so I had to explain the laws of our world to him. But that didn’t stop him. It didn’t stop Clint either, whenever he saw fit, he’d let me have a few beers with him and Natasha.

And now we’re divided. I’m taking a calculated shot in the dark when guessing we’re always going to be divided. Even if we fix this, nothing will ever be the same. My family will never be the same. I’ve heard of broken homes; I knew kids from school who came from broken homes. I was always grateful that even though my family and home were unconventional, it wasn’t broken. But now… I don’t know. Knowing my family is broken, it makes it hard to breathe. Like there’s a million pounds sitting on my chest.

“This is how the world ends. This is how the world ends. _This_ is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but a whimper,” I quoted T.S Eliot to myself as the sobs subsided. I let my head fall back against the wall again. A shaky exhale passed through me. My tearful eyes staring directly ahead. I swallowed down hard, my mouth battling the frown that eventually won.

“I just need a goddamn miracle,” I uttered to myself as my eyes slipped closed. The darkness behind my eyelids became darker suddenly. My brows knitted together as my eyes popped open again in confusion. The room was engulfed in blinding darkness. I could hear the faint sounds of chatter in the hallway.

“What the…?” I muttered to myself confusedly. My ears perked up when I heard something from a far away place. It wasn’t coming from the hallway like the other voices, it was like there was a com in my head. But I wasn’t using my abilities to hear anything, not intentionally at least.

“_What the hell is this?_” I immediately recognized the voice as Bucky’s. He sounded confused and scared. I jumped to my feet in exhilaration. He’s alive! Bucky isn’t dead! But something’s happening. And it’s nothing good. I could feel it in the atmosphere. And somehow, I was feeling extremely scared and unsure. _Bucky_. He needs my help. He’s in danger. Natasha always told me to trust my instincts and right now my instincts are telling me something was about to go very wrong and I needed to help my friend.

I grabbed the handle of the steel door and pulled with all my might until the door opened. The sound of metal crashing to the floor filled the darkness as I bolted from my holding cell.

“_Let’s talk about your home, James. Not Romania. And certainly not Brooklyn. I mean your real home_.” I didn’t know this voice. It belonged to a man. He had an accent, German, possibly Russian. I couldn’t make it out. It made my legs carry me faster through the dark corridors, dodging people who were just freaked out by the power being off. No one seemed to notice it was me who was running by them, no guards, no security, no one. I didn’t know this building, but the sound of Bucky’s voice was like a lighthouse in the literal darkness.

“_Longing_,” The unidentified man said in Russian. “-_Rusted_,” He added confidently.

“_No,_” He whimpered weakly. The adrenaline pumping through my veins quadrupled when I heard the untainted fear in his voice.

“_Furnace, daybreak_,” I was confused as to what these words meant. Why was he saying them? What the _hell_ is going on? My brain was being assaulted by all these things at once. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t think at all. It was like I was back to my old ways again, mindlessly doing something beyond my own control.

“_Stop_,” Bucky’s voice snarled in my ear, complete and utter fear dripping from it. That’s when it clicked in my head. Those are Bucky’s trigger words. Just like mine. This man was trying to activate his brainwashing to control him. I pushed my legs to carry me faster, I had to get there quickly to stop whatever this mystery man from hurting Bucky, or anybody else for that matter.

“_Seventeen._” The sound of metal bending rang in my ears. A panicked feeling was crushing my chest as I blindly searched for the room, they were in. I needed to see the room they were in but no matter how hard I tried to see, I couldn’t. Great, so now my abilities are being picky with me. I usually have the reign on them, use them when I please but now they’re being difficult.

_“Benign, nine,_” Metal plummeting against something filled my ears repeatedly with low grunts. The fear I was feeling wasn’t just my own. It was as though his emotions were bleeding into me. But I wasn’t anywhere near him.

_“Homecoming, one…. Freight car_,” Silence. There was nothing. The added fear I was feeling was gone. I don’t know what was more terrifying, hearing and feeling the sheer panic or there being nothingness. Now that there was nothing, I was flying blind. I couldn’t find them. The lighthouse’s light went out and I was lost at sea, sailing dangerously close to the rocky shoreline.

I stilled in the dark, vacant hallway. My heart made like a hummingbird in my chest and my breaths came out quick and ragged. My gaze shot all around me as I spun in place, trying to find the place I needed to be. I needed to find Bucky. I needed to make sure he didn’t hurt someone, or himself. He wasn’t in his right mind and if the order still stands, he will be killed on sight. That’s when the idea popped into my head. I’m unquestionably not the only person looking for Bucky right now. Steve, Tony and whoever else was here, they’d be trying to apprehend him too. If I can find one of them, I’ll find Bucky.

“Okay El. Just relax and find one of them,” I told myself, shaking my shoulders and arms of the nerves that rattled through me like an earthquake. It only semi worked. I was still being pumped full of trepidations. I took a steadying breath and closed my eyes, almost instantaneously being plunged into the many images and sounds that gathered around the people I was trying to find. But it wasn’t like it was before. It was like everything was being stacked on top of one and other. It was like a bad slide show put together last minute by a teenager trying to meet a deadline for a school project. I couldn’t make out who was who or who was where. It all seemed to merge into one. Something was wrong. This has never happened before.

I opened my eyes and growled at myself before reclosing my eyes. This time I pushed myself further into the mess that was happening all around me. To no avail it seems. Everything was just one big mess. Too many sights and sounds. Too many emotions.

‘_C’mon brain. Work!_’ I mentally scolded myself as I tried with all my might to try and see. I clenched my teeth, balling my fists and concentrated harder. I needed to sort this out. I could feel frustrated tears making rivers down my face as panic set in heavier than before. I had to calm down. I had to re-center myself. I was too flustered. I was too emotional. My emotional mind stuttered over the memoirs of this morning and yesterday. How at home I felt when I was with someone who knew exactly what I’ve been through. How peaceful it was to be wrapped in his arms as he begged for any sort of warmth. How connected I felt to someone when our bodies were intertwined. I’ve envisioned how I’d experience my first time, most of the time it was with a stranger in a bar for a single night of fun just to get it over with. But with Bucky, it wasn’t that. It was how every girl first envisions losing their virginity; sweet, gentle, passionate and to someone who understands the value of physical affection.

_“You’re not afraid of it?” _

_“No.”_

_“Are you?” _

_“A bit. It’s hurt too many people,” _

_“So, did this. But that’s not who I am anymore. Now, I use it to help people.” _

I nearly soared halfway to heaven in surprise when the sound of a nickname roared through my mind like a mac truck on a highway. _Păpuşă_. That’s what Bucky called me. Yesterday, he called me păpuşă. He called me păpuşă in a moment of weakness and affection. The nickname violently wrenched me to a scene on the roof. Steve was there, and I’m assuming Bucky was here too. There was a helicopter that was in shambles at the edge of the building, threatening to tip over the edge. All the air in my lungs vanished when I saw a metal hand wrapped around Steve’s throat tightly. My eyes found the unhinged blues hidden within the wrecked helicopter. Blind terror took hold of me as I stood there staring at the man who wasn’t the same man I was with this morning. This wasn’t Bucky. This man was the Winter Soldier. But as scared as I was, with all the unpleasant memories of my encounters I’ve had with the Winter Soldier, I needed to help Bucky. He was still in there somewhere. I needed to help him. And the only way I knew how to save him may kill him, and Steve. But it’s the only plan I could come up with on a whim.

Without much of a plan, I raised my hands as a warm tingly feeling rushed through my fingertips. The disassembled helicopter groaned as it shifted against the edge. I strode forward with my hands still raised. Along with the tingly feeling coursing through my fingertips, a pressure was pressed against them. It was as though I had been touching something. The metal helicopter screeched against the concrete as it tipped. I gulped down hard when Bucky’s eyes darted over to me. They fixated on me and memories came crashing through me. Every time he’d seen me while we were in Siberia and then New York. They were his memories; they were memories of the orders he’s been given that involved me. Although, glimmers of softer, kinder memories flashed between the colder, darker ones. My eyebrows fell together in sympathy. Reluctantly, tears came spilling down my face.

“I’m so sorry.” The words came out in a soft breath. My heart palpitated when I watched as the helicopter slid off the edge with Bucky still inside and Steve hanging onto the outside while Bucky hung onto his throat. The sight of them vanished from in front of me as I collapsed to my knees breathlessly. The sound of something big and heavy crashing into water filled the hum of the city. The sights and sounds that surrounded me vanished in the blink of an eye, and I was back in the hallway again. Kneeling in the middle of the empty dark corridor. I was alone again.


	15. Hanging on to Yourself

They say it’s better to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission. I think I understand why that is. When you ask for permission, you’re silently hoping the other person sees what you see and wants to do the same thing you want to do. There’s always the off chance they don’t see what you see or don’t want to do what you think is appropriate. Asking for permission is giving the other person the power to control you, and they know it. Whereas if you ask for forgiveness, it’s saying you don’t care if they approve or not. You did something that stepped on someone’s toes or got on their nerves, and you don’t really care. Asking for forgiveness means you fought for something you believed was the right thing, regardless of what others say. And right now, I’m past asking for either. I don’t want nor need permission or forgiveness. I know what the right thing is, and I’ll step on as many toes as I please to protect that. If they want to punish me after this is all said and done with then they can do their worst. I’ve been to hell and back already. I’m not afraid of what they’ll do to me. Throw me in a cell for the rest of my life. Throw my brain in a blender and make it so I don’t know who I am. Kill me. I don’t care anymore. Do your worst._ Bring it_.

Before the lights came back on, I snuck down to the evidence locker to grab my bag which had been confiscated from my hotel room when I was brought in. It was very easy to do so seeing as the power was still out and the building had been evacuated, there was no one to be seen. And it was even easier to walk out the front door. Everybody was in a frenzied state, and my so-called teammates were far too busy trying to find where Steve and Bucky, as well as Sam, had gone to. I bet they didn’t even notice I was gone. But that idea soon vanished when a newscast came on in the downstairs sports bar, I was a wanted fugitive and all of Europe is on the lookout for me.

Luckily for me, I found an abandoned apartment to hide out in for a little while. I snuck in through a broken window. I listened to the constant news broadcasts booming through the creaky floorboards from the sports bar below me. My German isn’t great, but I do remember some of it. I learned the language while I was still with Dr. Cummings, a research assistant spoke it, so they taught me. I guess in Dr. Cummings’ eyes it looked good on my resume. It still does.

So, I quietly squatted in the abandoned apartment, listening to the broadcasts while trying to come up with a new plan. 

“_Police are on the hunt for Winter Soldier; James Barnes, Captain America; Steven Rogers, Sam Wilson and Elena Dalca, who’ve escaped custody earlier today. If seen do not approach, call Berlin police immediately._” 

I sighed to myself worryingly. I sat on the cold wooden floor with my back pressed against the concrete wall. I had to quickly come up with a plan of attack. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Time is of the essence. And there isn’t much time left. None of us have much time left. We’ve made our choices and we need to see this through. And then we need to face the penalties that come with our choices. If anything from earlier is an indication of what my punishment is, I’m okay with that. Because I know I did the right thing. _I know it_.

I leaned over, grabbing my backpack from nearby and pulled it into my lap. I rummaged through the black bag and pulled out the brown leather-bound journal I took everywhere with me. I wrote down some of my happiest memories in it, in case I ever needed to be reminded of the good times and why I fought for them. Glued to one of the pages in the journal was a picture that brought a brave smile to my face. It was the day I from graduated high school. Everybody was there to show me how proud they were. I was smooshed between Natasha and Steve, Tony stood sheepishly to the side with his hands in his pockets. I looked so happy, everyone looked so happy. Steve beamed with pride; a smile spread across his face as a strong arm was slung over my shoulders. Nat even wore a smile, pointing at my diploma. Tony wasn’t smiling but I knew he was proud of me. I was proud of me. I hated the royal blue gown I had to wear all day in the early summer heat, but I was still grinning like an idiot.

I’m always pleasantly surprised that I even graduated. I thought I’d be expelled long before then. I was fresh out of hell and then I was suddenly thrown ass over tea kettle into the school system. I had no patience and no tolerance for obeying anyone besides the people I knew wanted to genuinely better me, most teachers were only there for the paycheck. I disliked people who are like that. If you want to pursue a career then you need to do it because you love it, because you want to make a difference in the future.

My smile faded as I trailed my fingers over the next page beside the picture. I don’t believe in god or the devil, or heaven or hell but there are a few things I’ve learned from the bible. There are very valuable lessons I’ve gotten from it. And the one I’ve taken to heart and hold closely to my heart every day is a quote from 1st Corinthians 13:4-8.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

A tidal wave of memories flooded my mind. People, places and moments of my life flashed through my thoughts like lightning strikes. They are the reasons I fought, the reasons I fight still. For six years I fought to be a person I’d be proud of, a person my friends and family would be proud of. Two years ago, they told me to run because they love me. I ran because I couldn’t bare the idea of letting people die for me if I got recaptured, and I know they’d fight for me. They’d fight until their last breaths to make sure I’m safe and free from being used as a weapon of mass destruction. I fought along side them because I was finally seeing the beautiful part of the world, the love and happiness people shared, and I chose to fight for that. Even when my own life was in danger. Why? Because I had something worth fighting for. I wasn’t being used as a weapon to win a prideful war. I was willingly fighting for the people who couldn’t, so they could wake up in the mornings and continue to love. My family loves me, and I love my family. And at one point, in some sick and twisted way, Bucky was apart of my family. When we were with hydra, we were all we had. We were family. He is my friend, and I’ll fight for him, so he has the opportunity to wake up every day for the rest of his life and love. Love protects. Love never gives up hope.

“I choose to fight for love,” I told myself surely, pulling a picture from a page in my notebook. With no hesitation, I threw the notebook back into my backpack and rose up to my feet. I stripped myself of my recognizable clothing, throwing them into the corner for whatever squatter to take. In my backpack was a change of clothes I always carried with me in case of urgencies.

I shimmied into the black tactical pants, but not before I examined the dark purple and blue marks that spotted my legs. The evidence of the fight I had with Natasha littered my legs, and there was the clear imprint of a boot on my ribs from where she knocked the air right out of me. There was a small puncture wound on my lower abdomen from where Tony stabbed me with the needle. I scowled at the indications of a fight, knowing who put them there and why they’re there in the first place. Quickly, I brushed off the newly found negative feelings I had harboured towards my family and refocused on why I was fighting them, and who I was fighting for.

I did the loose fitting pants up, looping a belt through the beltloops to keep the pants from falling down from my narrow hips. I pulled on a black long-sleeved shirt that had no logos on it. I carefully brushed my hair up into a sloppy bun to keep my jungle of curls out of my face and hid it further under the burgundy hat. I looped a black scarf around my neck before throwing my black leather jacket on. The only thing I couldn’t change were the old rundown converse I’ve been wearing the last couple of days.

I bent down to pick the picture up from the floor. The picture was relatively new, although the image was older than I was. I got the picture from archives just after Steve woke up. On the back of the picture was Steve’s handwriting, reading _The_ _Howling Commandos, 1943_. Originally, I got it for him, but he let me keep it. He said I needed it more than he did, saying:

‘_Keep it as a reminder to yourself, that the right things to do are rarely the easy things to do_.’

My brows creased together as I looked at the old image of the group of men gathered together for this specific photo. The two best friends stood shoulder to shoulder with straight faces, although it was evident that grins threatened the corners of their mouths. Two best friends who would do anything for each other. They’d go to the end of the world for each other. They’re not best friends, they’ve beat that long before this photo was taken, long before they were grown men. They’re brothers in arms. Always have been. Always will be.

I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes. The image engraved into the backs of my eyelids. My surroundings faded away as I delved further into the darkness in attempts to find them. The sounds of the bar below my feet and the busy streets beyond the walls lowered until they were mere hums in the distance.

The deep breath I had taken slipped past my lips as I opened my eyes. Confusion took hold of me as I stood in a parking garage. It was empty of people; vacant cars lined the parking slots neatly. My eyebrows tied together strongly as I glanced around, eyeing the almost empty garage for who I was looking for. But I couldn’t find them. Where were they? They weren’t here. So, why was I here? Where is _here_?

I jumped when a loud roar filled the space around me, vibrating my body from the soles of my boots up through my bones. I turned to see where the sound came from. I watched as a large airplane went speeding past me across the tarmac. I was at an airport. Why was I here? Why weren’t they here? What’s going on? I don’t understand.

Cautiously, I strode towards the edge of the garage to see further where I was. I looked around the tarmac, watching planes landing and taking off down the runways. My gaze was drawn to a hanger about a quarter of a mile away from where I was standing. My instincts screamed at me that something was going to happen here. Whatever is going to happen is inside the enclosed hanger.

An ultimatum of understanding clicked in my brain when I snapped back to myself, standing in the vacant room above the bar. I looked down at the picture and nodded in knowing.

“I don’t know where you are. But I know where you’re going.”


	16. When It Feels Like You're Going Through Hell

_2012_

_The traffic filled journey from school back to the tower was bursting with awkward silence, even though I knew there was going to be a lot to talk about when we got back to the tower. I was denied the privilege of sitting in the front seat, so I occupied the backseat. Slouched in the backseat on the passenger side with my arms tied over my chest and my hardened gaze drilling at the outside world. The day’s happenings droned on inside my head over and over again, trying to figure out where I went wrong. What did I do that was so bad? I don’t understand. Why was I the one to get into trouble? And I knew I was in trouble. Big, deep trouble. Usually when I get into hot water at school Natasha or Ms. Potts comes to mediate. This time though, Mr. Stark was the one to show up. I knew he had an extremely busy day today, so I knew I was in very deep shit when he was the one to walk through the principal’s office door instead of one of the level-headed women. _

_Mr. Stark trailed me as I stormed my way from the parking garage through the tower to the residency floor, dragging my heavy backpack behind me, it nicked my heel with every other step. In the common area was Steve. He appeared to be trying to figure out how to work the dummy tablet Mr. Stark got him to practise with. His bright blues landed on me and a smile erupted across his face. _

_“Hey Elena, how was…” Steve chirped lively but was soon cut off by Mr. Stark’s booming harsh voice demanding me around like I’m some kind of detainee. _

_“No! No socializing. Go straight to your room and do whatever homework you have.” I scowled at his order, narrowing my eyes at the ground as I stopped in the middle of the dinning area. Steve’s sparkling expression was wiped away when he witnessed the scene unfolding. _

_“I don’t have any homework,” I growled over my shoulder at Mr. Stark. _

_“Then sit in the corner and think about what you did!” He shouted at him angrily. My entire demeanor hardened; my lips tightly pursing, nostrils flaring, and my hands balled up firmly. _

_“This is complete bullshit!” I yelled in an equally angry tone. Mild shock filled the room immediately after my statement. I knew Steve didn’t like this kind of language and Mr. Stark didn’t like it when I used this kind of language against him. I didn’t have to turn around to see the shock on Mr. Stark’s face had swiftly turned back to anger and annoyance. Now he knows how I feel. _

_“No, you wanna know what **is** complete bullshit?” Mr. Stark questioned through his gritted teeth as he appeared in front of me with his arms crossed over his puffed-out chest. His face and neck were red, and his dark eyes pierced into me like a stab wound. I stared at him, shooting daggers through him. My demeanor never changing or softening. _

_“Your school calling me every other day, telling me you’ve gotten into trouble. Getting into fights with other students and arguing with teachers. I’ve had to convince them not to expel you on more than one occasion. And this time I had to pay them to keep you there. **And** I had to pay the family of the kid who’s shoulder you dislocated so they wouldn’t press charges against you. What is your problem, Elena? Huh? I am giving you everything a teenager could possibly want, and you repay me by being stupid. How’s that for complete bullshit?” Mr. Stark bellowed at me coldly, his face turned a deep shade of red. I’m sure mine was a matching shade, judging by the heat filling my face. I didn’t like being called stupid. Nobody does. But I specifically despise being called stupid. I’ve worked my ass off to get to where I am now, to prove myself as an intelligent human being and being called stupid only throws my past in my face. _

_To avoid any further altercations, I pressed by Mr. Stark, purposely throwing my shoulder into his as I went by. He called at me, telling me this conversation wasn’t finished yet as he went to chase me. But he never got the chance to. A burst of energy slammed through my head as the sound of the dinner table screeching across the floor to intervene his course towards me. It was followed by the full bookcase slamming against the floor as I stormed away, obscuring the mouth of the hallway heading towards the rooms. I marched heavily into my room, smashing the solid wood door shut as hard as I could, to let everyone know just how angry I am. _

_I threw my backpack across the room and instantly began pacing the space I was given and am apparently too stupid to deserve. My entire body shook with anger and my breath came out in heavy loud pants. I wrung my fisted hands as I paced. My mind raced through the whole day’s events. I knew what I did was the right thing. He deserved to have his shoulder dislocated and whatever other injuries I’ve given him. And whatever injuries I’m going to give him in the future if he continues on the path he’s on. _

_My pacing around seized when there was a series of three knocks on my door. I’m not sure how long I’d been in my room, the sun’s new position suggested it’s been a while. My eyes narrowed at the white painted door with a few jackets and hats hanging on the hooks on the back of it. Whatever anger I lost bubbled up again, knowing it was Mr. Stark at my door to finish the conversation we were having. _

_“What?” I snarled aloofly, turning my back away from the door to look out the window. My arms knitted over my chest tightly as the door opened a little bit then closed again. The sounds were gentle, unlike the noise in my head. _

_“I brought you some tea.” I heard Steve’s voice softly say. My hardened appearance softened when I turned to face the super soldier. He set the purple mug he got me for Christmas down onto my desk, along side another plain white mug. I couldn’t help but smile kindly at his gesture as I approached him. He brought two cups of tea; one for me and one for him. He wanted to talk with me. _

_“Thank you,” I spoke weakly. My gaze went from the two mugs on my desk to the blond-haired man standing in my room. Our eyes met briefly before I darted mine away from him. I noted he was looking me up and down, probably trying to figure out how much danger he’s in by being in here with me during my so-called temper tantrum. I heard him sigh heavily. _

_“Do you want to talk about what happened today?” He asked in a curious but kind voice. My eyes narrowed quickly at the question and my lips drew a tight grim line across my mouth. _

_“What’s there to talk about? You were in the room for this conversation; I got into trouble at school, Mr. Stark came and got me, he called me stupid and I stormed away,” I cut the long conversation short. I didn’t feel like telling Steve why I did what I did, in case he also calls me stupid or ungrateful. _

_“Okay…” He drew the word out uncertainly. “-Care to tell me why you dislocated that kid’s shoulder?” _

_“Because, I’m a bad person, Steve! I do bad things!” I snapped at him heatedly. My body began to vibrate with rage. Furious tears prickled at the corners of my eyes. I hated crying. It made me look weak or overly emotional. But hearing those words come out of my mouth, knowing very well I’ve spent the last four years trying to prove I’m not who I once was. Trying to prove I’m not the killer I was created to be. _

_My fiery emotions dissipated when I felt Steve’s large hands grip both of my shoulders firmly. He turned my body to face him, but I couldn’t look at him. Steve is the epidemy of a good guy, by all classifications. I wasn’t jealous of him or anything like that. Steve’s always been a good guy by all definitions, even before the super soldier serum. While I’ve always been the bad guy. And now I’m supposed to be the good guy. I made the choice to be the good guy. To help people rather than hurt them. But wherever I go my past is thrown in my face. When I fought alongside the Avengers not too long ago, to save the city from Loki, the newscasters called me a terrorist. Even though I was helping the good guys. People at school push me around to try and prove that I’m not as good as I’m trying to be, and sometimes I snap. I stop being their doormat and I push back. Then I get punished for it. _

_I sighed heavily and dragged my gaze to meet Steve’s soft blues. _

_“Frankie was bullying Ameer, again. Ameer came here with his family a few years ago from Syria to escape the war. Frankie has picked up the habit of pushing around the kids who can’t push back, not without serious consequences. Today Frankie went too far, he called Ameer a threat to this Country, he called him a terrorist. And I just snapped. I called him out on his fragile masculinity and then he tried to get physical with me, but I got to him first,” I explained the story of the day’s happenings with the least amount of detail as possible. I left out the parts about Frankie thinking he owned every girl in that school thus led him to think he could put his hands on them whenever he pleased. I left that part out because Steve’s smart, he would’ve figured out that since Frankie believes he owns every female at school and touches them how and whenever he wanted, it’d mean he has put his hands on me. I’ve known Steve for nearly two years and since the first day, he’s taken on the big brother role in my life. If Steve found out what the popular kids can get away with at that school, he’d go nuts and encourage me to fight back. But I can’t. He wouldn’t understand. _

_“The right thing to do is rarely the easy thing to do,” Steve said calmly. “-You did the right thing,” He added, firmly squeezing my shoulders with a slight smile. My eyebrows fell together in confusion. _

_“If I did the right thing then why am I being punished?” I asked in a small voice, but it held the venom and distaste I felt towards this whole entire situation. Steve’s smile faded into a slight frown. _

_“Because all those people saw was you attacking that Frankie kid. They didn’t see **why** you were attacking him,”_

_“-But they do know why I did what I did. And yet, they turned their backs on me. I don’t understand, why didn’t they stand up for me like I constantly stand up for them?” I was utterly confused by this. It didn’t make any sense to me. I put my butt on the line every time I stood up for them, and when asked about the situation they remain silent or say something different. I have their backs, but they don’t have mine. _

_“There are far more bullies in this world than I remember from way back in the day. I don’t like bullies and neither do you. You don’t stand for them and you do something about it. You’re not afraid of bullies. I wish I could say the same for others. People are afraid of bullies, even when someone stands up against them. Their actions aren’t a reflection of you, their actions reflect who they are inside.” It was Steve’s turn to do the explaining, but it didn’t convey me any peace. It only made me more upset. I couldn’t help but step out of his grasp and chuckle at the upset bubbling inside me like a fire heating a caldron. _

_“I’ve been alive for seventeen years, but I’ve had freewill for only four of them. I thought for sure, once I was free from those people it’d be easy for me to make the right choices and I’d be able to prove I’m not who I was created to be, but it’s so much harder than I’d have ever imagined. I feel so alien to this world, like I don’t belong, but I’m stuck here,” I softly thought, not meaning to go for sympathy points but I’m sure I got them anyways. I don’t want people to pity me, I want them to see me. The real me. To understand what I’ve been through and understand why I’m not adjusting to this world as well as I’m expected to. To understand that I need time to adjust in my own way, on my own time. _

_“I understand,” Steve expressed. I turned my head to face him, seeing the same lost expression I’ve worn for the last four years. He nodded as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans._

_“The world I left behind isn’t the same world I came back to. Everyone and everything I knew is gone. It’s hard to believe this is the same planet. I feel like an alien too.” Steve’s lost expression shifted into a strong one that read understanding and empathy rather than pity. He pulled his hands from his pockets and held out his arms for me. I didn’t hesitate to crash myself into his chest and wrap my arms around his middle. His strong arms wrapped around me too, his thumb stroking my shoulder gently. I felt his lips press against the top of my head firmly as he held me. _

_“My mom used to tell me, when it feels like you’re going through Hell, keep going.”_

“And walk through it like you own the place,” I added the newly made up extension of the saying Steve told me quietly to myself. My voice was muffled by the scarf I had covering my lower face, so the only person who heard what I said was me. I walked silently through the concrete parking garage with my hands in my jacket pockets. I was hoping to meet up with Steve and Bucky here, but I’ve wandered around this enormous garage for almost an hour, and still no one was to be found. I was starting to believe that maybe they weren’t going to show up here, maybe something changed, and they didn’t plan on coming here.

I sighed heavily to myself, hoping for any kind of sign for what to do next. Something. _Anything_! I didn’t care if I had to hightail it to a new location or if I had to keep wandering around this place, waiting for them to show up. I just needed to know what to do next. These past few days have been absolute Hell for me but I’m willing to keep walking through it if it means helping someone who needs it.

Suddenly, my attention was caught by the sight of a small blue car veering through the garage like a bat out of Hell, stopping in a space beside an old looking van. Three large men got out of the car and two people got out of the van. My heart immediately skipped a beat when I saw Steve, Sam, Clint and who I presumed to be Wanda; but best of all, Bucky. I felt a small wave of electricity surge through my entire body as I stood there elated and gobsmacked by the scene in front of me. Steve apologized to Clint for pulling him out of retirement and thanked him for coming. Wanda seemed happy to be there, despite the circumstances. Then there was another man there, one I didn’t know. He seemed groggy and way too enthusiastic to see Steve, he was more awkward than I am.

My gaze travelled from the awkward man and Steve to meet Bucky. He seemed to be back to a normal mindset. He appeared to be somewhat relaxed, even though he was looking around the garage as though he had a feeling something was off. I’m sure I was completely invisible to them. I must’ve done it as a coping mechanism, more like an automatic reflex. I couldn’t help the smile I wore as I took the brave steps towards them.

“Where’s the kid?” Clint asked uncertainly, his eyes bouncing from Steve to Sam. They looked at each other with saddened expressions, as though they thought the worst of my uncertain fate. I didn’t want them believing I was a goner, that I was captured and thrown away somewhere for the rest of my life. Or worse, I didn’t make it out alive. The tingly feeling of electricity coursing through my body stopped.

“I’m right here,” I said sullenly from a few feet away. Six heads snapped in my direction. Four expressions of relief were directed to me, two were neutral. In a split-second Bucky had strode over to me, engulfing me in a tight embrace. I could feel an awkwardness fill the air surrounding us; everyone didn’t know how to feel about this.

“Păpuşă,” He muttered into my hair. “-You’re safe,” He added in a relieved tone. How he said it, it was as though he was comforting himself rather than me. I could feel the tension leave his body, his muscles were less tense, and he was breathing normally. I couldn’t help but push myself further into his torso. I nodded.

“Yeah, I’m safe,” I repeated, this time it was to comfort myself instead of him. I pulled myself away from him, but his arms tried to keep my tightly held against him. I glanced away from the shell-shocked that engrossed his features to see the group of people looking at us in utter confusion. The strange man was looking over at Clint, mouthing the word _păpuşă_ with a confused expression. I couldn’t stop the awkward smile from nudging the corners of my mouth.

“Elena, how’d you know we’d be here?” Steve questioned sternly. My smile turned into a shit eating grin as I pulled the old photo out of my jacket pocket.

“Well, I used this picture to try and track you down. I don’t know what happened, but I was shown this place instead, so I came here,” I explained truthfully. Bucky took the photo from me, looking down at it in confusion but a glimmer of recognition lit up his eyes. A small smile bumped at the corner of his lips. Steve sighed heavily and shook his head.

“You shouldn’t have come,” He jeered. “-You should’ve run when you had the chance.”

“Oh_ boohoo_, Steve,” I snapped at him callously.

“This isn’t your fight,”

“Like hell it is!” I snarled forcefully.

“Păpuşă,” Buck said softly, putting his hand on my shoulder. “-This isn’t your fight. I’m not going to ask you to do this,” He uttered weakly. I spun around to face him again. Regret was scattered across his face. Instead of backing down in submission in respect, I sized him up, even though the height comparison was laughable. I was not about to back out of this. If they thought this was about me proving myself as anything, they’re wrong. I’m fighting because people need to be fought for, they need to know they’re worth fighting for.

“Ever since I was rescued from hydra, I’ve done nothing but protect the innocent. And _you,_ Bucky, are innocent. So, in short, the only way I’m backing down from this is if you lock me up somewhere or I’m killed.” I turned away from Bucky to face Steve once again. Steve looked at me like I was that little girl he met when he first woke up, scared and defenceless. Instead of reacting in annoyance or upset, I looked at him firmly and held my ground.

“The only thing you’ve asked me to do was to stand up for what I believe in. Please, let me do that,” I reminded Steve of the only thing he’s asked me to do. His face read fear but acceptance.

“We don’t know how this is going to end, are you prepared for the worst-case scenario?” Steve asked curiously. I nodded solemnly, knowing the full extent of the situation and the many ways it could end. But I needed to hold my ground. I can’t live my life running away from everything that goes bump in the night.

“I’m done running. It’s time to fight back.”


	17. If You Love Me.

“Păpuşă,” Buck said softly, putting his hand on my shoulder. “-This isn’t your fight. I’m not going to ask you to do this,” He uttered weakly. I spun around to face him again. Regret was scattered across his face. Instead of backing down in submission in respect, I sized him up, even though the height comparison was laughable. I was not about to back out of this. If they thought this was about me proving myself as anything, they’re wrong. I’m fighting because people need to be fought for, they need to know they’re worth fighting for.

“Ever since I was rescued from hydra, I’ve done nothing but protect the innocent. And _you,_ Bucky, are innocent. So, in short, the only way I’m backing down from this is if you lock me up somewhere or I’m killed.” I turned away from Bucky to face Steve once again. Steve looked at me like I was that little girl he met when he first woke up, scared and defenceless. Instead of reacting in annoyance or upset, I looked at him firmly and held my ground.

“The only thing you’ve asked me to do was to stand up for what I believe in. Please, let me do that,” I reminded Steve of the only thing he’s asked me to do. His face read fear but acceptance.

“We don’t know how this is going to end, are you prepared for the worst-case scenario?” Steve asked curiously. I nodded solemnly, knowing the full extent of the situation and the many ways it could end. But I needed to hold my ground. I can’t live my life running away from everything that goes bump in the night.

“I’m done running. It’s time to fight back.”

Steve’s plan was insane, to say the least. We all knew that getting to the jet wasn’t going to be an easy task. Especially when an announcement came over the intercoms of the airport, saying they were evacuating. Tony was here, and knowing him, he brought backup. I don’t know who all was with him, but I guessed his team included, Natasha, T’Challa, Rhodey and Vision. I wanted to say it was heartbreaking to know these people, who were once my family, are now on the opposite side as me. Now, I wasn’t angry or upset about it. I was emotionless. I was on a mission and I refused to fail it. From the memories I do have of being with hydra, I only failed one mission and in turn I was punished for it. I can’t fail my mission this time. I can’t. Nobody can afford to lose this fight.

“So,” Scott, the strange man from earlier, whispered from behind me as they began suiting up, minus me since I didn’t need some kind of super suit. “-You can turn invisible? That’s pretty cool,” He added nervously. I tore my gaze away from the tarmac and turned to see the giddy looking man in the red and black suit behind me. I couldn’t help but smirk internally at his comment.

“I can do more than just that,” I said unequivocally and went back to looking out at the empty airstrip. While everyone was getting ready, I took it upon myself to keep a lookout for any unknown dangers.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” He asked curiously. I sighed at his inquiry. I heard a small chuckle coming from Bucky, who was on the other side of the small blue punch buggy with Sam.

“You’ll see,” I replied shortly, keeping my eyes peeled for any signs of our upcoming fight. I could feel something coming. My gut was telling me to remain hypervigilant, stay on alert. Scott laughed anxiously and continued to fidget with his suit behind me.

“Can you fight?” He continued to ask meaningless questions. On one hand his questions and comments were distracting and annoying but on the other hand I understood. Scott wasn’t really one of us. Sure, he’s got that shrink suit and he was, at one point, a thief. But he wasn’t exactly what we’d call a super person. So, he must be pretty excited to be here, to help and do some good. I remember being just like him. I remember being wide eyed and bushy tailed about the idea of being a good guy for once. For the first time, I was truly a good guy, doing good things.

I turned to face him again with a cocked eyebrow.

“Can _you_?” I asked in return. His concerned expression prompted me to turn back around and keep my back to him. I’d rather not see the look on his face when I tell him the basic fact about my past. I was ashamed of my past and the things I’ve done. I was terrified of the things I’ve been remembering about it.

“I’m an ex Soviet assassin,” I uttered quietly. There was no comment after that, no questions; just a soft ‘_oh_’.

“Don’t worry, Tic-tac. The kid can hold her own,” Sam cheerfully added. I felt a small grin nudge the corner of my mouth. I turned slightly to see Sam and Bucky grinning to themselves and then at Scott. When Bucky saw me looking at him, his smirk vanished and her adverted his eyes away from me. His confidence was replaced by something I knew all too well, shame. My stomach knotted as I turned away from him. I crossed my arms over my chest and kept a keen eye on the airstrip in front of me.

Once everyone had gotten suited up, Steve had us all split up. Steve had me hang back a bit, wait for his word. I told him that if I saw things go south, I was hopping in with or without his word. I also loathed the fact that I wasn’t paired off with Bucky to protect him. I trusted Sam but I wanted to personally make sure Bucky got to the jet safely. Steve said it was best if that didn’t happen. I was on my own. It was mutually agreed that it was best if Bucky and I stayed as far apart as possible for some odd reason. I don’t know why they thought this was best, but I did know they knew something I didn’t. Steve, Bucky and Sam wouldn’t look at me for more than a few seconds. Notably Bucky. He refused to look at me once the idea that I was really here settled. It was like he was scared of me or something. Steve seemed sorrowful and so did Sam. It might just be the situation, but something was off. Something was very wrong. I can feel it. I didn’t want to trust my gut but so far, it hasn’t led me astray. It was telling me a storm was coming. Something bigger than just this fight. Something bigger than any of us.

Everyone was paired off but me. I stood alone by the emergency exit for the terminal, tapping my foot in anticipation. I was readying myself for a fight. I knew this was going to be one hell of a war, physically and mentally. If I know anything about Tony, he’ll try to play mind games with me. He’ll bring up everything I’ve done in the past to get me to surrender, but I couldn’t surrender. I didn’t want to. I had to do the right thing. I had to power through the pain of my past and keep fighting for what’s right.

I stopped tapping my heel abruptly when I felt someone standing behind me. There were no surges of electricity rushing through my mind but when I spun around with my hand held out in front of me, the person who was standing behind me was pushed flush against the concrete wall. I would’ve been saddened to see the red-haired woman in such a vulnerable situation but after everything that’s happened today, I felt nothing. She struggled against the invisible force pressing her against the wall. I saw she was unarmed. Well, at least she didn’t have anything visible to me; no needles. But I wasn’t about to give her the chance to attack me. She is the Houdini of weapons. She can pull them, seemingly, out of thin air.

“El,” She strangled out breathlessly. “-_Please_.” Her words shot me through the heart. Triggering me to release her from the firm grip that held her against the concrete. She staggered forward slightly and gasped for air. Although I doubted, she’d hurt me or apprehend me, I remained ready for any type of attack.

“What do you want?” I demanded in a cold tone of voice. Nat straightened herself out once she caught her breath. She stood in front of me casually; like she didn’t want to fight me. She wasn’t looking for a fight. If anything, she looked like she was ready to surrender. Which was a shocking sight to see.

“I want to help you,” She replied surely. My brows furrowed at her in confusion.

“Like you tried to help me in Romania?” I growled at her. A flash of sadness crossed her face briefly.

“Elena, _please_. There are things you don’t know about Barnes, things he’s done,” She stated.

“Whatever he did, it wasn’t him. And we both know that,” I said firmly. Natasha nodded at me with a frown.

“There are things about _you_ that you don’t know; or don’t remember. Things you’ve done in the past.” I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to make me question everything so I wouldn’t get in the middle of this. But there was no use in it, I was going to stand my ground and fight back.

“I had _no choice_. You know that.” My words came out as a low snarl. This must’ve caught her off guard since her face read true and utter sorrow.

“I know,” She whimpered. “-I know. I don’t want you getting too close to the truth though, it could ruin everything you’ve worked so hard for.”

“-I’ve lost everything! The only thing I have is the ability to fight for the truth and the innocent,” I retorted curtly. I didn’t care what the truth was. If the truth she speaks of can really ruin everything then I’ll still fight for it. The truth is the truth, it’s always worth fighting for. The only way we can grow as people, as a society, is through the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it is.

“You really don’t remember?” She asked with sadness and concern riddling her voice. This emotion only grew as I remained silent. I didn’t know what she was talking about. I know I’ve done terrible things while I was with hydra but what could I have done that was so terrible that Natasha was scared of it?

“You’re really gonna make me do this, aren’t you?” She questioned rhetorically. She was going to do whatever it was, whether I remembered or not. In this case, I quite frankly didn’t remember. I didn’t know what she was talking about. I couldn’t remember. Or maybe, I do remember. Maybe she’s referring to something I’ve done in the past and I’ve told her about. Either way, I didn’t know what she was going to do or say next.

“Istoki,” She whispered in Russian; her voice was barely audible, but I heard it. And it made my blood run cold. Sheer panic erupted from inside me; incapacitating me of any readiness I had. This time, when my body began to shake it wasn’t out of anger, it was out of fear. I didn’t understand why I was so scared of that word. Maybe it wasn’t the word I was scared of, but the meaning behind it. I was suddenly launched back into the feeling of being that little girl, hiding from the monsters. But I wasn’t that scared little girl anymore, being controlled by people with agendas. I had my own say in things, I could do as I please. I refuse to be that little girl again.

I took a steadying breath and shook my head at her.

“Nachala vsegda pryachutsya v kontsakh,” I told her sternly, telling her that beginnings always hide themselves in ends. All sadness and worry drained from her face as she looked at me, like a mother realizing her baby isn’t a baby anymore. She sighed at me with a slight frown.

“The jet is in hanger five. If you really want the truth, go to Siberia with them. I’ll do what I can to get Steve and Barnes to the jet,” She thought morosely. My brows fell together in confusion, but I quickly went into a defensive stance.

“A trap? Really, Nat? Do you really think I’m that stupid or naïve?” I demanded coldly. My hands formed fists as small waves of electric pulses surged through me. Natasha shook her head at me, her frown growing.

“Elena, I’m being serious. Nobody wants you fighting this battle. Nobody is going to win this, and I can’t bare the idea of losing you.” I was shocked when her voice began to waver with fear as she spoke. This told me she was being serious, and I had no choice but to trust her. Her mother hen self was showing very clearly right now. I could see the love and fear on her face. They were the same emotions I saw the day I first met her in that hospital.

_“Those people cannot hurt you anymore. I’ll make sure they won’t, even if it’s the last thing I do.”_

She told me that, that day. She made true on her promise so far, minus earlier today. But I can see why she did what she did. She’s my mom, in most ways, and she didn’t want me to get hurt. She didn’t want me to fight this fight because she didn’t want to lose me in any way. She’s doing what any mother would do. She was trying to prevent me from ruining my life, she was trying to stop me from paying the price of my actions.

“And when you get the truth, you need to run. Run and hide. Don’t contact me, or anyone on the team, or anyone from your past. I want you to be the person you’ve fought so hard to become,” She added sternly with tears forming in her eyes. I could only stand there and stare at her wide eyed. That must’ve been the hardest thing for her to ever say, and it’ll be the hardest thing for either of us to do.

Without thinking about it, I approached her quickly and engulfed her in a hug. She didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around me and hold me close to her. Truth be told, I didn’t want this moment to end. If we made true on this plan, this was going to be the last time I see her, let alone hug her.

“I love you…mom,” I uttered into the shoulder of her pleather suit. I could feel her begin to shake as she stroked my hair and hold me as tight to her as possible.

“I love you too,” She hummed unevenly. It sounded as though she was on the verge of crying. Nat pulled away from me, holding onto my shoulders with a strong expression masking the tears glossing her green eyes.

“Now go. Run,” She ordered in a sturdy way. I nodded at her as a surge of electricity pushed from the center of my brain, hiding me from sight of anyone. Even with my heart breaking inside my chest, I quickly and quietly made my way from my hiding spot to hanger five. When I turned back Natasha had joined Tony, Rhodey, T’Challa and Steve on the tarmac. I knew she wouldn’t be able to talk any sense into the men, so she did what she did best; she pretended to be a person she’s expected to be.

“There’s been a change of plans, Steve. The jet is in,”

“_The jet’s in hanger five._” Sam’s voice came through the coms, making me roll my eyes as I bolted towards the hanger.

“I was just about to say that, Sam,” I grumbled at him. “-I’m heading towards it now. I’ll get it ready to go. You guys just focus on getting here in one piece,” I said into the coms confidently.

“_El, no! You are not coming to Siberia with us. Get the jet ready then leave,_” Bucky coldly commanded. I huffed at his command annoyedly.

“Oh, piss off!” I shouted. “You bitched about me doing as I’m told without question and now, you’re bossing me around? Eat shit Bucky, I’m coming with you,” I shot back angrily as I ripped the door of the hanger open and slipped inside. I tried to close the door behind me, but it only came tumbling to the ground. I looked down at the now unhinged door wide eyed for a moment before going back to my mission. I could hear Bucky trying to convince me that I’m not going with them, but I tuned it out. Instead I took the spot in the pilot’s seat and started the jet. Granted, I had no idea how to fly a plane, but I did know how to get it started. And that’s what mattered right now.

“_Elena, I know you’re going to hate me for this_.” Bucky’s voice echoed in my ear breathlessly. My eyebrows fell together uncomprehendingly as I flipped switches and got the jet started. My heart sank at his words. The thought of hating him rattled through me. What was he going to do that would make me hate him? My eyes widened in horror when I realized he knew something about me very few people knew.

“Bucky, n-”

“_Krusheniye_.” Quickly, the world became black and I lost any ability to do or say anything. Everything became obscured again. And I was lost in its blackened sea of nothingness.


	18. Set Me Free.

_I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Minutes. Hours. Days? I don’t know. I could feel the blood rushing through my brain. My brain pressed rhythmically against my skull, threatening to break through. I couldn’t move, the thick sweat soaked brown straps held my wrists against the icy cold metal on the arms of the chair. Another strap tightly held my head in place, forcing me to face the screen of flashing images. If I closed my eyes a painful shock was burst from my skull, electrocuting down my spine and into every part of my body. There was a needle in my arm, forcing a clear blue liquid into my body. Whatever this liquid was, it burned. It felt like fire in my veins. _

_“Catalyst,” A man’s voice came over the speaker to the room. My tired body clenched at the word. A shock of pure fire screamed from my temples to my toes. My teeth ground together as my heart began to race, making my already exhausted body even more spent. _

_“Alpha.” Zap._

_“Temptation.” Zap. Tears began streaming down my face as the pain increased and the blood in my head threatened to come pouring out. _

_“Please, stop,” I begged shakily, tightly shutting my eyes. Zap. _

_“Hyde.” Zap._

_“Endangered.” Zap. The world was beginning to fade into a blackness. My vision was decreasing as my eyelids drooped down. _

_“Revenge.” Zap. Another jolt shook me back to consciousness, but it didn’t last. If anything, everything was going dark faster now. _

_“Indigo.” Zap. _

_“Neverland.”_ _Zap. I couldn’t stop my mind from slipping away. Like sand in an hourglass. I was swept away in a wave, sent into the pitch black abyss._

_“The girl, Zero, she is of age now. How long do we wait before starting the trials with Soldat?” A recognisable man’s voice questioned from beyond the burning pain beating through my body. But I was too weak to open my eyes to see my surroundings. I was barely aware of anything beyond my quivering body with the fire like feeling roaring through it. _

_“Sir, we just injected her with the serum days ago. We don’t know if she’ll survive the transformation. And if she does survive, we don’t know if she’ll be in any shape to even begin to consider her for Project Istoki for days, maybe weeks,” Another man’s voice said uncertainly. There was a heavy sigh after the man’s statement. _

_“She’s survived this far,” The first man said confidently. “-Three days. You have three days to get her into the proper conditions to begin Project Istoki.”_

_“What if she dies?”_

_“Then she dies. We have the formula to make more of her. But if you do allow her to die after all the shit we had to go through to get her and the information for this project, you’ll be in the grave along side her,” The first man announced sternly to whoever else was in the room. _

_“Besides, she has a mission tonight with Soldat. And she’s required to be ready. It’s going to be a difficult one for her so make sure she’s prepared.” I recognized the third man’s voice. Arlo. It was the man I call Arlo. He seemed determined to make sure I was able to go on this mission tonight. I also recognized the name he mentioned; Soldat. I couldn’t put a face to the name, but I remembered blue eyes. Astounding blue eyes. Sometimes they seemed empty but below the surface of that nothingness, there was something. Something that I didn’t understand. _

_The voices and buzzing of my surroundings began to dwindle into another blur of emptiness._

_Suddenly my eyes snapped open and I found myself standing silently outside a rundown looking house in the dead of night. The dark street was quiet but the wave like sounds of cars could be heard nearby. My senses were telling me someone standing close to me, but I didn’t dare look back to see who it was. I somehow knew I had a mission. And whatever my mission entailed; it was inside this house. I knew that my mission was to eliminate whoever was inside. I didn’t know why. I just knew it was my mission. _

_Bravely, I gulped before taking the steps into the house. It was as though I wasn’t in control of my body. Like I was a puppet for someone else. The back door was unlocked, so accessing the home was easy. Whoever was behind me followed my movements closely. Inside the house was dark, minus a single light coming from the front room. I quietly moved through the dark kitchen area and entered the living room. The house was small, it had some furniture but not much. _

_Unwillingly, I sucked in a sharp breath when I saw the woman cowered on the sofa. She was a brunette; her hair was messily pulled into a curly ponytail. Her dark eyes watched out the window absently. The mystery person stopped in the mouth between the living room and kitchen and watched as I slowly approached the cowering woman. _

_“Zero,” The woman whimpered to herself, causing me to stop dead in my tracks. I recognized that name. I knew it. It was my name. I was Zero. How did this woman know my name?_

_“He took my Zero,” She continued to whimper to herself as she stroked the small pink blanket she had in her grips. I could only stand there and watch her carelessly. She didn’t even notice we were here. Either that or she didn’t care. Did she know we were coming? _

_“Subject One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven. Subject Zero. He stole my Zero.” I stared blankly at the woman before looking down at my hand. I had just realized I was holding something. Tightly in my grasp was a needle, filled to the hilt with something I didn’t know what. My hand began to shake violently as her words echoed in my aching mind. They grounded me in reality for some reason. I unexpectedly became conscious of myself and my surroundings, like the strings from the puppet master had been cut. I looked down at myself, seeing I was wearing a black leather jacket and matching tactical pants. My hands had leather gloves on them as I held the needle. _

_I nearly doubled over when the feeling of a fiery sensation coursed through my body and a zapping feeling jolted through my head. _

_“Zero, complete the mission!” A man’s voice echoed in one ear. I recognized it as Arlo’s voice and his command waged a war within me. I had orders, they numbed me from everything but what this woman was saying sparked something inside of me. Something that made me far too aware of myself and everything around me. _

_“Are mama o fetiţă, cat un ghemotoc. Are mama o fetiţă, cuminţică foc. Veselă şi harnicuţă unde s-ar afla. Parcă e o albinuţă, aşa este ea. Şi la şcoală şi acasă ea mereu de zor. Fata mamei e voioasă şi de ajutor,” The woman sang softly to herself in a language I knew but at the same time, I didn’t recognize. My heart began to race inside my chest and my breathing became rapid and shallow. My gaze found the woman again and something inside my head clicked, telling me I knew her. She didn’t just know my name, she knew me. She **knew** me._

_“Shit, we’re losing her. Soldat, complete the mission.” Arlo’s voice snapped against my ear. Without a second to spare, the person who was behind me lurched forward with heavy footsteps. Something metal wrapped around my wrist and pulled it upward, taking the needle from me. I glanced over at the large leather clad body beside me. I immediately recognized him too. I knew him from somewhere before here and now, before hydra. I knew him. His icy blue eyes told me I knew him. He wore a muzzle on his face, it matched the uniform he wore. It matched the uniform I wore. _

_Soldat’s icy gaze shot bullets through me momentarily before he made his way toward the woman on the sofa. Without a second thought I sprang forward, reaching out to grab a hold of any part of him I could reach. But I was met with a brick wall of blackness when the word rang loudly in my ear. _

_“Krusheniye_._”_

A loud gasp of air filled my lungs abruptly. My entire body shook as the cold air filled my lungs and the effects of, what I’m assuming were memories, rattled through me. I felt the uncomfortable feeling of a metal floor underneath my laid-out body. My heart pounded inside my chest. I tried regaining a normal breathing, but it still came out in ragged and shallow pants until I managed to slow it down and even it out.

Slowly I opened my eyes to see the ceiling of the jet. I could tell the jet was on the ground, the roar of the engines couldn’t be heard and the pressure from being high up wasn’t there either.

I groaned at the pressurized throbbing radiating from my head, my palms rubbing at my temples to ease the feeling. Even though my breathing became normal again, I was still shaking at the memory of what I just witnessed. I wasn’t sure if it was just a terrible dream or if it was a terrible memory. But what I did know was my trigger words were still active. If they weren’t then when Bucky said what he did, it wouldn’t have had that effect on me. _Krusheniye_. That was the word hydra used when the brainwashing the did on me would stop taking effect. It basically shut me down. I’d fall unconscious and they’d be able to apprehend me, throw my brain back into the blender and take control again. Just like I have eight trigger words that activate the emotionless robotic assassin side of me. I thought for sure after all these years they would stop working but I guess not. And Bucky was right, I do hate him for doing this to me. I hate him for exposing my biggest vulnerable spot.

I sighed heavily as I sat up; finding I had been put on the floor with a fleece blanket draped over me. I tossed the blanket aside as I gathered myself to my feet. Out the window I could see a sea of white and grey. Snow whipped around the frozen air violently. I instantly realized where I was. Where _we_ were.

‘_Home sweet home_,’ I thought bitterly to myself. I cringed at the thought of being back here, but I quickly brushed off the uneasy feeling being back here gave me.

Daringly, I exited the jet and entered the cold. I took note of the area; immediately remembering the isolated place I was held captive for three years of my life. I’ve been away from this place for eight years, but it felt like I never left. Nothing’s changed. Nothing about this place can change. Even if they turned this place into a children’s centre or a church, nobody can’t erase its past.

“Keep the past in the past,” I told myself firmly, taking my first steps into the facility in eight years. With everything I had, I pushed down the fear I had of this place and continued onward. It was eerie to be back here. It was eerier without the lights on or people around. It was like walking through a haunted house. You know you’re not alone, but the feeling of impending doom settled in the pit of your stomach, like you know something is going to pop out at you.

Despite the ghostly sensation twisting at my stomach, I kept my wits sharp, listening to whatever my instincts told me. The hair raised on the back of my neck unexpectedly and all my nerves became fiery. I let the tingly feeling rush to my hands as small tinges of electricity painlessly zapped through my mind. Without a second thought, I opened my mind’s eyes and saw myself moving through the corridor slowly. I looked dishevelled, my face was pale, and I appeared to be exhausted. My hair was no longer in the holder I put it in, and my hat was completely missing. My jacket was undone to show the dust and dirt covered front of my shirt. My jeans were scuffed and ripped at the knee.

The sound of metal scuffing against concrete filled my ears, perking them up slightly. My mind’s eyes moved from me to my immediate surroundings. I stopped walking down the corridor when I saw the yellow and red suited man behind me. His stance told me he wasn’t going to attack, but it is Tony after all, he’s full of surprises. I sighed with a frown, looking down at my scuffed and dirty shoes. My mind’s eyes stopped looking but I remained ready for an assault.

“This could’ve gone differently,” I weakly muttered to the air in front of me.

“I know. I wish it did,” He replied soberly. I lifted my head as I turned to face the man, I once considered my father. I truly wish I could still do that, but I can’t, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to ever again.

“You’ve kept so much from me. You lied to me and cheated me out of any semblance of peace of mind.” I didn’t mean to vomit up all of this, but it was like a volcano erupting. It was beautiful but devastating at the same time. It devastated any potential relationship I had with him in the future. It destroyed the bridge we had built over the last eight years. There was no going back to fix things. What’s done is done.

“I did it to protect you,”

“-If you did all of that to protect me, after every horrendous thing I’ve done in the past, then why aren’t you doing the same thing to protect Bucky?!” I snapped at him icily. He stepped forward, I stepped back. The helmet of his suit retracted and revealed me the remorse in his dark eyes. It was genuine regret. Not like earlier when we last saw each other.

“I was misguided,” He said sullenly. “-But I’m here now. I’m here to help.” His voice held truth and sorrow. I didn’t know how to react; I didn’t know what to say or do. I was unable to do anything besides stand there and blink at him, speechlessly. A spurt of brave stupidity burst forth from me and my pursuit for the truth rang clear in my fogged mind.

“Did you know…” I trailed off, unsure if I wanted to know. “-Did you know it was me who was sent to kill my mother? Did you know I couldn’t complete that mission, that he was the one who did?” I asked bold facedly. I had to swallow the fear of the truth for the sake of the truth. Tony’s reaction to my question told me more than any words ever could. He remained quiet; his dark eyes darkened even more with sadness.

“Yeah, I did. It was in your file when you came to us. I had the information for most missions you’ve ever been on classified. Missions you went on with hydra and before that, with Dr. Cummings.” In a way that made sense to me. Years ago, I went looking for the truth to help piece together my past, and I figured my file would help me do just that. But a lot of information was blotted out or classified beyond my clearance levels. I never knew why. I guess this was his way of giving me a fresh start at life. But you can’t travel a road without knowing where you’ve been first. I couldn’t help but wonder if Project Istoki was apart of the information hidden from me. Twice today I’ve heard that word, Istoki, and both times it brought me great amounts of fear and panic. As fast as my inquisitiveness worked, my mind worked faster at putting the pieces together.

“Project Istoki. I was paired with him, wasn’t I?” I requested monotonously. “-I did terrible things with him?” Another hard-hitting question. It was hard for me to remember what that project was about, or what it entailed for me. All I knew was it made me scared.

“No.” Was all he said the second my inquiry was out there. “-Project Istoki never got off the ground. We rescued you before it could.” My eyes narrowed at him in curiosity. I had to take a stabilizing breath to collect myself and the courage to push further.

“What was Project Istoki?” My question came out as a demand. His face turned to stone. All remnants of emotion vanished without a trace. A tidal wave of panic jolted through me. I knew I wasn’t going to like what I was told. But this was my mission. To get the truth. No matter how unpleasant it is. I need to grow; I need to know where I come from, so I know where I’m going.

“Project Istoki started in ’90. It was the idea of creating an enhanced person using human nature,” Tony breathily began. My brows fell together confusedly.

“Like Project Lumini?” I questioned. Tony shook his head.

“No. That was a science project using drugs. This is involved taking two already enhanced people and combining their DNA to create the perfect weapon…” He trailed off grimly. “-When hydra caught wind of Dr. Cummings’ experiments, they knew this was the best shot they had at creating their perfect weapon. They had the super soldier serum and now they had a genetically modified mind master. But, in their greedy for power fashion, that wasn’t enough. They wanted to take already genetically modified mind masters and make them into super soldiers using the serum before they began actually starting this project and creating these people who would be damn near impossible to kill and even more impossible to stop.” All sense of confusion disappeared, and horror and panic ignited in its spot. But bewilderment and denial caused me to shake my head at him, laughing lightly at the assumption he was making. The far-fetched idea that I was what he was saying I was.

“That’s when you guys rescued me. Before any of that happened,” I laughed but my laughter came to a halt when the stoniness of Tony’s face never shifted.

“We got to you before you and Barnes were given the orders to, y’know, but not before…. Not before they injected you with the serum,” Tony finished somberly, his eyes darted away from me. Mindlessly, I shook my head at him and grinned like an idiot in denial.

“I’m not a super soldier, Tony!” I exclaimed. “-I’m just… -I’m, I’m just, _me_! I’m Elena. I’m not super strong or super fast. I’m short as shit and lanky. I can barely fight; you’ve seen me fight. There’s no way this person you’re thinking of is me. I’m not a super soldier,” I defended myself. I don’t know why I was in denial about being a super soldier. As if it’s a bad thing. It’s not but there really is no possible way I have the serum in me.

“That’s because we made sure you couldn’t,” He snapped at me. “-When you came to us, when we found you, you caused a lot of destruction in retaliation. You were scared and you did the only thing you knew how to do, you fought back. We had to condition you into thinking you weren’t as strong and fast as you were. We had to program you into thinking, into _knowing_, you weren’t what you were.” I found myself shaking in my shoes, bone rattling type of shaking. This was a lot of information to digest. But something made sense. Earlier today when Tony and I were speaking to each other and I told him I was with Bucky, he wasn’t angry, he was _scared_.

“That’s why you were so upset when I told you I was with him. You knew,” I said weakly as I stood blankly staring at him. Tony nodded at me and pursed his lips.

“That’s why you didn’t want me getting in the middle of this. You knew I’d remember. You all knew I was going to uncover the truth. You didn’t want me picking a side because you knew I was going to pick his side just because of our past together, how I want to give the victims of this organization a second chance. Everybody wanted me to stay out of this so that I wouldn’t remember, so that I wouldn’t fight for him. But believe me, if I had the choice, without feeling like I could’ve done something for the rest of my life, I would’ve walked away. Because I do remember the terrible things, he’s done to me when we were with hydra. I hate him for those things,” I retorted blatantly. Tony’s mouth twisted into a shy smirk as he raised his brows at me.

“And yet, you’re still here to spare him. To save him from the world. After everything you know about him, about what he’s done; you are still protecting him. You must genuinely love him,” Tony said, smirking at the end of his statement. I cocked an eyebrow at him and shook my head.

“I don’t love him.”

“-Yeah, okay. Someone doesn’t go to these lengths for a person they don’t love,” He stated clearly, hinting at what he’s done for me in the past; the lengths he went to in order protect me. I had no rebuttal. I had nothing to say. I could argue with Tony until I was blue in the face, but his declaration rang some truth to it. And I didn’t know how to respond to it.

Both our heads snapped in the direction of a loud banging sound. It came from somewhere down this corridor. We both looked at each other, knowing it was Steve and Bucky. And we both knew what was going to happen next.

“Go,” I murmured quietly. “-Do what you have to do to protect him.”

“And what about you? What are you going to do, Elena?” He questioned curiously, arching an eyebrow at me. I sighed, pursing my lips. I gave him a certain look that told him this may very well be the last time we ever see each other again.

“I’m going to get the peace of mind I deserve,” I declared surely. Tony shared a soft expression that said sadness and slight fear. But he accepted that this wasn’t something he could talk me out of, nor could he punish me out of this.


	19. Zero, The Asset and The Bond.

Sometimes the best way to move into the unknown is to take familiar steps, small steps. To do ordinary things to deal with something that is in no way ordinary. We're always going someplace new. Familiar things let us pretend that we aren't moving into unfamiliar territory. You take those small familiar steps, and you try to live as if nothing had changed. To go on with your life. But there are times when what you need is a piece of how things used to be.

I needed to hold onto something familiar, so that I can somehow fool myself into believing things haven’t changed. Although I know things are never going to be the same, not after this. But, nonetheless, I needed to hold onto something I knew. I needed to hold onto it so I wouldn’t lose myself. So, I wouldn’t go down a familiar road. I needed to know where I’ve been, so I know where I don’t want to go again.

The familiar halls held so many memories that I couldn’t quite remember. They were merely fragments of my past flashing through my mind. The raging sea of emotions flowed through me. I had to let them; if I didn’t, they would never go away. If I didn’t let them run their course, I would forever be that scared little girl. Just a puppet for people with agendas. Feeling these memories would cut the strings that controlled me. I had to brave this storm.

After my run in with Tony and we parted ways, I found myself wandering the halls. I remembered exactly where the file room was, I remembered where everything was. It was as though I never left this place. Files and important documents were always behind a locked door but when I found it, the door was wide open. The old wooden door was nearly off its hinges. The room was musky smelling and dimly lit with only the two lights on either side of the room to illuminate the office space. Everything was left behind. Furniture, electronics, papers; it was scattered across the room as if someone was in a frenzied hurry to get what they needed.

Thoughtlessly, my fingers trailed over the files that lined the filing cabinet. So many experiments, some dating back to the twenties, some dating back to only a few years ago. So many test subjects; most of which died during the experiments. It hurt my heart seeing how young some of these people were. They were not much older than me, or much younger than me. I wasn’t sure if my file was still here. I didn’t want it to be here. I didn’t want any evidence of me being left here to rot in the cold climate.

I sharply inhaled as I stopped at the back of the drawer. Crammed in the very back of drawer, with thick black marker naming the file was my name. **ZERO**. It was the second biggest file in the cabinet, jam packed full of papers. My file was still here, despite S.H.I.E.L.D having my file since I was taken in. It made me question how Tony and Nat had so much information on me if my file was still here. Maybe it’s because everything they know about me is from S.H.I.E.L.D and they were infiltrated by hydra. Maybe hydra were the ones who gave the information to them. Has hydra had me under their thumb that whole time? Were they waiting for the perfect time to capture me? I don’t understand.

My heart sank at the sight of it. But I pushed forward, pulling the large file from the snug spot it held for nearly a decade. I took the textbook sized file to the small desk under the light. The first few pages held basic information about me, from when I was first bought; and even before then. The ten-year-old girl stared back at me with hope and potential beaming from her bright eyes.

I frowned at the image.

‘_If only I knew then what I know now_,’ I thought to myself as I examined the pages briefly. The pages entailed my basic health statuses, my abilities, how I was responding to my “programming” and potential projects I could be included in, in the future. There were mission reports, so many mission reports. They sent me on so many missions. Because who would suspect a young girl of being an assassin, a thief and liar? Who would’ve given me a second glance? Nobody. That’s who. Nobody would’ve looked at an eleven-year-old girl and thought _assassin_.

The final page in the file descripted the first stages of Project Istoki. I couldn’t stop myself from looking, even though I knew I wasn’t going to like what I find. But I didn’t want to believe anything Tony has said about me. I didn’t want to believe I was given the super soldier serum. I didn’t want to believe these people were so evil they’d have a young girl go through with being impregnated by a grown man for the sake of having a perfect weapon they could use to further their agendas. To use that child as a terroristic weapon so they can feed their cravings for power and control.

** _Project name_ ** _: Istoki. **Date**: 04-19-2008. _

** _Name of Subject_ ** _: ZERO. **Date of birth**: 12-15-1995. _

** _Height before serum_ ** _: 145cm. _

** _Weight before serum_ ** _: 37kg_

** _Appearance before serum_ ** _: Zero is a small girl with no muscle and muscle tone. Pale, dull, oily skin; easily breaks out with acne. Dry, dull dark curly hair that can be broken effortlessly. Small bone structure with little muscle mass; bones are easily broken and heal at a slower rate than usual. Subject is easily bruised and prone to abrasions. Poor genetics in terms of dental health; enamel is thin, and teeth are prone to cracking. Nails are known to breaking. This indicates low calcium and vitamins. _

** _Abilities before serum_ ** _: Relies heavily on telekinetic abilities; refusal for physical altercations. Poor performance in physical combat due to lack of muscle; although subject appears to understand and use combat training. _

** _Notes_ ** _: Subject Zero will be injected with the super soldier serum on May 13, 2008 by Dr. Feldman and his team. Subject Zero’s handler Arlo Ivashin will be present along with Alexander Pierce. Project Istoki may begin earlier than formerly hoped if Subject Zero takes to the serum competently. If there are delays in the injection process, we may have to postpone Project Istoki until we are certain of the outcome of vaccinating Subject Zero. _

** _Project name_ ** _: Istoki. **Date** 05-15-2008_

** _Name of Subject_ ** _: ZERO. **Date of birth**: 12-15-1995._

** _Height after serum_ ** _: 152cm. _

** _Weight after serum_ ** _: 52 kg_

** _Appearance after serum_ ** _: Subject Zero grew seven centimetres and gained seventeen kilograms in the three days following the injection of the super soldier serum. Her skin has a healthy glow, no excess oils and is no longer breaking out in acne. Hair is healthy and strong. Small bone structure is still present, but they are dense and no longer easily broken, if bones are broken, they heal almost instantly. Although the presence of previous breaks are still seen on x-rays. Nails are stronger than previously believed after being vaccinated. Bruises and abrasions are still obtained but heal within minutes. Dental health has improved greatly. Subject Zero has become approximately 40% muscle. Muscle tone is looking good. _

** _Abilities after serum_ ** _: Still relies heavily on telekinetic abilities although her refusal for physical combat has diminished greatly. Performance has enhanced more than 50% and fluctuating. Ability to adapt to attacks and counter strike has improved beyond expectations. _

** _Notes_ ** _: Subject Zero is a success. Her genetic ability to adapt to her new physical capability surpasses our potentials. Alexander Pierce has indicated that he wishes to begin Project Istoki within the next three days. Dr. Feldman has given the green light to proceed. Although, Dr. Feldman believes pairing Subject Zero with Soldat is a poor decision to begin this project with. The project team is apprehensive and wishes to begin with smaller enhanced persons rather than the **Asset** and Subject Zero. They do not wish to take the chance of losing Subject Zero if Soldat believes this is an assassination mission rather than a breeding mission, and causes Subject Zero any physical harm, such as death. _

To say my heart was breaking inside my chest would be an understatement. I was utterly devastated by what I found. Everything Tony told me was true. I was given the super soldier serum. I was paired off with Bucky for this… _breeding_ experiment. I was exactly what I was afraid to be. I’m the monster everybody has the right to fear. And this broke my heart and soul.

“I was just a kid,” I said into thin air.

“You were a victim.” A familiar man’s voice thought from nearby. My attention jumped from the file in front of me to meet the sight of a man standing in the doorway of the room. He was an average sized man with dark nearly combed hair and dark eyes. I instantly knew who he was, he was the man from earlier. I recognized his voice, his accent. He did this. He framed Bucky for the bombing. He used Bucky’s trigger words to activate the Winter Soldier. He came here to get to the other super soldiers. He’s the reason this all happened. I wasn’t sure what I should do now. What do I do now? How do I apprehend someone who probably knows every dirty little secret about me? I doubted this was the only copy of my file. I wasn’t sure if he’s seen my file. Do I take the risk and try to capture him? Do I risk posing a threat to him if he knows my trigger words?

“We all were,” I corrected him with a hint of sourness in my voice.

“Did you get your justice?” He asked softly. I stoned my expression as I gave him a once over; noting any signs of him being a danger to myself. I saw nothing beyond satisfaction that contorted his facial features.

“Justice is just revenge that occurs within a political system,” I quoted my psychology professor in a stern voice. “-Even as a victor I will always remain a victim.” He shook his head at me and scowled.

“You can be the victim or the victor, but not both,” He uttered in a chilling way. I narrowed my eyes at him when the sounds of a woman and young child, a little boy, filled my mind. The sounds were happy and joyful but the underlying emotions that backed those memories were that of despair and rage. This brought me some anxiety and distrust for him. More so than before.

“And which one are you?” I asked plainly. A wicked smile twisted at the corners of his lips as he stared at me in a way that sent chills up my spine.

“I am watching the empire who took everything from me fall. I am the victor,” He declared emotionlessly before leaving the mouth of the doorway and disappearing from sight. All the hair on the back of my neck stood on end when the realization struck me. This fight wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. Whoever he was, he has tricks up his sleeves. He’s not going to stop until my family is nothing but ash on the ground. I had to stop this before more damage from being done.

Immediately, I jumped into action. I sprinted from the file room to the cryochambers, making it there in record time. As I ran into the doorway of the room Steve’s shield came flying past me at head level. The vibranium caused sparks to fly as it bounced off the concrete wall and landed on the floor with a loud clatter. I fell back onto my butt in surprise. But the surprise soon turned into despair when I realized it was too late. Steve was sprawled across the ground, trying to get up in pain but was unsuccessful. And Tony was pinned against the concrete wall by Bucky, who was pulling at the ARC reactor. My heart froze inside my chest and all the air in my lungs vanished. I felt my eyes widen in horror, knowing what could happen if that reactor was removed. Or what would happen if someone tried to remove it by force.

“Bucky, _no_!” My voice came out as a booming rasp that echoed off the walls. All the hair on my body stood up when the bright white flash illuminated the room. I had to shield my eyes from the brightness for a moment. When I lowered my arm from my line of sight, I saw Bucky kneeling on the floor. Surprise rattled his entire being; his face contorted in shock and pain. The air became heavy when I saw the glowing metal halfway up his bicep. The shrapnel that made up the other part of his arm was across the room. Before any of us could react, Bucky was sent soaring across the room. He landed with a grunt and stayed down this time.

I don’t remember getting up off the floor but the next thing I knew I had Tony’s wrist trapped in my tight grip. His other fist came flying towards me, but I raised my other hand and trapped the metal fist in mine. He fought back against my grip, even as I twisted his wrist away from us. In my other hand I threw his fist down and waited for his next move. He raised his open hand at me, his palm lighting up with the next blast to knock me down. My half asses plan was insane. It was something Nat taught me. It was a move she used frequently as well. She taught me to use my flexibility to thrust myself into them and bring them to the ground.

Without a second thought, I kicked my leg up, wrapping the bend of my knee around his wrist and brought his immobilized hand down. My free hand grabbed onto the ARC reactor, digging my nails into the crevasses. Before I could thrust myself around and bring my other leg up to wrap around his neck to topple us over, I felt a swift kick take my foot out from underneath me, causing me to let go of the metal suit as I fell. I landed on the snow-covered ground with a wince. Tony looked down at me. I couldn’t tell what kind of expression he wore but I knew it wasn’t a good one.

“Elena, stay down. I’m not telling you again,” He warned aloofly. I glared up at him, my face twisted with anger and betrayal.

“You promised!” I shrieked at him, my voice breaking. “-You promised me you wouldn’t hurt him. That you’d protect him!” Tony didn’t respond; he merely looked down at me briefly before his attention went toward Steve. I quickly clambered back to my feet, dodging the flying fists and shield. There was an unsung plan between Steve and me. Every time Tony would go to hit one of us the other would take a hit at him. Tony took a heavy swing at me, I dodged it by centimetres, Steve served an uppercut. And vice versa. It was obvious Tony’s systems were either offline or not functioning properly, he was just trying to dodge our strikes.

‘_El!_’ Steve’s voice echoed through my head. ‘_El, I know you’re listening. Go to Buck, make sure he’s okay. Get him out of here!_’ Steve’s baby blues quickly bounced from Tony to me. I gave him a nod before dodging a punch thrown and limping over to the severely injured Bucky. He was laying on the ground gripping his left shoulder, on the verge of tears. I knelt down at his side, examining the damage done. The ridge of his arm was no longer glowing, but there were exposed wires hanging from the amputated injury. My eyebrows fell together as all thought left my mind. I couldn’t think of any way to help him. But I knew I had to get him out of here. I had to get him to safety.

“Bucky, can you move?” I shakily whimpered at him. He groaned in response as he tried to move but he was too weak to do so on his own.

“I think so,” He replied short of breath.

“Okay, okay,” I stuttered anxiously. “-Let’s get you out of here,” I added, taking his right arm and hooking it around my shoulders. He must’ve been in a lot of pain. So, I tried to avoid touching the wound as little as possible. I hoisted Bucky up against my smaller body, trying to help him to his feet. My hand avoided the searing metal by gripping onto the side of his tactical vest tightly. A deafening scream left me when another flash of brightness filled my vision. A heavy object hit me square in the chest. The cold air rushed by me until I felt the even colder concrete hit my back. I tumbled to the ground, landing on my stomach. My face bounced off the stone floor, and a loud gasp left me. My entire body wailed in pain as I clutched onto my ribcage.

It took my senses all of a second to come back to me. I turned my head to see Bucky had also toppled back to the ground. Unfortunately, I dropped him on the metal arm that was now nothing but a stump. He cried in agony and rolled onto his back, hanging onto his left shoulder as tight as he could. My focus moved from him to Tony standing over him. Tony looked down at the three of us. I looked over at Steve. He too was on the ground, holding onto his ribcage with pain written across his face.

“Stay down,” He growled emotionlessly. “-Final warning.” Steve was shakily trying to get back to his feet. From my peripheral, I saw Bucky grab onto Tony’s ankle. Tony glared down at him for a moment before delivering a hard kick to Bucky’s face. The already injured man cried out as he fell onto his back again. I felt a burst of rage rush through me like a flashbang. It was coming my core, like a volcano erupting. Then it came out, a thunderous hellish cry escaped from me the same time an explosion ruptured from the center my very being. The entire room seemingly shook as the sound I made reverberated throughout the room. Snow, dirt and particles of concrete fell from the ceiling and walls.

Steve gripped either side of his head, doubling over and falling back onto his knees. Bucky turned over, showing me his back as he covered his head with his right arm. And Tony was thrown off his feet and send flying across the room. His back hit the wall, denting the concrete before plummeting to the ground. He didn’t move, not that he had a choice as I held my hand out. The warm tingly feeling coursing through my fingertips, causing him to remain on the ground.

I rose to my feet, the red-hot anger still soaring from me. The room was in fact trembling violently. I calmly strode over to Tony until I towered over him. I could see him trying to fight my hold, but it was in vain. I raised my other hand, the same warm tingles spread through those fingertips as well. I gripped the air, the metal helmet crunching in a similar pattern to my hold. Without hesitation, I ripped the front of the helmet off, revealing the terrified expression underneath. The helmet was sent flying across the room and landed somewhere behind me. I lowered my hand slightly and gripped the ARC reactor tightly. Tony was staring wide eyed up at me, fear engulfing his dark gaze. I only scowled down at him.

“I loved you like a father,” I told him with pure untainted rage present in my voice. “-I fought for you. I looked up to you. I did everything you asked me to do. I did everything in my power to gain your approval. And this is how you repay me? You lied to me. You cheated me. You sent me away, locked me away. You tried to kill someone I love. No more.” I snarled impassively. I slowly knelt down beside him. My hardened gaze never flattering from his scared one.

“Stay down,” I cautioned icily. The invisible grip on the reactor tightened until the device was crushed within the chest of the suit. Tony gasped when my firm hold on him ended, along with the quacking of the room.

“Final warning.” My voice came out as hard as stone. The air was thick with fear and tension. But I felt nothing. I rose back up and turned on my heel to head back towards Bucky. Steve crawled back up to his feet, grabbing his shield. He stared at me almost wide eyed, not saying a word. We both went over to Bucky’s side. Steve hoisted the equally large man up; I was on the other side of Bucky holding onto him. I made sure not to touch his injury as the three of us limped silently.

“That shield doesn’t belong to you! You don’t deserve it. My father made that shield,” Tony snapped from behind us. We collectively stopped. I looked over Bucky to see Steve’s firm expression. He didn’t even flatter when he dropped the shield to the ground with a loud clatter. Steve looked at me softly, I nodded once at him before we continued our journey out of this facility. Bucky was on the brink of consciousness, fading in and out rapidly as Steve and I helped take him out of this place.

The three of us emerged from the facility and into the thin icy outside. At that point, we were practically dragging Bucky along. I tried my hardest not to hurt him, even as the metal stump was perched on the back of my neck and my arm was wrapped around the middle of his back. Steve and I carried him onto the Quin jet and were surprised to find T’Challa sitting there with the foreign man beside him. There was a device covering his mouth and handcuffs over his wrists, making sure he couldn’t hurt anyone else. I helped Steve lay Bucky down on one of the benches before he went up to the front of the jet. Bucky was passed out at this point and stayed that way even when I accidentally brushed the hot metal and exposed wires.

I took a seat on the ground beside the unconscious super soldier, stroking his hair gently. I couldn’t stop a smile from erupting across my face as a lullaby sang through my head from his dreams. Judging by his facial expression he was having a good dream, a warm dream. There were no nightmares or terrible memories. He was dreaming about his mom.

“Podul de piatră s-a dărâmat. A venit apa şi l-a luat. Vom face altul pe riu, în jos. Altul mai. Trainic şi mai frumos. Vom face altul pe riu, în jos. Altul mai trainic şi mai frumos,” I sang back to him soothingly, still caressing his hair. Despite being in pain and having gone through hell in the last forty-eight hours, a small smile nudged the corner of his lips. Mindlessly I leaned over and planted a kiss to his forehead before resting mine against his. I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes.

“Everything is gonna be okay now.”


	20. And We Run

_Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up, I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain. To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices –today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. _

When I first read that quote, I was in the library during my lunch period when I was in ninth grade. I was trying to find a quote to decipher for my English class short essay and I stumbled across it in a self-help book. And my first thought about it was it’s complete and utter bullshit. At that point in my life I only wanted to feel the warmth of life, not the bitter coldness that tags along like the third wheel on a date. I didn’t want to feel like a person, a normal person; but at the same time, that’s what I wanted. I wanted my cake and to eat it too. But that’s not how life goes. That’s not how humanity goes. Life doesn’t care if you’ve had a bad day, your humanity doesn’t either. You’re going to feel the kind of day you’ve had. If you had a good day, you’ll feel good. If you’ve had a bad day, you’ll feel miserable and tired.

The older I’ve gotten, the harder I’ve fought to hush my humanity and focus on the warmth of life. It was like an addict chasing their next high. When I first felt that warmth it was because of a soft blanket and a gentle smile but that quickly didn’t make me feel warm anymore. So, I chased for the next thing that gave me that feeling. I chased it and chased it, until nothing seemed to warm me up quite like it used too. Now I know it’s because I didn’t allow myself to feel my humanity. I didn’t weather the storms that were cold and bitter because I didn’t want to feel those things ever again. But I was doing more harm to myself than I realized.

The past few days have forced me to feel life, and all the hardships and rewards that comes with it. I have lost and I’ve gained. I have grieved and I have celebrated. I’ve screamed and fought. I’ve laughed and rejoiced in life. My humanity reigned free. Like the raging sea, I flowed through the motions from all the years I’ve denied my ability to feel life. And as terrible as I felt during the cold bitterness, I’ve felt these past few days, it made me feel free. It made me cut the strings and free myself from the puppeteers that have controlled me for too long. Hydra and the need to have the approval of my family. I’m free from all that now. Even though, it’s what I’ve longed for, for so long, it terrified me. But it was exhilarating at the same time.

I drifted out of the sleep state that once engulfed me. In all honesty, I fought sleep for as long as I could. Even when Steve told me I should get some rest. I couldn’t risk something happening to Bucky if I fell asleep. But I could only fight for so long. My body was in a tremendous amount of pain and my head ached. I was exhausted so sleep was inevitable.

I tried not to shift around too much as I felt the wooden arm of the chair digging into the back of my ribcage, causing a lot of discomfort to me. One foot was tucked against me, planted firmly on the cushion I was sitting on. My other foot was firmly planted on the floor, bracing my body and keeping me from sliding partially off the chair. My head was resting against the back cushion and my arms were folded loosely over my stomach.

“Hey Buck,” Steve’s voice broke the quiet humming of the hospital. My ears perked up at the sound of the bedsheets rustling and a gravelly grumble.

“Where are we?” Bucky groggily questioned. The sound of his voice brought peace to me. Hearing it let me know he was okay. He’s okay. Just like I said he’d be.

“We’re in Wakanda. We arrived yesterday evening. We’re safe here,” Steve reassured his friend kindly. Bucky hummed in response. He didn’t seem too convinced by Steve’s remark about being safe here. But he didn’t ask any questions or make any objections. He was either too tired, in too much pain or was just done with everything that’s happened. Or, maybe it was all three.

“What’s gonna happen now?” Bucky asked, cutting right to the chase. We all wanted to know what was gonna happen now. I had a promise to uphold. I promised Nat that I’d leave and never look back. But, how can I? I can’t, not now.

“T’Challa has his team, and sister, getting cryochamber ready. It’s so they can help you, so they can heal your injuries, maybe get those triggers out of your head. But that’s only if you want to go back under. The choice is yours, Buck.” I’d be lying if I said my stomach didn’t twist and my heart didn’t sink into a bottomless pit at the thought of Bucky going back under cryogenic slumber. He’s spent most of his life in that state. If I were him, I’d scrap that idea and do what I have to do to get better while awake and aware of my surroundings.

“Okay. Okay.” He sighed. “-I’ll do it,” Bucky added calmly.

“Alright. I’ll let T’Challa know,” Steve replied sullenly. Another bout of silence engulfed the room. I wanted to roll my eyes and let out an exasperated sigh in response to the two awkward super soldiers. They’ve been friends since the beginning of the last century, despite the seventy plus years a part, and they still act like they just met. Although, I understood that you don’t always need to fill the silence when you’re with your family. Sometimes, just being with them is more than enough. And they have over seventy years of lost time to make up for.

“How are you feeling, Buck?” Steve requested sincerely like the best friend and protector he is. Bucky inhaled sharply. Without having to look, I knew he was wearing an apprehensive expression.

“I’m alright. How long was I out for?” Bucky questioned in a tired voice. He obviously lied; he didn’t sound alright to me. He sounded like he was awfully uncomfortable and in pain. There was stillness that thickly filled the room. It drowned out the soft buzzing of the hospital. I didn’t budge from my position. I still pretended to be asleep to give them some privacy. Even though it was all an illusion and I was still eavesdropping on their conversation.

Steve hummed at his question.

“I dunno, close to twenty hours,” He said lowly. The bedsheets rustled some more, and it was followed by a strained groan. I was guessing Bucky was trying to sit up or move around. There was a pause in all noises being made. I could feel a pair of eyes on me, but I remained “asleep”.

“How long has she been there?” Bucky asked with a heavy exhale. Besides sounding tired, he also sounded concerned. Steve gave his friend’s inquiry a hardy chuckle.

“She has not left your side since we left the compound,” Steve replied honestly. And he was right, I hadn’t left Bucky’s side since we left the facility in Siberia and came back to Wakanda. When we got back here T’Challa had Bucky go in for surgery to remove the destroyed metal arm, and even then, I didn’t leave. I was required to wait outside the room, but I didn’t leave. Steve had some political things to attend to, so he left me on my own for a while.

“She’s been there for twenty hours?” Bucky rhetorically queried in astonishment.

“Yeah. She refused to leave your side for a minute,” Steve stated candidly. He too, seemed to be amazed by my devotion but I’m sure it didn’t surprise him. I could still feel eyes on me, I was guessing they were Bucky’s eyes. A tingly sensation made oceanic waves up my spine, spreading the feeling of gratitude and affection through me. I had to fight back the smile these feelings caused me.

“How’s she doing?” Another question from Bucky. I didn’t blame him for being curious about things. He just survived a hellish forty-eight hours; he fell asleep in a hydra facility with his arm blown off and woke up in a safe hospital in Wakanda almost completely healed of his injuries. I’d have questions too.

“I don’t know,” Steve sighed deeply. “-She hasn’t said more than three words at a time. I know she’s dealing with the implications of what happened, I’m not sure how she’s dealing but I know she’s got this handled. The only thing I can do is be there for her,”

“-We,” Bucky interrupted softly. “-The only thing _we_ can do is be there for her,” He added comfortingly. There was silence after. I debated on waking up, but I had a feeling this conversation wasn’t over just yet. Bucky had more to say. I guess Steve got the same idea since I heard him clear his throat.

“Alright Buck, what’s happened between you two?” Steve asked with a sincere curiosity in his voice. “-And don’t tell me it’s just because you two were with the hydra. You two look out for each other like we used to look out for each other as kids,” He added softly. This encouraged another heavy sigh from Bucky. There was more silence after that. I could tell Bucky was contemplating if he should tell Steve our history and the happenings of that afternoon I showed up on his doorstep. The truth can compromise people and relationships. But the truth is ultimately the truth. And it needs to be known.

“Our relationship is complicated. I can only hope it becomes less complicated in the future. That’s _if_ we have a future with each other in it.”

“In the last twenty-four hours she’s dropped her entire life to prove your innocence and save your life, and you’ve saved hers twice, you discouraged her fighting for you, she told me you two were together the morning of the bombing and she hasn’t left your side for a moment. That doesn’t sound too complicated to me,” Steve chirped, most likely with his signature half smirk.

“What happened between me and El is something we need to work out together before we can talk about it with others,” Bucky countered, his voice was barely above a whisper. My heart sank with the knowledge that he was right. Bucky probably doesn’t remember much of our encounters in hydra, neither do I. I have a few firm and clear memories, and I wasn’t zapped nearly as often as he was, but he still has memories of that place and of Brooklyn before that. But if we put our broken memories together maybe we can finish the puzzle.

“Do you love her?” Steve interfered in a soft voice. I felt heat rush to my cheeks in response to his question.

“She’s just a kid, Steve,” Bucky retorted in a gravelly tone. He’s lucky he’s already injured, otherwise I’d have punched him for that comment. That and I didn’t want them to know I’ve been listening to their conversation this whole time.

“That’s not what I asked,” Steve announced strongly. Silence. “-You haven’t been affectionate with anyone since the forties, and you let her into your life, your home and, I’m presuming, your bed without a second thought; after everything you’ve been through. I haven’t even gotten to that part of you as fast as she has.” I heard a gruff hum coming from deep within Bucky. He didn’t say anything. I’m not sure if it’s because he didn’t want to say the truth or if he was caught off guard by the question.

“She loves you, Buck,” Steve sighed heavily. My heart stopped midbeat. “-So, all I ask of you is not to break her heart,” He added in his usual big brother tone. Why can everyone but me see these feelings? Steve is the second person who has announced that I loved Bucky. This begs the question: Do I love Bucky? Do I really have these feelings aimed towards him? Or am I accidentally leading someone on? Does he mutually share these feelings?

The awkward silence that filled the room after Steve made that request was starting to get to me. I couldn’t stop myself from squirming in the uncomfortable chair and clearing my throat, letting the two men know I was “waking up”. I turned my head into their direction, so they’d be the first things I see when I “wake up”. Slowly, I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded by golden sunshine flooding in through the window. Soon the blindness subsided, and I was greeted with the sight of Steve standing at Bucky’s bedside, he was looking directly at me with a slight smile. Whereas Bucky was sitting up, propped up against the pillows; his eyes drilled holes into his feet.

“You’re awake,” I uttered in a soft raspy voice as a small smile crept across my face. He didn’t look toward me. But I could see his skin was glowing and had colour to it again. Seeing the healthy glow returning to his face made me smile. I didn’t like seeing the pale dullness it was yesterday. It remined me of the past. I didn’t like it. I preferred seeing his face glow in the golden sunlight pouring in from the window, exposing every freckle and whisker of the five o’clock shadow.

I unfolded myself on the chair, standing up to stretch my legs and back. I reached above my head, pulling at the kinks and knots that have formed in my back. I winced loudly when a sharp pain radiated from my ribcage. This caused both men to look at me with wide concerned eyes.

“El?...” Buck drew out my name soberly. My smile turned into a reassuring half smirk as I lowered my arms back to my sides.

“I’m okay. Don’t worry,” I lulled with a sure nod. I stepped toward his bedside, my hand gently grabbing his and giving it a firm reassuring squeeze. Bucky’s eyes were now glued to me. He was probably unsure of my attire seeing as he’s never seen me wear anything besides black on black on black.

When we got back to Wakanda Shuri immediately began to try and convince me to shower and change my clothes. I denied both. Finally, she just brought me a change of clothes. The most girly ones I own. A light beige long sleeved shirt that was too big for me, so it hung off one of my shoulders, and a pair of light wash jeans.

I stayed still, letting him take in my drastic appearance change with a dorky smirk. I could feel the joy he felt seeing me wear something normal and not something I could ride into battle in. All the air rose up in my body when I felt the pad of his thumb rub against the back of my hand. Steve’s gaze jumped between the two of us uncomfortably.

“I…-ugh. I have to go talk to T’Challa,” He stuttered before hightailing it out of the room. Both of us watched as the casually dressed man hastily exited the room, the awkwardness that filled the room following in suit. Although the silence stayed. I quietly stood at the bedside with one hand gently touching the soft cotton fabric of the bedsheets while the other stayed loosely held in Bucky’s warm grasp. He kept his gaze away from mine, staring intently at our interlocked hands. I frowned at the absent feeling radiating off of him, wanting to delve into his thoughts to find out what he was thinking but he’s asked me not to do that. I have to respect that.

“You’re afraid of me?” I murmured quietly, guessing that’s why he’s been avoiding eye contact. Back in Siberia I did get really scary. I was overwhelmed by my emotions and let them govern over me and my actions. I wouldn’t blame him if he was scared of me. I was a little afraid of myself. I’ve never done anything like that before. I’ve never had to do something like that before.

“No,” He shortly answered, finally lifting his gaze up to meet mine for more than a few seconds. Despite the assurance that he wasn’t afraid of me, my frown stayed. I had to break the eye contact, deflecting my gaze to our carelessly interwoven hands. I tenderly stroked the back of his hand with my thumb.

“I don’t know what came over me yesterday. When he kicked you like that, something inside me snapped and I lost control,” I muttered weakly. My brows knitted together in remembrance of the happenings of yesterday. “-And for that, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Elena. You went through more than any of us these last few days, but you kept fighting for what’s right. You had far more control than anyone else would have in that situation,” Bucky remarked in a kind and sincere voice. He gave my hand a firm squeeze in reassurance. I felt my frown slip into a slight smile, raising my eyes to meet his again.

“Thank you,” I expressed gratitude softly, my voice was barely above a whisper. A small smile bumped at the corners of his lips. I didn’t look away from his tender expression, even when his hand slipped out from under mine and rested on the side of my head. His fingers carded through my hair, pushing it back behind my ear. I reached up and cupped his hand, laying it against the thick dark curls. My eyes closed as I nestled my head into the palm of his hand.

‘_She’s so kind…-so affectionate, so beautiful. Beautiful mind. Beautiful soul. She’s so beautiful._’ Bucky’s voice resonated within my mind effortlessly. The emotions of appreciation and fondness exuded off of him like the waves on a calm lake surface. It filled me with warmth and acceptance. It made me feel calm. He made me feel calm. I wasn’t sure if these were his feelings or if they were mine. At this point, I didn’t care.

“You’re those things too,” I informed him with a wide smile. Bucky chuckled at my comment. I opened my eyes to see a bright smile capturing his features, making them glow brighter than before. As quickly as it was there, his smile vanished into a grim line across his mouth.

“You deserve better,” He insisted in a calm, soothing voice. I don’t know what overcame me, but I didn’t fight it, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck. I must’ve taken Bucky by surprise since it took him a moment to realize what was happening before, he wrapped his arm around me firmly, bringing me closer to him.

“You deserve better too,” I cooed into the dark hair that shrouded his neck, my hold on him tightening somewhat. I pulled away from him, brushing his dark hair away from his face. Bucky’s hand found the side of my head once again. His gentle touch was caring. The appreciation and fondness still radiating off of him like the sun gives out warmth. Bucky ran his fingers through my hair again before they outlined my cheekbone and dropped down to his lap again.

“Where do we go from here?” His voice came out hoarse as though he didn’t want to ask that or know the answer to it. I carelessly played with his soft hair, carding the strands between my fingers. My gaze stayed on him, examining his features without thought.

“I have a promise to uphold, to leave this life behind and start somewhere new as someone new. Although, my plans were to find the other subjects, others like me. To see if I can help them.” I paused, trying to gather my options and choose one quickly. Bucky’s face became saddened as he looked away from me.

“But if you want me to stay, I will,” I added softly. His gaze snapped back up to meet mine in surprise. The surprised was mixed with uncertainty and some guilt.

“I’m going back into cryo. I don’t know how long I’ll be under,” He informed soft voice. I gave him a one shoulder shrug.

“I’ll wait,” I said in a certain and kind way. An explosion of…_adoration_ burst from him, completely taking me off guard. It made a wide smile spread across my face. I mindlessly cupped either side of his face and pulled myself closer to him, until my lips gently swept against his. Goosebumps rose up when his fingertips brushed against the skin on my exposed shoulder.

“I won’t ask you to wait,” Bucky mumbled against my lips That’s all it took for me to capture his lips with mine. Unlike the kiss we shared before, this one wasn’t driven or engulfed by desire. This time it was out of want and affection. We weren’t desperate for the need of having physical human interaction. Both times I enjoyed but for different reasons. Before he was desperate and couldn’t physically refrain from touching me, and I was the same. But now, we just enjoyed the moment. Savouring the time we have.

He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. I let out a light sigh as his fingers trailed over my bare shoulder. A small smirk curled the corners of my mouth.

“I’ll come back. Just like I promised, this won’t be the last time we see each other,” I affirmed airily. A cheerful smile consumed his face, brightening it more. I could bask in its glow all day. I would be entirely content with just laying with him in the warmness of the sun, in sheer silence.

But our little moment of serenity was disturbed by a man clearing his throat. Bucky and I broke away from each other and directed our attentions towards the noise. Steve was standing in the doorway, fidgeting with his arms; folding and unfolding them, and shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Sorry to interrupt but T’Challa says the cryochamber is ready whenever you are,” Steve explained, awkwardness was thick in his voice. I guess I understood that. He was essentially like my big brother and Bucky’s his best friend, and he just caught us in an intimate moment. I’d be awkward too.

“Thanks Steve,” Bucky chuckled uncomfortably. I pursed my lips and nodded at Steve.

“Yes, thanks Steve,” I said plainly. Steve gave me a brotherly glimpse, as if to tell me to behave. I only rolled my eyes at him and turned my attention back to Bucky. I realized my hand was still resting against his neck, my fingers tangled in the strands of his hair. I felt blush invade my cheeks brightly. I guess Bucky got the memo of inelegance. He looked up at me, his hand held my shoulder and then ran down my arm to grab onto my wrist. He took my hand and pressed a kiss to the warm flesh of my palm before throwing the blanket that was draped over him aside. He stood up from the bed he’s inhabited for eighteen hours and began to make his way toward Steve.

I lingered behind them as we were escorted from the infirmary that was within the palace to, what I call, the science unit. Shuri was waiting for us, making the final adjustments to the cryochamber. She gave me a reassuring nod as I looked at the chamber in distaste. I didn’t like this but if I trust anyone to help Bucky get better, I trust Shuri.

“Will you be here the entire time he is?” Shuri questioned curiously, tapping away at the screen in front of her. I stood not too far away from her, giving Bucky and Steve some time alone. There were lab techs taking Bucky’s vitals before he went in, making sure he was healthy enough to withstand another cryogenic slumber.

I cocked my eyebrow at her inquiry with my arms crossed over my chest. Shuri giggled at me as if she knew something I didn’t.

“You haven’t left his side for nearly twenty-four hours. That’s out of character for you,” She observed and reinstated something I’ve been told before.

“Shuri, if you’re about to ask me if I love him, I’m going to spill water all over your computer,” I warned in a playful but stern tone.

“Who said anything about love? I surely didn’t,” She defended herself equally playfully. I was amused by how fast she back peddled from the assumption. My amusement faded away as I watched the two men from afar. My eyebrows creased and I shook my head at the idea.

“And no, I’m not,” I told her certainly. Shuri glanced over at me confusedly. “-I’m going back to Russia, back to the facility I was created in. I need to get some files so I can find some people,” I informed her about my plans sullenly. I inhaled deeply, my arms dropping to my sides and I turned to face Shuri with a serious but worried look.

“Please make sure he’s taken care of,” I requested in a hushed voice. Her face hardened in understanding as she gave me a reassuring nod.

“Of course,” She agreed kindly. I nodded at her, feeling a little more at ease with leaving him here while I go do what I have to.

Shuri and I went back to our previous positions when Steve approached us. He sighed and buried his hands in the pockets of his pants. I couldn’t help but cross my arms over my chest a little tighter than before as I watched Bucky being helped into the chamber.

“You’re not staying, are you?” He quizzed in a soft way. I shook my head in response to his question.

“I need to find the other subjects, the other kids Dr. Cummings created to be used as weapons. I need to help them,” I explained, unsure if I was telling Steve or re-establishing this to myself. Either way, both of us needed to understand my plans for my future. I can’t go back to my old life, here in Wakanda or my old life back in New York. I had to keep moving forward.

“Are you ever gonna come back?” He asked standoffishly. I turned my head and looked up at the blue-eyed super soldier with a sombre expression.

“Of course, I am,” I said assuredly. “-I have a promise to keep.” My attention went back towards the chamber where Bucky had been strapped into the semi comfortable looking upright gurney. I frowned as he was sealed into the cryochamber. He looked uncertain and a little scared. It only made me less than happy about his decision, but at the end of the day, it’s his choice. He wants to get better and he’ll try anything to obtain that.

Not long after Bucky went under, I headed to my room to pack my go bag and head out. I didn’t want to stay long seeing as I had more pressing matters to attend to. Steve went off somewhere to inform T’Challa about his departure and mine. I only heard from Steve, saying there’d be a plane ready to take me to Kogalym International Airport in Russia. From there I’ll drive to Dudinka, where Dr. Cummings’ compound is located. I had to see if the files were still there, the ones about the other subjects. I prayed they were still there. I don’t know where I’d go or what I’d do if they’re not.

“El,” Steve’s voice broke my train of deep thought. The pair of us were on our way out of the palace and to the two separate planes on the tarmac. Steve had something important to do, and so did I. He knows what I’m doing, but I didn’t know what he was doing. Although, I have a feeling he was going to rescue the team members who were captured back in Berlin. 

I glanced up at him grimly.

“If you need me use this,” He stated, handing me a newly bought burner phone. “-My number is already programmed into it.” I took the phone from him, tucking it into a pocket of my backpack. I sighed as I pulled the envelope from the same pocket, hesitating to hand it to Steve. I didn’t know if I wanted to send this letter. Was it worth it to send this letter? Can I fix things if I send this letter? I don’t know. But it’s worth a shot. And I need to take it.

“Can you do me a favour?” I inquired shyly. Steve scoffed at my question with raised eyebrows and a casual smirk.

“I owe you a million favours after everything you’ve done for me,” He claimed confidently. Hesitantly, I held my arm out toward him, handing over the envelope addressed to New York. Steve looked down at the plain white envelope curiously.

“Can you mail this for me?” I requested in a small voice. Steve didn’t hesitate to take the envelope from me and tuck it away in the inside pocket of his jacket. Without a second to spare, he pulled me in for a hug. His arms wrapped around me tightly, as if he were telling me it was gonna be okay. I followed suit and wrapped my arms around his middle. This was the first time Steve hugged me in over two years and it was just as tight and squeezy as I remembered them.

“Take care of yourself, kid,” Steve wished in a brotherly tone. I nodded my head as I pulled away from him. Steve was looking down at me with his usual sincere expression. I took a brave breath, turning on my heel to head towards the small plane waiting for me. I knew this was something I had to do, but part of me didn’t want to leave. Part of me didn’t want to get on this plane and go sifting through the past. Nevertheless, I had to do this. I had to help the others. It’s in my nature to help the innocent and hurt the perpetrators.

_Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up, I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain. To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices –today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it. _


	21. On The Horizon

_Bratislava, Slovakia _

_2018_

They say timing is everything but then in the same breath they turn around and say there is never a perfect time for anything. So, which is it? They say it’s all up to destiny. I think that’s a piss poor excuse for people who don’t want to work, and demand things be given to them free of charge. But, who knows, I may be wrong. Do we need to wait for destiny to fall into our laps or do we need to get off our asses and find it? Do we need to go on endless quests to find ourselves and our futures? Is destiny written in the stars long before we’re even a twinkle in our father’s eye? Are we pre-written books, only to play out what the author has decided? I don’t think so.

I believe the only person we’re destined to become is the person we decide to be. None of this precooked, prepackaged, pre-decided lives, paths and destiny bullshit. _I_ choose how to live my life. _I_ choose the paths I take. And _I_ choose my own destiny. I refuse to fall victim to the idea that everything we ever dreamed of will just fall into our lap without having to put in the effort; the blood, sweat and tears that destiny demands as sacrifice.

“Danica, stop!” I bellowed after the teenaged girl, sprinting down the dark back alley. I vaulted over a dumpster that was thrown across the narrow path between buildings. I huffed a small growl as I pursued Subject Five. She was proving harder to apprehend than I originally thought. Despite her being merely fifteen years old, she’s made me play an elaborate game of chase all over Central and Western Europe for the last six months. But I was finally one step ahead of her.

“Leave me alone!” She cried, throwing whatever she could move into my path. I dodged and jumped over the obstacles she put in my way, almost effortlessly. In the two years since learning I was technically a super soldier; my physical competences have amplified. I’m stronger and faster than I was even before I was brainwashed into believing I was nothing more than a weakling who could only depend on my mental abilities to survive.

“Danica, I’m here to help you!” I shouted.

“I don’t want your help!” Danica yelled back at me. The dark-haired teenager curved around another building; I was hot on her heels. To my dismay, she had run into a crowd of people. I groaned at the thought of catching her in front of all these witnesses. I didn’t want to get a hold of her in front of people. This was a private matter that needed to be handled delicately. If only she had stayed in that little hotel room so I could talk to her and not jump out of a window and make a run for it down the fire escape. I had her. She and I were in the same room, but the moment she saw me, she bolted.

“Danica!” I hollered down the crowded street. My gaze never leaving the running girl, a few yards a head of me. She looked back at me over her shoulder. I saw the pure terror in her blue eyes as she spotted me. We both bumped and maneuvered through the dense crowd of people spilling out of the local restaurants and bars into the footpath street. Unluckily for me, Danica, or Subject Five, wasn’t afraid to expose herself and her abilities to the public in order to get away from me. I wasn’t sure if I should be proud of her or scared for her. There are a lot of evil people in this world and she’s exposing herself to everyone.

The already thick crowd of people were pushed together to make a thicker barrier between us and, block my route. I groused loudly, skirting around the condensed horde of people celebrating the weekend, and continued to chase the young girl. I wasn’t about to lose her again. The last time I got even remotely close to capturing her was back in Moldova a few weeks ago. I guess she got wind that I was nearby and ducked out. Since then she’s been here in Slovakia, hiding out. She probably thought I lost her scent, but I did not.

‘_Alright Danica, you wanna play ball, let’s play,_’ I mentally muttered to myself, pulling together a half assed but still cunning plan. I began sprinting at full speed, hoping I had enough velocity. I effortlessly leaped over the metal fence outside an establishment and onto the large patio table that was surrounded by patrons. A chorus of shouts seemed distant even though they were a few feet away from me. The warm tingly feeling emerged from my wrists and made rivers through my hands and into my fingers. I stood unmoving on the table, overseeing the crowd and finding Danica as she attempted to make a quick getaway. I stretched out my hand in front of me, vaguely feeling the teenage girl’s absent body in the palm of my hand. I curled my fingers to make a loose fist that made the teenage girl halt in her spot. She frantically looked around, trying to find the restraints that enclosed her in her spot. She finally looked back at me, narrowing her eyes and pouting angrily.

Annoyedly, I stepped off the table and strode through the thinning crowd over to the dark-haired teenager. She struggled against the invisible force holding her there. It was only then that I got a good look at the girl. Regardless of me chasing her for six months, I never actually got up close and personal. She looked exactly like the other subjects. She was taller than the others but her malnourished body was almost entirely skin and bones. She had chopped off her long hair, so it was now in a boyish style; she still had dark brown curly hair. Her blue eyes were wide and filled with fear. The teenager had dirt and soot rubbed across her face and clothes, and she appeared as though she hadn’t slept in days. She probably hasn’t slept or eaten in days. Probably running off of fumes at this point. Which explains why I was able to capture her so easily.

“Let me go,” She hissed through her gritted teeth. I shook my head at her, guiding her away from the main street and to a secluded area where I would be able to talk to her privately. She continued to fight against my grip on her. Once we were deep enough in a side alleyway, I pressed her against the brick wall and stood in front of her. I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as she continued to fight against my hold. The longer she struggled, the longer I waited to say something to her. So, I stayed in my place with my arms crossed and my hip popped out in annoyance. I merely watched her tire herself out until she was huffing and puffing, slacked against the brick wall behind her. She bowed her head down between her shoulders, her hair shrouding her face from my view.

“Do you know how long it’s taken me to get a hold of you? I’ve been tracking you for six months,”

“-Like a wild animal you want to kill,” She spat at me in a venomous tone. Her head snapping up, her icy gaze drilling holes through me mercilessly. I sighed dispiritedly.

“So, I can talk to you. But you kept running from me,” I corrected tenaciously. Danica’s icy blue eyes shot daggers through me. Her face seemed to be made of stone, it was expressionless and cold. But her eyes held all the emotions she was hiding. It reminded me so much of how I used to look. It’s been nearly a decade since I discarded that expression, but it still haunts me.

“Well, you have me. So, speak.” Her voice was like a whip against my ears. Or a slap to the face. Her voice sounded so scared and uncertain. This whole situation reminded me of the past and how I used to be. I was so scared of anyone who tried to help me. I didn’t want anyone to help me. I wasn’t sure if they’d hurt me or use me. She must feel that way. After finding out her past, after the compound in Russia was shut down, I realized we didn’t lead much different lives.

I had to fight the urge to show her the effect her tone had on me. I frowned, releasing the girl from my grasp, the warm tingles vanishing from my fingertips. I wasn’t sure if she was going to run or not. But if I showed her that I wasn’t here to hurt her, she’d trust me, even just a little bit.

A surprised expression faltered her stonelike features. I could see she contemplated on running away again, but she didn’t. Her wide blue eyes went from examining her now freed body to meet my gaze.

“Are you hungry?” I asked in a sigh. Danica hesitated for a moment before nodding. I mimicked her nod, untying my arms from over my chest.

“Let’s get you some food then,” I proposed benevolently. Danica grimaced at me briefly but followed me from the alleyway, nonetheless.

Once we arrived back at the hotel I was staying at, I ordered Danica some room service. This was after I made sure all the windows were locked and secured so there wouldn’t be another great escape.

I sat across the small table from her with my arms lazily crossed across my chest, watching the fifteen-year-old chow down on the order of bryndzové halušky like she hadn’t eaten in days. She undoubtedly hasn’t eaten in days. She’s been too busy trying to get away from me.

I cocked an eyebrow interestedly, noting how she completely disregarded the silverware and ate with her fingers. It made me wonder exactly how long she’s been on her own. How long has she been alone in the world, not having a home or a family, or basic necessities in order for her to thrive in society.

“What do you remember?” I asked point blankly. Danica stopped shovelling in the food as fast as she could and looked up at me through her eyelashes. She gulped down, thinking for a moment. I saw a glimmer of remembrance and fear in her eyes.

“I remember the bad men with guns. They came to that place one night. The woman, Doreen, she helped me, and the others escape. A few of us, the young ones, went with her to her home, but the older ones ran away. She told us we were safe now; we didn’t need to do the things that man made us do. The others are still probably with her, I don’t know,” She explained in a quiet voice. I felt my heart swell with joy but at the same time it sank with sadness. I knew Doreen would always protect us. I know she’d do anything in her power to keep us safe. But my heart became blue when the thought of Dr. Cummings crossed my mind. I always saw him as a good man, despite the things he’s made me do in the past. He always made sure I was fed and cleaned. He made sure I always had a bed to sleep on or clean clothes to wear. But that’s not how the others see him. They don’t think highly of the man who gave us life.

“How long have you been on your own?” I mindlessly questioned. She gulped down again, but this time she hesitated in responding.

“I don’t know,” She replied weakly.

“Where did you start out?” I leaned forward in the chair, untangling my arms from over my chest. Danica’s face became stone once again as she straightened up in the chair.

“You tell me you’re here to help me, but it sounds like you’re only helping yourself,” She spat standoffishly. I pursed my lips and looked down at my lap momentarily before meeting her steel gaze again. I suppose she was right. I was helping myself. I wanted to know where the other subjects were so I could help them. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help her too.

“What would you say if I told you there’s a place I can take you, where there’s people that can help you; shelter you, feed you, teach you how to use your abilities and so much more?” I quizzed, leaning forward on my forearms that were planted firmly on the tabletop. Danica scoffed at my question and mimicked my pose.

“I’d tell you to stay on your meds,” She jeered at me, her Russian accent became apparent with this statement. A crooked smirk fell across my lips and my eyebrows shot upwards in amusement.

“Humor me,” I requested in an indulgent way. Danica tilted her head and shrugged.

“Okay, where is this place and who are these people?” She asked. I smiled at her knowingly.


	22. The Storm Without a Warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> I sincerely apologize for my absence. My life has been a little crazy lately. But with this whole quarantine thing going on I think I can get a lot of writing done and I thoroughly hope you all enjoy it. I'd greatly appreciate it if I received comments, 'cause y'know, validation and all. But mostly I'd like to know your thoughts on my story and where it's going. 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy this chapter and stay safe out there. 
> 
> -Kat

There’s a funny thing about coming home after being away for a long time. It never matters how far you’ve run, or how long you’ve been gone; home is always waiting for your return. Sometimes home is a place made of bricks and wood, other times it’s a person. Someone waiting for you to come back so they can hold you and breathe you in. To know you’re alive and safe. Home always wonders what took you so long to come back. Or why you left in the first place. Sometimes the answer to those questions is easy, other times it’s unknown.

I never really had a home to come back to, only places I was occupying momentarily. I’ve always been on the move; going somewhere new, doing something, saving someone. I have never really had the chance to settle down somewhere and build a home for myself. Although, my home is written on the pages of a letter. Signalling my survival and my desire to see another day. I detail my adventures in many pages, telling the stories of my days or even weeks of living and saving the world; someone’s world. I send them off with a postcard of the last place I was in, to the last place I’ll be. A place I haven’t been to in two years.

But now I have no choice but to go back. Danica refused to go to Wakanda without me. She didn’t believe I was telling the truth. Or at least that’s what she told me. What I believe is she’s scared. I’m the first person she’s contacted in months, who’s been in the same position she’s been in. She’s scared and lost, and now finally has hope. She finally has someone who cared enough to not give up on her.

I sighed to myself, finishing the paperwork for this mission and going over the progress T’Challa has sent me about the other subjects I’ve sent his way. So far I’ve rounded up four of the girls who were results of Project Lumini. Danica hasn’t told me where Doreen has the other subjects or how many other subjects there are. Apparently Doreen had stolen as many files from the Project as she could before fleeing the compound. When I went to the compound I was able to get my hands on fifteen files, I believed that was how many successful subjects there were but apparently there are more, far more than I could even imagine. I can’t even imagine how many poor souls are the result of this horrendous experimentation. These poor girls are never going to be able to live a normal life. They’re never going to be able to look back on their past fondly. How many girls are out there that are alive solely because of these experiments? I don’t know.

**Name**: Subject Three – Zasha **Date of Birth**: November 8th, 1997

**Date Apprehended**: January 27th, 2017

**Status**: Captured by Elena Dalca

Transport – January 30th, 2017

In Custody of King T’Challa – January 31st, 2017

**Abilities**: Manipulation of the Thalamus and Frontal Lobe – Can change a person’s entire personality, i.e.: IQ and EQ related issues. 

**Name**: Subject Nine – Lada **Date of Birth**: April 17th, 2005

**Date Apprehended**: July 9th, 2017

S**tatus**: Captured by Elena Dalca

Transporting – July 9th, 2017

In Custody of Kind T’Challa – July 10th, 2017

**Abilities**: Elemental Kinetic – Can manipulate natural elements i.e.: fire and water. 

**Name**: Subject Four – Galina **Date of Birth**: September 20th, 2001

**Date** **Apprehended**: January 10th, 2018

**Status**: Captured by Elena Dalca

Transport – January 11th, 2018

In Custody of King T’Challa – January 12th, 2018

**Abilities**: Manipulation of Parietal, Occipital and Temporal Lobes – Induction of age-related or mental illnesses such as blindness, hearing loss, Dementia, psychosis and a slew of otherwise naturally occurring or chemically induced disorders

**Name**: Subject Five – Danica **Date of Birth**: August 14th, 2003

**Date Apprehended**: June 12th, 2018

**Status**: Captured by Elena Dalca

Transport – June 13th, 2018 _Pending_

**Abilities**: Telekinetic, telepathic and possible other undocumented abilities. **NOTE**: MUST UNDERGO TESTING

“Y’know.” Danica’s soft voice drew my attention away from the screen of the tablet in front of me. I looked up at her, she was dreamily staring out the window of the jet at the blue-blue sky and the golden rays of sunshine. Her clear blue eyes found their way to me. She wore a saddened expression across the face I’ve seen too many times.

“You were his favourite,” She added sullenly. My eyebrows drew together fascinatedly.

“Whose?” I asked. Danica tilted her head at me, her dark hair falling around her porcelain face. She gave me a smug half smirk and shook her head.

“Dr. Cummings’,” She reiterated. “–You were always his favourite. He talked so highly about you all the time. Told us that if we lived up to your potential, we’d get the same treatment you did. He’d go on and on about how proud he was of you. How he was so sad that he sold you.” Danica looked down at her lap as she spoke about Dr. Cummings. I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness inside my chest.

“The only reason I was his favourite is because I’m the first experiment that was successful. I wasn’t able to use my gifts at will until I was four years old, and even then, they weren’t under control,” I told her in a nurturing way. “–I remember one time I chased one of the lab assistants down the hallway with a table without even realizing it,” I laughed at that memory fondly. Danica couldn’t stop herself from giggling at my story. Her pale face lit up with a glow that made the last six months of tracking her down worth it. She’s my sister and I want what’s best for her.

“One time I predicted the future. Dr. Cummings said that my prediction was so outrageous that there was no way it was possible,” Danica explained cheerfully. My brows fell together in curiosity.

“Yeah? What’d you predict?” I asked intriguingly. Danica was sent into another fit of giggles as she shook her head in disbelief of what she predicted. It must’ve been outrageous and hilarious for her to be laughing this hard at it.

“I predicted that a purple alien stole some magic rocks and made half the universe disappear,” She tittered happily with tears in the corners of her eyes. I was gobsmacked by her prediction. It really was outrageous and…. Out there. A purple alien stealing some magic rocks to make half the entire universe disappear.

“That really is out there. Are you sure it wasn’t just a dream?” I tried to gather as much information about her as I possibly could, not for my file on her but because I genuinely want to get to know her. Her face softened as she sobered from her giggles. She looked at me with a tilted head and a gleam in her eyes that said she was afraid and unsure.

“It wasn’t a dream.” She paused glumly, looking down at her lap with drawn together eyebrows. “–I’ve revisited the prediction a few times. But it never changes. It always ends the same. And I can never see beyond it,” She added lowly. I was unsettled by the feeling of fear and uncertainty radiating off of her like the sun radiates warmth. I had to take a steadying breath as the memories of the events from two years ago played in my mind.

_“Where do we go from here?”_

_“I have a promise to uphold, to leave this life behind and start somewhere new as someone new. Although, my plans were to find the other subjects, others like me. To see if I can help them.” _

_“But if you want me to stay, I will,” _

_“I’m going back into cryo. I don’t know how long I’ll be under,” _

_“I’ll wait,” _

_“I won’t ask you to wait,” _

I took another deep breath, pushing the memories out of my head. It’s not that I didn’t like thinking about Bucky, I feel incredibly guilty whenever I do think of him. I didn’t want to be away from him for two years, but I couldn’t go back. I didn’t want to know if his feelings for me were just because of everything that’s happened or if he actually did have genuine feelings for me. Danica’s head lifted with a perplexed expression on her face.

“Who’s Bucky?” Danica questioned out of the blue. My face twisted in surprise and confusion. Her question was truly out of the blue, completely out of left field. It left me speechless; dazed and confused. But I suppose she wanted to change the topic and didn’t know what to change it to.

“Why do you ask?” I questioned curiously.

“Just now, I saw him again, in your head,” She uttered. I cocked an eyebrow at her declaration.

“_Again_?” I restated, drawing the word out. Danica gave me a guilty look as she sank down into herself.

“Last night when you fell asleep. I saw you two. You were in his dreams, in his head. He dreamed he was dancing with you to old music. Is he your boyfriend?” Danica’s questions made guilt and sadness settle in the pit of my stomach. I readjusted in the seat, clearing my throat uncomfortably.

“You shouldn’t be going into other people’s dreams,” I replied shortly. Danica frowned at me.

“Sorry, I can’t control it sometimes.” She looked away from me, back out the window. I saw the cold blue gloom wash over her pale face. The guilt inside me grew, remembering how I was when I was untrained and feral. I’d go into everyone’s heads, whether they were awake or asleep. Danica was too young to be trained on how to harness her abilities, with or without the help of Doreen. She was only three or four years old when Dr. Cummings died.

“Our relationship is complicated,” I uttered, looking down at my lap.

“Why?” Danica quizzed. I lifted my head up to look at the fifteen-year-old girl sitting in front of me. She was looking at me with curiosity beaming in her bright blue eyes.

“We have a pretty messed up history. He has feelings for me, I have feelings for him but…. –Our paths don’t align right now,” I explained briefly, not wishing to go into this further with a teenager. I didn’t want to corrupt her before she has a chance to experience life to its fullest.

“_Your paths don’t align_? What’s that supposed to mean? You like him, he likes you; what more could you ask for?” Danica hopefully exclaimed. I couldn’t help but grin and scoff at her comment.

“A better history,” I countered swiftly. Danica waved her hand at me and made a _pfft_ noise.

“From what I saw you guys seem to be in love; deeply in love,” She stated. “–What history is so bad that it has control of the present?” She questioned curiously, making a good point. But she was still young and didn’t have much life experience in this aspect.

“We did a lot of bad things together before we saved ourselves. A few years ago, he got into some trouble and needed help, my help. I lost a lot of people for doing so. He’s in Wakanda healing from the past while I’m out looking for the other experiments. I haven’t seen him in the flesh in two years.” I cut the very long and complicated past down to digestible mouthfuls, also avoiding the details of the past.

“So, this will be the first time you actually see him since he got into trouble?” Danica questioned softly. I nodded, swallowing down hard. My heart jumped into warp speed when the jet passed through the shield surrounding Wakanda. I thought for sure we’d be a few hours more, but I guess I got caught up in my paperwork and lost track of time. A smile pressed across my face when Danica’s eyes widened as she looked out the window at the beautiful scenery below us. As scared as I was about facing Bucky again, for the first time in two years, seeing Danica and the others in such a safe place and potentially thriving made it all worth it. I know this is going to be painful for me; and it’s going to be painful for Bucky as well. This is going to be the first time we see each other in the flesh in two years. Yes, I visit him in his dreams, and I write to him as often as I can but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I haven’t been back in Wakanda in so long.

Danica and I exited the plan once we landed on the tarmac and went through the usual security measures that were put in place to keep everyone safe. Danica trailed behind me timidly with her tail between her legs so to speak. She was unsure of what to do when the guards patted us down and went through my bags. Danica had no luggage, so she had to wait aside while my things were examined. We exited the security building and headed towards the palace through the breezeway.

“Elena!” T’Challa’s voice boomed down the breezeway cheerfully. A large smile erupted across my face when I came face to face with the King of Wakanda once again. Okoye strode by his side with a fierce look, the same one I’ve come to know and love. They were followed by Shuri, who was bouncing with excitement to see me again.

“Your Majesty,” I greeted, bowing my head down and bending my knees slightly to give a slight curtsy. I glanced over at Danica and nearly laughed at the confusion and awe on her face. Her brows were furrowed as her blue eyes bounced between T’Challa and me and her mouth hung open slightly.

“I see you’ve decided to escort the newest member of the Lumini family to their new home,” He observed with a playful smirk, his eyes moved between me and Danica. I felt Danica almost melt into my side in discomfort and fear. I looked over at her and nodded in agreement, my attention going back towards the King. I guess he saw how afraid Danica had become and decided to leave the conversation at that.

“Danica, welcome to Wakanda. You are safe here and welcome to stay for however long you wish,” T’Challa informed the fifteen-year-old with a gentle tone and kind smile. I felt Danica step away from my side a bit. She then mimicked my actions, bowing her head and bending at her knees slightly to curtsy. I couldn’t stop the stupid grin from crossing my face as T’Challa’s smirk stretched into his signature goofy smile.

“This is Okoye, my friend and head of Wakanda Special Forces,” T’Challa introduced, gesturing to Okoye, who merely gave a single nod. “–And this is my sister Shuri,” He added, gesturing towards Shuri. Shuri short her brother a sour expression in response to his lack of giving her the title she’s worked hard to achieve.

“Head of tech science,” Shuri added her rightfully earned title with some annoyance in her voice. T’Challa wore a shit eating grin but nodded in approval.

“Before you get settled in we’d like to run some tests,”

“_Tests_?” Danica reiterated apprehensively, recoiling into my side again. I immediately put a hand on her shoulder firmly, letting her know it was alright. I looked over at Danica from a nervous looking T’Challa, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Just a checkup, to make sure you’re healthy,” I reassured her. Her glazed over blue eyes found my gaze blankly but she swallowed hard and nodded, taking hold of my wrist for reassurance. I held her hand as we were led from the breezeway into the palace. T’Challa and Shuri asked about my travels and informed me about the progress the other girls were making. Apparently Zasha has taken it upon herself to care for and help train Galina and Lada. Lada has latched onto one of the mothers in the farmland and the mother has taken Lada into her family, raising her as one of her own. Lada is the youngest I’ve found so far, she’s only thirteen. Galina and Zasha are working with T’Challa to create a rehabilitation program for the subjects I send their way. So far they have a lot of groundwork done and the program should be up and running within the next few weeks. T’Challa told me the girls came up with the idea and is very impressed by their initiative and desire to make their sisters feel at home and safe all while helping them develop their abilities. He believes taking the other subjects in and helping them get back on their feet is a wonderful idea.

Danica sat on the examination table with her knees pressed together and her hands clasped together on her lap. She appeared to be unsure and uncomfortable. Her eyes couldn’t stay on one thing for very long. There was a lot going on around her and this must be so new to her, especially after being on the run for however long she’s been. She was also in hiding before that and I don’t know if Doreen has gotten the girls proper medical treatment since fleeing the compound.

“Elena!” I heard Lada’s voice exclaim happily. I turned around only to almost tumble to the ground when a smaller body collided with mine. My face was instantly buried in a jungle of wild dark curls. I couldn’t help but smile as I wrapped my arms around the thirteen-year-old. She pulled away from me with a wide grin. The thirteen-year-old sported a set of braces and her dark hair was pulled back into box braids. She looked so much better now than when I found her. She had been on the run for a year before I found her. Her way of living was to lie, cheat and steal from people.

My attention was drawn to the almost identical young ladies casually striding into the medical area.

Zasha looked much older now that her hair was no longer a wild jungle of long dark brown curls, instead it was cut into a shoulder length bob. She was the oldest of the girls I’ve found, being twenty-one. She glowed proudly, maturity making her appear as though she was a mother and a CEO. Which is a drastic difference from how she looked when I brought her here. I know she had to do a lot of questionable things to survive. And it took a toll on her but now she’s thriving.

Galina excitedly pranced in her place. She looked much better now than when I originally found her. She was merely skin and bones when I found her. She hadn’t eaten a sufficient amount in weeks. She was malnourished and dehydrated. She had been on the run for years with no place to call her home, or a safe place to lay her head at night. But now she looked healthy and happy.

A warm fuzzy feeling erupted inside of me, seeing the girls and how far they’ve come.

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” I smiled at them. Galina shrugged nonchalantly and grinned.

“We’re doing okay,” Galina said. Zasha nodded in agreement but remained silent. I had the inkling feeling she had something to say but was waiting for the right moment to say it. Before I could say anything else Lada and Galina had turned their attentions towards Danica, showering her in affection and high hopes for what Wakanda could do for her. Danica was bewildered by everything they were saying to her, but she smiled and conversed with the two teenaged girls.

Zasha and I merely stood aside and smiled at the three girls silently. I was proud and happy to see my ever-growing family interacting with each other, just like a normal family should. Yes, I recognize that my family is unconventional but we’re still family. It reminded me of how my life was four years ago. I had an unconventional family. We all used to talk to each other and laugh and share our hopes and dreams with each other. But I haven’t seen them in two years. I’ve talked to them briefly a few times over the phone, they usually had information about the location of a subject and were informing me about it. But we never talked about anything beyond that. I haven’t seen any of them in two years. I haven’t talked to them beyond sharing intel. I’ve only regularly seen Bucky in his dreams and written him letters.

“He knows you’re here,” Zasha whispered to me, leaning in to keep this information between us. My heart stopped and my stomach began twisting into tight knots. I sucked in a deep breath through my teeth. I glanced over at Zasha, who was looking at me with a sympathetic expression.

“And who told him I was coming?” I questioned perplexedly, raising an eyebrow at her statement. Zasha shrugged a shoulder and pursed her lips.

“Word travels fast here,” She replied quietly. I let out an exasperated breath, nodding in agreement.

“So, in other words, Lada told him?” I offered the alternative explanation with a crooked smirk. Zasha chuckled, cocking her head to the side slightly as the alternative explanation was the more likely explanation. From what I’ve heard about the girls’ personalities, when Lada’s excited she can’t keep a secret to save her life. Which makes her past way of life all that more interesting to think about.

“I told her not to tell anyone, but she was excited and accidentally spilled the beans this morning,” Zasha said, admiring her younger sister and her excitable ways. I swallowed down hard, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I have this handled. Go see him,” Zasha uttered surely. I sighed and gave her a nod, acknowledging that she means I should go see him and talk to him. Zasha and I are obviously the closest, not for any reason besides we’re closer in age. Although she’s still a teenager and I’m in my early twenties, we’re the closest in age and other things. Zasha had to do a lot of the same things I had to do when we were with Dr. Cummings. Galina and Lada were both still too young and inexperienced with their abilities to be tested the same ways we were.

Without another word I backed away from the gleeful girls and made my way out of the palace. Passing Shuri in the corridor, she went to speak to me, but I suppose the realization of where I was going chimed in inside her head and chose just to share a kind smile in passing instead. It was much appreciated but at the same time, I wished she’d stopped me and forced me to talk with her for a while so I could put off the inevitable for a little while.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a nervous mess. Two years is a long time ago; what happened between us was a long time ago too. I know Bucky wanted to sort things out once he got out of cryo, untangle our pasts and try to set a good path for the future but I wasn’t here. I wrote to him a lot, promising I’d come back after this mission, after getting the young girl I was tracking down. But I always went from mission to mission like swinging from vine to vine. He’s going to be mad and hurt about me distancing myself. I’m not even sure why I was distancing myself from him. I don’t know if I’m running from the past or if I’m running from my feelings. My irrational mind was screaming at me to stay away; feelings put people in danger. Hydra isn’t completely gone; I don’t think it ever will be completely gone. And if they find me, they’ll use me to lure Bucky in and they’ll have us both once again. And vice versa. But my logical mind was telling me that it’s safe. Having feelings for people is healthy. It’s normal for people to have feelings for others. So, why am I so scared of my own emotions? Is it because of my past? Is it because of my uncertain future? Or is it because I’m constantly living from moment to moment without a promise of the next?

I sharply inhaled when I spotted the one-armed man amongst a small herd of goats, spreading feed for them. I could hear him talking to them like they were children. A shaky smile nudged at the corners of my lips. I stood silently atop of a small hill with my hands in my jacket pockets. A small group of children sitting in a nearby tree observed Bucky, giggling and talking amongst themselves. He didn’t seem to pay much mind to them. He was different from them after all and children are naturally curious of things that are different. 

‘_Hello Sargent_,” I mentally greeted, making the decline down the small hill towards him. Bucky stopped what he was doing, straightening out. But he kept his back towards me. The closer I got the more I saw. He wore a dirty grey muscle shirt with a red cloak draped over his left shoulder. His dark grey pants were covered in muck and dust. It appeared he hadn’t showered in a while, his long chestnut brown hair hung down in greasy clumps. I watched him sigh heavily before going back to feeding the lingering goats.

“Elena,” He gruffly replied, spreading the feed over the ground. His emotionless tone caused me to frown as a sinking feeling filled me.

“I have a lot of explaining to do,” I said. Bucky dropped the metal bucket onto the ground, it landed with a loud thud and rattle, before turning to face me. His expression was stone cold, his eyes piercing through me like daggers. I was fully prepared for him to rip into me. But when his features softened as he looked at me, I was completely caught off guard. He sighed again before stepping towards me. I was taken aback when he wrapped his arm around me tightly, bringing me close to him. I let go of the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I weakly wrapped my arms around his middle and nestled my face into the crook of his neck. I felt my heart tremble inside my chest as my lungs struggled to grasp any oxygen. Tears formed in my eyes as the feeling of completion washed over me; it was coming from him. But it could be coming from me too.

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered. “–I am so sorry. I swear I wanted to come back sooner. I swear. I planned on coming back sooner, but I was scared,” I pitifully sobbed into his shoulder. Bucky hummed in response, his hand running up my back and sliding into my hair.

“You kept your promise; that’s what matters,” He mumbled into my ear quietly. My arms squeezed him tighter in appreciation. My heart galloped inside my chest as the feeling of adoration and love flowed from his chest into mine. More tears escaped my eyes at the emotions he was filling me with, not just through the connection we have but the things he makes me feel. I could feel every dark nook and cranny within me being filled with life and love again. It made me feel vulnerable but in the best possible way. 

“I love you, Buck.”


	23. Magic Carpet Ride

_2016_

I lingered behind them as we were escorted from the infirmary that was within the palace to, what I call, the science unit. Shuri was waiting for us, making the final adjustments to the cryochamber. She gave me a reassuring nod as I looked at the chamber in distaste. I didn’t like this but if I trust anyone to help Bucky get better, I trust Shuri.

“Will you be here the entire time he is?” Shuri questioned curiously, tapping away at the screen in front of her. I stood not too far away from her, giving Bucky and Steve some time alone. There were lab techs taking Bucky’s vitals before he went in, making sure he was healthy enough to withstand another cryogenic slumber.

I cocked my eyebrow at her inquiry with my arms crossed over my chest. Shuri giggled at me as if she knew something I didn’t.

“You haven’t left his side for nearly twenty-four hours. That’s out of character for you,” She observed and reinstated something I’ve been told before.

“Shuri, if you’re about to ask me if I love him, I’m going to spill water all over your computer,” I warned in a playful but stern tone.

“Who said anything about love? I surely didn’t,” She defended herself equally playfully. I was amused by how fast she back peddled from the assumption. My amusement faded away as I watched the two men from afar. My eyebrows creased and I shook my head at the idea.

“And no, I’m not,” I told her certainly. Shuri glanced over at me confusedly. “–I’m going back to Russia, back to the facility I was created in. I need to get some files so I can find some people,” I informed her about my plans sullenly. I inhaled deeply, my arms dropping to my sides and I turned to face Shuri with a serious but worried look.

“Please make sure he’s taken care of,” I requested in a hushed voice. Her face hardened in understanding as she gave me a reassuring nod.

“Of course,” She agreed kindly. I nodded at her, feeling a little more at ease with leaving him here while I go do what I have to.

Shuri and I went back to our previous positions when Steve approached us. He sighed and buried his hands in the pockets of his pants. I couldn’t help but cross my arms over my chest a little tighter than before as I watched Bucky being helped into the chamber.

“You’re not staying, are you?” He quizzed in a soft way. I shook my head in response to his question.

“I need to find the other subjects, the other kids Dr. Cummings created to be used as weapons. I need to help them,” I explained, unsure if I was telling Steve or re-establishing this to myself. Either way, both of us needed to understand my plans for my future. I can’t go back to my old life, here in Wakanda or my old life back in New York. I had to keep moving forward.

“Are you ever gonna come back?” He asked standoffishly. I turned my head and looked up at the blue-eyed super soldier with a sombre expression.

“Of course, I am,” I said assuredly. “–I have a promise to keep.” My attention went back towards the chamber where Bucky had been strapped into the semi comfortable looking upright gurney. I frowned as he was sealed into the cryochamber. He looked uncertain and a little scared. It only made me less than happy about his decision, but at the end of the day, it’s his choice. He wants to get better and he’ll try anything to obtain that.

Steve escorted me back to my accommodations, he wanted to see what I’ve been up to while I was in Wakanda. Needless to say, he was surprised by the cleanliness and organization of my room. He reminded me of how my room looked when I was living in the Avengers tower in New York, or how my little apartment looked when I lived on my own. I had to remind him that I grew up. My room no longer resembled that of a teenage girl or someone living on their own for the first time while going to school. Steve went really quiet after that. It must’ve been a wakeup call for him. When I met Steve I was only fifteen, he basically watched me grow up. And now he’s actually seeing that I’ve grown up. My bedroom walls didn’t have posters and paintings all over them, my clothes weren’t scattered all over the place and my knickknacks were basically nonexistent. It was vastly different from a few years ago. Steve didn’t stay long after, he had elsewhere to be and more important matters to attend to.

I sighed to myself, packing another go bag. My mind was spinning, still. After everything that’s happened, this was the first time I wasn’t actually in any danger and I had a chance to actually sit with everything. I was bombarded by so much information and revelations. From finally finding my biological mother, finding Bucky again and confronting him which led to something unexpected, to fighting to his life and going against the very people who saved me, and finally finding out the truth about my past and the Istoki project. I may have gained so much, I gained freedom and truth and understanding but I’ve also lost so much. I’ve lost friends and family. I’ve lost trust in others and myself. I’ve lost a part of myself. I could only go from here. I knew where I’ve been, so I know where to never go again. That’s all I can do right now.

My head fell down between my shoulders as a heaviness weighed down in my chest. I dropped the article of clothing I was holding and sat down on the bed with another heavy sigh. It felt like I was about to begin crying again but this time the tears never came. I only sat there staring at the wall with heaviness sinking my heart.

I finally lifted my head, looking over at the desk in the corner of the small room. Books were piled high; papers were neatly held in the folders and my notebooks were lined along the wall. At this moment, I can’t even remember what those books were about or what I had written down in my notebooks, or even what the folders held besides papers. My mind was drawing a complete and utter blank.

I stood up and wandered over to the kempt desk. Without thinking, I sat down and pulled out a fresh piece of paper. I didn’t know what I was doing, I just knew I had to do it. I had to put pen to paper. I’m not sure what I was going to say, but I had to say it.

_Tony,_

_I know what you’re thinking, I’ve got a lot of balls writing to you; especially after everything that’s happened. _

_I just wanted to say I wish things were different. I wish I could see things the way you do. I wish you could see things the way I do. Maybe then we could’ve come to an understanding. I understand where you’re coming from, where your heart was. I understand the devastation of knowing the truth after being fed lies for so long. The lesson I learned from that devastation is how much strength it takes to forgive and to understand. I understand why you didn’t tell me the truth; it was to protect me and to protect others from me. People are afraid of the things they don’t understand. I didn’t understand myself and that made me dangerous. You were trying to protect me, give me a better life than I had. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I wish I could say I appreciate the lies you told me to protect me. But you’re not the only one I’m upset with about this._

_I don’t want to drag this out longer than I have to. Tony, I will always consider you the father figure I needed in my life. I’ll forever love and appreciate you. Although, I can’t condone either of our actions recently. But I hope that if our paths cross in the future, and I hope they do, we can find a resolution. _

_Yours Truly,_

_Elena Dalca _

_Present_

Sometimes things aren’t so simple. Sometimes you can’t control the outcome. Sometimes you have to look at the reality in front of you and accept it.

I wish it were as simple as just facing it and accepting it. I’ve always been one extreme or another. Accept reality or change it, fight against it. My track record is sporadic when it comes to reality and destiny. I’ve had to learn the hard way to pick and choose my battles. Some are worth fighting while others, it’s just a waste of time and effort. But being back in Wakanda has shown me that things are rarely as simple as it seems.

I arrived in Wakanda a few days ago with Danika and it was the first time I saw Bucky face to face in two years. I thought I was prepared to handle the outcome of being here again, but I wasn’t in the slightest prepared. Seeing Bucky again seemingly unleashed a whole lot of emotions that I didn’t want to admit I had. And I did something I never thought I’d do, I admitted them and told Bucky how I felt about him. I told him I love him.

After that we went back to the small house I rented for the other girls in the city, so they didn’t have to worry about a place to live. They gave me my own room despite me never being here. We sat and talked about things, or we just sat in silence. It felt like we were going round in circles but looking at the bigger picture, we made a lot of progress. It’s so strange, I thought for sure he’d want nothing to do with me. But he fell asleep next to me last night. He talked about things he’s remembered. He showed me a vulnerable side I only got to see twice before.

Over the last few days, I’ve been busy, which is an understatement. Zasha has been probing me about going out to help look for other subjects, Lada and Galina want to show me how much they’ve grown in their abilities, Shuri wants to update all of my equipment, Bucky wants to spend time with me and I’m being handed new files for the subjects that have been found recently. There’s one of me and only so many hours in a day. I haven’t had much time to breathe or digest the reality I’ve been handed.

“What’s her name?” I asked, flipping through the pages of the newest file to land on my lap.

“_Subject Six, but she goes by the name Ahlai now,_” Nat informed over the video call. “–_She’s stirred the pot quite a bit with the Israeli government,_” She added causing me to jerk my head up at look at her in surprise.

“Israel?” I reiterated stunned. Natasha nodded, pursing her lips.

“_Yeah. Tel Aviv to be exact. She’s really good at blackmailing politicians and they can’t seem to catch her_.” I let out a heavy sigh as I went back to flipping through the old file.

“How do we know this is really a subject from Lumini?” I posed curiously. “–How do we know this isn’t just a normal common day vigilante?” I expanded my thought. According to the file she would be only a few weeks younger than me. I’ve had to learn the numbering system of Dr. Cummings’ subjects. I’ve learned that if a successful subject dies or doesn’t show any signs of abilities the next successful subject will replace the original. Zasha is Subject Three–C. Galina is Subject Four–D, Lada is Subject Nine–B and Danika is Subject Five–C. That means Ahlai is Subject Six–B. She was the second Subject Six. The numbering system is confusing until you have it laid out in front of you. Ahlai is the second successful Subject Six, she took the place of the original for a number of reasons. Galina replaced the former three subjects before her. Whereas no one will be able to take my place as Subject Zero because I am ground zero for the project.

“_Well, considering the majority of her victims have given the same description, the same scenario of how she’s managed to get information to blackmail them with and she’s always demanded the money be split up into different bank accounts_.”

“–That doesn’t explain why we believe it’s Subject Six. Like I said, anybody could do that,” I interrupted, flipping through the pages of the file to find the information about what kind of abilities I’m potentially facing if this is Subject Six. 

“_This girl has the same abilities as you,_” Natasha muttered with uneasiness in her voice. My head snapped up in surprise. Natasha was staring at me with a worried but stern glower. My eyebrows fell together.

“The exact same abilities?” I questioned. Nat nodded her head, still giving me the same stony expression that meant seriousness and to proceed with extreme caution.

“_You two could be twins_,” She replied.

“How long has she been on her own?” I asked bluntly, wanting to get more information about this young woman.

“_We’ve been able to trace her blackmailing back a few years. She’s stayed in the Middle East mainly, starting back in twenty-twelve_,” Natasha said sounding as defeated as I was feeling. I was feeling defeated because that’s what she was feeling. I don’t know why she was feeling defeated, but she was. But there was something else there. The inkling feeling that she’s holding something back from me. I remember this feeling all too well. I remember it from the day I found my mother and I had no idea what the truth was. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. And right now, I was getting that same feeling.

“Nat, what aren’t you telling me?” I demanded lowly. Natasha’s stern stare saddened slightly.

“_Sam believes we’re not the only ones with our eyes on her. He thinks she’s gonna be recruited by an organization and use her as a weapon._” A sinking feeling gripped me, and I could feel the familiar fear creeping up my spine. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I had to get to her before anyone else does. I had to protect her from a war she had nothing to do with. I didn’t want her to be used the same ways I was.

I looked down at the picture of the young girl clipped to the file. She looked exactly like the rest of us, dark curly hair, blue eyes, and the same absent expression. Every girl shares the same expression in their file picture. They all looked absent, not really there. Not calling them crazy or anything, it looks like they’re absent in a coping way. They don’t want to be present in their situation. I remember seeing my picture in my file and how polar opposite it was compared to these girls’. I was so proud to be a part of something and to be praised for doing good work.

I sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Alright, thanks Nat. Keep me updated if you hear anything,” I said plainly, ending the video call. The document Natasha sent me on the whereabouts of Subject Six and new information about her popped up on the screen. I stared at the screen with the sinking feeling rattling through me. I’ve never met someone with the same exact abilities as me. Wanda is as close to having identical abilities as me and we’re vastly different. But I’ve never met someone who comes from the same place as me, has the same past as me and has the exact same abilities as me. We’re the same but at different ends of the spectrum. After Dr. Cummings died she had to fight to survive whereas I’ve always had a roof over my head; regardless of where that roof was, I still had it. I never truly had to fight to survive. I wanted to judge her so badly, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t judge any of the girls because I’ve never really been in their shoes.

Without thinking, I shut the laptop and sat back in the chair with another huff.

“What’s wrong?” I nearly jumped at the sound of a deep voice coming from somewhere to my left. I turned my attention to see the now clean man standing in the doorway wearing a fresh pair of clothes. I pursed my lips, crossing my arms over my chest. I didn’t want to admit something was wrong. I didn’t want to say Danica’s prediction didn’t get to me, being back here didn’t bother me and now knowing there’s a girl out there who’s just like me.

I turned away from Bucky silently. He let out a gravelly sigh as he walked further into my room.

“Y’know, sometimes I wish I had your gift of being able to get into someone’s head, that way I know what’s going on inside that head of yours,” He expressed. I heard the bed squeak telling me he sat down on the end of the bed. I frowned at his statement, still refusing to look at him.

“El,” Bucky lowly murmured. My gaze reluctantly found his. A twinge of sadness erupted in my heart when I saw the concern and slight sadness in his vibrant blue eyes.

“You don’t want to be here with me?” He asked quietly. I immediately jumped to my feet, towering over him in defense. My fists balled up at my sides. My entire body was so tense it vibrated with anger. Annoyance and anger replaced the sinking sadness in the blink of an eye. But it was gone just as fast when I saw the fear plastered across Bucky’s face. I unclenched my fists as my body relaxed. The fear had left Bucky’s face.

“I want to be here with you. It’s just….” I trailed off defeatedly. I sighed heavily, running my hands down my face tiredly.

“Complicated?” Bucky offered the word I was looking for to describe what I’m going through right now. I frowned and nodded.

“I’ve been so busy trying to save these girls that I forgot about you. I forgot about _me_,” I explained. Bucky nodded once with a slight frown capturing his rosy lips.

“I wanted to come back sooner but every time I tried there was a new case I had to work on, a new subject to save. And then every time I see the girl I can’t help but remember my past, how I had to fight every single day to survive; even after hydra I had to fight to survive. And seeing how these girls have lived for God knows how long, I’m reminded that they’ve had to fight so many battles I never had to. I always knew what tomorrow looked like, they didn’t,” I babbled, sitting down on the bed on Bucky’s right.

“And you like your days ending with a pretty bow on it. Like you did something that was worth it, all of the trials and tribulations. You don’t want the past to ruin that pretty bow, but it does,” Bucky mumbled softly. I nodded solemnly. “–I know how you feel,” He added. My head turned so I was looking over at him. Bucky was staring off into the distance, getting lost in his thoughts. His face was blank, but his eyes said everything. He was being genuine when he told me he knows how I feel.

“We both see those girls when they’re fresh out of their trialed lives. It’s like staring into the abys and it brings back so many memories. Well, for me it brings back emotions from memories I can’t remember. But you. You remember so much more than I do. You stare into the abys and you remember the things you’ve been through; it’s a terrifying thing,” He expounded in a slow and soft manner. I frowned at his comment, scooting closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. I felt his hand rest on my knee as we sat in silence.

“I didn’t come back sooner because I was…. Because I _am_ scared of the love I have for you. I’ve never felt something like this that was so intense. Two years ago, I lost control and it scared me. I lost control because of how strong my feelings for you were. I never want to lose control like that ever again,” I sullenly thought out loud. Bucky chuckled airily and nodded.

“Yeah, I get that,” He uttered. “–I haven’t felt this way since the 30’s,” He concluded lightheartedly.

“When you showed up at my apartment in Romania I immediately recognized you. And then all of a sudden all these emotions took control of me. I needed to protect you, like you were that little girl again. It was an instinct to protect you from whatever fell in your way. I had to make sure nothing bad happened to you. But then I saw how strong you were…. And how stubborn you were. I realized you weren’t that little girl anymore, you didn’t need me to protect you,” Bucky hummed. I couldn’t help but smile at his comments about how stubborn I can be.

“–But then, after I came out of cryo, I got to sit with my thoughts and feelings. I realized the love I had for you wasn’t what I originally thought it was.” I propped up, looking over at Bucky. My eyebrows tied together, causing deep creases to line my brow line. Bucky slowly turned to face me. His face was no longer blank, but it was soft with something I’ve only seen Natasha wear when she used to look at me during conversations like this. I still don’t know what the emotion is, but it made a warm honey like feeling to caress me. It was coming from Bucky. A wide smile crossed my face as the feeling began to tingle in my fingertips.

“I believe there’s a girl in Israel who needs your help,” Bucky said softly. My smile softened slightly.

“I can send Zasha. She’s been dying to do field work,” I replied. “–Besides, I have more pressing matters to handle here,” I told him confidently. A smirk played at the corners of Bucky’s lips. Without hesitation, I leaned towards him until my lips were pressed against his. Electricity followed Bucky’s hand as it travelled up from my knee to my waist. Both of my hands found either side of his face as the kiss deepened. A feeling of contentment washed over me, making the warm honey turn to cool water. It felt like putting your feet in a pool during hot summers.

Sometimes things aren’t so simple. Sometimes you can’t control the outcome. Sometimes you have to look at the reality in front of you and accept it.


	24. Rage Part I

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? How many more times can I look into abys and still have those pieces of me? Do I have what it takes to do this job, both superhero and human? Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. The day. . . Just. . . Ends.

I had no idea what just happened. All I knew I was fighting one second and then the next something happened. I felt it hit me like a tidal wave. It came out of nowhere. It felt me feeling… empty. Like pieces of me were taken away. Whatever happened took those pieces away from me by force.

My heart pounded inside my chest as I desperately looked for anyone I recognized. I watched as the field emptied, people turning to dust in the wind. The only thing on my mind was the girls. I knew they were on the battlefield despite me telling them to stay back in the palace, to stand down. They were stubborn and wanted to fight. It must be something they’re used to doing. I don’t blame me either. If I were them I wouldn’t stand by and watch others fight, knowing I’m a good fighter and I can help. It was hypocritical of me to demand that they stay behind. I wouldn’t stay behind so why should I demand that they stay behind too?

“Lada!”

“Galina!”

“Danica!” I yelled out for the girls, silently praying someone would respond. I didn’t care who responded as long as I knew they were okay.

“Elena!” I heard a small voice call out to me. I immediately followed the voice through the brush to find Lada slumped against a tree, gripping her arm tightly. Pain was written all across her face, tears flowed down her reddened and muddied cheeks. I knelt down beside her and examined the bloody wound on her upper arm. Dirt and wood littered the deep bleeding gash.

“Elena,” Lada sobbed. “–What’s happening?” She asked in another sob. I unzipped my suit and pulled the black tank top underneath off, ripping it into strips to tie around her wound.

“I don’t know,” I replied shortly, tying the black fabric around her bloody arm tightly. She cried out in pain as I tied off the bleeding wound.

“One second Danica and I were fighting and the next she was gone,” Lada cried frightenedly. My eyebrows fell together confusedly as I helped her to her feet. She hooked an arm around my shoulders and put some of her weight on me. It was only then that I noticed the extent of her injuries. She probably suffered from a broken ankle along with several other breaks and sprains.

“What do you mean she was gone? Why were you guys out of the palace?” I questioned equally as confusedly. Lada stopped limping towards the battlefield and looked at me sorrowfully. Tears poured down her face. I could see in her eyes she was trying to remember what happened, even though it was merely a few moments ago. It was obvious that whatever happened rattled her to her core.

“Danica…. She got away from me. She wanted to fight. So, I followed her. She’s a really good fighter but we were both out numbered. She was gonna do something, to help us get out of that situation and the next thing I knew we were catapulted into the forest. Danica was alright but I…. I think I broke my ankle. She was gonna help me but then she froze. The next thing I know she’s not there anymore, nothing but dust in the wind,” Lada explained through sobs and cries.

“And Galina?” I asked. Lada shook her head at me with a frown.

“I don’t know where she is. She followed us out to fight but I lost her somewhere on the field ,” She choked. I frowned at the frightened and injured teenaged girl.

“Elena!” I heard Nat’s voice call out for me. I spun into the direction her voice was coming from. Nat was sprinting towards me with a relieved look on her face. I let out a deep sigh when she grabbed me and pulled me in for a tight hug.

“Nat,” I huffed sorely.

“Are you okay?” Natasha pulled me away from her with a frown, sadness and defeat reflected in her eyes. She gave me a look over a few times, probably noting the bumps and bruises I’ve gotten while fighting in an attempts to show her true emotions. But I saw them. I always see them.

“Yeah. I’m okay but Lada, she might’ve broken her ankle,” I replied, gesturing to Lada who was still leaning on me for support. Natasha nodded at me with a frown. She came over to us and hooked Lada’s arm around her neck for support. Once Lada was away from me I glanced at Nat once more.

“What happened?” I inquired, hoping she was more informed than I was. Natasha didn’t say anything. She just stood there with a grim look on her paled face. It was at that moment I knew what happened. Thanos won.

My mind immediately snapped to the one person I haven’t seen since we were fighting side by side in the field. _Bucky_. The last I saw of him he was doing the carousel of death with that space racoon. And then I lost him. I don’t know where he went. I don’t know if he’s okay. I just… don’t know.

“Get Lada out of here. Try and locate Galina. Make sure they’re okay,” I ordered sternly. Natasha nodded at me with a frown. Besides feeling panicked and scared, it felt weird ordering Natasha around… And she did as I said without hesitation.

I desperately searched the battlefield with no luck. Only confused warriors and piles of people who once were. Bucky wasn’t there. I began to search the woodlands surrounding the field. Again, I found confusion and uncertainty. It made my chest tighten at the thoughts I was having.

“Bucky?!” I called out frantically. “–Bucky, where are you?” I called again, frenetically searching through the bushes and trees for the super solider. I tried using his internal monologue to try and find him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t find him anywhere.

Everything stopped when I saw Steve kneeling amongst the forest, he was touching the ground with a look of hesitation. My heart stopped, the world stopped spinning, and everything froze in that moment. My eyebrows fell together.

“Steve…” I softly murmured. Steve looked up at me and that’s when I knew. I knew that when Thanos snapped his fingers, he eliminated half the entire universe. Bucky being one among the half.

“Steve, where is he?” I questioned unsurely; my voice wobbled with the uncertainty. Steve’s brows furrowed as he looked up at me.

‘_I’m sorry. I am so sorry. How do I tell her? She loves him more than anything and anyone. It’s gonna break her heart._’ Steve thought in a grim tone. His mind kept replaying the moment Bucky was taken away from us. Bucky’s last words were his best friend’s name before he collapsed into a pile of dust. I felt my heart break into trillions of tiny unfixable pieces. My chest tightened as the sobs crawled up my throat. My skin burned red hot. My body shook with emotions that I was unprepared to face. Love. Heartbreak. Defeat. It all bubbled inside of me and threatened to come spilling out.

My head started shaking in denial. I couldn’t stop the tears from forming in my eyes, threatening to come pouring out.

“No,” I whimpered. “–No, no, no.” I couldn’t say anything besides that. I was feeling so many things at once. I didn’t know where to start. So many emotions. I wasn’t sure if they were just mine or if I was feeling everyone else’s as well. I felt like I was on fire. All I knew was half of my world was gone and there was nothing I could do to bring it back.

_9 hours earlier…_

All at once I fell out of sleep. My eyes flickered open. My face scrunched in pain, my eyes tightly shutting again when they sizzled with pain from the bright sunlight pouring down onto my face from the window across the room. It must be early morning.

A moment later I realized I was in the bed I had in Wakanda, my head partly on the soft pillow with something firm underneath it. I inhaled and exhaled blissfully before coming to the acknowledgment I could feel the smooth warm fabric of the duvet draped over my side and the mattress pressed against my other side.

Slowly, I opened my eyes once more. A smile crept across my face when I saw the man’s body beside me in the bed. His bare chest rising and falling as he slept peacefully. I nestled closer to the hot body next to mine. I stopped my mind from thinking at the speed of light so I could enjoy this moment. I felt truly idyllic and calm. Laying next to Bucky, after the amazing night we had, made me feel like I was really in the moment.

I couldn’t help but giggle silently when I saw he had used a pillow to guard his face from the morning light.

“Stop laughing at me.” His grumbling voice came from under the pillow. This made me giggle even more.

“I’m not laughing at you,” I lied teasingly.

“_Mhmm_,” He moaned. “–I’d be using my arm, but somebody is using it at the moment,” He added in a lighthearted tone. My smile grew at his comment and I shook my head.

“If memory serves you’re the one who wanted cuddles,” I remarked in a playful tone. Bucky snorted at my statement and shook his head.

“No way.”

“Yes way,” I retorted, snuggling closer to him. I rested a hand on his chest and placed my chin on the back of my hand. Buck looked down his nose at me with a sly smirk. I didn’t stop myself from getting lost in his magnificent blue eyes. They appeared to be a true blue with gold reflecting in them from the morning sun. Warm memories flowed from him into the forefront of my mind. Swing music echoed through open windows on a hot summer day. Three young girls danced in a small living room of an apartment with one young man. It smelt like a cool breeze blowing through open fields. Laughter erupted from the apartment. An older woman stood at the ironing board, pressing dress shirts and slacks.

Then there were two young men running down a busy street, laughing with small brown paper bags in their clutches. I recognized the sunny boy as Steve. His clothes were a size too big and his bony knees were bruised and scraped up. The other was Bucky. His short dark brown hair bounced in curls as they both ran in the sunshine down the streets of Brooklyn.

I could smell home cooking and I could hear a woman saying grace. Thanking God for the things they had and praying hard times only got better. Bedtime stories and prayers before the sound of crickets and frogs filled the warm night along with the fast blades of a fan somewhere in a dark room. Two young boys giggling and pretending to be asleep.

“Like what you see?” Bucky’s voice brought me out of those warm memories. I hadn’t realized I had closed my eyes until I opened them again. I hummed contently and smiled at the remembrance of better days.

“You always have such strong memories,” I quietly mumbled. “–It’s like I’m there living them with you.” Bucky purred in response as a graceful smile cross his lips.

“Every time you get inside my head it gets a bit easier to remember things. Like while you’re in there you’re chipping away at the blocks that keep those memories from me,” He breathed softly, his eyes drifting closed as he rewound all the good memories he had and just relished in them. This time I didn’t get lost in his memories. I watched as he got lost in his memories. He looked the same way he did that morning he woke up in Wakanda. His skin glowed in the morning light. A rosy colour pecked each cheek and nose. The bags under his eyes were all but distant history. His dark hair made a halo around his head.

Seeing how peaceful he looked made my smile broaden. I leaned up and pressed my lips to his gently. I felt a faint smile spread across his lips as he kissed back. I noted his arm bend and his large hand capture the space between my shoulders gingerly. The warm water feeling from yesterday returned and made streams through my body. But our moment was interrupted when a loud crashing sound came from somewhere in the home followed by girlish chatter and squeals. I pulled away slightly and sighed at the remembrance that the girls were here too and were, obviously, awake. Bucky chuckled as I stayed put.

“That brings back memories,” He mumbled in an amused way. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Steve?” I muttered softly. Bucky laughed again and nodded.

“Yeah, Steve,” He replied lightheartedly. “–And my sisters.” I purred in response and nodded.

“Somethings never change, do they?” I pulled away from him and rolled off the soft bed. I threw on a plain black tee shirt that was a size too big on me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Bucky laying there looking at me like a sad puppy who just got his treat taken away. I sighed at the sight in front of me and shook my head before turning on my heel and pouncing onto the empty spot on the bed. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his once more, pulling away I patted the duvet covering his bare lower body. I got off the bed again and pulled on my tactical pants and left the room. The hallway was shadowed but sunlight flowed in through the windows on one side.

The small house had eight bedrooms; four upstairs and four on the main floor. The girls would share bedrooms, minus Zasha. Galina and Lada shared a room but now that Danica was here, Galina shared with her. My bedroom was on the main floor along with my office. The others were upstairs. On the main floor was the four bedrooms, a bathroom, an entertainment area, a dinning room, and kitchen.

I walked down the hallway and stopped at the mouth between the open living room, dinning room, and kitchen. I couldn’t help but grin like an idiot as I watched the four girls crowded in the kitchen making food. My arms crossed over my chest as I leaned against the wall. Zasha was trying to orchestrate a lovely welcome home breakfast for me and Danica for the fourth day in a row, but really it was a good luck breakfast for Zasha who was going away on her first mission today to Israel. It was a nice sight to see the four girls acting like teenage girls. Despite the fact that Zasha is only two years younger than me and I’m twenty three.

Danica’s bright blue eyes bounced around the counter before they looked up and landed on me. A wide smile spread across her face. _That_. That right there is why I do what I do. Seeing her eyes being bright and a smile in the place of a scowl. It makes all those months on the move worth it. But suddenly it was gone. Her face paled and her mouth hung agape slightly. Distance grew in her eyes, like she was seeing something that wasn’t there. The other girls noticed the shift in the atmosphere and stopped what they were doing, looking at Danica.

I stood straight up; my arms dropped to my sides as I watched Danica closely. My mind was flooded by something I didn’t quite know. It was like seeing something that hasn’t happened yet. But before I could see anything Danica shoved me out of her head and blocked me out. Danica’s eyes filled with tears that streamed out of her set gaze.

“_He’s coming,_” She whispered hoarsely before she dropped to the ground at the other girls’ feet. A chorus of startled sounds filled the house. Zasha immediately dropped to her knees while I darted towards the group of girls. Lada and Galina had hopped up onto the counters to get out of the way. When I rounded the other side of the island I saw Danica on the ground, her body jerked around as her eyes were fixated dead straight ahead of her.

“Bucky!” I cried out for the super soldier to come to assistance. Thunderous footsteps echoed through the house and Bucky appeared by my side in a split second.

“What’s going on? What’s happening?” He questioned, kneeling down beside me.

“I don’t know. She’s having some kind of fit,” I said panicked.

“Okay, we need to get her onto her side,” Bucky told me in a slightly frantic voice, but he was trying to remain calm for mine and the girls’ sakes. I nodded and semi tightly held her arms to her chest as Bucky rolled her over onto her side so she wouldn’t choke on anything.

“I’ll get help,” Zasha breathlessly announced before dashing out of the house to flag someone down on the street.

“Galina, Lada, I need you two to help hold her legs,” Bucky instructed the two other girls. The pair jumped off the counters and came to Danica’s aid. They both grabbed a hold of Danica’s legs, Lada at the knees and Galina at her feet. They mimicked my grip. We didn’t want her thrashing around, but we also didn’t want her to hurt herself fighting against our restraints.

As suddenly as this started, it finished. Danica stopped jerking around in our grasp and her eyes closed. Bucky put his hand in front of her mouth and nose with the look of fear making deep creases appear on his face. It disappeared as he looked up at me and nodded.

“She’s alive,” He said. I took the lead and loosened my grip on her. Lada and Galina followed in suit.

“Danica,” Bucky emphatically said, brushing the dark hair away from her face. “–Danica, can you hear me?” My heart nearly leaped out of my chest when a low rumble came from her. I watched as her eyebrows scrunched together.

“Can you open your eyes for me?” Bucky requested in a gentle voice. Danica grumbled again but her eyes slowly opened. Tears pooled out of her now open eyes. She glanced up at Bucky with her brows still together.

“Do you remember who I am?” He asked, placing a hand on her arm lightly.

“Dirty goat man,” Danica weakly mumbled. Bucky and I looked at each other and scoffed at her comment. He shrugged but nodded in agreement. As Bucky and I helped Danica sit up Zasha came flying back into the house, followed by Shuri and a two medical responders. The responders shoed us away from Danica as they ran vitals and asked us what happened.

“What _did_ happen?” Shuri asked curiously. I sighed with my arms crossed over my chest.

“They were making breakfast one second and the next…” I trailed off as I remembered the look on her face as she saw something none of us could.

“She had a vision,” Lada piped up. “–And then she collapsed.” She filled in the blanks effectively. Shui nodded as she scrolled through her tablet and monitored Danica’s vitals as the medical responders carried her out of the house.

“Right,” Shuri uttered. “–I’ll take her back to my lab and run some tests,” She added as we followed the responders out of the house. I nodded. I stopped dead in my tracks when Shuri did. She turned on her heel to face the small group of us.

“And in the meantime, Zasha, your jet is ready to go whenever you are.” Zasha looked as though she wanted to sink into herself, but she stood tall. She was scared and unsure of her abilities. But I had faith in her. I had faith she could do this. That she could bring back Subject One. Her eyes landed on me as if to ask what she should do. I gave her a single nod of approval. Zasha went back into the house to grab the things she needed.

“Elena,” Shuri said in a hushed voice. My attention fully came too her once again. Shuri wore a worried expression, telling me something was coming.

“T’Challa wants to speak with you,”


	25. Rage Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys but this is a short update. I'm experiencing some writer's block but this chapter is important in regards to the next few chapters

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? How many more times can I look into abys and still have those pieces of me? Do I have what it takes to do this job, both superhero and human? Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. The day. . . Just. . . Ends.

As suddenly as this started, it finished. Danica stopped jerking around in our grasp and her eyes closed. Bucky put his hand in front of her mouth and nose with the look of fear making deep creases appear on his face. It disappeared as he looked up at me and nodded.

“She’s alive,” He said. I took the lead and loosened my grip on her. Lada and Galina followed in suit.

“Danica,” Bucky emphatically said, brushing the dark hair away from her face. “–Danica, can you hear me?” My heart nearly leaped out of my chest when a low rumble came from her. I watched as her eyebrows scrunched together.

“Can you open your eyes for me?” Bucky requested in a gentle voice. Danica grumbled again but her eyes slowly opened. Tears pooled out of her now open eyes. She glanced up at Bucky with her brows still together.

“Do you remember who I am?” He asked, placing a hand on her arm lightly.

“Dirty goat man,” Danica weakly mumbled. Bucky and I looked at each other and scoffed at her comment. He shrugged but nodded in agreement. As Bucky and I helped Danica sit up Zasha came flying back into the house, followed by Shuri and a two medical responders. The responders shoed us away from Danica as they ran vitals and asked us what happened.

“What _did_ happen?” Shuri asked curiously. I sighed with my arms crossed over my chest.

“They were making breakfast one second and the next…” I trailed off as I remembered the look on her face as she saw something none of us could.

“She had a vision,” Lada piped up. “–And then she collapsed.” She filled in the blanks effectively. Shui nodded as she scrolled through her tablet and monitored Danica’s vitals as the medical responders carried her out of the house.

“Right,” Shuri uttered. “–I’ll take her back to my lab and run some tests,” She added as we followed the responders out of the house. I nodded. I stopped dead in my tracks when Shuri did. She turned on her heel to face the small group of us.

“And in the meantime, Zasha, your jet is ready to go whenever you are.” Zasha looked as though she wanted to sink into herself, but she stood tall. She was scared and unsure of her abilities. But I had faith in her. I had faith she could do this. That she could bring back Subject One. Her eyes landed on me as if to ask what she should do. I gave her a single nod of approval. Zasha went back into the house to grab the things she needed.

“Elena,” Shuri said in a hushed voice. My attention fully came too her once again. Shuri wore a worried expression, telling me something was coming.

“T’Challa wants to speak with you,”

I let out an exasperated sigh, bowing my head between my shoulders. The news I just received wasn’t something I wanted to hear. Least of all, I didn’t want to hear it come from Natasha. My mind kept rewinding the day I brought Danica to Wakanda and what we talked about on the jet.

_“You were his favourite,” _

_“Whose?” _

_“Dr. Cummings’,” “–You were always his favourite. He talked so highly about you all the time. Told us that if we lived up to your potential, we’d get the same treatment you did. He’d go on and on about how proud he was of you. How he was so sad that he sold you.” _

_“The only reason I was his favourite is because I’m the first experiment that was successful. I wasn’t able to use my gifts at will until I was four years old, and even then, they weren’t under control,” “–I remember one time I chased one of the lab assistants down the hallway with a table without even realizing it,” _

_“One time I predicted the future. Dr. Cummings said that my prediction was so outrageous that there was no way it was possible,” _

_“Yeah? What’d you predict?” _

_“I predicted that a purple alien stole some magic rocks and made half the universe disappear,” _

_“That really is out there. Are you sure it wasn’t just a dream?” _

_“It wasn’t a dream.” “–I’ve revisited the prediction a few times. But it never changes. It always ends the same. And I can never see beyond it,” _

“So, his name is Thanos?” I questioned the thin air, looking down at the videos of attacks in Edinburgh and in New York last night and yesterday. I shivered at the prediction Danica gave back on the jet a few days ago. She said a purple alien was looking for magic rocks and he was gonna wipe out half the universe. I just thought it was… I wanted to believe it was just a silly dream she had. But it wasn’t. Thanos is looking for things called the infinity stones. There’s six of them. If he gets all six he plans on eliminating half of the universe. Danica was telling the truth.

“Yes,” T’Challa replied shortly as he paced in front of the window overlooking Wakanda. I frowned at his response.

“And he’s coming here?” I asked patently.

“To collect the mind and time stones,” T’Challa countered, nodding in agreement.

“The mind stone is on the way here right now?” I reiterated the whole conversation T’Challa and I just had. He filled me in on what was happening and what was most likely going to happen.

“Yes,” He said sullenly, standing at ease with his hands behind his back. But he stood tall; his chest out and head held high. I frowned at the information, rubbing the back of my neck. I couldn’t stop from watching the CCTV footage as my mind raced through everything. I knew what this all meant.

My gaze found T’Challa through my eyelashes.

“And so is the fight,” I indicated in a mumble.

Once I finished speaking with T’Challa I went to the hospital wing to check on the girls. Lada and Galina were there for Danika but Zasha had to leave for Israel. She seemed nervous about going out on a mission on her own, but I reassured her that she’d do great. Zasha tried to tell me Israel can wait until after whatever happens, happens but I told her there probably won’t even be a fight. I told her that the world doesn’t revolve around fighting aliens over magic rocks. Our world should revolve around finding and helping our sisters and living our lives the best we can. She said that was easy for me to say, I was gonna out live everyone.

“Don't forget, somewhere in the future something incredible is waiting to happen. It takes courage to hang on and wait patiently to see it. It'll be like watching the sun rise after a century of darkness. Something remarkable. Something unforgettable. It'll be a turning point. A watershed moment. But you need to hang on so you can be there to see it.” I heard Galina say softly from the other side of the curtain. I stood on the other side, listening to the girls talking to each other. I couldn’t help but remember what Steve told me years ago.

“_When it feels like you’re going through Hell, keep walking_.” He told me that. He gave me words of encouragement when I needed it the most. Just like Galina is giving Danika words of encouragement now. According the Shuri Danika experienced a gran mal seizure, it was mild, but it’ll take her a couple of days to recover from it. And until then she’s staying in the hospital. Grand mal seizures are caused by unusual activity in the brain.

“This always happens when I get a vision. It’s not that big of a deal,” Danika stubbornly protested. I could hear the annoyance in her voice.

“D, you had a seizure. It is a big deal,” Lada countered in an equally stubborn tone.

“I’ve had worse,”

“That doesn’t matter,”

“I’m fine. It’s not a big deal,”

“Yes, it is!” Lada and Galina exclaimed in unison. I sighed to myself, pulling the curtain back to show the three girls. Danika was trying to get up off the gurney while Lada and Galina gently tried to keep her there. All three of them looked over at me. If I didn’t know better I’d say they were triplets. When Dr. Cummings mastered the formula for his creations he was unable to find a suitable male figure to partake in the experiments, so he used himself. We’re not just sisters by experiments but sisters by blood as well.

“You need to lay down, Danika,” I informed her firmly. Danika pouted at me but complied. She kicked her feet back up onto the bed. Lada and Galina looked at me worriedly, they had a right to be worried.

‘_Is it true? Is there gonna be a fight?_’ Lada asked herself mentally.

‘_I don’t know. I can’t get into El’s head,_’ Galina rebutted.

‘_Can she hear us?_’ Danika questioned, looking at Galina for answers. I couldn’t help but smile and look down at my feet as my arms crossed over my chest once again.

“Yes. I can hear you,” I informed them with an amused tone. I looked up at them through my eyelashes, the three girls looked mildly mortified.

“So.” Galina drew out the word in a soft but curious voice. “–Is it true? Is Danika’s prediction gonna come true?” She added. The three girls looked at me; their mortified expressions were wiped away by curiosity. I cleared my throat and lifted my head, so I was looking directly at them.

“So far it appears to be true,” I indicated. The three girls then bombarded me with questions and concerns.

“When?”

“How is this possible?”

“Where are we gonna be?”

“Is there gonna be a fight?”

“Can we fight with you?”

“We can fight.”

“Which magic space rocks is he gonna get?”

“Tell us!”

“_Whoa, whoa, whoa!_” I exclaimed with my hands held out in front of me. “–One at a time.” The three of them stopped their stampede of questions and blinked mindlessly at me.

“There’s been attacks in New York and the U.K. Does that mean Thanos is coming here? Well, yes. One of the magic space rocks in coming here. Will there be a fight? I don’t know. But I do know that if there is a fight, you three won’t be joining in.” This announcement aggravated the three girls which led them to demand that I allow them to fight along side me and everyone. They wanted to fight.

“No. Absolutely not. You’re all too young and too inexperienced in this kind of thing,” I explained in a serious voice, putting my foot down on the subject.

“What do you mean we’re too young?” Galina demanded harshly. “–I’m the same age you were when you fought with the Avengers in New York,” She added in an equally harsh tone.

“I don’t care,”

“You _should_ care!” Lada snapped at me in an upset voice. “–You said that we need to fight for the things we believe in. And now you’re telling us we can’t.”

“Yes, you should fight for what you believe in. But you haven’t had enough training in this,” I told them. I was slightly startled by how much I sounded like Nat. I was getting a dose of my own medicine.

“You’re seventeen,” I said, pointing to Lada. “–You’re thirteen.” I pointed to Galina. “–And you just had a seizure.” I ended with pointing at Danika. The three girls pouted at me in defeat.

“You’re not fighting and that’s final,” I warned them in a strong tone of voice. I frowned at the girls silently before turning on my heel to leave them to their devices.

“Is Bucky fighting?” Danika’s asked once my back was turned. I pressed my lips together in frustration. I hated that question. I hated it. I didn’t want Bucky to be fighting. But he’s a grown man who can make his own choices. If I could boss him around, I’d tell him to stay with the girls. I’d make him not fight this battle. He’s tired and he doesn’t want to keep fighting but knowing him, he’s going to keep fighting until his last breath.


	26. Rage Part III

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? How many more times can I look into abys and still have those pieces of me? Do I have what it takes to do this job, both superhero and human? Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. The day. . . Just. . . Ends.

I remember the first time I was faced with a battle. It was in New York in 2012. I remember begging Nat to let me fight. I remember her putting her foot down, saying I was not allowed to fight. I was too small, too weak, and too inexperienced. I told her I was ready. I may not be able to fight well but I’ll fight hard. I’ll pour my entire heart and soul into keeping innocent people safe. Looking back on that day I realized I wasn’t fighting for the right reasons. I wasn’t fighting to help save the day. I was there to prove I wasn’t who I was created to be. I had a choice. I could make choices for myself. And I made the choice to go against Nat and fight anyways.

She was so angry with me afterwards. She yelled at me until she was blue in the face. I told her I made the choice, I wanted to fight. I wanted to show everyone I wasn’t a monster. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I saw Galina, Lada and Danica running full steam ahead onto the battlefield. They were just like me. We’ve been bonded by experiences and by blood. They wanted to show me they were worthy of fighting along side the real superheroes.

“_El, the girls are on the field_,” Sam informed me over coms as he flew overhead. The warm tingly feeling in my hands amplified as I tore the space dogs in half, throwing their remains into the new oncoming wave of space dogs.

“I know,” I replied, frantically looking over the field to see where the three girls went. I spotted Danica and Lada, back to back raising Hell. Galina was not too far away. Lada was manipulating the earth around them; crushing and killing the enemies. Danica was throwing trees and boulders. Galina was throwing punches and manipulating the bad guys’ minds and causing them to kill each other. I wasn’t impressed that they went against me and came flying into a fight that could kill them. But I was impressed that they were holding their own.

“_Do you want me to get them out of here_?” Sam asked, flying over the girls’ heads, firing at the circle of aliens surrounding the two girls.

“No, leave ‘em there. I’ll keep an eye on ‘em,” I stated in a huff, throwing the unknown species of alien dogs around like they were nothing. My mind was only focused on two things: the girls and fighting. I wasn’t concerned on if I live or die. I knew this fight was worth dying for. Half the universe was worth dying to protect.

A loud shriek fled my body when I went toppling to the ground. One of the space dogs ravaged nothing on top of me. Panic set in; my heart was racing a million beats a minute and all the blood in my veins went cold. This was it. I was going to die here, underneath this thing. There wouldn’t be enough of me left to bury. My mind was replaying every moment of my life like a silver screen movie. Every fight I was in, every mission I went on, every single person I’ve killed; all the bad I’ve done in my life. I was filled with regret.

But then something strange happened, I was suddenly filled with every happy moment. Every happy moment I’ve had throughout my life. Every moment I lived with my family, every time I knew I did something worth doing, every moment I was so filled with love. But one person stood out to me the most. One person who has the least amount of memories with me stood at the forefront of my mind.

_“Your mind isn’t broken. It’s just a little mixed up,” I cooed into the middle of his chest. I’m short, four foot eleven, and he’s over a whole foot taller than me. He’s six foot, I’m guessing. I didn’t budge from my place against his bulky frame, even when I felt his hands gently land on the middle of my back. I could tell this was the first act of physical affection he’s been given in a long time. His arms tied themselves around me the longer I held him, pulling me flat against him. He didn’t squeeze too hard, just hard enough to indicate he was enjoying the feeling of someone showing him warmth._

_“Thank you, păpuşă,” He hummed into my hair, his gloved thumb stroked my side lightly. I pulled my face away from his solid chest to look up at him. There was gratitude and some joy glowing on his face. This was a complete one-eighty from the deranged look he’d wear when we first met. _

_I could only stare tenderly up at him, my fingers curled and uncurled across the fabric of the jacket that covered his back. A familiar feeling erupted inside of me; a fluttering feeling spread through my abdomen and my heart swelled a bit. It was as though the universe was pushing us closer together. Although, neither of us seemed to mind. Especially when our faces were merely centimetres apart. I couldn’t stop myself from pushing myself up onto my toes to close the little space between us. His lips tasted like mint, nothing else. He didn’t have bad breath, whereas I probably did since I guzzled coffee the entire night last night and most of the morning. His hands never left my sides while mine travelled from his back to mould around his jaw, my thumb stroking his cheek gingerly. I wasn’t sure what any of this meant but, in that moment, I didn’t care. _

_Hours pressed on, leaving us tangled with each other in silence. I had turned over, so my back was against his chest again. While my fingers danced over the warming metal, Bucky drew gentle kisses to the nape of my neck, shoulder, and back. Once in a while he’d stop kissing to engross his face in my hair for a few moments, taking in the smell I exuded. He smelled better than I did. Yes, he smelled of sweat and sex, but it was mixed with the minty scent of his breath and the fresh aroma of the soap he used. _

_To my dismay, we had to tear ourselves from each other to get dressed and go on with our day. Bucky’s clothes were piled in one spot in the threshold between the wooden floor of the kitchen and carpeted floor of the living room. Unlike mine, which were exhibited all around the small apartment. Clearly, one of us was more eager for physical contact than the other. _

_“Please don’t let this be the last time I see you,” Bucky whispered from underneath his baseball cap which covered most of his face. We stood outside in the sunshine in front of the tall apartment building. I looked up at him with wide eyes, a small smile bumping at the corners of my mouth. His hand lightly grasping mine by the fingertips. _

_“It won’t,” I replied sincerely as the taxi I had called pulled up to the curb. “-I promise,” I added optimistically. Without thinking about it, I stepped back until we stood in front of each other; I pulled myself up onto my tiptoes until my lips pressed his firm warm cheek. When I pulled away from him, I saw a light blush dust over his cheeks. This made me smile more, stepping away from him until our fingertips untied from each other. _

_“Where do we go from here?” His voice came out hoarse as though he didn’t want to ask that or know the answer to it. I carelessly played with his soft hair, carding the strands between my fingers. My gaze stayed on him, examining his features without thought. _

_“I have a promise to uphold, to leave this life behind and start somewhere new as someone new. Although, my plans were to find the other subjects, others like me. To see if I can help them.” I paused, trying to gather my options and choose one quickly. Bucky’s face became saddened as he looked away from me. _

_“But if you want me to stay, I will,” I added softly. His gaze snapped back up to meet mine in surprise. The surprised was mixed with uncertainty and some guilt. _

_“I’m going back into cryo. I don’t know how long I’ll be under,” He informed soft voice. I gave him a one shoulder shrug. _

_“I’ll wait,” I said in a certain and kind way. An explosion of…adoration burst from him, completely taking me off guard. It made a wide smile spread across my face. I mindlessly cupped either side of his face and pulled myself closer to him, until my lips gently swept against his. Goosebumps rose up when his fingertips brushed against the skin on my exposed shoulder. _

_“I won’t ask you to wait,” Bucky mumbled against my lips That’s all it took for me to capture his lips with mine. Unlike the kiss we shared before, this one wasn’t driven or engulfed by desire. This time it was out of want and affection. We weren’t desperate for the need of having physical human interaction. Both times I enjoyed but for different reasons. Before he was desperate and couldn’t physically refrain from touching me, and I was the same. But now, we just enjoyed the moment. Savouring the time we have. _

Why were these memories the most important memory to me? Why was it the last thing I remembered of Bucky? Why was it so important? Could it because I broke my promise? Could it be because I stayed away from him for two years before returning? Did I run away from my feelings for him? Was this the memory that showed me I truly loved him? That I shouldn’t have been so afraid of loving someone. If I am still alive when this is all said and done, I’m never going to run from my emotions. I’m going to love as hard as I can.

Abruptly, the heavy weight on my body lifted. My eyes remained closed. I didn’t want to see what death looked like. I didn’t want to know if there was really a heaven or hell.

“_Elena_!” My name was called out to me from a distance. My eyebrows fell together confusedly as I recognized the voice.

“El!” Bucky’s voice shouted, bringing me back away from the memories, away from my damnation.

“Elena! _Oh God_, please be okay.” His voice sounded panicked and frantic.

“Bucky?” I whimpered uncomprehendingly.

“Yeah, it’s Bucky. Are you okay? Open your eyes,” He said in a desperate voice. As his voice grew closer to me, the sounds of my surroundings came with it. I scrunched my nose as the dull ache became known in my back and shoulders. Slowly, I opened my eyes again. I squinted as the sunlight hit my eyes once again. I could only see a shadowy silhouette of a man standing above me, but the blurring imagery came into focus. Bucky was knelt over me, a gun holstered to his back. He looked down at me with worry and fear written all over his face.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he helped me sit up on the ground. My heart fluttered inside my chest. I stared at him wide eyed, I couldn’t stop staring. I don’t know what overcame me but much like two years ago I leapt at him, wrapping my arms around his neck as our lips crashed together. An explosion erupted from within me, a literal explosion. It sent the oncoming attackers flying and being torn into pieces midair. It reminded me of what happened with Tony in Siberia. My emotions were so strong that I became a weapon. My emotions became a weapon. My mind, body and spirit were weaponized.

I pulled away from him, resting my forehead against his. Bucky seemed surprised but he wasn’t complaining. I couldn’t help but smile as acceptance and love flowed through me, making my entire body tingle with readiness to fight this battle until the very end.

“Is this a bad time to tell you I love you?” I asked quietly. Bucky chuckled and shook his head.

“No, not at all,” He replied lively.

“Good. Because I love you to the moon and back,” I announced with an airy voice. Bucky laughed and nodded in agreement.

“I love you too,” He said in return. Without thinking, I threw my hand out to the side, the enemy was sent flying into a boulder. I smirked as our moment was intertwined with the fight of our lifetime.

Bucky pulled away from me briefly before planting a gentle kiss to my forehead. He stood up to his feet, holding a hand out for me. I grabbed a hold of it and brought myself back to my feet. Another wave of my hand and the enemy was thrown back into a feeding frenzy of its own kind.

An almost serene moment captured us. As suddenly as everything started it stopped. The air became still around us. Silence overcame the battlefield. It was like someone hit the pause button on the battle around us.

‘_He’s here,_’ I heard Danica’s voice echo through my mind. Oxygen fled my lungs and my blood became icy cold as it rapidly pumped through my body. I stared at Bucky with fear pulsing through me. It was a fear I didn’t know. I didn’t know what the world would be like if half the population was gone. I didn’t want to know.

“Everyone on my position,” Steve’s voice came through the coms in an uncertain tone. Bucky and I looked at each other absent mindedly before we turned on our heels and made a break for wherever Steve was. Anything that got in our way was blown to smithereens. Bucky and I fought back to back, killing the enemies. This was the first time we fought together like this. I was unsure if I would call this a proud moment, but it was definitely a character developing moment. The last time we fought like this we were hydra. And even then we didn’t fight like this.

But before we could fight the giant ball sack chinned purple alien, Bucky and I were thrown around like we were nothing. He went one direction while I went sailing in the opposite direction. A loud scream left me when my body hit a tree and I hit the ground hard. Blackness enclosed me as I lay on the ground. And that’s when it happened. Within the blackness I felt an explosion and then nothing. Part of me was gone. Part of me vanished in the tranquil feeling that enveloped me.

My eyes popped open to find I was laying in the treeline in a bush. My entire body screamed in pain as I climbed back to my feet for the, seemingly, millionth time today. My eyes widened as I watched dust dance through the field. People vanished before me as if they were never really there.

I had no idea what just happened. All I knew I was fighting one second and then the next something happened. I felt it hit me like a tidal wave. It came out of nowhere. It felt me feeling… empty. Like pieces of me were taken away. Whatever happened took those pieces away from me by force.

My heart pounded inside my chest as I desperately looked for anyone I recognized. I watched as the field emptied, people turning to dust in the wind. The only thing on my mind was the girls. I knew they were on the battlefield despite me telling them to stay back in the palace, to stand down. They were stubborn and wanted to fight. It must be something they’re used to doing. I don’t blame me either. If I were them I wouldn’t stand by and watch others fight, knowing I’m a good fighter and I can help. It was hypocritical of me to demand that they stay behind. I wouldn’t stay behind so why should I demand that they stay behind too?

“Lada!”

“Galina!”

“Danica!” I yelled out for the girls, silently praying someone would respond. I didn’t care who responded as long as I knew they were okay.

“Elena!” I heard a small voice call out to me. I immediately followed the voice through the brush to find Lada slumped against a tree, gripping her arm tightly. Pain was written all across her face, tears flowed down her reddened and muddied cheeks. I knelt down beside her and examined the bloody wound on her upper arm. Dirt and wood littered the deep bleeding gash.

“Elena,” Lada sobbed. “–What’s happening?” She asked in another sob. I unzipped my suit and pulled the black tank top underneath off, ripping it into strips to tie around her wound.

“I don’t know,” I replied shortly, tying the black fabric around her bloody arm tightly. She cried out in pain as I tied off the bleeding wound.

“One second Danica and I were fighting and the next she was gone,” Lada cried frightenedly. My eyebrows fell together confusedly as I helped her to her feet. She hooked an arm around my shoulders and put some of her weight on me. It was only then that I noticed the extent of her injuries. She probably suffered from a broken ankle along with several other breaks and sprains.

“What do you mean she was gone? Why were you guys out of the palace?” I questioned equally as confusedly. Lada stopped limping towards the battlefield and looked at me sorrowfully. Tears poured down her face. I could see in her eyes she was trying to remember what happened, even though it was merely a few moments ago. It was obvious that whatever happened rattled her to her core.

“Danica…. She got away from me. She wanted to fight. So, I followed her. She’s a really good fighter but we were both out numbered. She was gonna do something, to help us get out of that situation and the next thing I knew we were catapulted into the forest. Danica was alright but I…. I think I broke my ankle. She was gonna help me but then she froze. The next thing I know she’s not there anymore, nothing but dust in the wind,” Lada explained through sobs and cries.

“And Galina?” I asked. Lada shook her head at me with a frown.

“I don’t know where she is. She followed us out to fight but I lost her somewhere on the field ,” She choked. I frowned at the frightened and injured teenaged girl.

“Elena!” I heard Nat’s voice call out for me. I spun into the direction her voice was coming from. Nat was sprinting towards me with a relieved look on her face. I let out a deep sigh when she grabbed me and pulled me in for a tight hug.

“Nat,” I huffed sorely.

“Are you okay?” Natasha pulled me away from her with a frown, sadness and defeat reflected in her eyes. She gave me a look over a few times, probably noting the bumps and bruises I’ve gotten while fighting in an attempts to show her true emotions. But I saw them. I always see them.

“Yeah. I’m okay but Lada, she might’ve broken her ankle,” I replied, gesturing to Lada who was still leaning on me for support. Natasha nodded at me with a frown. She came over to us and hooked Lada’s arm around her neck for support. Once Lada was away from me I glanced at Nat once more.

“What happened?” I inquired, hoping she was more informed than I was. Natasha didn’t say anything. She just stood there with a grim look on her paled face. It was at that moment I knew what happened. Thanos won.

My mind immediately snapped to the one person I haven’t seen since we were fighting side by side in the field. _Bucky_. The last I saw of him he was doing the carousel of death with that space racoon. And then I lost him. I don’t know where he went. I don’t know if he’s okay. I just… don’t know.

“Get Lada out of here. Try and locate Galina. Make sure they’re okay,” I ordered sternly. Natasha nodded at me with a frown. Besides feeling panicked and scared, it felt weird ordering Natasha around… And she did as I said without hesitation.

I desperately searched the battlefield with no luck. Only confused warriors and piles of people who once were. Bucky wasn’t there. I began to search the woodlands surrounding the field. Again, I found confusion and uncertainty. It made my chest tighten at the thoughts I was having.

“Bucky?!” I called out frantically. “–Bucky, where are you?” I called again, frenetically searching through the bushes and trees for the super solider. I tried using his internal monologue to try and find him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t find him anywhere.

Everything stopped when I saw Steve kneeling amongst the forest, he was touching the ground with a look of hesitation. My heart stopped, the world stopped spinning, and everything froze in that moment. My eyebrows fell together.

“Steve…” I softly murmured. Steve looked up at me and that’s when I knew. I knew that when Thanos snapped his fingers, he eliminated half the entire universe. Bucky being one among the half.

“Steve, where is he?” I questioned unsurely; my voice wobbled with the uncertainty. Steve’s brows furrowed as he looked up at me.

‘_I’m sorry. I am so sorry. How do I tell her? She loves him more than anything and anyone. It’s gonna break her heart._’ Steve thought in a grim tone. His mind kept replaying the moment Bucky was taken away from us. Bucky’s last words were his best friend’s name before he collapsed into a pile of dust. I felt my heart break into trillions of tiny unfixable pieces. My chest tightened as the sobs crawled up my throat. My skin burned red hot. My body shook with emotions that I was unprepared to face. Love. Heartbreak. Defeat. It all bubbled inside of me and threatened to come spilling out.

My head started shaking in denial. I couldn’t stop the tears from forming in my eyes, threatening to come pouring out.

“No,” I whimpered. “–No, no, no.” I couldn’t say anything besides that. I was feeling so many things at once. I didn’t know where to start. So many emotions. I wasn’t sure if they were just mine or if I was feeling everyone else’s as well. I felt like I was on fire. All I knew was half of my world was gone and there was nothing I could do to bring it back.

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? How many more times can I look into abys and still have those pieces of me? Do I have what it takes to do this job, both superhero and human? Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. The day. . . Just. . . Ends.


	27. The Aftermath

_5 years later…_

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? How many more times can I look into abys and still have those pieces of me? Do I have what it takes to do this job, both superhero and human? Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. The day. . . Just. . . Ends.

It’s been five years since the day ended. Five years, twenty-two weeks, three days, ten hours, thirty-seven minutes, and twelve seconds. That’s how long it’s been. That’s how long it’s been since the snap. How long it’s been since I lost half my world. Since everyone lost half their worlds. Five years, twenty-two weeks, three days, ten hours, thirty-seven minutes and seventeen seconds ago I lost so much. I felt so lost for a few weeks and then I had no choice but not to be lost anymore. I had no choice but to pick up the pieces. Five years since I was forced to see tomorrow without ending yesterday.

So much has changed. Nothing was the same after that day. Nobody was the same. I’m not who I was. Streets are still busy but emptier. Homes aren’t homes anymore. People demand answers, and other people refuse to give those answers. There’s still so much confusion. Everyone is lost in the grey area between the truth and a lie. They say the truth will set you free. It doesn’t. It only holds you hostage to the knowing that things could be different but aren’t. I know the truth, but I’m still stuck in the hazy grey area. Billions of people are gone, friends, family, acquaintances. They’re all just gone. Not like they weren’t here at all, but like they were here and then they were gone. One of the most important people in my life is gone. But then it changed. I had someone new, someone I’d lay down my life for. Someone I’d kill for. Someone I’d fight until my very last breath for. They’re there at the end of the day, when I feel like a lesser person, like a lesser superhero. They’re there to remind me that I’ll always be the biggest and best superhero and human in their eyes.

I was brought out of sleep slowly; first I felt the warm sun beaming down on me, heating up the air conditioned cold that hugged my legs. I felt the soft marshmallow like bed beneath me and the soft cotton fabric of the blanket I was laying on top of.

Then I heard the birds chirping outside, cars going by and the sounds of the house around me. Steve was somewhere in the house talking. He let me come live with him after…. Steve thought it’d be best if I were close to family, so I moved back to New York. He’s helped me so much through this entire thing. I think it helps him to feel helpful to others. It brings him a sense of normalcy. Although, Steve usually stays at the compound in Upstate to help Nat with work. He still has his little apartment in Brooklyn.

I inhaled deeply, smelling the warming morning. I smelt the morning dew that wafted off the grass outside my open window. It was mixed with the complimenting scent of coffee being made. I laid still in bed, enjoying the morning.

“Where Mama?” A small voice questioned from somewhere in the apartment.

“She’s still asleep, I think.” Steve’s voice chimed in, in a rather cheerful tone.

“She’s a sleepy head,” The small girl stated.

“Yeah she is,” Steve said “–Let’s go wake Mama up.” A smile crossed my face when I heard the pitter patter of small feet running towards my room. The knob jiggled loudly before the wooden door creaked open. It was followed by a few small thumping noises running across the floor then a few low grunts as the blankets were pulled on. After a few struggling moments, the pulling stopped.

“Ready? One, two, three, lift off,” Steve uttered then a small body landed on the bed beside me with a squeal. I almost jerked away when two tiny cold hands found my warm legs.

“Mama!” A small voice exclaimed. “–Time ta get up.” The small hands shook my leg forcefully. I pretended to remain asleep.

“Mama, mama! Get up! Get up! Unca Steve made breffast!” She happily cheered. The shaking stopped before a small body pounced on top of me, causing me to open my eyes and grab the tiny body. I sat up in the bed with my daughter in my lap. I was met with the sight of her father. The wild curly dark haired and bright eyed girl sitting on the bed between my legs, squealing happily as I tickled her sides. She was a sight for sore eyes to say the least.

“And good morning to you too, missy,” I said to her as I continued to tickle her sides. Her high pitched laughter filled the quiet morning. Talia coiled into herself as I wriggled my fingers against her sides. Her sun kissed face turned a bright red as she wore the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen.

“I give up! I give up!” She cried through her laughter. My attack on her sides subsided as she calmed down from her giggle fit.

“You give up? Why?” I asked, smiling at the four year old. Talia’s bright eyes met mine and her smile broadened.

“Because unca Steve made breffast!” She cheered, throwing her hands in the air dramatically and toppling over onto her back. I couldn’t help but grin at her dramatics then glance over at Steve. He stood in the mouth of the room, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyebrows shot upward as a stupid grin captured his face.

“You hear that? Unca Steve made breffast,” Steve mimicked Talia chipperly. I sighed and looked back at the small girl sitting in front of me.

“Alright. Let’s have some breffast,” I said, climbing off the bed. Talia jumped into my arms and I carried the four year old out of the bedroom. Steve followed us into the small kitchen-dinning room of the apartment. I set Talia down at the small round table. She was pleased as punch by the waffles set out in front of her, cut up into bite sized pieces. Talia immediately delved into the breakfast Steve had made. I smiled at her as I went over to the counter where the coffee maker was.

“_Y’know_,”

“No,” I interrupted Steve before he could say anything. I knew what he was gonna say and I stand by my answer. I didn’t hesitate to end that conversation before it started.

“You don’t even know what I was gonna,” Steve started.

“–Yes, I do,” I said stubbornly. I felt Steve standing behind me by the fridge while I made myself some coffee.

“El, please,” Steve pleaded. “–We need to know.” I spun around to face the super soldier with a grim expression. I narrowed my eyes at him. His eager expression fell into something slightly fearful.

“My daughter will _not_ be subjected to any testing,” I snapped coldly. “–She won’t go through the same things me and her father went through. She’s going to be a normal little girl.”

“El, please. Talia isn’t a normal little girl and we both know that. And it won’t be testing, just observing,” Steve explained in an empathetic tone. I shook my head in denial. I refused to have my daughter go through the same things me and Bucky went through. I know firsthand that being tested like this at such a young age has an impact on you for the rest of your life. I refuse to let my daughter believe she’s different, that she’s not a normal four year old girl. I’ve spent her entire life protecting her from being tested on and observed and told that she’s not like the other little girls on the playground.

“There won’t be any testing or observing. She _is_ a normal little girl,” I snarled at Steve quietly.

“Mama!” Talia called for me. “–Watch!” She added gleefully. Both Steve and I looked over to her. My stomach sank into a bottomless pit when I watched as Talia held out her hand and the bright pink plastic cup on the other side of the table slid into it. Talia looked at me with a toothy grin of pride.

“_Ugh huh_, a normal little girl,” Steve mocked quietly. I sighed heavily and watched the small girl sitting at the table, enjoying her waffles and juice. She contently traced the pictures on the newspaper Steve left out. Sadness made me feel cold as it ran through me. I hated that Talia wasn’t a normal little girl. She was different from the other kids on the playground. She was smarter, faster, stronger… and now this. Talia was more advanced with her abilities than I was at her age.

I let out another heavy sigh as I turned to Steve.

“Tell Nat they have a weekend,” I told him in a defeated tone. Steve’s expression livened. “–And that’s it. You guys get a weekend.” Steve nodded in agreement, pulling out his phone from his jean pocket. But he paused for a moment, looking up from his phone to meet my gaze again. His expression told me he was about to say something that would strike a nerve with me.

“Y’know Bucky would be proud of you.” And I was right, his comment did strike a nerve. An extremely sensitive nerve. I could only stand there with my hair tossed up in a bun wearing my pyjamas with my full mug in hand, I probably looked like a mess. I felt like a mess. I’ve felt like a mess for five years.

“Bucky wouldn’t want his daughter to be tested and observed like a science project,” I retorted sharply. This time it was Steve’s turn to have a nerve hit. His face paled as he looked down at the phone for a moment before slipping it back into his pocket.

“We all want what’s best for Talia,” Steve muttered. I nodded in agreement. “–But she’s not a normal little girl. How do we do what’s best for her if this is uncharted territory?” He asked curiously. I shrugged a shoulder, looking back at Talia. Every time I looked at Talia I saw Bucky. She has his eyes, his nose and face. Steve says she acts like him too. She acts like him before WWII, before Siberia… before hydra. She’s smart and nerdy, very vocal about things. She loves learning. She loves building things and making art. Steve says every time he looks at her he has to remind himself that she’s not Bucky; only a part of him.

Steve is right though; we all want what’s best for Talia. But we don’t know how to give it to her because she’s not a normal little girl.

“I’m just trying to protect her from…”

“–The big bad world outside these walls,” Steve murmured certainly. I pursed my lips as tears formed in my eyes. For the past five years I’ve done everything in my power to protect her from the world. To show the world that she’s not different, she’s just a normal four year old little girl. But every day she shows me that’s not the case. She shows me that she is different. That I can’t raise her like a normal little girl.

“I was gonna say herself but yeah, that too,” I sullenly added, wiping away the tears in my eyes. Steve scoffed and nodded in agreement.

“We can’t protect her from everything. No matter how hard we try,” He said with uncertainty in his voice. I hated that remark. I hated knowing that I can’t protect her for everything. I hate knowing she’s going to face trials and tribulations in her life that will break her down, test her strength, test her character. I hate knowing I can’t keep her like this forever; young and small, needing me at every corner. She’s going to grow up and become something I can only hope to be proud of.

I let out a heavy sigh as I glanced over at Talia, she was flipping through the pages of the newspaper to find the comics as she ate her breakfast silently.

“Hey Talia,” I called out for her. Her tiny head popped up as she looked at me, wide eyed and bushy tailed.

“Do you wanna go see aunty Nat this weekend?” I asked curiously. Her face immediately brightened as a smile formed across her face. She nodded happily.

“Yeah! I wanna see aunty Nat!” She bellowed enthusiastically. Even though he joy was contagious my heart ached with knowing what she’s going to be put through.


	28. The River

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are one in the same.

When I found out I was having Talia I swore I was going to protect her from everything I went through. The testing, the experimenting, the bad people who would try to use her as a weapon, the abilities. _Her_ abilities. I was going to protect her at all costs. But now I have no choice but to put her in the mix of the testing and experiments. I had to know what she was capable of because no matter how much I deny it, she’s not your average little girl. She shows me this every day. She proves to me that she’s not a normal little girl. She uses new abilities every week, it seems. But how am I supposed to protect her if I don’t know what she’s capable of? How am I supposed to protect her from herself? 

Just like I promised, that Friday morning we made the drive up to the Avengers compound in Upstate New York. Steve and I took turns driving but Talia preferred it if Steve drove. He always went a little faster than I did. It’s a three hour drive but with a four year old, it was closer to a four hour drive with pit stops for potty breaks and food. For the most part it was a quiet drive. Steve talked about the support group he runs for people who are struggling with living life after the snap. Talia played eye spy before falling asleep for a little while. I packed her enough toys and activities to hold her until we got to the compound.

It was a rather cloudy day, even though it was warm and humid. Talia sang along to the radio. Predicting the next lyrics despite her never hearing the songs before. A storm cloud hung over my head. I didn’t want to admit that Talia was different, that she was like me. But there are moments that it’s so plain to see she’s just like me. I dreaded knowing what this weekend will hold. But it’s not even that, there was something else. I could feel it in the air. It was a light pressure on my back, it upset my stomach and made it hard to concentrate. Something else was coming this weekend. Just like before, it was something bigger than just us.

“Mama,” Talia summoned my attention from her car seat in the backseat of Steve’s beaten up Kia.

“Yes baby?” I replied in a false chipper tone. I didn’t want Talia to think something was wrong even though I felt like this was wrong. So wrong.

“Why are we here?” She asked curiously. I pursed my lips at her question then quickly glanced at Steve. He didn’t budge from his form, eyes dead ahead, hands gripping the wheel and back straight.

“Well we’re going to see if you have any special tricks,”

“–Like you?” She quizzed. I could see from my mind’s eye, she was busy with her nose in her colouring book, colouring away. Her face was puzzled but curious. I frowned at the sight I saw. She acted like a normal little girl. She talked like a normal little girl. But her mind, her thoughts were far from that of a normal little girl’s.

My eyebrows knitted together confusedly when I saw the dark haired man walk out of the building, waiting at the driveway for us. My stomach churned and my blood pressure began to rise. I glanced over at Steve; he sheepishly kept his gaze away from me.

“Tony’s here?” I questioned in a snappy way. Steve gulped down hard and hummed.

“Yeah,” He replied airily.

“Mama,” Talia called.

“Steve…”

“Mama, Mama, look!”

“–We need his help,” Steve interrupted in an equally snappy tone. He didn’t look away from the road a head. But I saw his jaw clench and his grip on the steering wheel tighten.

“Mama, look!”

“With what?” I demanded coldly. I could feel my blood pressure skyrocket from the anxieties and stress this weekend will hold. I didn’t sign up for this. I said Natasha could have Bruce help conduct the observations and testing, not Tony. Why was Tony here? What did he want?

“Look, Mama, look at me!” Talia loudly cried.

“Natalia, _please_!” I shouted, turning around in the seat to face the now silent girl. My heart sank deeper than any part of the ocean when her tiny face fell from its former joyful expression. She dropped the colouring book she was trying to show me. I let out a heavy sigh as I looked at Steve grimly. His face had fallen as well.

“I haven’t seen Tony since Siberia,” I faintly muttered. Steve nodded in remembrance.

“I know. But when he heard you were coming he wanted to talk to you. He wanted to see you, El,” Steve explained awkwardly. I didn’t know what to say to that. I haven’t seen Tony since what happened in Siberia with Bucky. I wasn’t there when he came back from space after the snap. I left for Brooklyn by then. I thought he was dead so to hear from Steve that Tony was alive… barely but still alive, it took a toll on me. It’s been seven years since I last saw him. It’s been seven years since I sent him that letter. The ball was in his court and he never did anything with it. How am I supposed to feel now? What am I supposed to think? Does he want to be here now to test on Talia? Is she going to be his newest apprentice? Over my dead and rotting body.

Steve parked the car and got out. I had no choice but to follow his lead, getting out of the Kia and getting Talia from her car seat and the bag from the seat beside her. Talia walked beside me, my hand holding hers firmly. Tony’s gaze was trained on me, probably not even seeing Talia. He slid his hands in his pockets uncomfortably, but still holding a confident stance with his head held high and his shoulders back.

“Elena,” Tony greeted.

“Tony,” I responded firmly. Tony’s strong features softened as he gave me a once over, now noticing the small girl at my side. Mindlessly, I pulled Talia closer to my side to hide her away. Tony’s eyes found my gaze once again.

“It’s good to see you again,” He uttered monotonously. I nodded in agreement. His eyes went back to Talia. Without missing a beat, he hiked up his pant legs as he crouched down to be at Talia’s level.

“And who is this beautiful young lady?” He asked Talia with a smile. Sometimes I don’t like how friendly Talia is. She didn’t even hesitate to step forward with a beaming smile, holding out her hand for Tony.

“I’m Natalia Barnes,” She introduced herself proudly. Tony’s gaze immediately went up to me, as if scolding me like I was that teenage girl again. But he moved back to Talia, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle shake.

“Hello Natalia, I’m…”

“–Tony Stark. You’re Ironman.” She proudly beamed at him. Tony arched an eyebrow as he glanced up at me. I shrugged my shoulder and shook my head, telling him I never talked about him to her.

“And you are a very special little girl,” Tony told her, standing up but his eyes never left Talia. She retreated back to my side, holding onto my hand.

Tony and Steve led us into the compound We were shown which room Talia and I would be staying in. I dropped mine and Talia’s bags in there. The moment Talia saw Nat, she bolted away from me and decided to hang out with her aunty. She sat with Nat at dinner, going on and on about the newest episodes of her favourite television shows and the kids she’d play with at the park, and then the things she saw on the car ride on the way here. I’m always surprised by how she views the world. She sees things vastly different from the way I see it.

A lot has changed since the last time I saw anyone. Bruce and Hulk have become one person. Tony has a daughter who’s the same age as Talia. Nat has taken Nick Fury’s job. Thor has been living somewhere in Europe. Clint has gone completely off the map but there are rumors around him going back to his old ways. Rhodey was basically helping Nat run this place. Everyone is just trying to keep living without. I’ve been doing that for seven years to be fair. When I had Talia, it got easier but harder at the same time.

After dinner I gave Talia a few toys to play with before we began the testing. Tony and Bruce were getting the observation and testing area ready. I stood at the counter with a glass of wine, Natasha insisted I had. Talia was running around the open area of the living area with the space projector toy I brought for her. She was just like her dad in that way. They’re both science lovers. Talia loves space, she has glow in the dark stars and planets on her bedroom ceiling and walls. She has a space projector. The wonder on her face reminds me so much of Bucky and the wonder he wore before he went off to war.

“She seems a little young to be a subject from Project Lumini.” I heard Bruce say from behind me. I pried my gaze away from Talia and looked over at Bruce with a scowl.

“She’s not a subject from Project Lumini,” I informed him in a hard voice. Bruce’s eyebrows fell together in confusion.

“But I was told she had the same type of abilities you do,” He responded in a bewildered way. I nodded at him, my scowl lifting slightly as I looked back at my daughter.

“Bruce,” I murmured softly. “–Talia is my daughter.” I didn’t need to see his face to know he was staring at me with wide eyes and mouth agape slightly. Not a lot of people know I had a child. Nat didn’t know I was pregnant until she came to surprise me when I was a few weeks away from giving birth. She was mad and hurt that I kept this from her. She was madder at Steve for not telling her. But she forgave me once Talia was born. Steve was the only person to know about my pregnancy, that’s only because Talia’s his best friend’s baby as well. Besides them, no one else knew.

“You never… –I didn’t…” Bruce stuttered clumsily, trying to find the right thing to say. I wasn’t sure if there was a right thing to say. I felt him standing beside me, a large shadow blocked the light.

“Who’s,”

“–Bucky is,” I answered the question before it was asked. Bruce hummed at my response. I kept my eyes trained on Talia. She pranced around the projector she put on the floor, beaming stars and planets onto the ceiling. Her dark curly hair bounced and swayed with her movements. Her eyes were bright with wonder and excitement. 

“You’re doing a great job.” Tony’s voice said from behind me. This caused Bruce to scuffle away. He went to do whatever needed to be done. Tony replaced Bruce’s position beside me. My stomach began twisting. I crossed my arms over my chest without hesitation, still watching my daughter carefully.

“I mean that, Elena. You’re doing a great job with her,” He restated his previous comment with honesty. I pursed my lips and narrowed my gaze mindlessly. Tony sighed heavily. I could tell he too was watching Talia play by herself.

“We need to talk,”

“About?” I questioned quickly. Tony stalled the conversation by awkwardly shuffling his hands between his pockets and being crossed over his chest to match my stance. He cleared his throat and tried several times to begin the conversation.

“Siberia,” He began, immediately catching my attention. “–That was crazy, wasn’t it?” He asked uncomfortably. I arched an eyebrow at his question and nodded.

“Very,” I replied shortly.

“I got your letter,” Tony announced, shuffling through his blazer’s inside pocket and pulled out a frayed piece of paper. My heart sank with knowing what I said and how much more I wanted to say but didn’t know how to.

“You were right about one thing,” He said simply. I turned my attention to him, my eyebrow still arched with curiosity.

“And what is?” I asked.

“You’ve got a lot of balls,” Tony chuckled and looked over to me with his playful smile. There are few times I’ve wanted to punch someone for being snarky and smug with me, now would be one of those times. I couldn’t tell if Tony was being sincere or smug. I didn’t know what he meant when he said I had a lot of balls. I didn’t know the context of his train of thought. All I knew was I wanted to smack the smile right off his face.

“Elena!” Steve called as he came walking down the hallway to the main living area before mine and Tony’s interaction turned into a fight. I turned my full attention towards Steve. He stood at the end of the island a few feet away.

“We’re ready for her,” He surely announced. Once more, my stomach began to twist into knots and my heart raced with anticipation.

I gathered Talia up and was led towards the open room with two desk spaces; one was covered in monitors and computers, the other had a few things lined up on the table. Talia was sat down at the table with a few toys on it. Tony began hooking her up to the monitors and computers. Quickly, my daughter became covered in wires and sticky pads. She didn’t seem to visibly mind but I felt her emotions. She was curious and a little afraid. She was also wondering where Natasha was, and so was I.

“Mama,” Talia softly said. My stomach churned when I looked down to see her covered in sticky pads and wires. A brain monitor sat on her head and two pads were on either temple. She looked up at me with fear and uncertainty reflecting in her blue eyes. Bucky’s blue eyes. I forced a smile as I crouched down beside her. I placed my hand over hers.

“It’s okay baby,” I reassured her gingerly. “–This won’t hurt. Right uncle Steve?” I told her, looking up at Steve seriously. Steve wore sureness as a mask but below that I saw doubt and fear. Steve, like me, forced a smile and nodded in agreement.

“Right, won’t hurt a bit,” He encouraged with an upbeat tone of voice. I could tell everyone was nervous about this. They didn’t know what Talia was capable of in a relaxed environment. So, putting her to the test may end badly. She’s four years old, she doesn’t know what’s going on or why she’s being tested. I wanted to tell her everything but how do you tell a four year old she has superpowers? How do you explain that because mommy and daddy were made into lab rats, she might be the by-product of science experiments and has abilities beyond anyone’s recognition?

“El,” Steve uttered to me, gesturing for me to stand behind the other desk with Bruce and Tony. I gave Talia one last smile and a kiss on the head before following Steve to the observation area.

“Alright Talia, I have some things I need you to do for me,” Tony announced from behind the monitors and computers. Talia’s head popped up as she sat more upright at the table, trying to look over the computer screens to see Tony.

“Okay…” She drew out nervously. I looked away from Talia to the computer screen monitoring her brain activity. I frowned at the remembrance of the last time I was hooked up to a machine like this. Seven years ago. Seven years ago, when I was captured by Tony and Natasha in Berlin.

But luckily, Talia’s brain activity said everything was normal. There were no discrepancies in her brain waves.

“Can you tell me your name,” Tony requested in a soft but fatherly tone.

“My name is Natalia Barnes,” She announced proudly.

“Good, good.” Tony watched Talia’s brain activity closely. “–Okay, I have another question for you, what’s your mother’s name?”

“Mama,” Talia responded. No unusual brain activity. Her Gamma waves were more active than before but nothing out of the ordinary seeing as she’s now using her concentration and thinking skills.

Bruce let out a soft scoff as he shook his head in amusement.

“That’s a very pretty name for a mom,” Tony chirped at her amusedly. “–Alright kid, what’s your dad’s name?” Tony’s question sucked punched me in the gut. I felt my heart jerk inside my chest. I’ve done everything in my power to keep Bucky’s memory alive with Talia. She knows who her father is, she knows he was a hero in a war. She’s seen pictures of him and heard stories about him from Steve.

“My daddy’s name is Bucky Barnes,” Talia quietly responded. I watched as her Alpha waves became closer together, she was remembering her dad. Tony looked over his shoulder at me with a frown. I scowled at him, as if telling him to keep his nose in his work and out of my business.

“You’re doing fantastic, Talia,” Tony praised her with a smile. I could feel the warm smile beaming from her face as she sat up a little taller.

“Now, I heard you can do some special tricks, can you show me your special tricks?” Tony marked on the screen where he asked the question.

“Okay,” Talia replied. “–What do you want me to do?” She asked quietly.

“Can you move something on that table without using your hands?” Bruce pipped up with a request. Talia nodded her head silently. The room fell silent as everyone’s eyes were on Talia and her brain waves. I watched as Talia’s Theta waves began to go into rapid fire, the waves were fast and close together.

I looked up at her, watching as the little girl was purely focused on a teddy bear sitting on the table in front of her. Despite knowing she can move things with her mind, seeing it happen still leaves me in awe and fear. I watched as the light brown teddy bear slid from one end of the table to the other.

“Good job, Talia. You’re doing great,” Steve told her in a lively voice. I couldn’t stop myself from nodding in absolute agreement.

“I did it!” She cheered happily, throwing her hands up in balls of victory. My smile wiped away any scowl I wore.

“Ata girl,” Tony cheered with her. “–Now, I want you to tell me what I’m thinking,” He requested with a silly inflection that sounded more playful than serious. He stood up from his chair so Talia could see him. I wasn’t sure if she could actually read minds. I didn’t want her to read minds because that means she can go into other people’s dreams as well.

Talia’s blue eyes narrowed as she stared down Tony. Her face was full of concentration. Her Gamma and Theta waves were off the charts once again. Just as soon as the waves started going haywire they went back to normal. And Talia’s face relaxed once again.

“I love you three thousand,” She murmured softly. My attention went from Talia to Tony. His face settled away from a playful look to something that read homesick. I had no idea what that meant but I’m guessing it has something to do with his daughter.

“Good, good. Very good,” Tony said over and over as he sat back down. That’s when it hit me, my daughter had all the same abilities I did at four years old. She was far more powerful than I was at her age. She has much more control over her abilities than I did when I was her age.

“Talia, I heard you’re really good at hide and seek. Can you find Natasha?” Tony invited with a playful undertone to his voice. I wanted to smack Tony for asking her to do that. She can’t do that. She’s never been able to search for people using her mind. Why would Tony ask her to do something she can’t do? What point is he trying to make?

Nevertheless, Talia’s face scrunched up in concentration. Her brows furrowed and her nose wrinkled. Her eyes narrowed as she stared into the middle distance. Her cheeks became a rosy red. The monitors showed her brain waves were starting to go crazy. That’s when we saw it. A squiggly line faintly showing between her Gamma and Beta waves. It was something that wasn’t supposed to be there. It’s something that isn’t usually ever there.

“Oh my God,” Tony said airily, staring as the brain waves that were unknown. These brain waves told us that she was operating on a different level of consciousness, her brain was working on a different frequency.

“Aunty Nat is… in a room, a big room. Lots of windows. She’s building something with a man, Scott. They’re talking to each other… _Time heist_? Time machine…. Two time machines,” Talia implored, staring right through everything and everyone in this room, like there was a movie screen between me and her, and she was just telling me what she was watching. What she was saying made me look at Steve immediately. My brows tied together confoundedly.

“What is she talking about?” I coldly demanded. Steve looked like he wanted to skulk away and hide but he sheepishly stood his ground.

“I was gonna tell you,”

“Tell me what?” I snapped in a hushed voice. Without even thinking about it, the tingly feeling rushed into my hands like warm water on cold skin. Steve put his hands out in surrender as he peered down at me, trying to explain what Talia was talking about. He babbled on about how he was gonna tell me, that they just needed to be sure, that I didn’t have to get involved if I didn’t want to. What the actual hell is he talking about?

“YOU’RE BRINGING MY DADDY BACK!” Talia shouted with the excitement of a kid on Christmas. The entire room exploded with a feeling of joy, causing sparks to jolt from the computers, monitors and anything electrical. I rushed over to Talia, immediately cradling her in my arms and shielding her with my body. Once the sparks stopped dancing across the room and the lights came back on, I looked up at Steve, Tony, and Bruce. They all were in awe but also nervous about my reaction to this revelation.

“What the hell is going on?”


	29. The Conduit

People have always had high expectations of me. They always told me I was going to be something great. Something worth remembering. It didn’t matter what side of the law I was on; I was held at high standards in the eyes of the people around me. They expected me to be the perfect weapon, a great superhero, a smart person… an amazing mother. I was told I had to be these things because one day someone might need me. I was told the world owes me nothing, but I owe it my entire life simply because I exist. All because I was created in a lab by a scientist who believed he could save the world by making a sub species of humans who were bigger, better, and stronger than your average Joe.

It’s cruel isn’t it? I never asked to be born but now I’m here and I’m being forced to give the world my entire being. I owe the world everything with nothing as payment. They call these people heroes, and maybe they are. Selflessly throwing themselves into the great unknown with no payment in return. Why do they do it? Because it’s the right thing to do? Because there needs to be a tomorrow? You can only save the world for free so many times before you want something as payment. Perhaps a day of rest. Maybe some recognition. Possibly a nice cottage somewhere on a lake, a place of true peace.

I never asked to be born like this. I never asked to be born at all. It’s because of human nature and science that I’m here. I was forced to give the world my all from a young age, never being able to stop and smell the roses. I was told I had very important work to do. Very important indeed. The important work I do now isn’t killing bad people or saving the world over and over again with no payment. No, the important work I do now is raising my daughter. My job was to raise my daughter to believe she owes nothing to the world. The only person she owes is herself. She owes it to herself to have a childhood that isn’t surrounded by war or experiments. I owe that to her. I owe it to her to have a life unlike mine or her father’s. I owe it to her to give her a childhood she can look back on fondly, regretting nothing and fearing nothing. I owe it to her to give her the tools to stand on her own two feet and walk a path she chooses. The only person I owe now is my child.

But I don’t really believe that. Not all of it anyways. I do owe Talia all those things. But I also owe Bucky the chance to know his daughter. I owe it to him to give him a reason to see the good in the world, to know that the world isn’t what we thought it was. I owe it to everyone not here to at least try and fix what’s been done. Nobody asked to be born, we’re all here because of chance. They’re all gone because of a game of chance. We owe it to them, that if there’s a chance to bring them back we take it and we don’t stop taking it until we fix this.

“So, you’re telling me we can go back in time, get the infinity stones, bring them back to our time and reverse the snap?” I summarized what I was just told in four simplified steps. I looked up from the tabletop and scanned the room full of people. Everyone was here, everyone that’s left that is. Clint and Rhodey nodded absent mindedly, probably appreciating the fact that I simplified the science I was just fed. Nebula, Rocket and Scott remained silent. Thor was sitting off in a corner with sunglasses on, probably sound asleep like Talia was in the other room. Tony and Bruce were both speechless, but Bruce nodded in agreement. Natasha stood at the head of the table with her arms crossed over her chest, she was watching me from the corner of her eye. Steve, like Tony and Bruce, was speechless but I could see him trying to agree or disagree with my statement.

“More or less, yeah,” Bruce piped up awkwardly. I chewed on the inside of my cheek and nodded once, looking down at the scientific plan set out on the table in front of me.

“Then let’s do it,” I announced, looking back up at the group of people with a serious expression. From the corner of my eye, I saw Steve step towards me. Probably in an attempt to stop me from doing this.

“El,”

“_Nah!_” I made a weird noise to stop him in his tracks, holding up a single finger to silence him. It worked.

“No,” Steve snapped at me. “–You’re not doing this,” He protested firmly. I lowered my hand as I turned to him.

“Why not?” I demanded in a hard tone.

“Because you’re a mother now. You can’t be taking these risks,” Steve stubbornly explained. I scowled at him. To say I wasn’t pleased that after all this time he still thinks he can tell me what to do and expect me to not protest or rebel against him.

“Steve,” Nat said in a soft but stern way.

“No, Nat. I’m not letting her recklessly throw her life away to prove she’s not the killer she was created to be,” Steve insisted, gesturing towards me.

“I agree,” Tony added. I suddenly felt a cord snap. My anger bubbling up within me and boiled over slightly.

“You shut up.” I pointed at Tony. “–And you.” I moved my attention towards Steve. “–You need to stop telling me what to do. I’m not a little girl anymore. And how you see me isn’t my problem,” I snarled at him frustratedly. I was tired of being seen as someone who’s always trying to prove myself as a good person. I _am_ a good person. I am _not_ what I was created to be. I’m not a weapon. I’m a person. How Steve viewed me was his problem, not mine. I know who I am, everyone else’s opinion doesn’t matter.

“I may be a mother now but I’m not the only parent in this room willing to put everything on the line for this. Why am I different? Is it because I’m a mother and the others are fathers? Do you see fathers as less important to children, is that it, Steve? Do you believe that my only purpose in life is to bare babies and raise them, with no need sacrifice it all for the greater good? Well do I have some news for you, _Captain_,” I spat. The look of conflict shattered Steve’s usual confident expression. I’ve challenged Steve in the past, we compromised on those topics in the past. But now, I’m not leaving room for compromise. I’m standing my ground and I’m not backing down.

‘_Does Elena love Barnes more than her own daughter?_’ Tony’s voice filled my head. To say I saw red would be an understatement. My attention snapped in Tony’s direction. The immediate look of regret scattered across his face.

“How dare you,” I snarled, waltzing over to Tony. I pulled my shoulders back, holding my head high. I was standing tall in the face of confrontation.

“You know nothing about me. I will never choose a man over my child. I’m choosing to do this _for_ my daughter, so she has a father. How am I any different from Clint or Scott? They’re doing this for their family. I’m doing this for my daughter and no one else!” I ended up shouting in his face.

“And you’re not doing this to get back your first love?” Tony remarked coldly. I narrowed my gaze at him.

“My first love wasn’t Bucky…”

“–Bullshit, he was your first love and you denying it doesn’t make it any less true,” Tony retorted in an unamused tone.

“Prove it!” I yelled.

“Siberia,” He snapped at me. Immediately silencing my argument. Even though I was silenced, I didn’t back down from my position. Despite feeling like he just reached into my chest and ripped out my heart. I couldn’t help but remember that day as clear as possibly.

_From my peripheral, I saw Bucky grab onto Tony’s ankle. Tony glared down at him for a moment before delivering a hard kick to Bucky’s face. The already injured man cried out as he fell onto his back again. I felt a burst of rage rush through me like a flashbang. It was coming my core, like a volcano erupting. Then it came out, a thunderous hellish cry escaped from me the same time an explosion ruptured from the center my very being. The entire room seemingly shook as the sound I made reverberated throughout the room. Snow, dirt and particles of concrete fell from the ceiling and walls._

_Steve gripped either side of his head, doubling over and falling back onto his knees. Bucky turned over, showing me his back as he covered his head with his right arm. And Tony was thrown off his feet and send flying across the room. His back hit the wall, denting the concrete before plummeting to the ground. He didn’t move, not that he had a choice as I held my hand out. The warm tingly feeling coursing through my fingertips, causing him to remain on the ground. _

_I rose to my feet, the red-hot anger still soaring from me. The room was in fact trembling violently. I calmly strode over to Tony until I towered over him. I could see him trying to fight my hold, but it was in vain. I raised my other hand, the same warm tingles spread through those fingertips as well. I gripped the air, the metal helmet crunching in a similar pattern to my hold. Without hesitation, I ripped the front of the helmet off, revealing the terrified expression underneath. The helmet was sent flying across the room and landed somewhere behind me. I lowered my hand slightly and gripped the ARC reactor tightly. Tony was staring wide eyed up at me, fear engulfing his dark gaze. I only scowled down at him. _

_“I loved you like a father,” I told him with pure untainted rage present in my voice. “-I fought for you. I looked up to you. I did everything you asked me to do. I did everything in my power to gain your approval. And this is how you repay me? You lied to me. You cheated me. You sent me away, locked me away. You tried to kill someone I love. No more.” I snarled impassively. I slowly knelt down beside him. My hardened gaze never flattering from his scared one. _

“Mama.” Talia’s small voice filled the tense silence and pulled me from the memory. Everyone turned to look at the little girl in the doorway. She sleepily rubbed her eyes.

“What is it, sweetie?” I asked tenderly, a complete contrast from my previous tone. Talia pushed her dark hair away from her face and scanned the room quickly before her gaze landed on me.

“Can I have some water?” She requested in a sleepy voice. I let out a soft sigh and went over to her, picking her up. I looked around the room, everyone wore expressions of uncertainty, awkwardness, and shame.

“This isn’t about me,” I reminded, leaving the room. I carried Talia to the kitchen, setting her down on the counter beside the sink, and getting her a cup of water. She quietly took a sip before looking curiously at me.

“Why were you yelling?” She asked softly. My stomach twisted, knowing she heard me in that state. I try not to raise my voice when I’m upset. I tell her not to yell when she’s angry, or hit, or scream. I’m trying to teach her how to communicate her emotions.

I sighed heavily and looked at Talia. She sat quietly on the countertop in her pink Barbie pyjamas, her hair was wild from sleep.

“Mama was frustrated,” I told her in a gentle voice, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Talia looked at me confusedly, tilting her head to the side as her brows knitted together.

“Why?” She questioned in an equally gentle tone.

“I was frustrated because… sometimes grown ups, they don’t see eye to eye, and it makes them upset.” I tried my best to explain to her in the simplest terms, but it was hard. It’s hard to tell Talia that her favourite uncle Steve sees her Mama as a weapon, a little girl.

“Are they upset because I found aunty Nat before, with the time machine?” Talia’s face fell as she asked that. My heart sank inside my chest. I lifted her chin, so she was looking at me once again.

“No, nobody is upset with you,” I informed her of the truth. None of this was her fault and it breaks my heart to hear she thinks it is. Talia darted her gaze away from mine. She was unsure that what I just told her was true or not. In that moment I regretted ever bringing her here to be tested and observed. I wanted to scoop her up and take her back to Brooklyn, back to our safe little bubble where nothing can hurt her, where she knows that what I tell her is the truth.

“Mama,” Talia quietly mumbled.

“Yes baby?” I stroked her cheek with the back of my forefinger. Tali brought her gaze back to meet mine again.

“Are you gonna bring daddy back?” She questioned below a whisper. I sighed as I looked at the little girl in front of me. The spitting image of her father. I forced a half smile at her.

“We’re gonna try,” I declared in a hopeful tone. “–But right now, you need to go back to bed. It’s late and a princess needs her beauty sleep.” I picked her up from the counter and carried her back to the room we were staying in, tucking her back into bed. Talia didn’t protest or ask to stay up later. She only put her cup of water on the nightstand and crawled back under the covers on the bed. She seemingly went back to sleep without issue.

“Good night. I love you,” I told her, kissing her hair softly before turning off the light and leaving the room. Before the door shut I heard a tiny _I love you_ in response. I walked back to the kitchen, finding Natasha there. I sighed heavily, standing at the mouth of the room.

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” Nat said. The tone of her voice told me she was serious. I frowned, stepping towards her with my arms sloppily crossed over my chest.

“You didn’t want me to be a part of this.” I offered the explanation as to why they didn’t tell me sooner. Nat mimicked my expression, nodding at my statement.

“I didn’t think you’d want to be a part of this because of Talia,” Nat expounded in a monotonous way. I let out a huff of hot air, looking down at the ground.

“I have a reason not to do this, but I also have a reason to do this,” I thought out loud. On one hand I had a reason not to go but on the other hand I had a reason to go. And they weigh the same. They both have pros and cons that are amounting to something great. My reason not to go was, what if I don’t come home? My reason to go was, what if I do come home with Bucky? Talia deserved me to stay but she also deserves her father in her life.

I lifted my head, finally making up my mind on the matter. I suppose Natasha realized my decision.

“If this brings back Talia’s dad, then I’m on board, with or without Steve and Tony’s approval.”


	30. Band-Aids on Bullet Holes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a rather short chapter. It's important though! I'll be working on the next update pronto.

_My dearest Natalia,_

_First and foremost, I love you more than anything in this world. There is not a single thing in the entire universe I’d trade you for. Not the most beautiful jewels. Not the highest of titles. Not love or royalties. None of that can compare to the beautiful life you’ve let me be a part of. All those sleepless nights where you cried, all the days we spent together travelling worlds inside your mind; everything you’ve brought into this dull and empty world is beautiful. And I thank you for choosing me to be your Mama. _

_For four years I’ve protected you from the ugliness of the world. I’ve protected you from going through the same things your father and I have been subjected to. I’ve tried protecting you from yourself. But you’re different. How could I have expected anything else? Your father and I are different, so how could I have hoped you’d be normal? You have my gifts, possibly more. You’re special, Natalia. I’ve spent the last five years trying to convince myself you weren’t special. I put you in danger by denying your abilities. _

_I suppose I owe you the whole story. All the details I’ve left out these long five years. Let’s start at the beginning. _

_Your father, James Buchanan Barnes, or Bucky was born March 10th, 1917. Yes, he’s over a hundred years old but we’ll get to that. He had three younger sisters whose names I don’t know. He grew up in Brooklyn, New York. He and your Uncle Steve have been friends since childhood. In 1937 your father was drafted into World War II. He quickly rose to the rank of Sargent. He was shipped off the England, leaving behind his family and Uncle Steve. _

_In October of 1943 he was taken prisoner by the enemy. A group of Nazi scientists that went by the name of Hydra had taken your father and began experimenting on him. They were experimenting with mind control and something called super soldier serum. They were trying to create a weapon in human form. Remember this, sweetie, it’s important for later. _

_In November of 1943, your Uncle Steve broke into the camp to rescue your father and other prisoners. The rescue mission was a success, but it put a target on your father’s back. Hydra had to get him back because he showed potential for the experiments. _

_Between November 1943 and January 1945 your father and Uncle Steve, along with the Howling Commandos dismantled several Hydra facilities. They were out on a mission to capture the lead scientist for the experiments and bring him to justice. Your father and Uncle Steve fought back to back, like the heroes they are. But then something happened. I don’t remember how it happened, but your father ended up falling off the train into the canyon’s icy river below. He was pronounced dead by many. But he wasn’t dead. Something far worse happened. Hydra got their hands on him. They brought him back to health and then continued to experiment on him, creating the super soldier they’ve been yearning for. They used him as such for seventy years. _

_Now comes my story. It began in Northern Russia in 1990 when a man called Dr. Theodor Cummings believed he could create a species of human with the psychological and mental abilities beyond what normal people are capable of. He believed the right concoction of drugs could achieve this. That’s how he met my mother. She was a drug addict looking for her next high when she stumbled upon Dr. Cummings and his promise of the greater good. _

_I was conceived in March of 1995, born December 15th, 1995. I have no brothers or sisters. Once I was born Dr. Cummings disposed of my mother and kept me under lock and key. I don’t really remember my early childhood. I just remember there were a lot of testing and observing. My abilities slowly flourished as I got older. _

_I remember when I was bought by Hydra, back in 2005. I remember that night clearly. I was in my room trying to sleep when Dr. Cummings came to get me. He said there were some very important people here to see me, to see what I could do. I didn’t fight against him, I never fought against him. I did as I was told and showed those people what I could do. Hydra bought me for a hundred and fifty thousand Rubel. In U.S dollar that’d be around three thousand dollars. _

_From then on out I was subjected to the same things your father was. I was put under mind control and forced to do terrible things. That’s actually how we met, your father and I. We were kept in the same facility. On May 13th, 2008 I was given the super soldier serum. I was being created to be the perfect weapon for Hydra to use. But this was just the beginning. The rest is too horrible for me to tell you. Maybe one day you’ll know, but not today._

_Luckily, a few days later your aunty Nat found me. She rescued me from a facility in Northern Russia where I was being tested on and observed for another project that would take place in Siberia. Your aunty Natasha brought me back to New York where I was living in the Avengers tower for a few years. It was a difficult adjustment for me to go from being trained to be a killer to be a normal teenage girl, but I managed with some help. I even proved myself as a hero. _

_In 2014 Hydra sent your father to capture me and bring me back to Siberia. But I was protected. There are people in this world who wanted to protect me from my past. To protect me from myself. I was sent to live in Wakanda, somewhere where I was safe from Hydra and the world. While your father was busy trying to hurt your Uncle Steve and capture me his mind control came undone. When all was said and done he ran to Romania to try and live a normal life. _

_I didn’t see your father again until 2016 when he needed my help. A bad man did something terrible and blamed your father, and a lot of people wanted to get their hands on him. In forty-eight hours, I managed to find my own mother again, find my biological family, find your father and fight for him. All while I was learning things about my past, about myself that I didn’t want to believe was true. _

_Talia, no mater what people may say, I love your father dearly. I love him almost as much as I love you. Back then love was something I ran away from. I didn’t think it was a good idea for me to be allowed to love anyone. But then you came along, and I couldn’t love anyone more. And it’s because I love you so much that I’m doing this. _

_There’s a way for me to bring your father back. I don’t know the sciences behind it, and I don’t care to know. I’ll do whatever I have to in order to bring back your father so you can have him in your life. I’m doing this because you deserve to love him the same way you love me. He deserves to love you too. _

_This mission runs a lot of risks, there’s a lot of rules we need to follow. There’s a lot on the line with this mission. I don’t know if I’m going to come back from this, I may die but I’ll die doing something worth while. My death won’t go in vain. But I’m hoping I get to come back home, to see you, to see your father, to see another day. If I don’t come back from this mission just know that I’m looking down at you, smiling and happy to know that you’re safe. Uncle Steve won’t let anything bad happen to you, he’ll look after you. And hopefully, so will your father. He’s a good man who’ll raise a wonderful young woman. _

_Natalia Barnes, I love you so much my heart might explode. I’m doing this for you and you alone._

_Forever and always, _

_Mama_

My attention was caught by a bottle being placed down onto the counter in front of me. I cocked an eyebrow as I looked up through my eyelashes to see Tony on the other side of counter. He was looking down at me with a grim expression. I frowned, closing my notebook, and sliding it aside. I had the feeling we had to talk. Or Tony had something to say. I’m not sure if I had anything to say.

“You don’t have to do this,” Tony whispered hoarsely. I inhaled deeply, sitting back in my seat with my arms crossed over my chest. I rolled my eyes at his comment.

“Yes, Tony, I do have to do this,” I said plainly. I watched as Tony leaned against the counter with a frown. He didn’t dare look at me.

“Your whole life you’ve been fighting for survival by trying to prove yourself worthy of living,” Tony stated the obvious. A slight twinge of dull discomfort sank in my stomach. “–And then when you were dropped off at my doorstep I had no idea what I was gonna do with you. Not only were you unruly and scared, you were also just a kid.” Silence filled the space between us. I couldn’t seem to stop staring at him. My heart almost stopped when I watched as Tony pulled an old envelope from his blazer pocket. He fished out the old and frayed piece of paper, unfolding it and examining the letter.

“You still have it?” I quietly asked. Tony nodded, looking at the letter I had written to him seven years ago.

“I constantly think about what you said to me that day,” He uttered, looking down at the paper with a sense of sorrow radiating off of him like the sun gives off heat. It was rather unsettling to me to be feeling this coming from him.

“You told me that I protected you even with all the terrible things you’ve done, so why couldn’t I protect him too?” He swallowed hard, looking up at me grimly. “–I hated him because he killed my parents. I thought you hated him for the same reasons, but I was wrong. You couldn’t hate him. You _were_ him at one point and you redeemed yourself. Barnes was trying to do the same thing when that whole thing went down. But I didn’t want to see the goodness in him, I wanted him to suffer just like he made my parents suffer that night. But they didn’t suffer. He killed them quickly.” I’d be lying if I said I knew what to say to that. I had no idea how to respond to him.

“Forgiving someone isn’t easy. Especially when you’ve been in their shoes. Being angry is easier. But it makes you a hypocrite,” I muttered. Tony nodded again with sighed heavily. He paused for a moment, looking down at the letter and then towards the hallway. He was looking towards where Talia was. It was like this was something he’s done a million times over. A second nature to him by now.

“Elena,” Tony whispered, looking back towards me. “–I promise you; we’re going to bring Bucky back. For your daughter. I’m going to let him redeem himself by looking after that little girl,” He promised in a serious tone of voice. I knew he meant business by the way he looked me directly in the eyes and didn’t falter in his expression.

“And if he bails on us I give you permission to kick his ass,” I commented lightheartedly. This earned a chuckle and a smile from Tony. I smirked right back at him and uncrossed my arms as I sat upright in the chair.

“I dunno how Cap will feel about that,” Said Tony unsurely. I shrugged a shoulder.

“He’s on your side for once. Him and Nat,” I told him gaily. Tony snorted at that knowledge and gave me a thumbs up. To say I was rather relieved that we had this talk would be an understatement. It’s been seven years since Tony and I actually spoke to each other that didn’t result in a fight. I’m unsure if I should be happy or worried for the storm that’s coming. But either way, we’re on the same page once again. And it felt great.


	31. Keep Your Eyes on the Sky

People believe what they want to believe. They find meaning where they can, and they cling to it. In the end, it really doesn’t matter what’s a trick and what’s true. What matters is that people believe.

Seven years ago, I was asked to believe something, to protect someone. Was it myself? I don’t know. Probably. I was asked to blindly follow belief, to fight for it. To throw away everything I once knew to be true and learn that it was all smoke and mirrors. Forty-eight hours is a short time for everything to come undone and redo years of conditioning. It’s a short time to learn that everything you thought to be real was merely a lie. Why? That was the question I asked the most. It was for the sake of hope. Hope is the biggest trick or treat there is. You have to blindly follow hope? Why? In hopes that this hope isn’t a trick but rather it will lead you to the truth.

And right now, my hope was laying beside me in the bed. Talia was nestled into my chest, burying her face into my neck. A beautiful blue glow casted across the room as the dawn began to break the horizon. I thoughtlessly stroked Tali’s hair as I listened to her breathing soundly.

“Podul de piatră s-a dărâmat. A venit apa şi l-a luat. Vom face altul pe riu, în jos. Altul mai. Trainic şi mai frumos. Vom face altul pe riu, în jos. Altul mai trainic şi mai frumos,” I crooned quietly as I caressed her hair warily. The events of yesterday kept replaying in my head. I couldn’t stop it. It’s kept me up all night. Now the whole team knows Bucky and I have a child together. Tony and I reconciled old wounds, but he probably thinks I purposely went behind his back and had a child with Bucky _because_ of Project Istoki and those were my orders. When in reality, I didn’t ever want to have children for that very reason. I didn’t want to create another weapon that can be used by people with corrupt agendas. I never wanted to have children but now that I have Talia, I can’t imagine a world without her in it.

I would’ve gone insane without her after the snap. I’m sure I would’ve gone insane if I went through with the promise I made to Natasha way back when. To leave everything and everyone behind, start fresh somewhere new as someone new.

I’ve broken a lot of promises but I’ve tried to keep a lot of them too. The one promise that matters to me now is the promise I made Talia. I promised her I’d bring back her father and we could live as a happy family. I don’t care what Tony thinks. He can think I purposely went out to fulfill Project Istoki if he wants. Okay, that’s not entirely a lie. I’ll be hurt if he does think that, but I’ll get over it. But right now, I’m worrying about it now. Does anyone else think this? Does Tony actually think this? I don’t know.

The memory of when I first found out about Project Istoki kept replaying in my mind. It replayed dozens of times throughout the night. Along with questions and concerns. 

_“This could’ve gone differently,” I weakly muttered to the air in front of me. _

_“I know. I wish it did,” He replied soberly. I lifted my head as I turned to face the man, I once considered my father. I truly wish I could still do that, but I can’t, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to ever again. _

_“You’ve kept so much from me. You lied to me and cheated me out of any semblance of peace of mind.” I didn’t mean to vomit up all of this, but it was like a volcano erupting. It was beautiful but devastating at the same time. It devastated any potential relationship I had with him in the future. It destroyed the bridge we had built over the last eight years. There was no going back to fix things. What’s done is done. _

_“I did it to protect you,”_

_“-If you did all of that to protect me, after every horrendous thing I’ve done in the past, then why aren’t you doing the same thing to protect Bucky?!” I snapped at him icily. He stepped forward, I stepped back. The helmet of his suit retracted and revealed me the remorse in his dark eyes. It was genuine regret. Not like earlier when we last saw each other._

_“I was misguided,” He said sullenly. “-But I’m here now. I’m here to help.” His voice held truth and sorrow. I didn’t know how to react; I didn’t know what to say or do. I was unable to do anything besides stand there and blink at him, speechlessly. A spurt of brave stupidity burst forth from me and my pursuit for the truth rang clear in my fogged mind. _

_“Did you know…” I trailed off, unsure if I wanted to know. “-Did you know it was me who was sent to kill my mother? Did you know I couldn’t complete that mission, that he was the one who did?” I asked bold facedly. I had to swallow the fear of the truth for the sake of the truth. Tony’s reaction to my question told me more than any words ever could. He remained quiet; his dark eyes darkened even more with sadness. _

_“Yeah, I did. It was in your file when you came to us. I had the information for most missions you’ve ever been on classified. Missions you went on with Hydra and before that, with Dr. Cummings.” In a way that made sense to me. Years ago, I went looking for the truth to help piece together my past, and I figured my file would help me do just that. But a lot of information was blotted out or classified beyond my clearance levels. I never knew why. I guess this was his way of giving me a fresh start at life. But you can’t travel a road without knowing where you’ve been first. I couldn’t help but wonder if Project Istoki was apart of the information hidden from me. Twice today I’ve heard that word, Istoki, and both times it brought me great amounts of fear and panic. As fast as my inquisitiveness worked, my mind worked faster at putting the pieces together. _

_“Project Istoki. I was paired with him, wasn’t I?” I requested monotonously. “-I did terrible things with him?” Another hard-hitting question. It was hard for me to remember what that project was about, or what it entailed for me. All I knew was it made me scared._

_“No.” Was all he said the second my inquiry was out there. “-Project Istoki never got off the ground. We rescued you before it could.” My eyes narrowed at him in curiosity. I had to take a stabilizing breath to collect myself and the courage to push further. _

_“What was Project Istoki?” My question came out as a demand. His face turned to stone. All remnants of emotion vanished without a trace. A tidal wave of panic jolted through me. I knew I wasn’t going to like what I was told. But this was my mission. To get the truth. No matter how unpleasant it is. I need to grow; I need to know where I come from, so I know where I’m going. _

_“Project Istoki started in ’90. It was the idea of creating an enhanced person using human nature,” Tony breathily began. My brows fell together confusedly. _

_“Like Project Lumini?” I questioned. Tony shook his head. _

_“No. That was a science project using drugs. This is involved taking two already enhanced people and combining their DNA to create the perfect weapon…” He trailed off grimly. “-When Hydra caught wind of Dr. Cummings’ experiments, they knew this was the best shot they had at creating their perfect weapon. They had the super soldier serum and now they had a genetically modified mind master. But, in their greedy for power fashion, that wasn’t enough. They wanted to take already genetically modified mind masters and make them into super soldiers using the serum before they began actually starting this project and creating these people who would be damn near impossible to kill and even more impossible to stop.” All sense of confusion disappeared, and horror and panic ignited in its spot. But bewilderment and denial caused me to shake my head at him, laughing lightly at the assumption he was making. The far-fetched idea that I was what he was saying I was. _

_“That’s when you guys rescued me. Before any of that happened,” I laughed but my laughter came to a halt when the stoniness of Tony’s face never shifted. _

_“We got to you before you and Barnes were given the orders to, y’know, but not before…. Not before they injected you with the serum,” Tony finished somberly, his eyes darted away from me. Mindlessly, I shook my head at him and grinned like an idiot in denial. _

_“I’m not a super soldier, Tony!” I exclaimed. “-I’m just… -I’m, I’m just, me! I’m Elena. I’m not super strong or super fast. I’m short as shit and lanky. I can barely fight; you’ve seen me fight. There’s no way this person you’re thinking of is me. I’m not a super soldier,” I defended myself. I don’t know why I was in denial about being a super soldier. As if it’s a bad thing. It’s not but there really is no possible way I have the serum in me. _

_“That’s because we made sure you couldn’t,” He snapped at me. “-When you came to us, when we found you, you caused a lot of destruction in retaliation. You were scared and you did the only thing you knew how to do, you fought back. We had to condition you into thinking you weren’t as strong and fast as you were. We had to program you into thinking, into knowing, you weren’t what you were.” I found myself shaking in my shoes, bone rattling type of shaking. This was a lot of information to digest. But something made sense. Earlier today when Tony and I were speaking to each other and I told him I was with Bucky, he wasn’t angry, he was scared. _

_“That’s why you were so upset when I told you I was with him. You knew,” I said weakly as I stood blankly staring at him. Tony nodded at me and pursed his lips. _

_“That’s why you didn’t want me getting in the middle of this. You knew I’d remember. You all knew I was going to uncover the truth. You didn’t want me picking a side because you knew I was going to pick his side just because of our past together, how I want to give the victims of this organization a second chance. Everybody wanted me to stay out of this so that I wouldn’t remember, so that I wouldn’t fight for him. But believe me, if I had the choice, without feeling like I could’ve done something for the rest of my life, I would’ve walked away. Because I do remember the terrible things, he’s done to me when we were with Hydra. I hate him for those things,” I retorted blatantly. Tony’s mouth twisted into a shy smirk as he raised his brows at me. _

_“And yet, you’re still here to spare him. To save him from the world. After everything you know about him, about what he’s done; you are still protecting him. You must genuinely love him,” Tony said, smirking at the end of his statement. I cocked an eyebrow at him and shook my head. _

_“I don’t love him.”_

_“-Yeah, okay. Someone doesn’t go to these lengths for a person they don’t love,” He stated clearly, hinting at what he’s done for me in the past; the lengths he went to in order protect me. I had no rebuttal. I had nothing to say. I could argue with Tony until I was blue in the face, but his declaration rang some truth to it. And I didn’t know how to respond to it. _

My attention was caught by a soft knock at the door. After a brief moment the door creaked open and Steve poked his head in. I propped my head up slightly, stopping my calming petting on Tali’s hair. Steve looked between Talia and me with a soft but sure expression.

“Lada’s here,” He whispered. I nodded. Steve came into the room, stepping toward the bedside. Carefully, he picked Talia up and laid her against his chest. My heart broke a bit knowing that I’m going to be separated from Talia. This will be the first time she’s away from me. I don’t know if this separation will be harder on me or her. She’s a tough little girl and she loves spending time with her family, so she’ll be upset at first but then she’ll get over it. I, however, will be constantly worrying about her. I trust Lada with my life, but I don’t know if trusting her with my daughter is a good idea. Lada is eighteen years old; she likes to act like one too so I’m unsure sending Talia to stay with Lada is a good idea.

After the snap Lada chose to go to New York with me. She decided that she didn’t want to fight anymore so she put herself into the foster care system and was adopted a year later. Lada is currently attending University for theatre arts and she’s got a place of her own in Manhattan. Sure, Lada has her head on straight, but this is my child we’re talking about.

Talia wrinkled her nose as she was shifted against Steve’s chest. Her eyes peeped open slightly before closing again sleepily. I climbed off the bed and grabbed her suitcase. Steve carried Talia as I walked beside them, the compound was still dark but with royal blues dancing across the shadows. Lada was waiting outside for us, she had taken the care seat from Steve’s Kia and put it in her old mustang.

Lada sweetly smiled at me, uncrossing her arms. The once dark haired excitable girl showcased bright blue hair, a few facial piercings, and a tattoo of a butterfly on her upper arm by her shoulder.

I didn’t hesitate to take Lada in for a hug while Steve put Talia in the car seat.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, pulling away from Lada. She scoffed and waved a hand at me.

“It’s not a problem. It’s about time I get an aunty weekend with her anyways,” Lada responded with a smile. I took a deep breath and watched the eighteen year old closely. She looked deep in thought. I didn’t hesitate to open my mind’s ears to hear what was going on inside her head.

‘_This is weird. She never leaves Talia’s side. What’s going on?_’ Lada thought rapidly. I frowned at her suspicions, exhaling heavily. Lada’s thoughtful look turned into knowing and slight offence that I just did what I did.

“You just heard that,” She stated. I nodded at her, frowning more as I looked over towards Talia. Luckily, she was still fast asleep. Steve was giving me a stern expression. The same expression he’s given me when there’s a choice to be made; there’s a right choice to be made. I shook my head as I turned back towards Lada. 

“It’s best if you don’t know,” I told her honestly. For a brief moment Lada debated if she should pry more or just let it go, but she decided to just let it go. She nodded in agreement.

“When you’re done whatever you’re doing, let me know,” She requested politely.

“Of course,” I honestly replied. I wasn’t sure if _I_ would be the one to contact her, but she’ll be contacted, nevertheless.

Steve and I stood aside and watched as Lada got into her car and drove away with my daughter in her backseat. My heart felt a little emptier now as I watched my child leave my side. But there was determination in my heart and my mind became focused on the mission ahead.

“This better work, Steve,” I firmly remarked.


	32. On My Mother's Name

The plan was simple; we split off into teams, go back in time and get the stones. Rhodey, Nebula, Natasha and Clint would go into outer space to get the soul and power stones from the other planets. Thor and Rocket will get the reality stone from Asgard. Steve, Tony, Bruce, Scott, and I will go back to 2012 New York and get the space, mind, and time stones. The way they explained it was far more complicated than that but when it’s boiled down; my way of explaining it does just fine.

After sending Talia off this morning I paced around the compound a lot. I probably wore down the stone floors. I was scared and excited all at the same time. I kept telling myself this was going to work. But in reality, I didn’t know that to be true. We’re dancing with fate. And it’s a hot and steamy foxtrot. One misstep and this is over, no do overs, no going back and fixing it. We’re finished. And that weighed on my brain more than the idea that we can’t undo the snap and bring everyone back. I may break my promise to Talia. The idea of breaking that promise made my stomach twist and turn into tight knots.

I stood nervously on the platform, surrounded by my friends and family. I couldn’t help but shake anxiously in my boots. I looked up from the floor when I felt a gentle hand grab a hold of my wrist. Natasha gazed at me with that reassuring motherly stare, she gave my wrist a squeeze.

“This’ll work,” She told me in an enthusiastic way. I inhaled deeply and nodded in agreement. I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. But I strengthened my resolve, bringing my shoulders back and holding my head up. This had to work. We have no other options. We needed to get the stones before Thanos and undo the snap. Thanos in our time is dead therefore we have no threat. But in the other timelines, that’s a different story.

I fished a small picture out of my pocket. It was a picture of Talia sitting at a picnic table holding up a piece of watermelon in the place of a big toothy smile. I remember that day perfectly. It was a beach day. I packed a picnic lunch for us. We played in the water and built sandcastles. We were the only ones at the secluded beach that day. It was just me and her in our picture perfect little bubble. A world of our own. It reminded me that I’d fight to the end of the universe to give my daughter everything she needed. She needed her father in her life, so I’ll fight for that too.

“I sure hope so,” I muttered under my breath. Butterflies gathered in my stomach and my heart galloped in my chest like a herd of wild horses. I put the picture back into my pocket and looked over at Steve, he gave me the surest expression I’ve ever seen him wear. He knew the risks, but he also knew that we would do whatever it takes to bring everyone back.

“Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends. We lost family. We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams; you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn't mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we're going to win. Whatever it takes. Good luck.” Steve gave his motivational speech. Steve has always been good at uplifting and motivating people. I know this to be a fact from firsthand experiences. It’s like he was born to be a leader. He was born to be Captain America. Just like I was born to be Subject Zero. I was born to be Elena Dalca.

“See you in a minute.” I heard Natasha say. The helmet of the suit wrapped around my head, clicking into place. I closed my eyes momentarily, taking a deep breathe.

‘_Whatever it takes,_’ I thought to myself. It happened in less than a second. One moment I was standing on the platform and the next my body was jerked into a tunnel of flashing lights speeding by. At different points we split off. I stayed with Steve and Tony. Bruce was beside me and Scott lagged behind slightly. He’s the expert in this field so he was probably making sure no one got left behind or went somewhere they weren’t meant to.

Just as fast as it happened, it stopped. I was catapulted into a back alley, nearly going face first into a brick wall. My head spun as my body felt like I’d been riding the teacup ride for hours on end. I had to brace myself against said brick wall while the boys regained their composure. It took me all of a second to hear the explosions and screams.

‘_Yep, New York 2012,_’ I thought breathlessly. You know it was a wild ride when your inner monologue is out of breath.

“Alright, we all have our assignments. Two Stones uptown, one Stone, down. Stay low. Keep an eye on the clock,” Steve reinstated the plan of attack. I gave him a quick nod. Bruce did as well. We all nearly jumped when a big green being rampaged by us, throwing a car at Loki’s soldier. Which was followed by a loud roar. The four of us slowly turned to Bruce, who was uncomfortably rubbing the back of his neck in shame.

“Feel free to smash a few things along the way,” Steve suggested.

“I think it's gratuitous, but whatever,” Bruce sighed with a nod. He ripped his shirt before venturing towards Manhattan, casually but awkwardly throwing things a long the way. This left the four of us to make a break for it towards Stark Tower. We mainly stuck to back allies and out of sight. The entire way there my mind was filled with memories of that day. That was the first time I’d ever fought with them. It was against Natasha’s wishes, but she was proud of me, nonetheless.

Once we finally got to the tower, we broke off into three groups. I was going to meet up with everyone on the main floor once my part was done. I was sent a head in case I had to intercept the scepter on its way down. I’d be lying if I didn’t say this was trippy as hell. I’ve already lived through this day and now I’m reliving it from a different perspective.

“Alright kids, get in, get out. We’ll meet back up in the alley,” Tony said through the coms. I wandered down the hallways. My stomach dropped when I saw Rumlow and his goons walking down the hall towards me. I was slightly grateful I didn’t age that much visibly. I still look like a teenager despite being in my late twenties. But it didn’t stop me from being afraid of him for a different reason. These men were sent to capture me and bring me back to Hydra, they sent the Winter Soldier after me. Rumlow is the reason everything happened to Bucky seven years ago. He knows about me. He knows everything. Seeing him again brought everything back. It made my heart race and my knees weak. My palms became sweaty as I began shaking through fear.

_I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Minutes. Hours. Days? I don’t know. I could feel the blood rushing through my brain. My brain pressed rhythmically against my skull, threatening to break through. I couldn’t move, the thick sweat soaked brown straps held my wrists against the icy cold metal on the arms of the chair. Another strap tightly held my head in place, forcing me to face the screen of flashing images. If I closed my eyes a painful shock was burst from my skull, electrocuting down my spine and into every part of my body. There was a needle in my arm, forcing a clear blue liquid into my body. Whatever this liquid was, it burned. It felt like fire in my veins. _

_“Catalyst,” A man’s voice came over the speaker to the room. My tired body clenched at the word. A shock of pure fire screamed from my temples to my toes. My teeth ground together as my heart began to race, making my already exhausted body even more spent. _

_“Alpha.” Zap._

_“Temptation.” Zap. Tears began streaming down my face as the pain increased and the blood in my head threatened to come pouring out. _

_“Please, stop,” I begged shakily, tightly shutting my eyes. Zap. _

_“Hyde.” Zap._

_“Endangered.” Zap. The world was beginning to fade into a blackness. My vision was decreasing as my eyelids drooped down. _

_“Revenge.” Zap. Another jolt shook me back to consciousness, but it didn’t last. If anything, everything was going dark faster now. _

_“Indigo.” Zap. _

_“Neverland.”_ _Zap. I couldn’t stop my mind from slipping away. Like sand in an hourglass. I was swept away in a wave, sent into the pitch black abyss._

_“The girl, Zero, she is of age now. How long do we wait before starting the trials with Soldat?” A recognisable man’s voice questioned from beyond the burning pain beating through my body. But I was too weak to open my eyes to see my surroundings. I was barely aware of anything beyond my quivering body with the fire like feeling roaring through it. _

_“Sir, we just injected her with the serum days ago. We don’t know if she’ll survive the transformation. And if she does survive, we don’t know if she’ll be in any shape to even begin to consider her for Project Istoki for days, maybe weeks,” Another man’s voice said uncertainly. There was a heavy sigh after the man’s statement. _

_“She’s survived this far,” The first man said confidently. “-Three days. You have three days to get her into the proper conditions to begin Project Istoki.”_

_“What if she dies?”_

_“Then she dies. We have the formula to make more of her. But if you do allow her to die after all the shit we had to go through to get her and the information for this project, you’ll be in the grave along side her,” The first man announced sternly to whoever else was in the room. _

_“Besides, she has a mission tonight with Soldat. And she’s required to be ready. It’s going to be a difficult one for her so make sure she’s prepared.” I recognized the third man’s voice. Arlo. It was the man I call Arlo. He seemed determined to make sure I was able to go on this mission tonight. I also recognized the name he mentioned; Soldat. I couldn’t put a face to the name, but I remembered blue eyes. Astounding blue eyes. Sometimes they seemed empty but below the surface of that nothingness, there was something. Something that I didn’t understand. _

“Hey Elena,” The sound of Rumlow’s voice snapped me out of my memories. Rumlow walked towards me with a twisted smile. I felt so small in comparison to him. I felt so scared. These men were with Hydra. They knew everything about me. They knew I was Subject Zero. They knew I had the same physical strength as the Winter Solider plus of my mental abilities.

“–You did some major ass kicking back there. You’re quite the fighter,” He commented, stopping merely feet away from me. His goons also stopped as well. My stomach knotted even more, knowing he was scouting me out rather than giving me a compliment. I had to strengthen my resolve once more, giving him a crooked smirk. I refused to be his puppet. I’m not that person anymore. And I’m going to prove it.

“Yeah,” I replied. “–It must be all that super solider serum you guys pumped into me,” I added, broadening my crooked smirk. I felt a sense of relief wash over me when I saw all the colour drain from Rumlow’s face. He stared blankly at me.

“Hail Hydra,” I said, walking passed them. I intentionally threw my shoulder into Rumlow’s as I stepped by him. I don’t know why but that small interaction made me feel lighter, like I shed twenty pounds from my shoulders. I cut the strings from the puppeteer a long time ago, but I just spat in their face right now. And I couldn’t help but feel amazing. Tony used to tell me that sometimes, being the bigger person doesn’t do much to help us. Sometimes, you have to spit in their eye to get the closure you need. And holy shit, it felt like I was on cloud nine!

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling widely. But it was soon wiped away when I turned a corner and came face to face with someone I didn’t want to. Standing a couple of feet away from me, battered and bruised was a teenage girl with bright blue eyes and wild curly dark brown hair. We both stared at each other like we were seeing ghosts.

“Loki!” The younger version of me exclaimed, leaping into a battle stance. I knew what was coming next. She was going to try and apprehend me using her abilities. I knew this because that’s something I’d do. She raised her hands and a slight blue glow shone through her eyes. I mimicked her, raising my hands, and positioning my feet into a bracing stance. If I had to fight my past self then I’ll do that. I had to protect myself from her. She’s still young and minimally trained at this point. Her abilities were still a bit wild.

That’s when something insane happened. Shots of bright blue lightning scattered around us from the middle ground. I felt the electricity sore up from my fingertips to my hands and up my arms. She must’ve felt the same thing since we both jumped back in shock. She stared at me wide eyed, fear was strewn across her face.

“What the…?” She breathed. The sound of her voice made my heart ache. She sounded so scared. She’s never encountered someone with the same abilities as her. She must feel defeated and cornered.

“I’m not Loki,” I told her honestly. She shook her head at me, stoning her facial expression. She went back into a fighting position. I didn’t hesitate to hold my hand out, curling my fingers into a ball. Her arms became tied to her side and she struggled against my grip.

“I don’t want to fight you,” I said seriously.

“Who are you?” She asked as she fought against my invisible control. I sighed in defeat, knowing I’m not faced with a choice. I either tell her the truth and change the course of their timeline or I lie, and she calls me out on it. I can’t lie to myself.

“I’m you from a different timeline, eleven years from now,” I announced suddenly before I could stop myself. Her face contorted in confusion, the colour draining from her face. I knew from the look on her face she believed me. That’s when I released her. She staggered on her feet a bit but there were no signs she was going to try and fight me again.

“Why are you here?” She questioned curiously.

“Something happened in my timeline and we need the Tesseract and scepter to undo it,” I told her briefly. I wasn’t going to tell her what happened or the exact reasons we need the stones.

“_We_?” She uttered. I nodded with a sigh.

“Steve and Tony are here with me,”

“–They are?” She proclaimed in a small voice.

“Yes,” I replied honestly.

“What’s the future like?” And that’s a prime example of my attention span at seventeen. Always asking the important questions.

“All you need to know is, your mother’s name… –It’s your trigger words. Her name is Catherin Dalca, but she goes by Iona Balan. She’s in Vienna. Tony found her and put her in a care home. She’s sick, kid, really sick. Ask Natasha about Siberia and Project Istoki. Don’t ask Tony about it. Tell Nat that you deserve to know the truth. She’ll take you to your mother and give you all the information. But be careful, your abilities tend to be governed by your emotions. Don’t trust Rumlow. And in four years, you fight for him. It doesn’t matter your guys’ history, _fight_. You’re stronger and faster than they’re leading you to believe” To me, that was the most important information there was. That was the information I could’ve used earlier than while fighting for Bucky’s life.

‘_El, where are you?_’ Steve’s voice rang in my ear.

“I’ll be right there,” I said. My past self stared at me with wide eyes. “–I’ve got to go, kid. Good luck,” I told her as I turned back on my heel. I started to jog down the hallway.

“–Wait!” She shouted. I stopped and turned back towards my past self. The seventeen year old girl stood sheepishly in the middle of the hall.

“It’s the serum, isn’t it? Why I’m stronger and faster, I’m a super soldier. I heard what you said to the STRIKE team. Are they really Hydra?” She muttered to me. I frowned at her. I hated knowing that her entire world just came undone in a single moment. I hated it when it happened to me. But she needed to know the truth. She wanted the truth. I knew this because I was once her. I was a seventeen year old who couldn’t really remember my past and just wanted the truth.

Without saying anything else, I turned back around and set myself in a dead sprint. I didn’t bother with the elevator. I basically flew down the stairs and out the fire exit that led to the back alley. Steve, Tony, and Scott were gathered in the alley. I immediately got the impression something happened. Something not good. 

“Sorry, buddy. We got a…–problem,” Tony sulked in the front seat of a beaten up car.

“Ugh, yeah we do,” Scott piped up from the backseat. I could feel the tension in the air.

“What happened?” I asked in a stony tone of voice. Tony looked at me pathetically. Steve shared the same look as he stood a few feet away.

“Well, what are we gonna do now?” Steve asked in an annoyed tone, looking between the three of us. My question was completely ignored so I still had no idea what happened. Therefore, I had no idea how to help.

**“**You know what? Give me a break, Steve. I just got hit in the head with the Hulk!” Tony bellowed angrily.

“Guys talk to me. What happened?” I requested in hopes they’d cool their jets and talk this out so I can understand what happened. But I was ignored again.

**“**You said that we had one shot. This– this was our shot. We shot it. It's shot. Six stones or nothing. Six stones or nothing!” Scott shouted in a panicked way. My attention was quickly bouncing around the alley between the three men. 

“Okay,” I said trying to deescalate the situation before it got any worse. But, like before I was ignored.

**“**You're repeating yourself; you know that? You're repeating yourself,” Tony taunted, causing Scott to jump to his feet and tower over Tony. I took a step forward, holding out my hands.

“Okay boys. That’s,”

**“**You're repeating yourself. You're repeating yourself. You know– No,” Scott cut me off, mocking Tony in return.

**“**Dude, come on,” Tony uttered frustratedly. I was starting to get frustrated as well. They were bitching at each other and ignoring me at all costs.

**“**You never wanted a time heist, you went on board with the time heist,” Scott rambled on and on. I could feel the stress in their air, it was thick and hot. It made me feel very uncomfortable.

**“**I dropped the ball,” Tony muttered in defeat.

**“**You ruined the time heist!” Scott exclaimed at Tony.

“Is that what I did?” Tony snapped annoyed.

“Okay, guys, calm,”

“–Yeah!” Scott shouted. 

“**_BOYS_**!” I yelled, finally catching their attention. Three heads snapped in my direction, so I was finally getting their notice.

“What happened?” I demanded coldly. The three of them all looked at each other. Steve sighed, putting his hands on his hips.

“We lost the cube,” Tony revealed with his head hung between his shoulders. My stomach sank into a black hole. I was at a loss for words. I had no idea how to respond to that beyond cussing under my breath. I couldn’t believe it. My worse fear was coming true. My promise to Talia was broken. All because they fumbled with the Tesseract.

“Are there any other options with the Tesseract?” Steve asked, sounding slightly hopeful.

**“**No, no, no. There's no other options. There's no do-overs. We're not going anywhere else. We have one particle left. Each. That's it, alright? We use that– Bye, bye. You're not going home,” Scott rambled once again. But at least this time it wasn’t out of a sore ego. 

“Yeah, well if we don't try**, **then no one else is going home, either,” Steve snapped, trying to cling onto any hope we have left. Silence filled the back alley as we tried to quickly come up with an idea. Maybe we can track down Loki, get the cube and be back in no time. No, no, that’s insane. We don’t have the time to do that.

“I got it. There's another way. To retake the Tesseract and acquire new particles. We'll stroll down memory lane. Military installation, Garden State,” Tony bellowed out, jumping to his feet. He strode up to Steve. This was the first time they were face to face without it being standoffish.

“When were they both there?” Steve asked, regaining that hopeful tone of voice. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wasn’t excited to know this plan.

“They were there at a…–I've a vaguely exact idea,” Said Tony with an equally hopeful tone.

“How vague?” Steve questioned.

“What are you talking about? Where are we going?” Scott asked frantically, taking the words right out of my mouth.

“I know for a fact they were there,” Tony began fiddling with the miniature time calibrator on his wrist.

“Who's they? What are we doing?” Again, Scott stole the words right out from under me. I was only left standing there watching their interaction.

“And I know how I know,” Tony told us.

“Guys, what's up? What is it?” I asked, this time taking the words from Scott. Steve and Tony were scheming together. They both ignored me once again. I’m starting to feel invisible over here.

“Well, it looks like we're improvising,” Tony informed Steve that whatever plan they’ve devised is actually happening. 

“Right. What are we improvising?” Scott quizzed as he bounced around like an excited puppy.

“Elena, make sure Scott gets this back to the compound,” Tony said, handing me the case with the scepter. I gave him a confused look but nodded in agreement.

“Suit up,” Tony stated to Steve. Steve nodded as well, recalibrating his time machine on his wrist. I merely stood aside and let the two of them conduct their plan.

“What's in New Jersey?” Scott asked, trying to be a part of their plan despite him being sent back to the compound with me and the scepter. 

“0-4,” Tony declared. Steve repeated, setting the date on his wrist.

“Ugh, 0-7.” Steve repeated Tony again.

“1-9-7-0,” Tony finished, looking at Steve with uncertainty. 

“Are you sure?” Steve asked, looking up at Tony.

“Cap. Captain. Steve,” Scott rambled again. I rolled my eyes at him and frowned.

“Scott!” I raised my voice at the excitable man. Scott looked between me and Steve.

“Sorry, America. Rogers. Look, if you do this, and this doesn't work, you're not coming back.” Scott made it very clear that they _cannot_ screw up this one. Everything must go smoothly. If they mess up again, they’re not coming home.

“Thanks for the pep talk, pissant,” Tony muttered to Scott bitterly before turning to Steve once again, “–Do you trust me?” He asked. That’s the first time I believe Tony’s ever cared whether or not Steve trusts him. Natasha would be proud.

“I do,” Steve replied. 

“Your call,” Tony almost chuckled in response. I watched as they both braced themselves, their helmets engrossing their heads as they got ready to jump to yet another timeline. This time it was 1970. They both were gone in the blink of an eye, leaving me and Scott in the alley. I turned to the exasperated man and sighed.

“Alright pint-size, let’s go home.”


	33. Mat' Znayet Luchshe

_2012_

First period. I made it to first period before I was spotted and dragged to the Principal’s office. And it was for the dumbest reason. My _clothes_. My clothes warranted being taken out of class, to the Principal’s office and have him call home. I’m half expecting Mr. Stark to come and get me again. It wasn’t even two weeks ago that I broke Frankie’s arm and now I’m being brought back to the office. It’s always for the dumbest reasons too. I’m still grounded from the last incident. Mr. Stark is gonna be pissed with me. I’m sure he’s going to show up, drag me home and lecture me all over again for breaking rules.

“Miss. Dalca, your mother is here,” The office receptionist said. I looked up from my feet to see the office receptionist poking her head into the guidance counsellor’s office where I had been put until someone showed up to get me or bring me a new change of clothes.

My stomach dropped when I saw Natasha standing in the office through the window looking into the reception area. Her icy gaze landed on me and a shiver ran down my spine. She didn’t look pleased to be here. Nat walked into the small office, the guidance counsellor trailing behind her with the Principal. If I thought I was in deep trouble two weeks ago, I’m sure I’m in deeper trouble now.

“Ms. Romanoff, I’m sorry to call you here so soon after the last incident,” Principal Baranski stated, closing the office door behind him. Nat didn’t take her eyes off me. I couldn’t help but sulk down into the seat, trying to hide away from her steel like gaze.

“It’s alright,” Nat replied monotonously. Her lack of inflection in her voice made me sink further into myself.

“Have a seat. This won’t take long,” Mr. Wankling, the guidance counsellor, uttered as he took his seat at his desk. Natasha did as he said and sat down in the chair beside me, putting the bag of clothes down by her feet. The room fell silent momentarily.

“Ms. Romanoff, this isn’t the first time we’ve had to call you in for Elena’s behaviour. And if I’m taking a shot in the dark here, this won’t be the last. But we still need to address the problems and figure out a way to solve them,” Mr. Baranski explained from across the small room. My head fell down between my shoulders and my eyes landed on my feet once again.

“I agree. What’s the problem this time?” Nat asked firmly.

“Miss. Dalca’s attire,” Mr. Baranski replied shortly. I felt Natasha’s eyes on me once again. She looked me up and down, taking in my dress. Today I wore a pair of black leggings and a black tank top. Apparently they go against dress code here.

“And what’s wrong with it?” Questioned Natasha, taking her attention away from me.

“Well, her outfit goes against dress code.”

“How so?” Nat quizzed. I saw her move from the corner of my eye.

“Tight, revealing clothing goes against our strict dress code here,” Mr. Baranski explained. I saw through my eyelashes as he mildly gestured towards me.

“Okay.” Nat picked up the bag of clothes and handed them to me. “–Well, I brought a change of clothes for Elena to change into. So, if that’s everything then I’ll be on my way. You have a busy day bringing in parents to force young women to change their clothes because they go against dress code,” Natasha responded with a tone that can only be described as snobbish soccer mom at a school bake sale, telling another mom off about her parenting style.

“Actually, Ms. Romanoff, that isn’t everything,” Mr. Wankling piped up from his desk. Natasha got comfortable in her seat again after getting up to leave. The room fell silent again. The air was thick with awkwardness.

“Here at Queens High School for the Sciences, we have a standard for our faculty and our students. We expect excellence here and nothing less. That is in regard to behaviour, academic grades, and dress codes. Elena has broken countless school rules during her time here. And after speaking to Elena’s teachers and the school board, we believe there has to be a course of action that needs to be taken otherwise other students and their parents will begin to believe we’re being lenient towards Elena due to the circumstances she’s involved in.”

“–Please get to the point. I’m a very busy woman,” Nat coldly demanded. I almost smirked at her assertiveness and how they’ll most likely call her a bitch for it. Nat’s not a bitch, she knows what she wants and doesn’t settle for less.

“If I must be frank, we don’t believe Elena is a good suit for our school.”

“Are you saying she’s not smart enough to attend?” Nat’s voice came out like a whip cracking. My head propped up to see Nat looking dead at the two men with her hands clasped in her lap and one leg draped over the other. Her head tilted slightly, waiting for a response from them.

“No, no, not at all.” Mr. Baranski clambered over his words in defensiveness.

“Then why do you believe she’s not suitable to attend?” Nat questioned in an equally cold tone of voice. The two men shifted in their seats uncomfortably. I glanced between the three of them silently.

“Her behaviour is a major problem.” Mr. Wankling rejoined the conversation, leaning over his desk. I cocked an eyebrow when Mr. Baranski took the file off of the desk and opened it. There were pages marked with yellow sticky notes.

“Since she began attending our school four years ago we’ve had to call in a parent or guardian one hundred and sixty-seven times. That is a big problem, especially with her now looking to attend a higher education after graduation,” Mr. Baranski described, flipping through the files.

“She’s been suspended for forty-nine days and sat in detention for a total of three hundred and six days. Elena’s been on the verge of expulsion since last semester. We’d rather not expel her seeing as she is willing to learn. But we don’t believe her behaviour is suitable for our school,” Mr. Baranski explained, reading off my file. I felt my gut twist at this knowledge. To say I was ashamed of myself would be an understatement. I didn’t even know exactly how many times I’ve been in trouble.

“And what school do you recommend?” Nat posed the best question. That was a very good question. If my behaviour wasn’t appropriate for this school, then what school is suitable?

The two men immediately shut up, looking at the red haired woman sitting in front of them. They both looked like they wanted to say something, they did say something.

“How have her grades been while attending this school?” Asked Natasha in an accusatory tone.

“Pardon?” Mr. Baranski asked.

“_Her grades_.” Nat snapped. “–How have Elena’s grades been while attending this school?” She repeated the question. Mr. Baranski looked down at the file briefly then back at Natasha with wide eyes. He cleared his throat.

“She’s been getting some of the highest grades in her year,” Mr. Baranski replied.

“And has she not been a good student in the classroom? Polite towards her teachers for the most part? Has she not handed in every assignment on time, if not early? Attending Pep rallies? Doing extra curricular activities? Has she not been noticed for helping other students with their schoolwork?” Natasha pointed out everything I’ve done to keep my place at this school. Yes, I’ve done it to make Mr. Stark proud of me but nonetheless, I’ve done it.

“Ms. Romanoff,” Mr. Wankling interrupted.

“–Answer my question,” Nat sneered. Mr. Baranski looked over at Mr. Wankling then sighed as he turned his attention back towards Natasha.

“For the most part, Miss. Dalca is an exceptional student. But we’ve received complaints,”

“–Complaints? From whom?” Nat derided in a cold and emotionless way.

“Other students and their parents,” Mr. Wankling explained. “–Other parents are worried about their children being around Miss. Dalca and her circumstances.” He paused.

“–_Circumstances_?” The question made an uncomfortable feeling hang in the air.

“Elena is not your ordinary girl. People know who she is and what she’s capable of,” Mr. Baranski justified. Natasha paused for a moment. She uncrossed her legs and leaned in towards the two men.

“So, this has nothing to do with her behaviour, and everything to do with how people perceive her?” Natasha clarified with an arched eyebrow.

“This girl has spent the last four years being punished for standing up to bullies. And you’re worried for the bullies?” Quizzed Natasha with the same accusatory tone from before.

“Ms. Romanoff, that’s not what we’re saying here,” Mr. Baranski said holding out his hands in an attempt to deescalate the situation. But that only made Natasha become more defensive.

“Then what _are_ you saying?” She questioned with a cocked eyebrow. The two men clambered over their words and their excuses. I couldn’t help but smirk to myself. I tried to hide the grin by putting my hand in front of my mouth, biting my nail.

“Elena is a good student first and foremost. Yes, she has behavioural problems, Mr. Stark and I recognize that, and we are working with Elena to help her adjust her behaviour. But at the end of the day she is a teenage girl. Most teenagers have issues with authority figures. You’ve alienated her from her peers by allowing bullies to get away with murder and the kids who stand up to them get punished,”

“Violence is never the answer,” Mr. Baranski uttered in retaliation.

“It is when it’s the only answer that works,” Nat spat back. The two men stared wide eyed at the red haired assassin.

“Ms. Romanoff, please,” Mr. Baranski pleaded. “–Elena’s behaviour is unacceptable for a school such as ours. She attacks other students unprovoked.”

“_Unprovoked_? Have you not heard her side of the stories? Her “attacks” are very much provoked,” She retorted. Natasha stood up from the chair and looked at the two men with an icy glare I’ve come to know as the mama bear stare. She’s giving them the chance to change their tune.

“I’ll be taking Elena out of school for the day. She’ll return Monday morning. That gives you boys plenty of time to put things into perceptive,” Nat told them, looking down at them. She turned her attention towards me.

“Elena, get your things. We’re going home,” She commanded in a motherly tone. I did as she said and got up, leaving the guidance counsellor’s office. Natasha followed behind me closely. I wandered through the main lobby and turned down the hallway towards my locker. I kept my head down as I walked. Natasha stayed close behind me, but she stopped, which made me stop too. I looked over my shoulder at her, furrowing my eyebrows confusedly. She wore a slight smile as she looked from somewhere beyond me to directly at me.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor,” She whispered, gesturing towards where my locker was. I turned to see Ameer standing at my locker. When he saw me looking at him, a smile crossed his face. I inhaled deeply and walked over to my locker.

“Hey Elena,” Ameer greeted in a cheerful tone.

“Hi Ameer,” I returned the greeting. “–What’s up?” I asked curiously, unlocking the metal container. I grabbed my backpack and started putting my books in it.

“I… –I got the homework for the weekend for you,” He responded handing me a pile of papers. “–I kinda figured you wouldn’t be in class for the rest of the day, so I got your homework.” He stuttered over his words as he looked down at me with a sheepish smile. I matched his sheepish smile as I took the papers from him.

“Thank you, Ameer,” I blushingly said, putting the papers into my backpack. “–You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes…. –Yes, I did,” He stammered. “–You stood up for me. You didn’t have to do that,” Ameer explained nervously. Ameer and I have only had in class interactions and he was never this nervous then. Right now, I was wondering why he was so nervous now.

“Yes, I did. People need to stand up to bullies to get the bullying to stop,” I elucidated, zipping my backpack up. I grabbed my binder, closing my locker door. Ameer awkwardly stood beside my locker and looked between Natasha and me. I sighed heavily and looked up at the dark haired teenage boy. I could see the shame and fear on his face. I could also feel it radiating off of him.

“I get it,” I mumbled, looking down at my feet.

“_Hmmm_?” Ameer hummed confusedly. I picked my gaze up and glanced up at Ameer with a soft expression.

“You feel like you’re trapped. Like you can’t stand up for yourself otherwise all the things people are saying about you is true. But that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what your past is or what people think you are. You need to stand up for yourself and others. Push back and the bullying will eventually stop. You need to do the right thing,” I said bluntly, hooking my backpack over my shoulder. Ameer only stared down at me blankly. I sighed again and turned on my heel, heading towards Natasha.

“You’re very mysterious Elena!” Ameer called down the hall. Probably in an attempt to get me to talk to him some more. But I kept walking. Natasha smirked at me as I approached her.

“Is that your boyfriend?” She teased, nudging me with her elbow. I rolled my eyes at her, shaking my head.


	34. Acasă

I staggered forward as I was thrown out of the flashing tunnel. I held the sceptor tightly to my chest. The world around me spun violently, causing me to topple over onto my knees. It took a moment for the world to stop spinning. I felt two pairs of hands grab onto my upper arms and hoist me to my feet. Scott and Steve helped me up, Steve taking the case from me.

“Did we get ‘em all?” I heard Bruce ask in an unsure tone.

“Are you telling me this’ll actually work?” Rhodey asked in disbelief. I sharply inhaled, realizing something was off. I could feel it in my gut. Something was wrong, very wrong. I quickly did a head count. But my attention was taken by Clint stepping forward with the soul stone in his hand and a grim expression on his face. My stomach twisted with anxiety when I realized Natasha wasn’t with him. Nat didn’t come back with him. She wasn’t coming back.

“Clint, where’s Nat?” Bruce questioned. There was silence that engulfed the room. Clint gloomily scanned the platform, his eyes landing on me last. The look on his face told me everything I needed to know. If you were to hold my heart up to your ear, you’d hear it shatter into pieces. Tears welled up in my eyes as I remembered Nebula telling us that when Thanos took Gamora to get the soul stone, Gamora didn’t come back. To get the stone you must sacrifice someone you love. And knowing Natasha, she’d sacrifice herself. She wouldn’t want Clint to give his life because he has kids. But Nat does have a kid. She has me. She was my mother. She’s been my mother for fifteen years.

“_No_,” I whimpered, holding back a sob that was lodged in my throat. Tears began to make rushing rivers down my cheeks. Clint came over to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me in for a hug. I felt the sobs begin shaking through me violently. To say my heart was breaking would be an understatement.

“I’m sorry,” Clint whispered into my hair. I jolted away from him and jumped off the platform, rushing out of the room. I hated crying in general, let alone crying in front of people. I’d rather cry in private if I did have to let it out. I heard someone call out for me, but I didn’t listen. I practically ran out of the compound. I collapsed to my knees at the lakeside. My head was filled with so much pain and torment. I’ve lost so much. I’ve lost so many people. I lost Dr. Cummings. I lost Galina, Danica, and Zasha. I lost my friends and family. I lost Bucky. I never imagined I’d lose Natasha too. I knew one day I was going to lose her but not today.

“Elena!” I heard Tony call for me. But I didn’t turn around.

“El!” He called again. I could hear Natasha’s voice in my head. Her voice was calm and nurturing. Just like it was the first time I met her. Her first promise to me echoed in my mind.

“_Those people cannot hurt you anymore. I’ll make sure they won’t, even if it’s the last thing I do_.”

My crying turned into panic. Tears continued to stream down my face. My heart raced inside my tightened chest. My breaths came out in heavy pants. All of the blood rushed to my head. That’s when it happened. A blood curdling shriek exploded from me, along with a bolt of energy. A blast hit the water, making a tidal wave attack the once calm shores. Trees swayed in the wind the energy that burst out of me made. The scream shrank down into loud crying. I doubled over, pressing my forehead into the dirt.

_I couldn’t help the way my mouth twisted as an airy giggle bubbled up from my stomach. Agent Romanoff turned to me when she heard me, a knowing smile curled one side of her mouth as she untied her arms from over her chest and came back to my side. She sat down in the very uncomfortable looking chair beside the bed and looked me over a few times._

_“I’m guessing you remember more than you’re letting on,” She supposed in a light voice. I side eyed her soundlessly. I swallowed down hard and moved my gaze away from her to look at my feet._

_“But you’re not going to talk because they conditioned you not to.” She leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees. My body hardened in place, making me look like one of those things in the art gallery I remember going to. My heart started to race inside my chest. I felt a familiar currant rush through my mind like an avalanche._

_“Those people can’t hurt you anymore. You can talk freely now. You can talk to me about anything that comes to mind,” She said in a soft but sure way. The feeling of protectiveness never faltered from her; it was joined by something new. I didn’t know what that feeling was. It made me feel like I could trust her. I glared down at my covered feet, not knowing if this was a trap._

_“Zero,” I whispered quietly, dragging my stare from my feet to meet her gaze. “-My name is Zero.” She tilted her head at me silently. Her lack of saying anything made me bring my gaze back to my feet. From the corner of my eye I saw her stick out her hand towards me. I jumped a bit and scooted further to the other side of the bed._

_“My name is Natasha, but you can call me Nat,” She chirped at me in an upbeat tone. I furrowed my brows and looked at her confusedly. Why was she holding her hand out to me? What is this? Is this some sort of test. It didn’t matter, when she saw I wasn’t about to do whatever she wanted me to do, she let her extended arm fall down._

_“You’re in a hospital in New York. Do you know where that is?” She asked curiously. I eyed her up for a moment, pressing my lips together._

_“No,” I replied weakly, shaking my head._

_“What’s the last thing you remember?” Natasha questioned with an arched eyebrow. That was a good question. What is the last thing I remember? The crease between my brows deepened as I dug deeper through the thick fog of my mind, hoping I’d find something, anything._

_“You have important work to do, Zero. Very important indeed,” I whispered, chasing the words that belonged to a man I once, maybe, possibly, knew._

_“And what work is that?” Natasha quizzed curiously. Mindlessly, I turned to face her again._

_“Hurting bad people,” I muttered quietly. Her body tensed ever so slightly but the softness in her eyes and the look of something I didn’t know stayed on her face. I don’t know why it brought me some joy to see her uncomfortable, to know her weakness._

_“I hurt bad people.” I had to say it again to make sure I was right; I did hurt bad people and that’s what I remember. The discomfort on Natasha’s body became almost unbearable to see. But I couldn’t look away._

_“My mission!” I exclaimed as I jumped towards Natasha on the bed. “-I have a mission!” I pulled the blanket from my legs. My eyebrows tugged together at the sight of hot pink painting my toenails. Natasha sneered light heartedly, catching my attention._

_“A pretty girl deserves a pretty colour,” She said, getting up from the chair. She sat down on the bed beside my knees, her hands in her lap._

_“And there is no mission. I came to get you, so you don’t have to go on another mission, remember?” She told me kindly. My edgy body relaxed but confusion made my mind all wishy washy._

_“But those people are going to hurt me if I don’t,”_

_“No.” She interrupted in a soft voice. “-Those people cannot hurt you anymore. I’ll make sure they won’t, even if it’s the last thing I do.” Her bright eyes stayed on me in a such a way that made me feel comfortable and warm inside. I’m going to assume she wasn’t lying to me when she said those people from before couldn’t hurt me anymore. _

“Do we know if she had family?” I heard Tony ask quietly. It’s been a little while since my outburst and I’ve managed to calm down. No one’s bothered to come check on me. I suppose they believe I need some space. And I do. I stayed sitting by the lake while everyone remained by the compound, watching over me from a safe distance.

“Yeah. _Us_,” Steve replied. I blinked blankly as I stared out at the now calm lake surface.

“What?” Thor questioned confusedly.

“I just asked a question,” Tony began but was cut off by Thor.

“Yeah, you’re acting like she’s dead. Why are we acting like she’s dead? We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones, Cap, we can bring her back, isn’t that right? So, stop this shit. We’re the Avengers, get it together,” Thor growled hopelessly. But he was trying to grasp onto the smallest straws of hope that we can bring back Nat.

“We can’t get her back,” Clint muttered. His anger from earlier was diminished greatly now his voice was full of sorrow.

“Wha… –What?” Thor staggered over his words.

“It can’t be undone. It can’t,” Clint responded. I felt my heart break all over again. But this time, tears didn’t come. I only stared blankly out on the lake and listened to the conversation being held. I heard Thor laugh dryly in response to Clint’s statement.

“I'm sorry. No offense, but you're a very earthly being. Okay? We're talking about space magic. And _can't_ seems very definitive don't you think?” Thor was desperately trying to hold onto the idea that we can bring everyone back, including Natasha.

“Yeah, look, I know that I'm way outside my paygrade here. But she still isn't here, is she?” Clint’s tone was beginning to get angry again. I was on board with him. I wanted to believe that we can bring Nat back but I’m not holding my breath. If we do bring her back I’ll be over the moon but if we can’t… –I won’t be surprised.

“No, that’s my point,”

“It can’t… –Be undone!” Clint snapped. “–Or that’s at least what the red floating guy had to say. Maybe you wanna go talk to him, okay?! Go grab your hammer, and you go fly and talk to him!” He shouted angrily. I could feel Clint’s anger from here, but it was quickly replaced with grief.

“It was supposed to be me. She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone. She bet her life on it,” Clint practically sobbed. I closed my eyes as I stood up, only to fall back to the ground when a bench was hurled past me.

“She’s not coming back. We have to make it worth it. We have to,” Bruce uttered quietly. I could barely hear his voice over the pounding of my heart. I got back up and marched over to them. The small group of men looked mildly terrified as I approached them.

“This is going to work. One way or another,” I announced sternly. There was no other choice. We will make this work. This will work. It has to.


	35. The Stand Part I

I made the choice not to be in the room for when they do the snap. I couldn’t be there. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t be there when they brought everyone back. Instead I stood in the main area of the compound, pacing around. My head was lost somewhere else. A lot has happened in a few hours. I needed to step back and digest it all. This morning I woke up and gave my daughter to a friend, not knowing if that would be the last time I saw here. Instead this morning was the last time I saw Natasha. Her last words to me were _“This’ll work”_. She told me this’ll work and so far, she’s been right. We got the stones, but we lost her. Now it’s time to finish this, bring everyone back and live happily ever after. But that didn’t sit right with me. Something inside me was saying there was a fight on its way.

I inhaled sharply when the windows shuttered closed, telling me they were about to do the snap. My awareness was caught by my phone ringing in my pocket. My heart dropped when I saw it was Lada who was calling me.

“Lada?” I greeted, answering the call.

“_Hey. Sorry for calling so soon._” Lada’s voice sounded distressed. My brows fell together. Concern overtook me when I heard Talia crying in the background. She wasn’t just crying, she was wailing.

“It’s okay. What’s going on?” I, in a nurturing but concerned tone, inquired.

“_I dunno. I put Talia down for a nap and she woke up screaming. She won’t talk to me, so I figured she’d talk to you,” _Lada responded hysterically.

“Okay, put her on the phone,” I told her firmly. She gave me an okay then proceeded to try and give Talia the phone. Talia wanted nothing to do with it, still crying hysterically. But once Lada told her I was on the phone she stopped crying and the sound of the phone being handled muffled against my ear.

“_Mama_?” Talia’s voice came through from the other end. I sank further into this sickening feeling that was engulfing me. Talia sounded exhausted and terrified. She was panting heavily into the phone; they were almost sobs. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to hold her and make her feel safe.

“Talia? Sweetheart, what is it? What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to sound calm but I failed miserably.

“_Mama, I had a bad dream_,” Talia said in a sad voice. I should’ve felt a weight life off me, but it didn’t budge. I forced a smile.

“Oh sweetie,” I cooed at her gently. “–Do you want to tell me what happened?” I questioned her in a mothering tone. I heard Talia sniffle, and something bumped the phone, probably her rubbing her nose.

“_I dreamed a purple monster stole magic rocks from you_,” She whimpered. The feeling that something was wrong amplified. My heart stopped. All the air inside me fled my lungs and the hairs on the back of my neck rose up. A crackling broke through the connection, making Talia’s little voice break and cut off.

I don’t know what happened but the next thing I knew, there was an explosion and I was buried underneath rubble. What was once the roof was now like a concrete and metal blanket laying over top of me. I shielded my head with my arms as I lay across the floor on my stomach. Pain shot through me, coming from every inch of my body. I could hear Talia screaming for me, despite my phone being a few feet away from me in a small clearing. Sorely, I reached out to try and get my phone again.

“_Mama!…. Mama!_...” I heard her cry before the line went dead. I tried to move but I was buried. The rubble on top of me was too heavy for me to wriggle out of. I felt a surge of electricity course through my head, letting me see my body laying under the collapsed roof. Without hesitating, another powerful electrical feeling engulfed my brain. With all my might I pulled the slabs off of my body, tossing them aside. I let out a heavy breath as I returned to my mind and body. The pain coursing through me was tremendous but I still gathered myself to my feet, staggering a bit. I looked over the wreckage of the compound, seeing it was reduced to ruins.

As I stood aside and looked out at the ruins, small surges of electricity shot through my now throbbing head. I couldn’t help but touch the spot where the pain was most severe. I pulled my hand away when I felt something wet. The world began spinning around me and the ache in my mind became sharp. My eyes widened when I saw blood smeared on my hand. It ran down the side of my face from my scalp.

“Elena!” Steve’s voice was distant. I looked up to see him bolting over to me. My eyes became heavy as my knees became weak.

“Steve?” I breathed before the world went black and my body hit the ground.

_“You’re not afraid of it?” A sleepy voice asked from behind me, hot breath smothered the back of my neck. My smile grew, my fingers still trailing over the metal. I shook my head at his question, responding with an airy,_

_“No.”_

_“Are you?” I queried lazily. The strong arm draped over my small body tightened, bringing me closer, if that was even possible, to the hot skinned chest behind me. I could feel his hot touch trailing all the way from my shoulders, moulding every curve of my back and along my short legs. My feet ended just below his knees but somehow, he traced my form underneath the warming sleeping bag. He held me close, like I was just a ghost he was afraid would leave him if he blinked. Maybe I was a sign to him, that things aren’t as bad as it seems, that he can be forgiven for the horrible things he was made to do. I know exactly what that’s like. Once you get that sign that you’ve been forgiven, you never want to let it go in case it was just a sick dream._

_“A bit,” He whispered into my hair. “–It’s hurt too many people,” He added lowly. I stopped tracing the metal on his arm and turned over to face him with crinkled brows. I saw genuine regret scattered across his face, even as he gazed down at me with affection gleaming in those magnificent blues. I puckered my lips and shared a slight half smirk._

_“So, did this,” I stated, tapping my temple with my index finger. “–But that’s not who I am anymore. Now, I use it to help people.” I didn’t want him thinking he was still who he once was. It’s obvious he’s not that person anymore. Just like him, I used to be what people called a monster but now I use my gifts to help people. I’ve helped local police find people or the truth. They considered me more useful than a hound dog and a polygraph. It’s also helped the Avengers when they’d go on missions to capture the bad guy. Sometimes, the bad guy would try to get away and I’d use my “telekinetic abilities”, as Banner would say, to detain the bad guy. Or, I’d use it to save people from bad things happening. Kind of like that new girl, Wanda, and how she used her abilities to save those people in Lagos from that bomb. Yes, that didn’t end well but she did her best. Superheroes are still people, genetically modified or not. Sometimes, in order to save the world, some people die. It’s like any other war._

_“They sent you on missions?” A concerned question was spouted from him without hesitation. I nodded at him with a semi-serious expression. Another bout of silence filled the room._

_“How old were you? Y’know, when they sent you out?” He asked worriedly. I shrugged a shoulder, taking my eyes from his gaze and let them wander down his neck and chest, stopping at the small patch of dark hairs on his pale chest. Mindlessly, my fingers traced and twirled the straggly hairs._

_“Hydra bought me when I was ten. My first solo mission was about a year later,” I responded in a soft voice. His arm tensed around me and I could feel his gaze drilling into me unrelentingly. I wanted to know what he was thinking but he asked me not to go into his head, and I’ve already broken that promise by going into that memory, or dream._

_“Bought you?” Bucky’s voice sounded utterly surprised. If I looked up at him, I’d probably see the same surprise and maybe some regret. That’s if he remembers our encounters while being held hostage. Again, I nodded silently. But a small chuckle passed by my lips as I looked up at him. Shock and sadness filled his almost clear blue eyes. It made me smile at him as the story of how and why I came to be crossed my lustfully hazy mind._

_“I’m a science experiment, created by Dr. Cummings in Russia before Hydra found out about the experiments and wanted to invest in them. From what I remember, I’m the only successful experiment and I was bought to be used as a weapon. I spent ten years undergoing training at a compound in Northern Russia before being taken to Siberia with Hydra. Where I was trained more relentlessly and forced to hurt people for three years before Natasha found me while on a mission to retrieve information about the project.” The story is sad, but it didn’t deter me from the blissful feeling that engulfed the small space the two of us occupied. Bucky didn’t say anything, he only brought me closer to him, resting his chin on top of my head. I buried my face into his chest and let him be with that information, not giving him anymore reason to be upset._

_Hours pressed on, leaving us tangled with each other in silence. I had turned over, so my back was against his chest again. While my fingers danced over the warming metal, Bucky drew gentle kisses to the nape of my neck, shoulder, and back. Once in a while he’d stop kissing to engross his face in my hair for a few moments, taking in the smell I exuded. He smelled better than I did. Yes, he smelled of sweat and sex, but it was mixed with the minty scent of his breath and the fresh aroma of the soap he used._

_To my dismay, we had to tear ourselves from each other to get dressed and go on with our day. Bucky’s clothes were piled in one spot in the threshold between the wooden floor of the kitchen and carpeted floor of the living room. Unlike mine, which were exhibited all around the small apartment. Clearly, one of us was more eager for physical contact than the other._

_“Please don’t let this be the last time I see you,” Bucky whispered from underneath his baseball cap which covered most of his face. We stood outside in the sunshine in front of the tall apartment building. I looked up at him with wide eyes, a small smile bumping at the corners of my mouth. His hand lightly grasping mine by the fingertips._

_“It won’t,” I replied sincerely as the taxi I had called pulled up to the curb. “–I promise,”_

It seemed like forever, but I felt strong hands grab hold of me and prop me up.

“_Păpuşă._” I heard Bucky’s voice say from somewhere beyond the blackness. My eyebrows furrowed at the sound of Bucky’s voice. It felt like I was on a merry-go-round. My head was spinning.

“Bucky?” I whispered. I felt something flat press against my back. I tried to focus on that but the sound of Bucky’s voice calling out my name kept distracting me. Păpuşă. The nickname he gave me back in Romania seven year ago. He called me it in his time of weakness. His voice slowly warped into someone else’s. I recognized this voice. But I couldn’t place it directly. My head was still reeling from the explosion.

“_Elena_.” Slowly, I opened my eyes to see Steve there. It wasn’t Bucky who was calling out for me. I twisted together my eyebrows further as the sight in front of me confused me. I thought for sure it was Bucky, but it was Steve. A sad twinge pinched my heart.

“You’re okay. You’re fine,” He frantically told me, his blue eyes darted to different parts of my body. I nodded at him. My mind spun as I came back to my senses.

“What happened?” I asked weakly. Steve let out a grunt.

“Thanos is here,” He certainly stated. I shook my head at him and frowned.

“Thanos is dead. Thor killed him,”

“Yeah, well, a different timeline Thanos is here,” Steve informed me, trying to make sense of what’s happening. I inhaled deeply and looked around me. The wreckage of the compound held some salvage for us but not much. My blood began boiling at the idea that Thanos was here. I didn’t care if he was from a different timeline, he took too much from me. I had only my daughter to fight for now.

I stumbled back onto my feet, earning a disapproving gesture from Steve.

“Let’s finish this,” I snarled through my teeth.


	36. The Stand. Part II

When I was in twelfth grade we were given writers to write about them, analyze a piece of their writing. I got stuck with T.S Elliot. He wrote a poem called the _Hollow Man_. It’s a five part poem which I had to write about. I had to find meaning in the poem and make connections to me and my life. My essay was five pages front and back. I wrote about _Hollow Man_. My favourite part of the poem was the ending. It goes like this.

_This is the way the world ends. This is the way the world ends. **This** is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but with a whimper_.

It spoke to me unlike anything I’ve ever read before. It made sense to me even though I disagreed with it. I don’t think the world will end with a whimper. I think it’ll end with a roar. I think it will end in blood and bones and screams of defiance. I think it’ll end with a fight. It always does. Anything worth it doesn’t end with a whimper, it ends with a bang. It ends with a war.

I guess the poem spoke to me because of how my life’s been up until now and maybe even tomorrow. My life has been one war after another. Another fight after another. Will there ever be peace? Will I ever be able to walk away from the fight? The answer is no. If the fight means something then I will not walk away. I won’t walk away when people need me. I won’t walk away when it comes to proving to myself that I am not the bad guy. I won’t walk away when my daughter’s world is in danger. I’ll fight until my last gasp of air. I’ll fight until there’s nothing left in me. I’ll wage wars until the innocent are safe. I’ll fight tooth and nail until the end of time if it means the world’s a safer place for my Talia.

“What’s the game plan?” I inquired, pacing the ruins of the compound with my arms tied over my chest.

“We see what he wants,” Thor replied, peering down at Thanos. He sat on a piece of concrete and hasn’t moved since he got here. I scoffed at Thor’s statement and shook my head, pacing faster.

“We know what he wants,” I spat coldly. Silence. It was thick and uncomfortable. We all stood in silence, looking at Thanos, trying to figure out what our next move was. We knew he wasn’t coming alone. We all knew there was going to be a fight, a battle. Just like last time, this is the fight of our lives. Not just our lives but the lives of everyone who isn’t here. It’ll give them a second chance. We have our second chance to do right.

“El,” Tony said making me stop pacing and look over at him. “–Can you get inside his head? Tell us what his plan is. See if there’s anything new going on.” He pried his dark gaze from Thanos and met mine. I pursed my lips to avoid scoffing again. My eyes narrowed as I looked from Tony to Thanos and back to Tony. I felt annoyance bubble up. Actually, I’m not sure if it was annoyance or anger. We’re just standing here doing nothing and they’re asking me to do the same thing over and over again.

“I’ve already done that,” I grimly sneered. “–And I’ve already told you. He thinks we’re going to bring him the stones. His plans have changed though. He doesn’t just want to wipe out half the universe. He’s going to destroy it all and rebuild a new one. Nothing’s changed, Tony.” I was annoyed that Tony asked me to get into that monster’s head again, in hopes plans have changed. They haven’t. Thanos strongly believes that we’ll bring him the stones and he’ll wipe out all of the universe and rebuilt a new one. One where we don’t exist. One that’s grateful for what he’s done. He’s delusional if he believes we’ll just hand over the stones. He knows there’s going to be a fight. I think we all do.

“Alright,” Steve said suddenly. “–Tony, Thor, let’s go hear it from the horse’s mouth. El, stay here and get ready to fight like Hell. We’re gonna need you sooner rather than later,” He added, acknowledging there was going to be a big fight coming our way. Steve’s plan was simple. Much like every other plan I’ve been involved in. And just like every other plan, I’ve been ordered to stay back, come in when needed. _If_ I’m needed. But this time, I’m going to be needed. I’ll be right there on the frontlines.

I began my pacing once again, but this time I watched as the three men approached Thanos, ready to fight. The three men spoke to the enemy briefly before all Hell broke loose. I could feel small surges of electricity running up and down my spine and throughout my skull. A warm tingly feeling surrounded my hands. I readied myself to be called upon at any moment. But I wasn’t. None of the men called for me for backup, despite being thrown around like ragdolls.

I stood aside and watched the three men fight. Tony went down and didn’t get back up. My stomach churned. I had to do something; I chose to do something. Without hesitating, I held my hand out and grabbed onto the metal suit. I whisked my hand through the air, dragging Tony through the dirt to a safe spot away from the battle Steve and Thor were fighting. I kept my hand raised, creating an invisible shield around Tony to keep his safe.

Everything sank inside me when I saw Thor was in trouble. Thanos had stormbreaker, aiming it against Thor’s chest. Thor was fighting to keep the blade away from entering his chest. With my other hand I pushed back against the blade. I could feel the sharp edge digging into the palm of my hand. My jaw clenched as pain shot through the palm of my hand. Blood made a waterfall from the newly forming cut in my flesh. Thanos was strong, strong enough to cause us an effort to fight back against him. I felt my face contort as pain shot from my hand up my arm and into my shoulder. But then it was gone. The pain ended, only leaving a stinging sensation in the newly formed cut on my hand. Thanos staggered over slightly, dropping stormbreaker. I let go of the strained breath I was holding. I watched as the Mjolnir came flying back to whoever was wielding it. A large smile erupted across my face when Steve caught the hammer. Only the worthy could wield Thor’s hammer. I’ve known Steve was worthy for a long time, ever since New York.

‘_Steve, bring me in,_’ My thoughts echoed from my mind to his.

‘_Not yet,_’ He thought.

‘_C’mon, let me help_,’ I practically shouted but Steve went after Thanos full throttle without any backup. My heart galloped inside my chest as memories of my past started to slip past the dam I put them behind.

_“Zero, you need to be a good girl for these people. Do what they say when they say it,” Dr. Cummings instructed as he sat on the cot beside me. I sat quietly with my hands in my lap and my knees pressed together. I stared blankly at the concrete floor._

_“When will I be home?” I mistakenly whimpered, not meaning to ask questions but this is the one that was rattling around in my brain since the presentation last night. My gaze ran up from the floor to Dr. Cummings sitting next to me. A look of sadness paled his face as his eyes stayed on me._

_“The compound is no longer your home, Zero. Wherever these men take you is your new home. You’re being released into the world to do very important work,” He replied with certainty in his voice._

_“Hurting bad people?” A small smile nudged at the edge of Dr. Cummings’ mouth as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his side._

_“Very important work, Zero. Very important indeed,”_

I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of the memories of my past. It failed to no end. The tingly feeling in my hands began to fade. I shook my head again, revamping my abilities. But they were fading, and they were fading fast. Over the years I’ve discovered my abilities were governed by my emotions. Right now, I didn’t feel anything. No matter how hard I tried to remind myself of the reasons I’m doing this, my abilities weakened.

I closed my eyes as a sinking feeling surrounded me. There was another way I could get my abilities back. I didn’t know if it was going to work but it’s worth a try. I inhaled deeply as my brows knitted together.

“Catalyst.” My voice came out shaky. I really didn’t want to do this but it’s the only other way my abilities would work.

“Alpha,” I breathed unsteadily. I felt the dam in my head beginning to break, zaps of electricity shot through my skull. Pain enveloped my mind as the barricade broke down, letting all my memories wash over me. I steeled myself, getting ready for whatever is on the other side of this idea.

“Temptation.” My voice came out strong this time. I couldn’t be afraid of what may happen. The flows of energy came in strong waves.

“Hyde.” A particularly strong wave of energy washed over my brain. I couldn’t help but clench my jaw as my body tensed. My eyes closed and more flashes of memories overcame me. Memories of my missions, of Siberia, of Dr. Cummings.

“Endangered.” I continued forward with my idea. But remembrances were relentless. It was like watching a movie of my own life. I suppose that’s what memories are. They’re movies for only us to watch. The horrible memories of my missions faded into ones of Talia. Every morning we spent together. Every memory of us going on adventures.

“Revenge.” I sneered through my gritted teeth. I hadn’t realized it, but tears streamed down my face. Memories of Talia overcame the memories from my past. Recollections of Talia were far stronger than any memory of my past.

_A smile crossed my face when I heard the pitter patter of small feet running towards my room. The knob jiggled loudly before the wooden door creaked open. It was followed by a few small thumping noises running across the floor then a few low grunts as the blankets were pulled on. After a few struggling moments, the pulling stopped._

_“Ready? One, two, three, lift off,” Steve uttered then a small body landed on the bed beside me with a squeal. I almost jerked away when two tiny cold hands found my warm legs._

_“Mama!” A small voice exclaimed. “–Time ta get up.” The small hands shook my leg forcefully. I pretended to remain asleep._

_“Mama, mama! Get up! Get up! Unca Steve made breffast!” She happily cheered. The shaking stopped before a small body pounced on top of me, causing me to open my eyes and grab the tiny body. I sat up in the bed with my daughter in my lap. I was met with the sight of her father. The wild curly dark haired and bright eyed girl sitting on the bed between my legs, squealing happily as I tickled her sides. She was a sight for sore eyes to say the least._

_“And good morning to you too, missy,” I said to her as I continued to tickle her sides. Her high pitched laughter filled the quiet morning. Talia coiled into herself as I wriggled my fingers against her sides. Her sun kissed face turned a bright red as she wore the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen._

_“I give up! I give up!” She cried through her laughter. My attack on her sides subsided as she calmed down from her giggle fit._

_“You give up? Why?” I asked, smiling at the four year old. Talia’s bright eyes met mine and her smile broadened._

_“Because unca Steve made breffast!” She cheered, throwing her hands in the air dramatically and toppling over onto her back. I couldn’t help but grin at her dramatics then glance over at Steve. He stood in the mouth of the room, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyebrows shot upward as a stupid grin captured his face._

“Indigo.” Tali’s laughter echoed through my mind like sunshine on a rainy day. Seeing her smiling face as she played in the flowerbed behind Steve’s apartment building made a smile cross my face. The final memories of my daughter crossed my mind. Seeing her asleep, so peaceful reminded me of why I was doing this.

_“Why were you yelling?” She asked softly. My stomach twisted, knowing she heard me in that state. I try not to raise my voice when I’m upset. I tell her not to yell when she’s angry, or hit, or scream. I’m trying to teach her how to communicate her emotions. _

_I sighed heavily and looked at Talia. She sat quietly on the countertop in her pink Barbie pyjamas, her hair was wild from sleep. _

_“Mama was frustrated,” I told her in a gentle voice, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Talia looked at me confusedly, tilting her head to the side as her brows knitted together. _

_“Why?” She questioned in an equally gentle tone. _

_“I was frustrated because… sometimes grown ups, they don’t see eye to eye, and it makes them upset.” I tried my best to explain to her in the simplest terms, but it was hard. It’s hard to tell Talia that her favourite uncle Steve sees her Mama as a weapon, a little girl. _

_“Are they upset because I found aunty Nat before, with the time machine?” Talia’s face fell as she asked that. My heart sank inside my chest. I lifted her chin, so she was looking at me once again. _

_“No, nobody is upset with you,” I informed her of the truth. None of this was her fault and it breaks my heart to hear she thinks it is. Talia darted her gaze away from mine. She was unsure that what I just told her was true or not. In that moment I regretted ever bringing her here to be tested and observed. I wanted to scoop her up and take her back to Brooklyn, back to our safe little bubble where nothing can hurt her, where she knows that what I tell her is the truth. _

_“Mama,” Talia quietly mumbled. _

_“Yes baby?” I stroked her cheek with the back of my forefinger. Tali brought her gaze back to meet mine again. _

_“Are you gonna bring daddy back?” She questioned below a whisper. I sighed as I looked at the little girl in front of me. The spitting image of her father. I forced a half smile at her. _

_“We’re gonna try,” I declared in a hopeful tone. _

“Neverland.” A strong jolt of electricity shot through my head like a lightning bolt. The last memory that flashed through my head was a few moments ago when Talia called me. Hearing her crying for me made an icy hot feeling shoot through my hands. I felt my mind beginning to slip into my alter ego.

“_Mama_!” Talia’s voice shot through my conscious mind. She sounded terrified. She was terrified. She needed me and I couldn’t be there to comfort her. I promised her, the day she was born, that I’d always be there. I also promised her that I’d bring her daddy home. Right now, I didn’t know if I was going to be able to keep those promises. I had to try. I had to put my all into fighting Thanos. I had to believe we can undo this snap and bring everyone back. Whatever it takes. I have to fight until my last breath. If the world ends today, it’ll end with a bang. It’ll end with blood and bones and retaliation. It’ll end loudly. It’ll end with a fight. Everything worth it will end with a fight.

I hadn’t realized it but at some point I collapsed to my knees. My breaths came out as heavy pants. Sweat coated my sore body. I swayed back onto my feet tiredly. My eyes widened when I saw it. Glowing circles forming in the middle of the battlefield. People who were snapped out of existence walked through the portals and got ready for the battle. All the air in my body lifted when I saw the dark haired man walk through one of the portals.

‘_It worked,_’ I thought to myself, a smile crossing my face. ‘_–It actually worked._’ Without reluctance, a jet of energy shot from my hands, propelling me upward. I was sent flying through the air. I never knew I could do this, but I didn’t question it. My abilities were back and stronger than I’ve ever thought possible. My feet hit the ground a few feet away from the super soldier.

“Elena!” Galina’s voice erupted from somewhere to my left. I was tackled by three bodies, wrapping me in their arms as tightly as they could. My eyes widened at the sight of my sisters. Zasha, Galina and Danica all pulled away from me with smiles. I started wide eyed at them as a smile nudged the corners of my mouth. Bucky’s blue eyes landed on me and a look of shock, but happiness masked his face. He smiled at me.

“Hello El,” He sprightly chirped at me. My smile broadened.

“Hey Buck,” I replied lively.

“You look different,” Bucky noted with an arched eyebrow. I laughed at his comment and nodded in agreement.

“I’m five years older. A lot of things change,” I said honestly, gently hinting that there’re things we need to talk about. But not here, not now. I turned away from him to look at the battle ahead of us. My attention turned back to Bucky and the girls; my smile swayed into a half smirk.

“Now is no time to catch up. Let’s kick some alien ass,” I said spiritedly, ready for the fight. Bucky nodded and strode up to the frontlines at my side. We stood side by side with the other heroes from around the world. Our army matched Thanos’. Now we need to do something to keep it that way. The stones couldn’t get into Thanos’ hands.

Being on the frontline wasn’t as scary as I thought it’d be. Not with the backup I have. We’re going to win this. I know that for a fact. Charging towards the enemy has never been something I liked but I take pride in the fact that I’ll do it no matter what.

I threw punches, boulders, and debris of the compound at the enemy with Bucky by my side, firing shots at them. I threw the aliens and tore them in half, also keeping an eye on the three girls fighting not too far away. They had each other’s backs.

“So, what else has changed since I’ve been gone?!” Bucky shouted to me. I didn’t take my eyes off the aliens charging at us. I didn’t hesitate to hoist them up, immobilizing them. Bucky fired rounds into them as I held them above our heads. Their lifeless bodies hit the ground at our feet. I couldn’t help but smirk at his question.

“Do you really wanna know now?” I asked loudly, looking over my shoulder at him. Bucky paused for a moment and glanced at me. He shrugged his shoulder, firing bullets at the enemy in front of him.

“Well, yeah, that’s why I asked,” He replied in a playful tone. I rolled my eyes at the fact that he wanted an update on how life’s been at this very moment.

“Let me just say, I can’t lose this fight. Have someone waiting for me at home,” I announced.

“What? You got a new boyfriend or something?” He questioned in a half serious tone. I stopped and looked over at him in disgust. I didn’t care if he was playfully asking, he still assumed I found someone else. He still assumed I moved on from him when I didn’t. I didn’t move on. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Besides, Talia kept me too busy to date.

“A daughter,” I declared in a completely serious way. This made Bucky stop what he was doing and turn to look at me with wide eyes and a paled complexion.

“A _daughter_?” He repeated, jutting his eyebrows upward. I nodded at his repetition of my statement. From the corner of my eye I saw an alien charging towards us. Without much thought, I swayed my hand through the air, launching the alien into the piece of metal wiring sticking out of the concrete slab.

“A daughter. Natalia…. –Talia,” I informally introduced Bucky to our child. I saw his heart break inside his eyes. His eyebrows twisted together in confusion.

“How old is she?” He inquired curiously. I frowned at him with a heavy sigh.

“She just turned four,” I told him honestly. I could see on his face Bucky was doing the math. It didn’t take him that long to figure it out. I told him he’d been gone for five years and that Talia just turned four.

“Is… –Is she…–Is she mine?” He asked, firing a few rounds into the enemy as it jolted towards us. I guess my lack of response told him everything he needed to know.

“We need to win this. We need to survive this. Talia’s in Manhattan waiting to meet her daddy,” I said to him, clearing up any doubts he may have. I also gave him a reason to fight like Hell, to see tomorrow. Bucky gave me a sure nod, jumping back into action to fight the good fight. He had a reason to fight now. A personal reason. Not just because we’re defending the entire universe, but because we’re defending our daughter and her life.

I don’t know if Dr. Cummings saw this as something I’d be doing when he created me. I sure as Hell didn’t see it. I don’t know if he thought I’d ever change sides. I guess I haven’t really changed sides. I still hurt bad people, only now I hurt the real bad people. I sometimes wonder if he’d be proud of me for everything I’ve achieved. I wonder if I exceeded his expectations. Would my abilities now surprise him? Would the girls’ abilities surprise him? They’ve exceeded my expectations.

Zasha was causing the aliens to go blind and deaf, immobilizing them. Galina was got into their heads and had them kill each other and themselves. Danica was busy using the ruins of the compound as a weapon, throwing slabs of concrete at them, impaling them with metal wiring and burying them under rubble.

I fought back to back with Bucky, killing the aliens that attacked us. I watched as the spider boy from Germany swing over our heads with the gauntlet in hand.

“What’s she like?” Bucky asked over his shoulder. I threw my hands in the air, throwing a gaggle of aliens into the air. They were vaporized by Tony’s lasers.

“She’s just like you,” I replied. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at the thought of Talia. She was just like Bucky in every way. At least, that’s what Steve’s said before. He said Talia reminded him so much of Bucky that one time they were doing something, and Steve accidentally called Talia Buck. It was at that exact moment I realized exactly how much like Bucky she is. Everything from how she acts right down to her facial expressions.

“Strong willed?” Bucky offered the word with a prideful undertone.

“Stubborn as a mule,” I laughed.

“Excuse me?!” I heard Bucky exclaim in a half offended way. I laughed again, shaking my head. The pair of us continued to fight back to back. I’d be lying if I said the mood didn’t liven up as the conversation kept going.

“Talia is a person of her own. You’ll have to meet her to find out what she’s like,” I told him spiritedly. I heard Bucky chuckle at my comment. I’m assuming he’s nodding in agreement.

“So, she’s like you,” He lightheartedly added. I scoffed at his statement. Talia is in no way, shape, or form anything like me. She’s strong willed, smart, funny, and full of life. The only thing she inherited from me was my abilities.

“No wa…” I stopped mid word when I felt it. A power wave shot through the atmosphere. It nearly sent me falling to the ground. I wavered on my feet, but I stood my ground. I looked over at the girls, they had stopped fighting and looked at me with blank expressions. Someone had the stones and they used them.

“_Tony_,” I breathed, knowing Tony had the stones and he used them. I didn’t know how I knew this; I just did. It was at that moment that I knew this would be the last time I see Tony. He knew something was going to happen to him. That’s why he made amends with me last night.

I stood still as I watched the battlefield fill with dust, this time it was the aliens and Thanos’ army that was being turned to dust. I made me feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders. We won. We actually did it.

“What’s happening?” Danica asked curiously. I looked over the field, watching our victory. 

“We won,” I sighed before sprinting over to where Tony was. Bucky and the girls followed behind me. When I met the group of people what I saw brought tears to my eyes. Pepper was kneeling beside Tony’s lifeless body. He was leaned against a slab of concrete. I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest. In a single day I lost both of my parents. I lost Nat and now I lost Tony. They both died doing the right thing. They died heroes. My mind couldn’t help but replay the last conversation I had with him last night.

_My attention was caught by a bottle being placed down onto the counter in front of me. I cocked an eyebrow as I looked up through my eyelashes to see Tony on the other side of counter. He was looking down at me with a grim expression. I frowned, closing my notebook, and sliding it aside. I had the feeling we had to talk. Or Tony had something to say. I’m not sure if I had anything to say._

_“You don’t have to do this,” Tony whispered hoarsely. I inhaled deeply, sitting back in my seat with my arms crossed over my chest. I rolled my eyes at his comment._

_“Yes, Tony, I do have to do this,” I said plainly. I watched as Tony leaned against the counter with a frown. He didn’t dare look at me._

_“Your whole life you’ve been fighting for survival by trying to prove yourself worthy of living,” Tony stated the obvious. A slight twinge of dull discomfort sank in my stomach. “–And then when you were dropped off at my doorstep I had no idea what I was gonna do with you. Not only were you unruly and scared, you were also just a kid.” Silence filled the space between us. I couldn’t seem to stop staring at him. My heart almost stopped when I watched as Tony pulled an old envelope from his blazer pocket. He fished out the old and frayed piece of paper, unfolding it and examining the letter._

_“You still have it?” I quietly asked. Tony nodded, looking at the letter I had written to him seven years ago._

_“I constantly think about what you said to me that day,” He uttered, looking down at the paper with a sense of sorrow radiating off of him like the sun gives off heat. It was rather unsettling to me to be feeling this coming from him._

_“You told me that I protected you even with all the terrible things you’ve done, so why couldn’t I protect him too?” He swallowed hard, looking up at me grimly. “–I hated him because he killed my parents. I thought you hated him for the same reasons, but I was wrong. You couldn’t hate him. You were him at one point and you redeemed yourself. Barnes was trying to do the same thing when that whole thing went down. But I didn’t want to see the goodness in him, I wanted him to suffer just like he made my parents suffer that night. But they didn’t suffer. He killed them quickly.” I’d be lying if I said I knew what to say to that. I had no idea how to respond to him._

_“Forgiving someone isn’t easy. Especially when you’ve been in their shoes. Being angry is easier. But it makes you a hypocrite,” I muttered. Tony nodded again with sighed heavily. He paused for a moment, looking down at the letter and then towards the hallway. He was looking towards where Talia was. It was like this was something he’s done a million times over. A second nature to him by now._

_“Elena,” Tony whispered, looking back towards me. “–I promise you; we’re going to bring Bucky back. For your daughter. I’m going to let him redeem himself by looking after that little girl,” He promised in a serious tone of voice. I knew he meant business by the way he looked me directly in the eyes and didn’t falter in his expression._

_“And if he bails on us I give you permission to kick his ass,” I commented lightheartedly. This earned a chuckle and a smile from Tony. I smirked right back at him and uncrossed my arms as I sat upright in the chair._

_“I dunno how Cap will feel about that,” Said Tony unsurely. I shrugged a shoulder._

_“He’s on your side for once. Him and Nat,” I told him gaily. Tony snorted at that knowledge and gave me a thumbs up. To say I was rather relieved that we had this talk would be an understatement. It’s been seven years since Tony and I actually spoke to each other that didn’t result in a fight. I’m unsure if I should be happy or worried for the storm that’s coming. But either way, we’re on the same page once again. And it felt great._

I stood there motionlessly as Steve and Thor helped carry Tony away from the battlefield. I don’t know how long I’ve been standing there but everyone else was gone at this point. I nearly jumped when I felt Bucky’s arms wrap around me, pulling me into his side.

“C’mon, let’s go home,” He murmured into my ear. I shallowly nodded as I was guided away from the wreckage and ruins of the battlefield. I wasn’t sure how to feel. I mean, we won, yes but at what cost?


	37. Going Home

It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters; it doesn’t matter what we call it. What matters is to leave it in the past. Those moments in life are over. But that doesn’t necessarily mean everything has come to an end. It just means that part is over. It’s time for something new. It’s time to move on with life. If you have a life to move on for.

I stood silently with Bucky, Sam, and Wanda near the back of the crowd that gathered for Tony’s funeral. My chest ached. I could feel the tears behind my eyes, but they didn’t come forward. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t let me.

I sighed heavily, watching from afar as Pepper and Morgan stood at the lakeside. Morgan hid in her mother’s side. I don’t think she fully understood what was going on. She just knows her daddy is gone. I don’t think she realizes he’s never coming back. It made me feel guilty. The sole reason I fought this battle was in hopes to bring Bucky back. Not for me, for Talia. The father who never promised to come home is coming home. While the father who said he’d be home by dinner isn’t coming home.

“Elena.” My train of thought ended when my name was called by a soft voice. I looked up to see Pepper standing in front of me with Morgan by her side.

“Tony.” Her voice cracked. Pepper paused for a moment, regaining some composure. “–He wanted me to give this to you,” She said, holding out a white envelope with my name written on it in Tony’s handwriting. My eyebrows furrowed as I took it from her. I stared intently at the white envelope, trying to guess what was inside. All I knew was Tony wrote this for me. I don’t know how long ago, but he wrote this for me.

“What is it?” I squeaked out curiously. Pepper shrugged her shoulder, wiping away the tear that ran down her face.

“I don’t know. He said if anything were to happen to him, to give that to you because it’s important. He said he had somethings to say to you before…. –But he never got the chance to,” She uttered, stepping past us, and headed towards the house. I felt Bucky’s arm tighten around my waist, pulling me closer to him in reassurance. I looked up at him for a brief moment before going back to the envelope in my hands. I wanted to open it but the very thought of what’s inside broke my heart even more. I wanted to know what was inside but what if it’s him chewing me out about everything? What if he says rescuing me was a mistake? The man I considered my father, disowning me. The idea of that made my heart break and my stomach churn.

“El,” Bucky said into my ear. “–You need to read it,” He added quietly. I nodded in agreement, acknowledging that I needed to see what Tony had to say. I deserved to know what was inside this envelope. I needed to know what Tony wanted to say to me. If Pepper said it was important to him then I need to know.

“I’d like to be alone for a moment,” I told the small group, excusing myself from them. They nodded at me. Bucky’s hand lingered on me for a moment as I stepped away from him. I went over to a bench by the lakeside. I sat down on the bench, still looking at the unopened envelope. My hands shook as I opened the envelope and pulled out the pieced of folded paper. My heart ached inside my chest when I saw Tony had written me a letter.

I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply in hopes to compose myself long enough to get through this. I opened my eyes and began reading the long letter.

_Dearest Elena,_

_Hey kid, I’m hoping this finds its way to you safely. If it doesn’t, I’m either alive and told you this to your face or…. One of us isn’t here. I should probably ask Pepper if she could give this to you once everything is over and you’re still alive. I wish I could tell this to you to your face but I don’t know if the message will get across. We’re not very good at communicating with each other. _

_We have a lot to talk about. You and I, we have a pretty rocky history. You probably hate my guts, and that’s okay. What you said to me in Siberia, about lying and cheating you out of the truth, well, you’re right. When you came to us so did your file. All the missions you were sent on, your history and who your mother was. It all landed in my lap. I had no idea what to do with it all. I didn’t know if I should tell you or if that’d break you more than you already were. _

_Do you remember the first time we met? You threw a table at me. I still have a scar from that. Don’t worry, I forgave you for that. You warmed up to Nat quicker than you warmed up to me which I take offense to. But when I first met you, you were scared and trapped. You were a super solider with abilities to do things with your mind trapped inside a thirteen year old’s body. All you knew was missions and pain, and suffering. It didn’t surprise anyone that anything new was scary to you, and you were trying to get away from it. It took you a few weeks to get over the initial shock and fear, and to see we weren’t going to hurt you. Then one day instead of throwing a table at me upon sight, you ran up to me and gave me a hug. That’s when I realized I had to protect you. I had to protect you from your past and who you were created to be. That’s why I didn’t tell you about your mom or your past. Your mom was fighting a lot of demons when she got pregnant with you, she still is. I didn’t want you to see what you were sent to do to her. And I didn’t want you to know what those people did to you or what they were going to do to you. That’s why I had your file sealed. I asked for it to be destroyed but S.H.I.E.L.D couldn’t do that, they needed something on you. _

_For seven years you lived like a normal teenage girl. You went to school, you had a few friends, you acted like a spoiled brat at times, and more importantly, you had a family who’d do anything for you. But you weren’t a normal teenage girl. Everyone could see that. It wasn’t hard to see actually. You used your abilities relentlessly, gaining strength in them. You trained with assassins by day and helped save the world by night. You were always one to try and help wherever you could. You would do anything to protect innocent people. I guess, looking back it shouldn’t be such a surprise that you’d help Barnes. Especially with your history together. _

_What made me so angry wasn’t the fact that you were helping him because he was innocent. What made me so angry with you was that you were undoing ten years of work. You were getting close to the truth while helping an innocent man prove his innocence. The same innocent man who was sent to capture you two years prior and was scheduled to undergo horrific experiments with you a few years before that. The closer to the truth the you got, the more driven you were to protect him. That made me upset. I didn’t understand why. But now, I guess I do. You both were made to do things, bad things, by bad people. You and he were in the same situation. You understood where he was coming from. That and, you were with him at the time of the bombing, so you knew he was innocent. _

_I wasn’t impressed when you told me you had been with him. I felt overly protective of you. I knew he wasn’t your average boyfriend, not that you ever had a boyfriend before then. It was like every moment you spent with him undid all the conditioning and protecting I did. The more time you spent with him, trying to protect him, the closer to the truth you got. Until you twisted my arm and I had to tell you the truth. The truth about everything. I’ve declassified your file, so whenever you’re ready to read it, it’s there for you. You just have to ask Pepper for it, she’ll give it to you with no problems. _

_What happened in Siberia was a long time coming. I knew you’d be angry with me for lying to you. I didn’t realize exactly how angry you’d be. Seeing how much it meant to you, how angry you were; it was a wakeup call for me. You could handle the truth much better than I could. You had every right to go ape on me like you did. I broke your promise. I told you I’d help Barnes but then I saw what he did to my parents and everything went out the window. I should’ve known that back then, it wasn’t him. He was brainwashed and tortured, just like you. I could forgive you for everything you did, why couldn’t I forgive him? You forgave me, even when I didn’t deserve it. You’re far stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. _

_I guess the point of this letter is an apology. I want to apologize to you for lying to you. I’m sorry. And you have no idea exactly how sorry I am. I thought I was protecting you but really I was just making sure I was comfortable. Telling you the truth was an uncomfortable talk I didn’t want to have. I should’ve swallowed my pride and told you the truth. Seeing how easily you talk about uncomfortable topics to your daughter makes me realize exactly how easy it could’ve been. You’re a much better mother to her than I was a father to you. I wouldn’t blame you if you still hate me and continue to hate me after this. But I needed to apologize to you. Hopefully, I get to do so to your face. If I didn’t make it out of this battle alive, this letter will have to suffice. _

_I love you Elena, like a daughter. And I’m sorry for everything. _

_Regards, _

_Tony_

To say I was crying would be an understatement. Tears poured out of my eyes as my lower lip trembled. I had to close my eyes to try and keep myself together. But no matter how hard I tried to keep myself together, I fell apart. It’s been a crazy few days. I’ve lost more than I ever wanted to, but I know their sacrifices will never be in vain.

“El?” Steve’s voice caught me off guard. I jumped a little, twisting around to see him standing at the other end of the bench. His face read worry and uncertainty.

“Can I sit with you for a bit?” He asked curiously. I inhaled deeply, refolding the letter, and putting it back in the envelope. I nodded in response to his request. Steve sat down on the bench beside me. We both looked out on the lake in silence.

“Where are you going after this?” He softly questioned. I didn’t look over at him to know he was stealing glances at me. I pursed my lips and held the letter a little tighter.

“Lada is dropping Talia off here. Bucky is going to meet his daughter,” I said, avoiding the question. Truth be told, I didn’t know where I was going after this. Home? I have to go home but I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay here for a while longer. I didn’t want to go back to my old life. Sure, it’s only been a few days but after everything that’s happened, I didn’t know what to do. Go back to Wakanda? No, I can’t do that. Go back to my old job of looking for the other subjects? I can’t do that either. I’m a mother now, I can’t leave Talia behind to chase after my past.

“That’s exciting. Bucky seems excited,” Steve said, cutting off my train of thought. I hummed in reply, nodding my head.

“He’s scared mostly,” I murmured, acknowledging the truth. Bucky was terrified of meeting Talia. Yeah, he puts on a brave face and seems giddy to meet her, but he’s scared. I’m scared too. What if she asks to see aunty Nat? What if she wonders where Tony is? How do I explain death to her? This was new and foreign territory.

“Are you scared?” Quizzed Steve. His voice was soft and nurturing, softening the blows of his questions. I couldn’t help but grin at his question and nod my head.

“I’m terrified,” I laughed. “–I have no idea what to do. I don’t know where to go from here,” I explained honestly.

“Home,” Steve uttered. I turned my head to look over at him. He mimicked my movements and looked at me too. Steve smirked at me.

“Everything’s changed, Steve,”

“–Home hasn’t,” He said surely. I frowned at him.

“But it has.” I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. “–Bucky’s here now. We need to rearrange our lives to fit him in. I need to let go of some of the reigns to let him be a father. There’s going to be four people living in a three bedroom apartment. That’s if he wants to stay in New York. What if he wants to go back to Wakanda? What then?” My concerns didn’t worry Steve as much as they worried me. He smirked at something he was thinking and looked at me certainly.

“He’ll follow you wherever you decide to go,” Steve cleverly informed me. “–Buck has a reason to stay close to you. More so now than ever,” He added openly. That piece of information brought a settling feeling to me. But there was an inkling feeling he was forgetting about someone. A light bulb went off over my head when I realized Steve had forgotten about himself. He and Bucky are inseparable. Bucky would want to stay in New York to be as close to Steve as possible. Going back to Wakanda wasn’t entirely out of the question but they have so much time to catch up on.

“What about you? You’re his best friend. He’d want to stay close to you also,” I said. Steve’s expression dropped. He looked saddened by something. The feeling of being homesick overcame me. Steve was feeling homesick. I frowned when I realized it.

“You’re not coming back, are you?” I asked quietly. Steve sighed heavily, looking back out at the lake. That was the validation I needed. Steve was going to go back in time and not come back here. I guess going back in time made him feel homesick. He had unfinished business there.

“Bucky,” I began

“–He knows,” Steve announced suddenly. I felt my heart ache inside my chest, like it was breaking all over again. My head fell down between my shoulders as sadness overcame me. It drowned out Steve’s feeling of being homesick.

“I’m losing everyone,” I muttered sadly.

“Not everyone.” I heard Bucky say from somewhere behind me. I sat up right and turned to face him. Bucky was making his way over to us. He looked sad but the understanding outweighed it. Steve got up from his seat and wandered back towards Bruce and Sam. Bucky took Steve’s place at the end of the bench.

“It’s been a crazy few days, huh?” Bucky attempted to break the ice. I smirked at his comment and nodded in agreement.

“I mean, I was stuck in a place for a few hours and when I come back it turns out five years have passed. The girl I fell in love with is older, I’m scared she doesn’t love me anymore. I learn she has someone new to love more than me. And it turns out I have a kid with that girl I fell in love with. A little girl, nevertheless,” He chuckled nervously.

“Yeah, it’s been crazy,” I replied. “–But Talia is really excited to meet you.” Bucky chuckled again, nodding his head. His laughter died off and things went quiet again. The pair of us sat silently, looking out at the lake.

“I overheard what you said to Steve, about not knowing where to go from here.” He paused for a moment to let me digest the fact that he eavesdropped on mine and Steve’s conversation. “–I just wanted you to know that he’s right, I’ll go wherever you go. I have a daughter to look after now. I can’t just disappear off the face of the earth anymore. I have responsibilities. I have reasons to stay now,” Bucky supported Steve’s comment about him following me wherever I went. I hummed in response, nodding as well. I felt better knowing that he’s not going to ditch me with Talia. But I was still lost as to what I’m going to do now. Going home was only step one, what about after that? What’s step two?

“_Mama_!” Tali’s small voice echoed across the lake. I twisted around to see Lada’s car in the driveway. All of my sadness was swept away when Talia jumped out of the car and ran full speed towards me.

“Mama!” She cried as she ran to me with arms opened wide. I got up from the bench and knelt down, bracing for impact. Her small body launched into mine, her arms wrapping themselves around my neck as she buried herself into me.

“Mama, you’re okay!” She cheered happily. All of my fears meant nothing in that moment. I knew where I belonged. I knew what I was going to do now. I had my daughter to raise. I had to show her how to use her abilities and not be overrun by them.

“I’m okay, baby. I’m okay,” I cooed, rubbing her back in reassurance. Talia pulled away from me. She was practically jumping for joy; she couldn’t contain her excitement. It was at that very moment I realized I was staring at a smaller female version of Bucky. She had my dark hair but everything else was his.

“Did you do it?! Did you do it?!” She excitedly exclaimed. Her face was beaming with anticipation and delight. I pretended not to know what she was talking about. I pulled my eyebrows together curiously and tilted my head.

“Did I do what?” I cheekily questioned. Talia’s excitement didn’t dwindle in the slightest as she bounced in place.

“Did you bring daddy back?!” She cried impatiently. I couldn’t help but smile as my gaze went from the bouncing girl to Bucky. He was timidly standing a few feet away, looking at the little girl wide eyed. Bucky’s only seen pictures of her, but now he’s getting to meet her in the flesh.

My smile grew larger when Talia followed my attention, turning to face Bucky. It took her a moment to recognize him since the only pictures of him she’s seen were in the museum and old ones Steve got from Bucky’s great niece. An explosion of joy erupted from her when she realized who she was looking at. The explosion was so powerful it sent shock waves through the earth, causing small waves to wash against the shoreline of the lake.

“Daddy!” She practically screamed, leaving my embrace, and dashing towards Bucky. Talia wrapped her arms around Bucky’s legs and looked up at him with wide blue eyes. Bucky timidly stood there, being hugged by this four year old. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Carefully, he reached down and petted Talia’s head gently. A wary smile nudged the corners of his mouth as he looked down at her.

“Hello Natalia,” Bucky uttered unsure. Talia beamed up at him happily, earning a surer smile from Bucky.

“I missed you, daddy,” Talia said proudly. That’s all it took for Bucky to hoist the small girl up into his arms and hold her close. I rose up and watched the two of them interact with each other. The ache in my chest was replaced by the feeling of my heart overflowing with happiness.

“I missed you too,” He mumbled, holding her a little tighter. It was at that moment I knew things were going to be okay. No matter where we went or what we did, it was going to be okay. I’ve lost so many family members the past few days. But what’s important is, they were here.

It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters; it doesn’t matter what we call it. What matters is to leave it in the past. Those moments in life are over. But that doesn’t necessarily mean everything has come to an end. It just means that part is over. It’s time for something new. It’s time to move on with life.


End file.
